A/N: This chapter is dedicated to Gizzi1213, who noticed that Obi-Wan has been lying to all of us about when he was raped, how many times he was raped, etc.
Thank you to Gizzi1213 and Ancient Galaxy for their reviews.
Passing Judgment
It was in Naboo's tradition to show rank at a royal banquet, and so when Qui-Gon, his apprentice, and his apprentice's apprentice entered the hall, they walked in this fashion: Qui-Gon first, Obi-Wan slightly behind and to his right, Anakin slightly behind Obi-Wan and to the padawan's left, directly behind Qui-Gon. Aside from the political reasons for the arrangement, Qui-Gon and Anakin were privately glad that Obi-Wan was between them where either of them could turn to him in an instant if he needed support. For his part, Obi-Wan concentrated on walking without showing his weakness. He was determined not to show his weakness.
Queen Amidala rose as they approached and extended a hand first to Qui-Gon, then to Obi-Wan, then to Anakin. She lingered with Obi-Wan for a moment, her eyes conveying her gratitude for all he had done.
When everyone was seated (Anakin noted that Masters Yoda, Mace and Zee were sitting nearby, as was Chancellor Palpatine) the Queen made a short speech, thanking the Jedi. She showered most of her praise on Obi-Wan, having thanked and applauded Qui-Gon and Anakin the night before. Obi-Wan was quite embarrassed by the end, but he hid it under his usual Jedi serenity.
When breakfast was served, however, Obi-Wan was hard-pressed not to feel sick to his stomach. Half the foods on the table made him feel light-headed; the rest just made him nauseas. Having long ago trained himself to eat anything that was put before him in the name of politeness, he managed to eat a few pieces of fruit, drink some water, half a slice of tangy-crusted bread and most of the portion of whipped egg that had been placed on the bread. For anyone who knew his usual ravenous habits- Qui-Gon and Yoda being numbered among these- his lack of appetite was alarming. But the Queen and her court didn't know Obi-Wan's eating habits, and so he seemed completely content to them. Queen Amidala made it a priority to tell him at least three times how well he had recovered, even though she didn't understand how he had been injured.
As the breakfast drew to a close, Anakin engaged the Queen in small talk, effectively masking Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan from view long enough for Qui-Gon to relax in his chair so he could send Obi-Wan half of his Force-energy. Yoda noticed the tactic, but didn't comment.
As everyone rose to leave, Padme smiled at Anakin, thanked him for his exciting anecdotes and wished him well on Coruscant. Anakin smiled at her, but the Jedi there knew the expression was at least half-faked. His eyes were too obviously on Obi-Wan, his thoughts too obviously divided between worries for himself and for his pretend master.
At last, everyone was released. Qui-Gon, Anakin and Obi-Wan left just as they had entered, following Yoda, Mace and Zee. The minute the doors were closed, however, Obi-Wan silently called Anakin to his side and leaned on the boy slightly as they walked. He would have accepted Qui-Gon's hand, but Yoda had drawn Qui-Gon forward to speak with him. Neither Obi-Wan nor Anakin pried into the conversation, though the boy was sorely tempted. He might have tried, except Obi-Wan caught his eye and Anakin knew that he wouldn't get away with eavesdropping that dray.
Only when they stood at the entrance to the quarters the two Jedi and the boy shared did Yoda turn to Obi-Wan. "Rest for an hour you will, Padawan Obi-Wan while pack and make ready Qui-Gon and Anakin do. Return to Coruscant later this morning we will."
Obi-Wan bowed. "Yes, Master." When Yoda and the others were gone, Qui-Gon put his arm around Obi-Wan's shoulders and guided him into their quarters. He steered Obi-Wan to a couch and urged him to sit.
"Do you need some water?" the Jedi Master asked.
"I just need to lie down," Obi-Wan answered. "If I never feel like this again, weak, dizzy and helpless, it will be too soon."
"I'll stay with you," Anakin said.
"No." Qui-Gon laid a firm hand on Anakin's shoulder. "Let's give Obi-Wan a little peace and quiet."
"I can be quiet," Anakin answered, flushing. He pulled away from Qui-Gon. "I won't make one sound."
"I need to sleep, Anakin," Obi-Wan said. "If you want to stay, it's all right with me. But you're going to be bored."
Anakin plopped into a chair at the head of the couch. "I don't care. I need to stay here."
Obi-Wan smiled and touched Anakin's hand where it rested on the arm of the couch. "All right, Padawan mine. Stay if you want." He closed his eyes and his hand fell back to his side.
Are you overruling my authority, Padawan mine? Qui-Gon asked.
In all other things, I will always follow you. But Anakin looks to me as the final authority because he's my padawan. I felt something from the Force. I'm not sure if it was from the Unifying Force or the Living Force, but it is from the Light Force. For now, he needs me and needs to be near me.
Qui-Gon shook his head. You are a better man than I am, Obi-Wan, but I wish you had told me your plans before you undercut my authority in front of Anakin. And what will you do if he ignores you and tries to plead his case with me?
I will tell him my word is final and I will not back down… And I'm sorry I defied you, Master. I only felt-
I understand, Obi mine. Rest now.
I'm sorry, Master.
Obi-Wan, stop apologizing. People will think I beat you if you act that way every time I become a little testy or question you.
But I'm not like this normally, Obi-Wan answered. Most of the time, I'm convinced I've thought everything out. It's just that this time I saw my mistake the instant you point it out.
You're becoming an adult, Obi-Wan. Now go to sleep.
Yes, Master. Obi-Wan erected a thin shield, more like a privacy curtain than an attempt at protection. Before allowing himself to sleep, Obi-Wan turned his mind to the near future and also back to the past.
I'm pregnant. There has never been a pregnant Jedi. What will they insist I do with my baby? He cast that question away, unable to answer. Neither can I predict what the Council will say, though I still have a hope- perhaps founded in the Force, perhaps not- that Yoda will not separate us. That leaves only my confession of the truth. I should tell Qui-Gon first, and yet I do not think I will have the time. I'm already falling asleep; I feel it in my limbs and in my head. But no matter who else I tell, I must tell the Council. Only by confessing my lie can I seek the Force again. Master Yoda was right: once you lie, it's easier and easier to lie, to others and to yourself, until all you know is fabrication and falsehood. I don't' want to be that way. I will not be that way. The Force runs thorough me for a better purpose than lying to my fellow Jedi.
Sleep overtook him then and Obi-Wan was glad to be taken.
oOo
When Obi-Wan woke up, he was conscious of the hum of vibrating metal underneath him. I'm on a transport. Most likely the shuttle. And he was conscious of the lies he had told. Now that he had opened himself up to the Force again, now that ber'Nac's influence was almost gone, the Force was reminding him that he had lied. First to Master Saltha, then to Qui-Gon, then to Anakin. And even though I told the same sort of lie, I changed the information each time. When they all compare notes, hey will discover what I was done.
But it wasn't fear of discovery that urged Obi-Wan to sit up and look around, wanting to confess at once. After being cut off from the Force, he decided he would rather jump into a fired-up plasma engine than risk losing his connection to the Force again. All right, he told the Force, I'll tell them now.
He was sitting on the edge of a narrow cot. Around him were other cots and a small 'fresher. This was where he'd awoken the first time after fighting the Sith. Nodding, satisfied that he was alone, Obi-Wan put himself together quickly, finding and lacing his boots before he left the small sleeping quarters.
Yoda, Mace and Anakin were in the very next chamber, sitting around a low table. Obi-Wan was struck for an instant by how natural the scene looked; it was as if Anakin belonged at that table with the two Jedi Masters, as if he belonged there more than anywhere else.
Anakin turned, grinning. He jumped to his feet and offered Obi-Wan his seat.
"Thank you, Anakin, but I'm all right. I have something to confess to all of you, but I should first ask Master Qui-Gon and Master Zee to join us." He smiled and glanced towards the doorway between the small galley and the cockpit. Qui-Gon stood there, his eyes trained on Obi-Wan. Then Zee appeared beside him. As one, they entered the room.
Obi-Wan waited until everyone had found a seat or a place to stand. Qui-Gon stood behind Anakin, who had resumed his seat, and Zee stood between Mace and Yoda. "I've told a different story to everyone who has asked," Obi-Wan began at once. "Because of my already-strained relationship with the Force and self-deception, I allowed myself to lie. Now, reconnected to the Unifying Force and learning how to connect to the Living Force, I must tell the truth or profane all that the Force has given me." He steadied himself in silence for a moment. "ber'Nac raped me for the first time five months ago. I have lain with him seven times since then." He waited for those in the room to absorb this. "Now I find that I am pregnant. The baby may be ber'Nac's, but it might also be Qui-Gon's. I want to keep our child, no matter who the father is. But, as in all else, that decision belongs to the Council." He took a step back and bowed slightly, signaling the end of his speech.
He didn't dare look at any of them, especially Qui-Gon.
"To tell the truth a Jedi must always try," Yoda said. "Sense I do that telling everything now you are. Matters to you it does not who the father is?"
Obi-Wan raised his eyes and met Yoda's gaze. "I want the baby to be Master Qui-Gon's and my own," Obi-Wan answered. "But I will love this child no matter who the father is."
"Fear I sense in you. Please speak of this fear."
"I've been pregnant before, Master, but that child died while I was at Temple. I had a miscarriage."
Anakin gaped at Obi-Wan, unable to imagine such a thing. Aside from a man being pregnant, how could a Jedi, who was so connected to the Force, lose his baby before it was even born? Was it because Obi-Wan hadn't been close to the Force at that time, or was it something that just happened?
"I don't want to lose this one, but I don't know what caused the miscarriage last time." Obi-Wan shifted his weight, then settled back into his relaxed, ready posture.
Yoda was silent for a full minute. "When return to Coruscant we do, decided these things will be. For now, how feel do you, Padawan Obi-Wan?"
"Much stronger, Master. I will be ready to stand trial when we return."
"Attend the hearing you will. No need for a trial yet there is."
Obi-Wan bowed.
"Return to our earlier discussion we will, Anakin. Leave us the rest of you should." Yoda turned back to Anakin and seemed to forget Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon were there at all.
Zee headed into the cockpit, but Qui-Gon came forward and led Obi-Wan into the sleeping quarters. When the door had closed and they were alone, Qui-Gon sat on the narrow cot where Obi-Wan had lay and gestured for his lover to join him.
Obi-Wan did, casting his eyes to the floor. He waited for whatever reprimand or show of hurt feelings might come.
"So long, Obi mine. You suffered for so long in silence…" Qui-Gon drew Obi-Wan against his shoulder, holding him with one arm. "Not only were you disconnected from the Force, but you were suffering ber'Nac's advances. And you hid everything from me. This isn't a breach of trust that can be easily remedied."
"It's as bad as Melida/Daan, when I declared I would never be a Jedi again. I know. And I'm sorry. I thought such rash decisions were far behind me."
"If you had a deeper connection to the Living Force, this would have never happened!" Qui-Gon's hurt anger flared and he drew back a little from Obi-Wan. "What did you think you were playing at? Did you think he would get tired of you, that he would be satisfied with taking you only once? Or did he say he would stop after ten times? How could you think that debasing yourself would save me? We've been a team, you and I, for over ten years. And we've been lovers for four years. How could you just cast me off and try to go it alone? It is decisions like that, times like these, which make me wonder if you will ever be a Knight. You have come so far, and yet you fail to understand basic truths! What am I to do with you, Obi-Wan?"
Obi-Wan stood and made his way to the cot on the other side of the small room. He sat, facing Qui-Gon. "First, you're going to stop telling me how hopeless I am, unless you truly believe that. And if you do, then I am lost. I may as well go to Bandomeer and work in the Agri-Corps. You taught me a love of growing things; if I am not happy there, at least I would be able to find peace in the Force." He raised a hand as Qui-Gon opened his mouth to speak. "But I am not running or suggesting that I will take myself away from the Temple. The Council will decide if I must go or if I will be allowed to stay. But you will not speak to me as if I was the worst padawan to ever cross your path. We agreed to a more equal relationship when you told me you loved me as I loved you. Don't withdraw that now. For better or for worse, I am your equal, Qui-Gon Jinn. Nothing you say can take back my freedom."
He waited for an answer, but Qui-Gon had no words for him.
Obi-Wan went on, "And now you know the full extent of my sin against you, against the Jedi, and against the Force. Idiocy and a blind desire to protect the one I loved drove my decisions. I won't make that mistake again. The Force will always come first. Both halves of the Light Force."
"You said 'the one I loved.' Are you so angry with me that you call an end to our love?"
Obi-Wan scowled, then closed his eyes. Drawing his legs up, he sat cross-legged on the bed and went completely still. Composing himself, he answered, No, beloved. I didn't mean to put our love in the past tense. But I was speaking quickly and not thinking. A wave of sorrow accompanied his speech. Please, Qui-Gon, can we start over? This argument will only spiral down and I don't want to lose you. Not when I have been granted forgiveness by the Force.
Qui-Gon's anger receded slightly. I don't want to lose you either, Obi mine. But I need to know what you were thinking, how you could give yourself over to him. Please tell me if you thought he would leave you alone after that first time.
I knew he wouldn't, Obi-Wan answered. And I knew I would be trapped if I submitted. But I couldn't think of anything else to do. I would rather spend the rest of my life as someone's whore than lose you.
Obi-Wan… You can't mean that. You can't value yourself so little…
Why not? Qui-Gon, without you I would have nothing but my duty to rely on. And while I would still be a Jedi, would still commune with the Light Force without you, I would spend the rest of my life as a hollow shell. Doing the Force's will, so I would never be a danger to the Republic or to other Jedi, but I wouldn't be an outstanding Jedi or even more than a competent one. Obi-Wan sighed. I'm not making myself clear. Think of a volcano without lava. The mountain is still there, and it is still both beautiful and strong. But the world-changing fire that comes from its mouth, the ash and molten rock that can bring bursts of life to a forest that it has destroyed, would be gone. The volcano would just be a pretty shell.
Would you really lose your drive without me, Obi-Wan? What if Darth Maul had killed me? What then?
That's not the same as losing you, Obi-Wan answered. I would grieve. For the rest of my life, I would miss you and wish you were still alive. But I would do everything in my power to live as you would have wanted, to fulfill your dreams. If you had died, I would have trained Anakin, not just because I care for him, but because you would have wanted it. But to lose you… to know that you were in prison and I couldn't reach you… Understand me, Qui-Gon: prison isn't better or worse than death. But at least if you died, I would know you had died strong in the Force. Prison has made more than one Jedi go mad and either kill himself or fall to the Dark Side. He shivered. Call me selfish, but I'd rather know you died at the height of your trust in the Light Force than slowly turn to the other side.
Qui-Gon sank down beside Obi-Wan and kissed his cheek. The younger man didn't open his eyes. It isn't selfish, Obi-Wan. That is also what I would want for you was there ever a choice between the two. He kissed Obi-Wan again. Now I understand, I think. Please don't ever push me out again, Obi-Wan. If I can't help, someone can. Please don't try to fight such battles on your own. Promise me, Obi-Wan.
I promise. Obi-Wan blinked, his bright, blue eyes glistening with unshed tears.
I love you, Obi mine. And I'm sorry I lost my temper. Qui-Gon kissed Obi-Wan again, this time on his fair mouth. And as for our child, whether I am the father or not, if we are allowed, we will take care of it. And… He hugged Obi-Wan. And if this one dies, Obi-Wan, please remember that it was the will the Force, not a judgment against us or a cruel joke. The Force only does what is right and good.
I know. A shiver passed through Obi-Wan. But I don't want to lose this miracle.
I know, Obi mine. I know. Qui-Gon turned so that he was lying on the cot and Obi-Wan was on top of him. Come, my love. Let us meditate for a time. I will reach out to the Unifying Force and you to the Living Force. We are always connected, and so we will help each other find the right path. He was silent for only an instant before adding, And I didn't mean it. I lost all semblance of a Jedi Knight when I told you I don't think you're ready for Knighthood. Of all the apprentices I have seen over the years, you are the most ready. Because you question everything, including yourself, and always seek a deeper understanding. In that way, Obi-Wan, you already have the beginnings of a lifelong connection to the Living Force because you don't just accept rules.
But I stick more to the rules than you do, Master.
Qui-Gon chuckled. A bantha sticks more closely to the rules than I do, Padawan mine. That is not a failing in you; it is a mark that you are different from me, that you are your own Jedi. His smile was a little sad. I learned with Xanatos that what I don't want is a clone. And you are not that, Obi-Wan; you never were, even when you copied my movements during katas or meditation. Your heart is your own, as is your mind. And for that I will be always grateful. He laughed. Would you rather that we both had an imbalance in the Force, abandoning the Unifying Force? We would have to find others to help us then instead of drawing on each other's strengths, as a good Master-Padawan team does.
Obi-Wan smiled and began to sink towards meditation. Love you, he sent before the trance overcame him.
Qui-Gon followed, seeking both his sure connection to the Living Force and Obi-Wan's connection to the Unifying Force. We will get through this, he thought. The Force will see us through, especially now.
oOo
Obi-Wan followed Qui-Gon into the Council chamber the next morning. Anakin had been joined up with a Master-Padawan team that had just returned from a mission. Obi-Wan had been so glad to see Bant that he'd almost wept when he saw her waiting for them. She didn't know about the Council hearing that was coming, but the entire Temple had heard about ber'Nac and Obi-Wan's submission to him.
The moment Obi-Wan stepped off the ramp, Bant broke away from her master and ran to him, light-footed as a summer breeze. She flung her long arms around his neck (a task that forced her to stand on tiptoe) and kissed his cheek. "I'm here for you," she whispered in his ear as she continued to hug him. "Promise me you'll come to me if you need help."
Trailing his fingers through her long hair, relaxing against her for only a moment, Obi-Wan said, "I will always do that. Thank you."
She nodded and let go of him, though she stood so their hands were touching. She gazed at Anakin, who stood, forgotten, as Qui-Gon and Bant's master, Ryn-yn Yil, stood apart, conversing in whispers. "Who's that?"
Obi-Wan gestured for Anakin to join them. "Bant, this is Anakin Skywalker, my pretend padawan. Anakin, this is Bant, my dearest friend."
Anakin stuck out his hand and she shook it, smiling. "You must be very patient," she said. "Obi-Wan isn't the most organized and open soul I've ever met." She winked, and Anakin grinned at her.
"Now don't go giving my padawan any ideas of how flawed I am." Obi-Wan laughed. "He can discover all my mistakes on his own."
"I already knew about those, Master," Anakin answered.
Bant snickered. "He's a quick study, Obi-Wan. I like him." She grinned at Anakin. "Just come to me, Anakin, if he's ever treating you badly, like forgetting to feed you. Just because he forgets to eat himself doesn't mean he can forget you."
Obi-Wan shook his head. "I never forgot to eat when we were in Temple training. Just because I didn't eat a cargo hold of food every time we sat down, like Reeft-"
"That was Temple training, this is now." She jabbed Obi-Wan in the ribs. "You're too skinny, pretend master Kenobi."
That was when Qui-Gon had interrupted them, saying that Anakin would be staying with Master Ryn-yn and Obi-Wan would follow him to the Council Chamber. Anakin had sent Obi-Wan a good-luck wish through their bond, and Bant had hugged Obi-Wan one last time before letting him go. And Obi-Wan had watched as the two Jedi Masters exchanged a look that said Ryn-yn understood more than most of the Jedi did about what Qui-Gon was going through. How much had Qui-Gon told him? Obi-Wan felt himself coloring slightly.
As he and Qui-Gon stood before the Council, Obi-Wan focused only on the meeting before them, knowing that the past would have to be left for now and the future shouldn't be guessed at. The Council stood by a door, and they were ready to close it or open it; Obi-Wan couldn't know which would happen, and so to think on the possibilities was merely a distraction. He squared his shoulders, calmed his thoughts, and waited.
"Balance returning to your minds is," Yoda began. "Sense I do the new roads you are seeking into the facets of the Force. Truly desire to remain Jedi you both do."
He cleared his throat. "But desiring a path make that path easy to find does not. And many paths there are, for many pairs of feet. A connection to the Force does not mean members of the Jedi Order you will both remain. Much you have both risked denying the Jedi Code, and much you still wish to risk. Even though repairing your imbalances you are, repair your defiance you do not seek to. Abandon your love of each other you will not. True this is? Hear it from both of you I wish to."
"Yes, that is true," Qui-Gon answered.
"Yes, Master," Obi-Wan said. He took in the ancient master's expressionless face, knowing he couldn't read Yoda's thoughts or intentions, but giving himself something to look at, helping him to keep his mind focused under the wash of feeling Yoda's statements brought to the surface of his mind. He knew Qui-Gon needed no such anchor in reality, but what Obi-Wan did was perfectly permissible; Yoda had taught him the technique himself.
Yoda nodded. "Obi-Wan a balance between the Force and his love has discovered, though it was not the path he thought at first. His heart was right, and by that was he saved. The Force rewarded him for his love of the Force by giving him a second chance. And by Obi-Wan's love are you also saved, Qui-Gon, though your own balance between love and the Force you still must find. Guide you in that Obi-Wan might, if given time. Your connection to the Living Force always stronger has been with those you are not close to. Tahl an exception to that rule is, though to learn her heart much time it took you. Learn how to read those close to you both you and your apprentice must.
"But learn these things as a master and a Padawan you cannot." Yoda was speaking more quickly now, though his speech still didn't seem to hurry. Yoda never seemed to hurry. If anything, he seemed more at ease in this faster movement of words. "Only equals teach each other these things can. And there is the mater of Anakin Skywalker to discuss. His fate bears heavily on your own, though perhaps you think ti should be the other way. If in the midst of your own lessons you were not, true that would be. But Anakin teach you about reading those close to you can.
"So work as a Master-Padawan team you cannot. And yet, together you must be, with Anakin, if learn you are going to. Only one solution there is, but first some history there is that know you must."
Mace roused himself. "When the first Jedi wrote the first list of rules for his padawan, the law against love wasn't there. Even though it was known that the Jedi needed to be close to the Force, it was still believed that every Jedi could balance their obedience to the Force with their own desires. With that first Master-Padawan team, that belief was put to the test. And while the team survived, it was only after much hardship. So the Cod was written as more and more padawans were taken, and more of these became masters. The Jedi Order grew, but the Code did not change. No Jedi could love. It was too dangerous. Only through suffering and hardship could a Jedi find love. And even when one Jedi was ready, there was no guarantee his or her partner would be. It is difficult enough to find two compatible people in the universe who will always love each other. How much harder, then, must it be to find two people who love each other and will obey the Force? And this applied to even those Jedi who took lovers outside the Order, though that was rarer than snow on a desert planet. It was almost impossible.
"So the chance to fall in love and fail with the Force was taken away, and very few have questioned it. Two Jedi question the Code every century or so, but only two Jedi in ten centuries are able to find the balance they need." He reached out and took Yoda's hand. "Yoda and I have found that, as the Council knows, but we are the only mated Jedi alive today." He gazed on Obi-Wan. "And we have children, just as you seek to have. Two of our children, Yace of Telagron III, and Ahleh Windu, have died. One remains." He fell silent and gazed at the Master and Padawan before him.
It came into Obi-Wan's mind that Mace was grieving for him, and for Qui-Gon. But under his grief lurked the memory of his dead children.
His dead children… Obi-Wan shivered, thinking of his first master, and tears filled her eyes. He tried to push them back, to conquer them, but Yoda said:
"Let yourself cry for her you may, Obi-Wan. Loved her I know you did."
And Obi-Wan let the tears fall. He stood, watching Mace and Yoda through the shimmering curtain, and waited for the fresh wave of grief to ebb around them, to flow over him, and to recede. When he felt his sorrow retreat, he wiped his eyes. He could sense Qui-Gon standing very close to him, wanting to hold him, but knowing that wasn't allowed here. Even if Qui-Gon hadn't been his lover, formality still surrounded them in the Council Chamber.
"So allowances have been made," Mace continued. "But under no circumstances can a mater and apprentice exist in such an equal way. Or so we believed. Until now. Nothing has changed between you, even though everything has changed. The line between Master and Padawan still exists, is perhaps stronger now than it was when Obi-Wan was a young teenager struggling to find his place. And so you could be allowed to endure this way, except you can't, for, as has been said, you need to accomplish your lessons."
"And accomplish them you will," Adi Gallia said. "You are to be sent to the planet Ragoon 6, where both of you have conducted survival training. This time, however, you will be granted two things: a year of time and a third member of your party." She deferred to Yoda, who had humphed slightly.
"Go with you Anakin Skywalker will on this mission of discovery. And not only to Ragoon 6 will you go, but to Fregala to have the baby, back to Coruscant for a short time to study what you have learned, and then to Rojo IV who will, in eighteen months' time, be ready to join the Republic, or so they have stated. All of this not set in stone is, because much can change. But return to active duty you will not until judged you again this Council has." He turned to Obi-Wan. "Test you we must two more times, Obi-Wan. The first test I will explain in a moment. But the other test is this: you are not to know whose child you bear if and until born the child is. A test of your love this is, but also a test of your patience, as patience you are still gaining."
Obi-Wan bowed, accepting this. What test was it not to know the father? He could care less.
Yoda smiled. "Perhaps understand the nature of the test in time you will. The first test you will endure are the Trials. Then, if pass you do, speak of the future we will."
"Please, Master Yoda, what will happen if I don't pass? Will-?"
"For you to know that is not. Go to the Garden of Light you will. Meditate until sunset you will. Then conduct the Trails we will." He stood, and the rest of the council members followed him. "Dismissed you are. May the Force be with you."
oOo
They weren't allowed to speak; that was the first order once the decision had been made that an apprentice should stand the Trials. Obi-Wan bowed to Qui-Gon outside the Council Chamber and strode away, knowing he couldn't even exchange a look or a thought with his master.
Qui-Gon watched Obi-Wan until he was out of sight, then turned and headed for the training area, wondering if Ryn-yn, Bant and Anakin would still be there. He thought of what he could tell Anakin, and then realized that the answer was 'nothing.' Nothing was certain until Obi-Wan's fate was decided.
He will pass. I know it in my heart. He will be a Knight by sunrise.
But Qui-Gon didn't dwell on this thought; it wasn't proper. And besides, I'll have my own preparations to make, come noon. That was less than three hours away. Qui-Gon hurried his steps, wanting to spend at least a little time with Anakin and the others before having to sequester himself.
They were still in the training room. Bant stood at one end, Anakin stood at the other, and Ryn-yn stood in the center, sending objects towards each of them that they had to deflect with the Force. Qui-Gon stood in the doorway, watching as the blindfolded Bant and Anakin deflect pillows, shields, blocks and other medium-sized objects. It was true that Ryn-yn sent three times as many things Bant's way, and that he never sent Anakin anything hard, but that was as it should be. Anakin missed the objects sometimes, usually by striking out too quickly. Bant's moves were sure and flawless. How long would it be until her own Trials day came?
Qui-Gon wandered over to Anakin, standing behind him. He knew Anakin sensed him, but his presence didn't seem to fluster or unsettle the boy. The Jedi Master nodded his approval. He spoke. "Slow down, Anakin. Let the objects come closer to you. They'll come if they're supposed to come. Don't strike at the ones that are only going to miss you anyway."
Ten minutes passed in this way, then Ryn-yn stepped back and clapped his hands. "Enough for today." He strode to Qui-Gon's side and took him away a little distance. "Well?"
"Obi-Wan will stand the Trials this evening. Then we will see."
"That's all they can give you?"
"Oh, there's hope. There has never been so much hope for us. But this must come first. Obi-Wan must face his trials."
"You're a more patient man than I, Qui-Gon Jinn."
"Perhaps that's why I became a Knight after you, my friend: I was so patient I almost slept."
Ryn-yn shook his head. "The great Qui-Gon sleep when he could be preparing for Knighthood? No, my friend. It was only because I happened to be at Temple sooner." He laid a hand on Qui-Gon's shoulder. "Will you tell me nothing?"
"I don't know what to tell you, except our hopes sit on Obi-Wan's Knighthood. But even then there is hope." He shrugged. "So, no, I have nothing to tell you."
"So be it. The time for your own meditation draws near. In two hours, you will begin. Would you like me to look after Anakin until this is over?"
"Shouldn't you be off? You spend less time at Temple than Obi-Wan and I do."
"We were going to leave tonight, but it can be put off until late morning tomorrow. Bant will want to see Obi-Wan after the Trials, and want to know what's to be done with my closest friend and his padawan." He cleared his throat. "Is Obi-Wan strong enough to handle the Trials after being…"
"He is strong enough, in body, mind, and spirit."
Ryn-yn nodded, accepting Qui-Gon's firm response. "Then soon enough we'll be calling him Knight Obi-Wan." He grinned. "Thought I've always thought 'Knight Kenobi' would sound better. Like Master Windu, it just rings more true that using his first name." He chuckled. "But who am I to contend with centuries of tradition? Knight Obi-Wan it will have to be."
Qui-Gon smiled. "Maybe when he becomes Master Obi-Wan…" He shook his head and they both laughed. "No, he's still cursed. Mater Kenobi just sounds more dignified, somehow." Then he added, "And this isn't the time, in any case. First he must pass; then we can debate names."
Ryn-yn bowed to him. "Go talk to young Skywalker before you go." His eyes twinkled. "Mater Jinn."
Qui-Gon's lip quirked, but his expression became serene and unreadable as he turned to face Anakin. The boy had been talking to Bant, but he turned at once as he felt Qui-Gon's gaze on him. Both he and Bant moved closer. "Anakin, it is time for Obi-Wan to stand the Trials, the tests that will determine if he is ready for Knighthood. I also must prepare for these tests, as I have a part in them. Will you remain with Bant and Master Ryn-yn until tomorrow morning? Then Obi-Wan and I will fetch you."
Anakin nodded. "Do you think Obi-Wan will pass?"
Ah, the very question I wanted to avoid. "I can't say, Anakin."
The boy sighed. "Okay. I'll see you in the morning." But he didn't move; his eyes were filled with a need Qui-Gon understood only too well.
"Obi-Wan will be all right," Qui-Gon said. "And will the three of us. Be at peace until the morning, Anakin. There's nothing you can change by worrying."
"I know. It's just that ber'Nac made him so weak, destroyed his connection to the Force. Is that connection back? Can he really succeed?"
"Anakin." Qui-Gon knelt before the boy. "Have faith in Obi-Wan's ability to heal and his ability to talk to the Force. Didn't he connect to both you and I on Naboo? Remember that and have faith."
"Okay. But I still don't like it. They should have given him a little more time to recover."
Qui-Gon stood. "He doesn't need time, Anakin." Then, before he could speak any more beliefs into facts, he said to all three of them, "I should go now. I need to seek my own peace before my preparations start."
Bant reached out, touching Qui-Gon's hand with gentle fingers. "I'm sure Obi-Wan will be all right."
He smiled at her. "I know. We'll see all of you tomorrow."
oOo
The stolen starfighter- sleek, elegant, better because it had been lifted from the hangar adjacent to the Temple- descended slowly through the ice-blue air, overpowering the shrieking wind with its screaming engines.
Eyes that could change from the sensual blue of cornflowers to a midnight blue threatening as an enemy's shadow in the dark watched the starfighter land. She's beautiful, the clone thought. Perfect in line, form and function. I wonder if Qui-Gon saw her take off? But he knew that wasn't so; Qui-Gon had already been on Naboo when the work of art called a ship had left her port for the last time.
Or perhaps not for the last time, but she won't be returning soon. Maybe not even in a year. This one needs to be trained, and only my Master can teach him what he needs to know. This one is stronger than Bruck; he will get farther than Bruck. But I mustn't overestimate him. He's old for a padawan. Obi-Wan has the excuse of a lack of instinctual connection to the Force. This one doesn't even have that.
Crossing his arms, his face impassive, the clone waited as the engines cut out and the ramp descended. The man that strode down the ramp had dressed for the temperature outside, so at least he was bright enough to bring supplies.
Not that I need anything, but he will, until he learns. The clone fingered the uncut pelt of the sen-sha he wore about his shoulders. Larger than a man by half, the creatures were good for clothing as well as meat.
The man stopped before the clone, glaring at him, refusing to show respect. Good. At least he knows he's not in the Temple anymore. "You may call me Callous. Welcome to your new classroom."
ber'Nac scowled. "Am I supposed to be impressed?"
"I don't care what you think, as long as you remember that my Master is your Master, and you will abandon all thoughts of assuaging your lust until your training is complete."
"I'm here, aren't I? I'll get back to Obi-Wan someday; he can't hide from me."
Cockier than a banty rooster, aren't we? My Master and I will teach you the way of the universe. "Once you learn about the Dark Force that may be true." The clone stepped back, waving towards the shelter he had built in the wilderness. "Come. Eat with me and we will talk of the first steps you will take on the path to true understanding."
"You talk more like Yoda than like a Sith."
The clone started for the shelter. "Are you so sure I'm a Sith?" Do I carry myself so well? He smiled, thinking of how Qui-Gon hadn't been able to defeat Darth Maul on his own. When my Master names me the replacement of his dead apprentice, when he thinks I'm ready, Qui-Gon won't be able to run far enough. Then he calmed his mind. Revenge will come, just as I have told this young one. And I am just as patient as Qui-Gon, when I have to be.
His failure on Telos didn't trouble him. After all, he hadn't really lived it, and seeing his death at a remove had taught him much. Qui-Gon was right about one thing: I fell back too often on words to sway others. Having studied Darth Maul while he was here, the clone had learned to let his lightsaber speak more often than he opened his mouth. Darth Maul was too quiet for him, but much of his silence had been well-chosen.
"If you're not, then I will become one," ber'Nac said, unaware of the clone's wandering thoughts. "I know your master is a Sith, at least."
"And how exactly did you come by that bit of knowledge?" They were inside, and the clone pointed to the table, where food was ready for them. "Sit." And you will never b called a Sith. You are too much like Bruck; a tool only, not worthy of the Dark Power. Your hatred is petty and doesn't run very deep. He smiled to himself, his back turned to ber'Nac. Strange that I've just noticed this, but Obi-Wan's resistance has now led two padawans to me. His smile became a gallows grin. I think I can spare a few words to tell him that before he dies.
"Obi-Wan was sure it was a Sith that fought Qui-Gon on Tatooine. True, he was only repeating Qui-Gon's belief, but Qui-Gon is hardly ever wrong." He smiled. "Except, of course, in the matter of his padawan whoring for me."
"Perhaps my Master will tell you soon enough whether he is a Sith or not, and what I am." Xanatos lifted his cup. "To the future."
o---------------------o
tbc…
A/N2: Okay, tell the truth now: How many of you guessed Xanatos? He's just too creepy and sly to give himself over to death without having a back-up plan.