College Classes: Part One—Introductions
The professor wrote his name on the board and turned to face the class. "I am Dr. von Speaken, and welcome to Introduction to Communications, which should be COMM101 in your syllabuses… please check that you are in the correct class…" He stopped and blinked. Was it just him, or were the seven students in the back row sitting in perfect order according to ascending height? And they all had hair like they came out of an anime convention; kids these days. "Uh…" He shook his head to get back on track, and said, "Moving on, let's start with a brief ice-breaker so we can all get to know one another; I find it's easier to give a speech to people I know, after all, and that may help with any speech anxiety… Yes, let's start with that gentleman in the back, and move on around the room. Give us your name, major, and three things you'd like us to know about you."
The gentleman in the back he had pointed to was a blonde-and-blackhaired young man, but upon closer inspection, he seemed to be asleep. Before Dr. von Speaken could do anything about it, however, a stunningly beautiful green-haired man on the other end of the row stood.
"Greetings, mortals," he said, placing one hand over his breast and bowing ever so slightly. He had a very melodic voice. "I am Sonny Sunday."
"Hi, Sonny," chorused the class. Some women were leaning forward ever so slightly, as if to get a better look.
He raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me, I don't appreciate interruptions, even if it is to acknowledge my illustrious presence." He paused, as if waiting for another interruption, then said, "I am Sonny Sunday, and my major is horticulture. Let's see, three things I want you to know about me… Everything I do is perfect, I'm better than all of you, and I know it." He cleared his throat, then sat back down.
His statements sent some whispers throughout the class, and many snorts of derision from the male population, but Dr. von Speaken somehow felt the words to be true, in some inner recess of his being that was often referred to as "the ghost in the machine." The female students seemed to find his egotistic proclamations even more attractive, and Dr. von Speaken supressed a groan. There was one in every class, after all… "Ah, thank you, Sonny. Nice to meet you." Sonny inclined his head as if this was a given, then looked out the window. Dr. von Speaken pointed to the woman sitting next to Sonny. "Miss."
Some of the male members perked up as she stood, but immediately lost interest as she smiled—absolutely beautiful, but without an ounce of warmth. "Good afternoon, fellow seekers of erudite illumination. My name is Susan Saturday."
"Hi, Susan," said the class, while von Speaken decided 'erudite illumination' was a wonderful way of describing education.
"I am double-majoring in political science and theoretical physics," Susan continued, with a well-placed swish of her hair. "As for three things to know about me… I hate children and the rain, I am the very definition of the word 'superior,' and I adore knowledge in any form; its pursuit, and, more importantly, manipulation are the heights of education, noble in and of themselves."
"Nice to meet you, Susan. Uh, next is…"
"I am Freya Friday," said the next woman. Her face seemed to glow, and she kept looking in a hand mirror every few seconds as the class obliged with "Hi, Freya." "My major is psychology with a pre-med track. I like hats, my mother's middle name is Beatrice, and I once lived in Tokyo." She held up the 'v' peace sign, and sat down without waiting for a cue.
Dr. von Speaken was relieved to hear something somewhat normal come out of Freya's mouth, though upon closer inspection, her pupils looked a little dilated and she struck him as a reefer. "Tokyo? How long did you live there?"
"Ten years," Freya said airily, staring at a spot slightly above his head. "My father teaches English at ICU."
"Oh, that must have been nice."
"Maybe… I barely remember any of it…" She sighed. "What was her name again… Satomi?"
"Who's Satomi?"
"The girl who lived in Tokyo…"
"I thought that was you."
"What? No, I never lived in Tokyo." Freya shook her head, but held up the peace sign again. Dr. von Speaken took this as his signal to move on to the next student, a purple-haired young man who jumped up and stood at attention.
"I am Thomas Thursday," he said, his voice low but in perfect rhythm. Dr. von Speaken wondered about this as the class greeted him; did all of the students in the last row have alliterative names that just happened to include the days of the week? Ah boy. "My major is criminal justice. I have spent far too many years for you to comprehend in the military, and I get angry easily. That is all I want you to know about me."
"Ah, the military," Dr. von Speaken said, glossing over the anger part entirely. Usually when students only presented two out of three items he pressed them for another, but he didn't want to test half of Thomas's dissertation within the first five seconds of meeting him. "What branch?"
"I was a member of the Regiment," Thomas said, his lip curling slightly.
Dr. von Speaken had never heard of a branch called the Regiment, but he figured he didn't want to ask about that either. "Thank you for your service," he said.
The woman to stand next smiled brightly and a little nervously. She swallowed, simultaneously kicking a pack of pretzels under her desk, then said, "Hi, everyone. My name is Wendolyn Wednesday, but please, call me Wendy."
"Hiiiiiii Wendy," said the class, half of which were on their phones.
"My major is marine biology with a minor in culinary sciences… ah, let's see, three things about me…" She held up a slender finger. "I love to swim." She held up another. "I was in the navy." Then she held up a third. "I eat a lot, so please don't be alarmed."
"I'm Timothy Tuesday," said the next, redheaded man. He was wearing jeans, but a muscle shirt, and some nearby students had definitely noticed. Dr. von Speaken resisted the urge to yell. It just wasn't fair; so many gorgeous, tall, somewhat imposing students all in a row… How on Earth was he supposed to actually teach? "My major is economics. I build stuff and own Walmart."
That last statement caused a near-uproar, and some loud girl cried, "Are you single?"
"Silence, fools!" cut in Sonny. "None of you approach even the lowest standard to be an eligible consideration for Tuesday!"
"Hey, hey, let the ladies have a chance," Timothy said. "You're just jealous no one asked you."
"Jealousy is more Saturday's demesne," Sonny sniffed.
"Money talks," Susan said, "and clearly Tuesday has more of it." She was writing something down and not looking at either of them as she talked. "Better start investing; the stocks are a goldmine right now." She looked up at the other classmates, who were staring. "That goes for you too. You should learn that every word that comes out of my mouth is worth remembering; you should take notes."
There was a pause in which no one did anything, and that included breathe. Then Susan sighed, slammed her notebook shut, and looked towards the student at the end of the row, who was still fast asleep.
He jerked awake with a yelp, jumping out of his seat and clutching his foot, hopping around. "Ow, ow, ow! Tuesday, you jerk!" Then he noticed the sea of eyes watching him. "Hi."
"Hi," they said. Only now that he was standing did von Speaken realize the student was wearing pajamas.
"We'll need your name, major, and three things you'd like us to know about you," Dr. von Speaken said as the student sat back down.
"I'm Mark Monday," he said, "and my major is…" His head dropped to his chest, but Wendy leaned over Tim and gently shook him awake. "My major is Latin, always found it interesting stuff, villas and whatnot…" He let out a soft snore and fell onto his desk, hands dangling off the sides.
"That's the most awake he's been in a while," Wendy noted. "It might be best just to let him sleep."
"Does he have narcolepsy?" von Speaken ventured. "He should speak to campus accommodations…"
"Narcolepsy or laziness, who knows?" Sonny put his feet on his desk. "Well, let's continue, prof. Time is valuable, after all."
After the rest of the presentations, von Speaken tried to teach the lecture to the class, but gave up on teaching it to the seven in the back row. Freya was looking at him, but he could tell she wasn't quite "present" and was lost in some sort of memory or weed dream, especially as she kept muttering about "Satomi," sometimes accompanied by a long stream of Japanese under her breath. He told her to pipe down if it got too loud, but made it a rule to ignore it, just as he ignored Tim and Mark, the latter of whom was now somehow staying awake, and their furious spit-ball contest. Thomas was staring right at him, not even so much as twitching, which made him uncomfortable. Wendy was taking notes, and seemed like she was doing okay, even if she was eating, and Susan was writing furiously, though yawning delicately, her free hand covering her mouth. It was not a sleepy yawn, however, but the boredom of one who thinks they already know everything coming out of the professor's mouth.
Sonny just stared out the window the whole time.
"Good job today, but please, try to pay attention and not interrupt," he told them as they headed towards the door.
"Will do," Wendy promised, but the others looked as if he'd just suggested they were slime, or had said something equally as insulting.
"I look forward to hearing your skit on group communication next class," he lied.
"We have homework," Monday groaned. "See, that's the stupid thing about going back to school."
"I think it's fun," Wednesday said. "It's been so long since we took classes."
"I agree," said Saturday, reviewing her notes.
"Oh, come off," said Sunday. "You don't actually believe any of that fluff about knowledge being the noblest pursuit, do you?"
She looked up and fixed him with a stern glare. "I do."
"I forgot, you're a bureaucrat, and a stuffy academic to boot," he said, "just without the wild college sorority days."
"I'm surprised you know about that," said Friday, who was currently coming off the results of recently experiencing someone with extremely wild college sorority days. She suddenly wished she had someone to play beer pong with, but Saturday liked to view drinking as a 'sophisticated' activity, the kind someone did with a book in front of a fireplace, and Wednesday was a notoriously awful partier.
"Why? I know things," Sunday said. "That's why I said this whole thing was stupid. Did we learn a single thing in that class?"
"It was just syllabus day," Thursday said. "We might as well give it a chance. So, that skit…" He cleared his throat and read aloud the prompt. "You are all preparing for an important business meeting, and are disagreeing about what catering to get for lunch. Resolve the problem with the group dynamic theories discussed in class."
"Stupid mortals," Sunday laughed. "None of those theories was 'Go wherever the highest-ranking says.' Fools; they could learn a lot from us."
"But we don't do that all the time," Friday pointed out. "We argue about everything."
"But that's what will end up happening," Sunday said. "When I surrender to one of your ridiculous whims, it is only from the generosity of my own heart."
"Whatever," sniffed Saturday. "Are we going to write a script for this?"
"I think we could wing it," said Tuesday.
"I don't know," Wednesday said. "He told us not to."
"He only told the class that because they lack our natural abilities," said Sunday. The others nodded in agreement. "All of that group dynamic stuff is clearly for stupid mortals who don't understand natural ranking and hierarchy. And maybe Saturday, since she still seems to have an issue with it."
"What issue?" She smiled serenely, though one of her eyelids twitched for a scant second. "As you said, we do as the highest-ranking says."
"And I say we wing it," said Sunday. "I'm not wasting my precious time on homework!"
Yup, we're going to fail the course, Wednesday decided.
A/N: To make a long story short, nearly all of my prompts and planned chapters for this fic are now lost, so while I do have the prompts left in reviews, any that may have been PM'd are lost. If you still really want to see your prompt happen, please send me a PM to let me know. This prompt goes out to DarkPaladin000.
I was going to make this one chapter, but it started to get too long, and I was having a bit too much fun with it to shorten it. :)
Thanks for reading!