11. The Hulk
Normally, Darcy loved New York City. Amazing shopping, Broadway musicals, markets and restaurants offering every type of food imaginable. Not to mention she got to share a swanky pad with the superheroes who protected Earth, she got to ogle the asses on some of the finest specimens of human (and alien-slash-thunder god) masculinity on the planet, had a new job as "Avengers Wrangler" (There had been no interview or request, just an official order from Cap'n Badass.), and was not only making more money than she had ever been paid in her life, but had free access to the billions of dollars in Tony Stark's bank account. Really, NYC was almost perfect.
Except for the whole "consistently being attached/threatened/destroyed by clinically psychotic, and/or moronic, and/or evil supervillains".
That part? It was getting old.
And occasionally, on lovely days like today, the sun was shining and the skies were a wide open, only slightly smoggy, blue. It was warm enough that she didn't feel even the teeniest bit skanky despite wearing her shortest shorts and her new favorite t-shirt. (It was genius, snug and bearing the phrase "Girls Kick Ass" over a picture of Nat looking a second from ripping someone's spleen out. That was her expression pretty much every time the team was ordered to do a merchandizing photo shoot.) These factors culminated in Darcy deciding to spend a few hours sunbathing and reading Thomas Hobbs' Leviathan in Central Park.
Which was, of course, where some kind of deathly pale, gargantuan lizard creatures decided to tunnel up and announce their presence by taking hostages. Darcy's response to being grabbed was tasing the ever-loving hell out of her captor. And now the looming, scaly, albino monsters seemed fairly persistent that she would be the first to die.
The adrenaline was pumping, and her heart was beating frantically, but the majority of the primal terror screaming hysterically at the back of her brain (right next to the section that housed unbiased logic, probably) was, as usual, completely ignored. Instead, the rampantly angry disbelief was powerful enough to drown out just about everything.
Unfortunately, her current captors had muscles like blocks of concrete, and her housemates had not yet arrived.
After what seemed like forever, she heard the familiar noise of rushing wind, accompanied by a sound similar to flaring fire. The former heralded the arrival of Thor, while the later was Tony. Seconds later came the squealing of tires from the nearest road, then a black SUV that screamed "government property" drove straight over the curb and the tires ate up the ground, driving recklessly across the grass. When it jerked to a stop, the doors swung open and out bounded Steve and Nat and Bruce, along with Agent I-Can-Kill-You-Twenty-Ways-With-My-Morning-Coffee. Clint was nowhere to be seen, but that was par for the course, and Darcy had no doubt the archer was already carefully positioned up a tree somewhere with a clear line of sight at the bad guys.
Cap, less cute and more mouthwateringly attractive in that tight red, white and blue suit, took in the situation and waved Thor forward. They would probably try negotiating first, and since the Norse god had that Allspeak thing that allowed him to communicate with everyone, he would be their best chance for translations.
Unfortunately, before the buff blondie could speak, Darcy's personal guard yanked her arm a little too far back, and she couldn't help the pained yelp from escaping.
Bruce was suddenly staring at her in surprise. Then he was gone, replaced in moments by a furious, roaring Hulk. In the time it took the student to blink, she was free and the lizardman who had been holding her was twenty feet away, being relentlessly pounded by her colossal, vibrantly-skinned hero. SHIELD training kicked in (Which she had been forcefully taught by Natasha, always in the early morning and always ending in bruises that might have been kinky if they'd been received any other way.) and she was instinctively crouching down to dart across the grass, eyes scanning her surroundings for shelter. The nearest tree, wide enough to hide her, seemed ideal and she dropped down behind it, trying to make herself as small as possible. She felt a little like a porcupine, curling close to make herself less of a target, and mentally acceded that it would be in her best interests to stay where she was, hidden away.
Unfortunately, her common sense had long been ruled by the less-than-sane curiosity that was always bouncing around in her head.
Shifting to kneel, she peered around the edge of rough bark to take in the current situation.
Agent Everything-is-a-Weapon had the remaining hostages well in hand, directing them quickly away from the fighting, all while remaining endlessly stoic.
Flying overhead in the Iron Man armor, Tony was dropping down now and again to help out whichever teammate might need assistance and doubtless mouthing off over the comms. Thor was also in the air, using his hammer to call down lightning, which he then directed to the sinkhole the lizard folks had emerged from, keeping any further attackers from joining the party. Back-to-back, Steve and Natasha were grappling with a half dozen of their pale adversaries. And Clint, squirreled up in a tree across the open space from Darcy, was releasing arrow after arrow to pepper the impromptu battlefield.
But it was the Hulk who was ripping through one reptilian figure after another at a shocking speed, snarling. Thanks to Big Green, the fight ended in minutes.
Then she watched in confusion (And she wasn't the only one, based on the befuddled expressions of the rest of the team.) when the Hulk sank down on his haunches and refused to move. He kept looking around, clearly searching for something, a sad frown pulling down his mouth
Abruptly, Darcy got it and brushed herself off before stepped out from her hiding place. The Hulk perked up at the sight, grinning fiercely as she approached.
"Heya, sweetheart," she smiled, coming to a stop less than a foot away.
One enormous hand, large enough to crush her head, reached out and the very tips of his fingers gently brushed across her left cheek, which one of today's villains had been kind enough to bitch slap earlier. It was probably still red and would be a mass of purple bruises by tomorrow. "Darcy hurt?" he rumbled.
She reached up to hold his hand. "A little bit, but I've had worse." That caused a flash of anger on his face, and she snapped her fingers to pull back his attention before he lost his temper again. "Hey, no. None of that, honey. No more smashing, the smashing is done for the day. I'll be fine, I promise."
When he gather her carefully into his hold, Darcy refused to flinch. She beamed when he added, "Darcy soft."
"Why, thank you, kind sir," she teased sweetly and let her gaze travel to the Avengers. And they (besides Tony and Thor, who were smirking and smiling, respectively) were standing around, gaping like idiots.
She wrinkled her nose and chastised them. "Come on, guys. You know no one can resist me. Why should Big Green be any different?"
They had no response to that announcement.
Then her protector spoke again. "Hulk take Darcy home."
Steve started to challenge the assertion, but paused when Agent Scarier-Than-Any-Horror-Villain held up a hand. "I think it's alright for them to skip the debriefing for now. The Hulk can put Miss Lewis somewhere safe," he suggested, glaring at Darcy like the lizard invasion had been her fault. "I'll get their statements tonight, after we all get back to the Tower."
Nodding, Cap deferred to the other man and turned back to the Hulk. "You can take her home now."
Rather than answer, Big Green took a running leap over the trees and headed out of the park.
A few minutes later, they arrived at the Tower, but the return of the good doctor appeared to be nowhere in sight. Shrugging, Darcy figured she could wait and led her giant through the front door and into the elevator. The Hulk made it very evident that he hated the metal box for caging him in so tightly, snarling through the entire ride, but tolerated it to stay with her, keeping a hand on her shoulder. From there, they made their way to the shared kitchen.
Dancing around, Darcy checked through the fridge and began pulling out ingredients for a pot roast. The Hulk's brows furrowed as he observed her movements. Recognizing the expression, she winked. "It's dinner for everyone when they finally get out of the debrief, which might take a while. Especially if Agent Probably-a-Cyborg is running it."
After considering this for a moment, the Hulk appeared to accept her words and sunk down to sit on the floor. His eyes remained fixed on the woman while she washed, cut and prepared the vegetables and meat, before stuffing it all into two supersized crockpots she'd insisted Tony buy last week. After cleaning off the counter, she grabbed the makings of a Strawberry Icebox Cake.
As the aroma of the cooking food filled the room, Darcy twisted to scan behind her and found the massive example of musculature beginning to diminish in size, the green color fading from his skin. Finally, he was back to the disheveled doctor, sitting on the tile floor.
Hesitantly standing, Bruce glanced the woman's way and noticed that she was gazing mournfully at his pants. "I guess Tony got that nano-tech fabric figured out," she sighed, eyes fixed firmly below the belt. The scientist went bright red. Tony had, indeed, brainstormed and experimented until he finally creating a cloth that would expand and shrink to fit his friend's changing bulk, rather than leaving Bruce stark naked.
Stumbling over his words, the doctor jerked a thumb towards the hall. "I, uh, I think I should, um, maybe just, uh, go. So-"
And Darcy, loving how delectably frazzled Bruce was acting, pounced.
Before the man could think of running, Darcy was smashing against him, whole body lining up to allow as much contact as possible, arms stretching over his shoulders, fingers combing through the curls at the nape of his neck, and those lush lips he'd helplessly caught himself staring at a time or two (or more) were moving insistently against his own.
He knew he should push her back, move away, retreat as far as Mongolia or Thailand if need be, yet he couldn't. She was as soft as the Other Guy had noticed, and warm, and tasted delicious. Resisting for a few additional seconds, the man eventually groaned, remembering Clint's words about how dogged Darcy could act, and surrendered. Body, mind and soul finally allowed the feelings that had been growing for this irreverent, vivacious, truly stunning woman to rush in and take control.
Dr. Bruce Banner gave up, letting his hands rest at Darcy's waist while returning the kiss, and it was the best choice he ever made.
…
a/n Yes, I know that this chapter was as much about Banner as the Hulk, but I really think they're basically the same person, one is just more connected to primal urges. *shrug*
Cookies go out to quirkygirlwithataser, Sharem, WitAngerandBravery, rose, La Succube, and katdemon1895 for catching both/or the Warehouse 13 and 2 Broke Girls nods! Sadly, everyone so far has missed the Doctor Who reference. (It was the "artron energy detector" stolen during Chapter 9. Because Fury may not believe in the Doctor, but he'd rather be prepared just in case. *wink*)
Still, good on those of you who caught the other references! I made a bunch of cookies with rainbow sprinkles and candy hearts, but when I tried to send them via the internets, they got all sqwooshed and then the internets died. *laugh* Luckily, the internets are made up of memes, so they can never stay dead, because they'll just keep coming back! Zombie coding, run!
There is only one regular chapter and one bonus left until this one is over, but I'll be expanding this into another fic or two. The next one will be called "…And Everyone Else". The possible third would be a mass crossover with her ending up in all different fandoms and would be titled "…Everywhere". Which would make the entire series "How Darcy Lewis Mentally Scarred the Avengers…And Everyone Else…Everywhere". But we'll see. After all, I have problems with losing interest in fandoms before eventually floating on to a new one. (As you can probably see by the list of fandoms that I've written fic for…)
Rock on, world, and don't sleep because Darcy is out there. *wink*
-t.h.