AN: Per DramaQueen1103's request: Here is Machinehead by Bush.
This is set after Luke and Lorelai break up the second time.
As usual, I don't own anything.
Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe in, breathe in – Bush
She'd been in bed for a week now. She'd royally screwed things up, and instead of facing them she was wallowing in bed. She'd called Sookie so as not to wreak havoc at the inn, and she'd called Rory so her daughter didn't freak out, but other than that, she was on a self-imposed ban from the rest of the world. No email, no snail mail, no text messages, and no phone calls. Sure her phone was ringing off the hook, but she resolutely refused to answer it. Hell, she wasn't even answering her door. She screened her calls, but the one she wanted never seemed to come. He was long gone and she knew it.
Sookie stopped by before the dinner shift every night under the pretense of giving her an update on the inn, but she knew her best friend well enough to know that she was checking up on her. She always brought food, and usually either a new magazine or a new movie. She told her how the inn was, left the food, and took the dirty dishes from the previous 24 hours down to the kitchen.
She wanted to tell Sookie to stop visiting, but she knew she needed it. And she knew that before long she'd have to get out of her bed and face the world again. She would do it, just as soon as she stopped crying. She grabbed aimlessly for the nearest box of tissues, there were boxes strewn all around her. Empties on the floor, one on the nightstand, one on the dresser, and at least three in the bed with her. She began to wonder if she'd ever run out of tears. With the tears came the hyperventilation, and sometimes, like now, she just had to remind herself to breathe.
She took a deep breath and tried to regain control of herself. She was a Gilmore damnit she was strong enough to get through this. Her heart had been broken before, and it would probably be broken again. She sighed deeply and forced herself to sit up in bed. She felt around blindly looking for the cordless phone. He'd called several times and she had refused to answer, and now she finally needed to call him back.
"Lorelai?" he answered on the first ring.
"It's me," she said after a minute or so.
"Talk to me," he begged.
"I don't want to!" she shouted back.
"Then why did you call?" he asked honestly confused.
She sighed. "I need you. Bring cookie dough."
"I'll be right over." She hung up the phone and stared at it in her hands wondering if she'd made the right call.
Right over is relative timing. It took 2 hours before he finally showed up. She knew he hurried as much as he could, but he had to find a sitter, and find the cookie dough, and drive all the way from Boston.
She heard the knock on her door, and contemplated not getting up to answer it, but she knew he'd barge in anyhow, after all, she did invite him.
"Welcome to my humble abode," she croaked gesturing around her to the living room.
"Are you sure this is yours? It's far too clean," he teased.
She looked around and realized he was right. "Well, it must have been Sookie. I haven't been down the stairs in a week."
"Lorelai!" he scolded. "Really?" She nodded. "Why didn't you call sooner?"
She shrugged, and her eyes welled up with tears. "I didn't ask you over for a lecture you know."
"I know. I'm sorry. I brought you cookie dough," he said holding up the bag, "chocolate chip, sugar cookie and something called brownie bites."
"You're forgiven," she said with a sniff. "Now hand it over."
She managed a weak smile and he handed her the bag. When she took it, he pulled her in for a hug, which made her start crying again. He stroked her back and smoothed her hair away from her face, as he'd done many times before over the years, and even though it wasn't the man she wanted, she felt comforted.
"Oh Christopher, I've screwed up so badly," she whispered.
"It'll all work out Lore," he told her. "Why don't we take this into the kitchen? You'll feel better when you get some of that cookie dough into your system."
"Why do we need to go to the kitchen?"
"I don't know. I just assumed we'd need eating utensils for the… dough?" he responded hesitantly.
"There are spoons upstairs."
"What about coffee?"
"Also upstairs."
"Did you get a new kitchen installed since my last visit?"
"Sookie brought the important things to me. Coffee maker, TV, DVD player, mugs and spoons."
"So then, upstairs we go?" he asked.
She nodded vigorously and turned to head up the stairs with him hot on her heels. She entered her bedroom, and was suddenly grateful that it was Christopher that was over. He wouldn't care if there were clothes, tissues, magazines and movies everywhere. That was one of the perks of knowing someone for most of your life.
"Sorry about the mess," she said mechanically. She didn't mean it, and he knew she didn't mean it, but it still needed to be said.
"This is nothing compared to your room in March of 1984," he replied.
March 1984? she wondered, what was that. Rory. Oh yeah. "Well finding out you're pregnant and not even 16 kind of screws with a person's sense of self."
"True. But you got through that and you'll get through this," he reminded her.
"But you were there to help me then," she said quietly.
"And I'll be here to help you now."
She didn't say anything, she just ripped into the chocolate chip cookie dough, digging her spoon straight into the tube the second she got it open. She stuck the spoon full of dough into her mouth and passed the tube on to Chris while she opened the brownie batter, and the repeated the process with the sugar cookie dough, then began to rummage about for a movie to watch.
"So what do I do with these?" Chris asked. Lorelai looked up from her stack of DVDs to find him holding all three tubes precariously, trying not to get dough or batter on his sleeves.
"Well set them down on a magazine and grab a spoon!" she told him as if it was the most natural thing in the world, and he should have known. He set them down on a nearby People and looked for a spoon. "Not the People!" she exclaimed. "Use an US Weekly or something… sheesh." She shook her head at him.
"Sorry," he said sarcastically. He moved the cookie dough to an US Weekly, and took the spoon he found to the brownie batter.
"Ah-ha!" She held up a DVD triumphantly.
"So what are we watching?" he asked with his mouth full of brownie batter.
"Footloose."
"There's no easier way to feel better than watching Kevin Bacon doing some great 80's dancing."
"Exactly."
"Here, I'll put it in," he said holding out his hand for the disc. She gave it to him, then began pushing stuff off the bed so they could watch the movie together. She smiled to her self as the sound of tissue boxes, magazines, and movies hitting the floor en masse startled Christopher. She smoothed out the comforter, and piled the pillows against the headboard. She climbed onto the bed and leaned back against the pillows.
"Christopher, hurry up!" she whined. He turned to face her and she patted the spot next to her on the bed. "Come on, I need Kevin Bacon and I need him now!"
"I don't know how to…" he started, gesturing to the DVD player.
"I've got the remote control right here, just come sit down."
He sat down on the other side of the bed and toed off his shoes before scooting up to the headboard next to her, and crossing his feet at the ankles in front of him.
Lorelai hit play, and then snuggled comfortably into the bed leaning her head on Christopher's shoulder and hugging a pillow to her.
"I'm getting a huge sense of déjà vu from this," Christopher told her. "Like we did this exact same thing in 1984, down to the movie…"
"No, in 1984 you had to have your maid make the cookie dough, and we watched Flashdance instead," she reminded him.
"Flashdance, Footloose, po-ta-to, po-tah-to." He shrugged with a smile.
"Just shut up and watch the movie Hayden."
Half way through the movie Lorelai began to cry, she tried to stop it, but couldn't and it turned into sobs.
"Lore, what's wrong?" Chris asked softly.
"I'm such a screw up!" she said harshly gasping for breath. "Am I ever going to figure this relationship stuff out?"
He slid his arm around her shoulder and pulled her towards him. "You gotta breathe here," he said calmly trying to sooth her. Her gasps got quieter and further apart, and he continued, "I hope so, but I don't know, I still haven't figured it out yet either."
Lorelai snorted, she'd forgotten that Christopher's track record with women was as bad as her track record with men. "At least you made it to the alter."
"Because I got ANOTHER girl pregnant."
"If Sherry hadn't-"
He cut her off knowing where she was going. "I don't know Lore, and I don't think I can handle a trip down What If lane tonight."
"Only one lane a night, and tonight is Memory lane?" she joked trying to lighten the mood.
"Exactly."
"Why won't he call?" she asked quietly.
"I don't know. I'm not him."
"But you're a guy! You should know all things guy."
"Unfortunately that is not the case. It's Luke, Lorelai, he's stubborn and it takes him time to process things. I'm sure he'll come around eventually."
"But what if he doesn't?" she moaned.
"Well if he doesn't, then it's his loss. Eventually you'll move on."
"What if I don't?"
"Lorelai, I can't do this anymore," he said hoarsely, choking out the words. He moved to sit up and get off the bed.
"Can't do what Chris? I'm sorry, what ever it is, please don't go!" She really didn't want him to leave and for her to be all alone again.
"You know how I feel about you, and I know how you feel about Luke. I can come here and try to put my feelings aside for the sake of our friendship to comfort you and help cheer you up, but it's not fair to ask me to listen to the 'I can't live without Luke' stuff, it hurts too much."
She thought about it for a moment, he was right, she didn't even think about his feelings, and she didn't even realize she was doing it! "Christopher I am so sorry. I am such a bad person," she apologized.
"Lore, you're not a bad person, you're just wrapped up in your own stuff right now, which I understand. I'm not mad, but I also know I need to remove myself from the situation before I say or do something one or both of us will regret later."
"No Chris, please stay. There's still half the movie left. I promise, no more about Luke. Just us making fun of the clothes, hairstyles and dance moves. Please?" she asked with a hopeful look on her face.
"Alright, I'll stay." He settled back onto the bed next to her. "First topic, Ariel's red cowboy boots, how come you never got a pair of those?"
"I was pregnant when this movie came out, my feet were too swollen," she told him.
"That makes sense I guess."
They watched in silence for a bit, and Lorelai thought about the conversation they'd just had, not the red boots, but the one before it.
"Chris?" she said breaking the silence.
"Yeah?"
"I know I said no more, but I have to say this one thing," she hesitated waiting for his okay.
"Okay. Go." He sighed slightly impatient with the situation.
"I know we've had our ups and downs, and our moments of together and not together, and I'm sure if we could start over at the beginning we'd do it all differently, but I just want you to know, I do love you, and I'm so glad after all these years we're friends," she said quickly, trying to get all the words out before he could interrupt.
"I know Lore. Me too," he said putting his arm back around her shoulder, "now shush, Ren is about to teach Willard to dance, and I know you have at least one good overalls joke to make."
"Thank you," she whispered, then returned her attention to the movie.
Things I also don't own: Footloose, Flashdance, People Magazine and US Weekly.
Here you go, I hope you like it. It's a little AU – but you know how I do love Christopher (I know I know, not a popular sentiment), but I think there's a reason Lorelai keeps going back to him over and over again throughout the years. If nothing else, they're friends and probably on some level, always will be.
Please read and review – you can even flame me for the pairing!
S