Author's Note: Hey! I'm sorry for the few errors. There is a minor change written here. In the original prologue I've stated that it's six months but yeah, it's seven months now. I'm sorry. Disclaimer: I don't own FSOG and its characters.

Part 1

Chapter 10

It's past twelve midnight and he still isn't here. My fingers clutched my wedding ring, the twists implementing my anxiety. Various scenarios crippled my thoughts. Was he involved in an accident? Was college pressuring him too much? Or . . . my fingers shook mightier in fear . . . was he with another girl?

My heart beat faster than usual as I sent probably the five hundredth text message to him. I've been trying to call him and ask where he was but he never answered nor did he send a reply.

"Baby, don't stress too much, okay? We'll pray that Daddy's safe." My hands caressed my seven month bulging belly and my child was moving worriedly. He or she may have not been born but both of us love Christian equally. I've been looking at the window for hours already and I decided to wait longer since I didn't want to bother Grace or Carrick or Mia, my best friend.

When the clock finally signalled that it was three o'clock he slammed the door open and with his wobbly walk and disgusting smell, I instantly knew that he was drunk. My heart ached so much to see him this way. I know that he never wanted to marry but was it ever this bad to make him act this way?

He made it seem like it was hell being with me when all I ever did was hug him.

"Christian, where have you been? I've been worried sick!"

Gone was the composed smart boy I fell in love with. He was replaced by a man with slurry words and alcohol breath.

He pointed at me, "You! You are the reason why I am miserable," he laughed forcefully, "Going home to you is going home in hell, Anastasia! Fuck! I am so screwed in this life."

"Christian, you're drunk. Come on."

"You know what? You disgust me. You disgust me so much! You forced me into this! YOU STOLE MY LIFE FROM ME!" He raised his voice and it was enough to make me cry. I wrapped my arms around my pregnant belly as if I were protecting our baby.

Then Christian's pointing finger descended down to my belly and he broke my heart twice when he said, "You! I've never wanted you. I never intended you. You ruined my life too. You're not just my child. YOU ARE AN ACCIDENT!"

"Christian!" I screamed back for the first time and slapped him. He was lying down like a broken drunken man—passed out as if he was the most wretched man on earth. I imagined him finally talking to our baby or even acknowledging his presence and when it finally happened, the first time he ever talked to our baby . . . he was a cruel man. Far from the man I've been in love with since forever.

That's when I finally realized and accepted. All hopes lost. Christian, my husband, will never love me.

I was completely mortified as I stared at his lying form on the floor. This wasn't him I found asleep in the nursery. He smelled of regrets and disappointment and that wasn't what I wanted him to be. I found myself sinking on the sofa as Christian gradually started snoring.

Convincing myself that he didn't mean what he said was getting harder. I would've believed my wishes if only alcohol wasn't flowing with his blood. Of course, he meant what he said. It made me cry harder. I felt Sierra's pain. Of course, he named her and he acknowledged her belongingness but he never really talked to her. This was the first time and it was traumatizing.

Then I tried to justify using all the memories: when he cried in front of me, when he named her Sierra, our re-enactment of the pottery scene from Ghost, our time in Malibu, and the time I found him asleep after building the nursery. The core to it though was the memory of the night we made Sierra.

Seven months ago . . .

How could I ever say yes to Elliott Grey? Of course, this wasn't those typical parties with dinner and parental supervision. To my dismay, this party involved loud teenagers, sexually active couples, and red cups. Elliott was dancing half-naked and I wanted to escape if only there weren't three big men with body odor standing by the door.

Apparently we had to smell their armpits before we enter. Yep, Elliott set that up.

After all, Mia was nowhere to be found. She was with Ethan, of course.

I went upstairs to get some fresh air and I was so shocked to see a couple making out by the hallway. This was like invasion of privacy or something so I opened the nearest door and went inside. I instantly locked it and upon turning around I blushed. It was Christian's room and he was lying down the bed eyes wide open.

"Christian?" I gave him a soft smile before I sat down. It didn't take long before I realized he smelled like beer—a very huge amount of beer.

"Not you too, Christian! Come on! We're so much better than being wasted!"

Then what happened next was the answer to all of my fantasies. To be fair, I never thought this day would come. He quickly sat and pressed his lips against mine. It was slow at first but it became almost too intense for me to handle. This was my first kiss and it was as passionate as the covers of romance novels.

He pulled away and his piercing illuminating grey eyes reminded me of the moon.

"I love you. I love you so much." With how truthful his expression was I couldn't deny him what he desired—we desired. I let him caress my breasts lovingly, I moaned when his fingers plunged in and out, I felt loved when he used his tongue down there, and most of all, I came after a long night of him completing me.

I was extremely exhausted once we were done and I gave him one small smile before saying, "I love you. I always did."

I woke up the next day to find him gone and feel our friendship turn weak.

Sleepless but emotional I waited until sunrise and it didn't take long when the sunrays woke Christian up. He coughed again and again and slowly knelt down. He looked completely tormented as if living in this house was pure torture. He pulled his hair slowly before asking, "Ana . . . I- I . . . what happened?"

I sounded like a robot when I asked, "Don't you remember?"

He stood up only to kneel again as our faces were of the same level now. We were seeing eye to eye and I was sure that he was feeling the pain I was in.

"Fuck! I was drunk last night and I—I . . . Did I say something?"

My eyes were still red and swollen when I replied, "You just told us the truth. Sierra and I ruined your life."

He looked like I just stabbed him. Guilt instantly took him over and he explained, "I didn't mean it! Ana, please believe me. I didn't mean it. I love our daughter. I love her."

I didn't know what came over me. I hated how pathetic I was but I was too desperate.

My shaking hands held his cold face when I said, "I am in love with you, Christian and I don't know if it will ever stop—" I was crying already, "Can we go back to that night when we made love? Can you tell me that you love me again?"

His eyes widened, "Ana . . ."

I dreaded to know but I needed to ask, "Didn't you mean it?"

It took him a while before he answered by shaking his head.

"B-but . . ." I have shed a hundred litre of tears.

"Let's not talk about it."

"If you don't want me to go insane, please tell me."

He took a deep breath and tears slipped from his eyes too before he spoke the words that completely crashed my world, "Ana, I was thinking of another girl when I slept with you."

"Wh-who?" The tears were faster as he officially cut my heart in two.

"Her name is Cara and I have loved her the moment I saw her. It was the summer before Senior Year. I got drunk that night because he rejected me. He didn't want me to be his boyfriend."

My palm pressed against chest as I felt it tighten.

"Does she have something to do with your drunkenness just now?"

He looked down and slowly nodded. "It turns out she came to Washington for me but it's too late because I'm married."

That's when I stopped crying and I relented taking a hold of his face. I was like a frozen statue staring at nothing. There were countless scenarios going on my head. I never knew he was in love with someone else. When he made love with me he was thinking of that Cara? Was I the one who ruined their fairy tale ending?

There I was, wanting someone who wanted to be with someone else.

Those hopes of being a happy family? They've burned to the ground. How could I ever be this stupid? I recalled all the people who've hurt me: Carla, Dad, those senior girls, Carrick and Grace Grey, and now . . . Christian and a faceless Cara. My hand found its way to my stomach ensuring me that I wasn't alone.

"Ana? Ana?"

"Huh?"

"You've been silent for two hours." Christian awkwardly added, "Let's eat?"

This time I looked at him like really looked at him.

This man named Christian Grey. Well, he lost me.

A/N: We're nearly done with part 1 of the story. There are actually three parts. Christian will narrate the 2nd part.

What did you think of this chapter?

Thank you for reading!

Margo.