Another monthly update. Wow, I'm really slowing down. No excuse this time, just...just bear with me, k?
Again, thanks for the reviews. Any grammatical errors of any sorts, I'm apologizing in advance. I might or might not edit this chapter.
Just a note, both quotes are entirely Wolfram's. Can't think for Yuuri at the moment. And didn't expect you guys to react strongly about Yuuri's wife.
- The Voice of My Troubled Heart -
- A Painful Smile -
On that day I left, I didn't realize letting go would be this painful. I kept running, never looking back. I pretended my heart wasn't breaking, wasn't aching. I pretended my heart wasn't desperately reaching out to you.
'Why wasn't it me?'
I looked up at the crying sky. Its tears mingled with mine, though I tried so hard not to let my tears fall. A day never went by without me remembering. A moment was never passed without me wishing. And again, my heart reaches out.
'I want to see you. I want to see you. Your smiling face in my memory is just too cruel.'
Upon hearing the king's words, he could only stare as millions of possibilities flashed through his mind. But only one kept repeating. His mind kept telling him to keep silent and allow the king to inform him of what he needed to be informed, but his heart could not be still.
"Does it have something to do with Her Highness?" Yuuri was startled for a moment, his eyes kept blinking.
"Her Highness?"
"Your wife, Yuuri." He had to clear his throat while getting his emotions in check.
"My – Look, let's not talk about her, all right?" Exasperated, the king let out his breath as he turned away from the knight. This made Wolfram even more doubtful. A frown delicately marred his features as he crossed his arms.
"But she's your wife, Yuuri. You did say this concerns your children. So it's right to say that it concerns her." The king gave him an annoyed near-glare that he smoothly interpreted as 'you just had to point that out, didn't you?' kind of looks. If he had found this situation somewhat amusing, Wolfram would have let out a smirk and a challenging look in his dark green eyes. Not to mention, a defiantly smug stance.
"She's my wife, yes, but this does not concern her. I mean – it does concern her-" At that last bit, the golden-haired knight raised a perfectly arched golden eyebrow, causing the king to get flustered.
"So it does concern her as well."
"No! It does not concern her-"
"But you just said-"
"Wolfram!" By now the king had his hands upon the knight's shoulders, his dark eyes glaring. "Look, just let me say what I've been meaning to tell you, all right?" Numbly but not dumbstruck, the knight nodded. He felt the king's hands went slack for a moment, and then clenched his shoulders again. He watched Yuuri hung his head, staring at the ground. It was as though the dark-haired man was trying to make a decision. After what seemed to be a few minutes, the king finally moved away from him. He remained as where he was, trying to figure out the king's actions.
Then, everything happened in a flash.
What the -
He could not believe his eyes. In stunned silence, all he could was stare at the hardened look in those dark green eyes. He noticed how the knight's jaw tightened, those luscious lips drew a grim line.
I never knew Wolfram had that kind of speed.
"What do you think you're doing?" His voice had lost all traces of mischief and smug, it had turned the king mute for the moment. "Yuuri! I'm asking you! What do you think you're doing?" His hand were thrown back to his side, he could feel mild pain streaking up the entire arm. Wolfram turned away from him and turned back to glare once more at the dumbstruck king. He cleared his throat as his mind raced to find a valid answer. But he could find only one.
"I was trying to s-" Noticing the knight's eyes narrowed even more, the dark-haired king blinked several times. "I was trying to slap you." A frown was etched upon the knight's forehead and it deepened even more.
"And why would you be doing that?" It was said in such a whisper that had the king trembled. He could actually feel a chill down his spine. It wasn't as thought the knight was threatening him. In fact, it was said in such a gentle manner that the king feared.
"I'm- I'm proposing to you."
"Propose to me?! Are you out of your mind?! What kind of game you're trying to pull?!"
"It's not a game! I want to marry you!" In retaliation, Yuuri gave his own shout. The knight let out a scoffing sound as he turned away again.
"Marry me? And why, pray tell, would you want to marry me now and not eight years ago?" He was silent, unable to answer the golden-haired knight. "Tell me, Your Majesty, why do you want to marry me?" Silence greeted the knight once again as the king, with a wince, looked away when the golden-haired knight turned to face him once again. "What ever reason can a demon king give to his people about marrying again when he has such a lovely wife at his side? Is the king trying to salvage whatever is left of his pride by marrying a man? Especially when it's obvious to one that the king's marriage is in trouble?"
"Stop it! You know that's not true!" He glared at the knight who, in turn, met his glare with an even narrowed eyes.
"So you're marrying me out of love?"
"So you're marrying me out of love?" His voice had toned down slightly, bitterness emitting from it. "No, this isn't even about love. You don't love me." He could feel his nerves racking with emotions as he knew he wasn't able to maintain his tough exterior for long. Already tears threatened to spill and he just knew he had to get away. Away from the king before those damn tears escape again. "I do know all about the estrangement between you and Lady Marlienne. And I also do know of the marriage laws, especially of the one where the king is allowed to break off an annulled marriage by marrying again. I'm amazed that you know of it. My brothers must have informed you of it and that's why you're using me as a way to escape permanent marriage from your wife. Real smooth Your Majesty."
Distinctive footsteps tapped the stony floor as he made his way towards the door. With a hand on the doorknob, he stared at the grainy texture of the door. "I should have never return back here. My mistake-"
- is to let my heart open up again.
"Wolfram-" Hearing the king, he shook his head without looking back at the frowning king.
"Sorry Yuuri. I can't help you this time."
Not at the expense of my heart.
The sun's glare was directed right onto his face, causing him to squint. Beneath him, he felt the grass swayed and ruffled with the wind. The wind was exceptionally violent today. He didn't mind it though. In fact, the wind suited his mood rather well.
That idiot. What does he think he's trying to pull? Offering marriage when his is obviously in trouble? So I'm only good enough for this? Is that what he's trying to say?
"Maybe all he wanted was just a nanny." In an ever so soft whisper, he tilted his head back. Luxurious golden locks hid his expression as he threw a hand over his eyes, fingers flexing subconsciously. Letting out a sigh, he let his mind wandered. The caressing wind cooled his sun-kissed skin as he gently slipped back into that forbidden dream of his.
"Wolfram-niichan!" The young prince's voice seeped through, lulling him back to reality. Moving his hand aside, his eye slowly opened. A somewhat dreamy gleam appeared in his dark green eyes before he blinked it away. Using his arms to push himself up, he saw the prince growing closer to him. A smile began to play at his lips before faltering. Conrad, with a grim look, came to view behind the dark-haired young prince.
Struggling to sit up, he thankfully caught Yukio just as the boy launched himself onto him. The gentle smile appeared again as he playfully ruffled those glorious dark locks before glancing up. Brown eyes that used to look upon him with tenderness now was filled with something akin to a intense look.
"Br-Brother?" The title unexpectedly escaped in a whisper, but thankfully, the brown-haired knight hadn't heard the slip-up.
"Wolfram, you are ordered to attend an urgent meeting right now." Shock was evidently etched in his features before it was washed away by narrowed eyes.
"Ordered? And who gave such an order?" His brother had no reply to this, to which he let out a slight bitter laugh. "I should have guessed." The prince, having heard the bitterness in his favourite Wolfram-niichan's tone, lifted his head. Dark eyes observed the golden-haired knight's features with concern, but the two adults had forgotten about him. "And what if I say no to such an order? Fine, I'll amuse His Majesty this time." The knight let out an exasperated sigh before turning his attention to the frowning young prince in his lap. "Yukio, any idea on your sister's whereabouts?"
The young boy gave out a thoughtful look. "I think Greta-neechan's gone to the village with Gisela." With a sigh, Wolfram steered the boy gently off his lap and brought himself to his full height.
"Then we'll just have to find someone else to play with you, all right? Let's see if we can find someone."
His footsteps echoed throughout the near-empty hallway that led to the room where the meeting was being held. Patrolling soldiers stood, gaping, upon seeing the Lord Bielefeld striding past them with Lord Weller in tow. They were amazed to see Lord Bielefeld well with his coloring somewhat different from when he was young. But nevertheless, the knight looked good, if not even better with age. The scowl did little to diminish the natural beauty the young knight had.
Unlike the king, he had the decency not to fling the door open despite the mood he was currently in. Already his eldest brother and Gunter were seated in the room with the king staring out of the window. He ignored the startled look Gunter casted at his way as he strode right to the middle of the room, just before the table where the king was.
"You rang?" His tone held sarcasm that didn't fell on deaf ears. The king turned, a smirk appearing before faltering to oblivion upon seeing the knight's grim look.
"To put it mildly, yes." A glare casted upon the king would have silenced Wolfram's former soldiers but not the king. In fact, the king ignored it. "I called you here in regards to a serious matter that involve nearly everyone in the room. I'll just get straight to the point. You are going to marry me."
"Give me one good reason why should I?" In a blistering tone, the golden-haired knight assumed a stubborn stance with arms crossed at his chest. The glare he gave out grew even colder.
"Yukio." The king's answer was so simple, it actually had the knight baffled.
"Excuse me?"
"Yukio is my reason. Do you want Yukio to suffer in the hands of that woman?"
"That woman is your wife. And rightly so Yukio's mother. So why would his mother hurt him?" He could see the king clenched his jaw but said nothing. Instead, the lilac-haired advisor stepped in.
"Wolfram, please listen to the king and do as he says. If anything, do it for Young Prince Yukio." If silence was a clock, it would have created a really booming tick in the room. He trained his eyes on the king for a very long time, neither one moved nor blinked. Until finally, the knight let out a sigh as he turned away.
"It's cruel to use the prince as a bargaining chip." And with that, he left the room.
If anything goes, he didn't care anymore. Didn't care of the fact he was walking out in the open where everyone who thought he'd died could see him. Listlessly wandering around, his expression could be labelled as brooding. Without realizing, he had stopped directly in front of the castle fountain. The fountain which the king had used countless times to get to his human world. Dark green eyes stared darkly at his reflection in the calm water, the breeze occasionally came and rippled the water once in a while.
He was torn. Torn in two, so to speak. By his mind and his heart. One warned him of the dangers of reconciling his relationship with the king, while the other urged him to take the offer. Dangers he had already faced. It didn't help that he himself was edging to his heart's desire.
He stared out, particularly at nothing before he casted glances at his sides. Contemplating, he glanced down at the clear blue water shimmering in the fountain. With a slight frown etched, he reached out. His hand moved closer to the surface of the water. Just barely, the fingertips grazed. In an instant, a chain of fire trailed at the side of the fountain, touching just the surface. It had been years he'd allowed himself to release his fire. He'd taken years to control his fire and tamed it, changing that raging power into healing instead.
His fire danced about, the red fiery colour blazing even under the hot sun. The cackles it made were loud, sizzling at the same time as parts of the fire touched the water.
"Wolfram." The fire was extinguished in that instant as he twirled around, his eyes spotting the dark-haired king standing just a few feet away from him. "You need to understand. Understand the reason why I'm doing this."
He didn't trust himself to speak. He didn't trust himself enough to retort or do anything. But there was only one thing he could do. He turned. Turning his back on the king, staring at the clear blue water of the fountain. In his reflection he saw himself frowning. Worse still, he could see his eyes still burning with his love for the king. He closed his eyes, couldn't bear to see those expressive eyes any longer. "Then tell me," he finally voiced out. Turning around, his eyes stared at the king. "Tell me the reason for all this."
In silence they sat upon the stone structure of the fountain. In silence they stared at anything but each other. In silence they heard the howling of the wind slowly picking up before dying softly. And in silence he took a deep breath.
"Before I can tell you the reason, there is something that you need to know." Casting a dark-eyed glance at his side, he found the knight silent and unmoving. His golden head hung and his eyes stared down at the ground as hands tightly gripped the edge of the fountain. "Before you disappeared entirely from everyone's lives, my life, I didn't have the courage to confess. That every-"
"Everyone knew, except for me. They knew you were in love. Just- just not with me," the knight whispered. "And after I was gone, our engagement was totally dissolved. Allowing you to marry. Particularly a female. I know it all, Yuuri, so just tell me the reason already."
"Shouldn't we find Wolfram first before making any hasty decision?" Tentatively he glanced at the many faces around him. Or more in particular, glancing at his guardian for guidance. "I mean shouldn't we let Wolfram explain his actions?"
"But Your Majesty, "
"There isn't any time left to waste. This has to be made final immediately." A new voice rang out almost sternly. "Lord Bielefeld lost his chance to explain when he chose to run. It is time things are handled by us." Dark eyes glanced away from his frowning guardian and towards a stern-looking aging woman. "And the decision has already been made. The engagement between Your Majesty and Lord Bielefeld is no longer valid and, thus, dissolved as of now." Murmurs of others seemed to agree with the woman as they stood up to make their leave. Dumbfounded, all he could do was stare.
"That's it?! All you did was that?" Members of the council ignored their king as they made their way out of the room. All, save for the old woman. "At least allow Wolfram the opportunity to redeem himself."
"If I may so boldly ask, Your Majesty. Why does Your Highness care about Lord Bielefeld's words? His explanation of his actions?" In a more smug manner, the woman lifted her chin. A smirk appeared as a gleam appeared in her aged eyes. "I've heard how Your Majesty, countless times, denied any sorts of 'entanglement' with His Lordship. And if the rumours were really true, Your Majesty should be happy with this outcome. Very happy, I should say. You are now eligible to marry that young woman of yours."
He'd heard this before, read it countless times in his brother's letter. And it still didn't help to hear it again. Especially from the king. He tried his best to look anywhere but the king. Thankfully though, the king himself seemed to be lost in thoughts.
His hands gripped the edges of the letter, crinkling it as his fingers unconsciously flexed. He couldn't tear his eyes away from the words, and even if he could, he knew he'll read it again.
'You knew this would happen, haven't you? So why should it come as a shock to you now?'
The taunting voice of his mind wasn't helping ease the pain. If any, it just made it worse. That, combined with the words his brother had written.
'...Not long after the council's decision, Yuuri made an announcement to everyone in the kingdom that he was getting married. In the beginning, everyone had thought he would be marrying you. I remember how surprised they were when he revealed that, in fact, he was marrying Lady Marlienne. Soon after, preparations for the wedding was made. Mother reluctantly helped with the preparations.
In a couple of weeks the wedding would commence...'
He remembered how he couldn't bear to read anymore and how his tears flowed without hesitation. After reading that letter, he'd finally realized just how much he'd actually meant to the king.
Feeling helpless, he'd pulled his knees close to him, tucking them under his chin. Hugging them, he stared blurry at nothing. Blink after blink, fresh new bout of tears would appear.
'I don't mean a thing to him. Nothing at all. So why am I crying over him? Why should I give a damn about him?' After long minutes of staring out, he lowered his chin slowly. Resting his forehead upon his knees, he tightened his grip again. How he wished he could just disappear.
"...nine months after, Yukio was born and that's when the trouble started" The words of the king softly jerked him back to the present. "Everytime I paid a little more attention to Yukio, she'll try to pull me away. In the beginning I thought she felt that I was neglecting her. Something about post-depression, I think. But months later I finally found out the truth. She didn't want to share the throne with anyone. Not even her son. A fool I was to actually forgive her again and again. The last straw came when she actually tried to sell Yukio away and labelled it as kidnapping."
Surprise and utter shock had him snapping his head back to the king who nodded in confirmation. This, his brother had not inform him in all of his letters.
"And that's when the estrangement began. I had her placed in that end of the castle, far from us. A little over a month, she left. Without saying anything to us but with someone else."
"Yuuri-" A shake of the king's dark head had him stoping in mid-sentence. Dark eyes glanced up at his green ones, a small smile appearing.
"It's all right. I hardly feel the pain anymore."
His eyes glanced down, and met a very similar pair glancing up. A frown etched, eyes narrowed. Shoulders sagged, a sigh escaped. His eyes closed for a moment, his reflection vanished in that blink moment of darkness.
So this is my answer?
Eyes re-opened again, this time his chin lifted as he watched the sky. A gentle breeze came for a moment, ruffled his golden locks and swept past. Silence was his answer. With the night fast approaching, the king had left his side. But not before assuring that he was all right.
"Wolfram?" That tentative tone in the king's soft voice had him glancing up. Despite of what he was feeling, a small smile appeared. To assure the king. It seemed to satisfy the king but the dark-haired man still stood motionless. "Wolfram, about the -"
A shook of his head interrupted the king in mid-sentence. "It's all right. I think I know what I have to do."
And he hoped he knew what he was getting himself into. A loveless marriage. A one-sided affair. A pinch of doubt seemed to sink in, but he quickly chased it away with a literal shook of his head.
Everything for his happiness.
Truthfully -
Truthfully, he didn't mind not having his love reciprocated. He didn't mind it one bit. Everything he'd done was for the sake of others' happiness.
I've run away so he could be happy. I've returned so he could be happy. And now I'm marrying him, so he could be happy.
A small smile, however sad though, played on his lips. His eyes glistened for a moment before he blinked the unshed tears away.
No time for tears. No time to feel sorry for myself.
The more I love, the more my heart aches. I hide my trembling heart and pretends to smile. My heart is filled with feelings to convey, but words wouldn't form. I know if I hadn't met you, I wouldn't have this embarrassing pain. But if I hadn't met you, I wouldn't know love.
Little by little, I've come to realize the pain will never heal. The love will never be returned. Though I fear the future, the bleak future, I couldn't refuse. You'll never know the true reason for my tears. Of unchanging feelings that I can never express well.
Both quotes are sad, don't you think? I tried to write a quote based on the last few sentences of the chapter, namely, the ones about Wolfram's unrequited love. I think I'm gonna cry.