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Chapter Eleven: Flying Into Shadow

Day #1 en route Shadow

"It's all wrong," River said sobbing. "All wrong. Things move through me. Red eyes, hands of blue. Blue, blue! They're everywhere. Everywhere!"

The two sat in a corner of the cargo room. Others on the ship wandered by either on the gantry at the top of the cargo bay, or along the floor. None appeared to be purposefully trying to eavesdrop, but on such a small ship everyone knew what was happening.

The withdrawal symptoms were much worse than Simon predicted. After almost a year on a cocktail of psychotropic drugs, River had formed a definite dependency. As he wandered by at the top of the cargo bay and looked down at his hurting sister, Simon felt a wave of guilt and self-hatred. He knew it would be bad, and he knew that cutting her off cold-turkey was cruel. The honest part of his soul knew he did it in the hopes she would fail not to hurt her, but to shame Vos. But seeing her suffer was quickly cracking open that selfish shell inside him.

On the floor, Vos felt the conflicted feelings of the doctor above, but dismissed them. He sat cross-legged across from her. "Try, River. Close your eyes. Let the Force flow through you. Let it soothe your pain. Let it ease your memories."

"It's so hard," River said, wiping her eyes on the back of her hand. "Two by two, hands of blue. They're coming. The monsters." She sat up, eyes wide. "The monsters are coming! They're going to kill us all! Tentacles reaching. Monsters laughing. Blood." She looked down at her hands which shook convulsively. "There's blood everywhere!"

Vos edged closer and grabbed her shaking shoulders with two large hands. He leaned forward until he caught her feral eyes in his. "I see a saw," she whispered. "It's coming down on my head. They're cutting my head! I can feel it. I'm screaming but they keep cutting!"

Her voice was becoming hysterical again. He reached up and cupped her face in his hands. She instantly went still and stared back at him. "There is no emotion," he told her. "There is peace."

"But there is emotion," she said back, suddenly calm. "I feel it in you. You loved her and she's gone.'

Vos lowered his head and stared at the floor, but did not drop his hands from her cheeks. "We must learn to let go that which we fear to lose," he said, quoting another Jedi Master. "It is a hard lesson to learn, even for Masters."

All shaking stopped. The storm passed quickly. She spoke now with a low, powerful calm. "I need help too, then," she said. "I love you."

At last Vos dropped his hands. "Dear child, you don't even know me. You're in love with an idea. A mixture of memories and thoughts from Lorana and your own loneliness. That is not love. It is intoxication."

"It is a vision," River whispered. "I saw that I would love you. All the worlds will die, but I will love you. In a time of bitterness and hardship, we will have a child, and that child will help change the galaxy."

The Jedi Master became very still. "Do you have visions like this often?"

River nodded, the throbbing in her head forgotten. "I've had such terrible dreams. Something bad is coming. Something terrible. Monsters. Blood. And it's coming soon. I'm frightened."

"All the more reason to learn the Force," Vos said. "You touched it just now, did you feel it? When you remembered your vision. I felt it flowing within you. The pain is better now, isn't it?"

Amazed, River nodded.

"Meditate with me," Vos urged. "There are many wonders I can show you. Forget your fear, at least for this moment."

The two of them stayed in their sitting position for the next hour. Up above, the crew came and went, always pausing to look. By the time Simon came back from Wash's check-up on the command deck, Jayne was leaning over the rail staring down at them and muttering to himself.

The mercenary straightened when he saw the doctor walking in. "What?" he said.

Simon said nothing and continued toward the galley. Jayne continued his muttering, of which Simon got just a hint. "Ain't so tough." Simon continued on his way, terrified of the thought that somehow Jayne might actually be jealous of Quinlan Vos over River.

Day #2 en route to Shadow

River and Vos swung baseball bats at each other with all the zealousness of a deranged baseball fan on Sihnon, where the game was considered a planetary past time.

The sound of wood cracking on wood echoed through the whole ship and drew a crowd at the gantry between the command deck and the galley. "That's very impressive," Inara said to Mal.

"That's a word for it," Mal said.

"Another word for it is freakishly frightening," Wash said.

"That's two words, dear," Zoe said.

"What if I put a hyphen in between?" Wash asked.

"Don't seem so hard," Jayne muttered.

All four of the others leaned over and stared at him. Jayne looked up and shrugged. "Anyone can swing a bat."

Below, River somehow launched into a twelve-foot high double-twisting somersault that put her out of the corner Vos had pushed her into and into the middle of the floor. "Well done!" the Jedi called. Even from the top of the gantry, they could see how the girl beamed with the praise.

"She has it bad," Inara said.

"Ruttin' moon-brain," Jayne muttered.

The rest chose not to say anything. Just then Afolabi walked onto the gantry beside Book. The rest of the crew looked upon the pair with hesitant acceptance that the two seemed to hit it off so well. Other than Inara, who still could make the preacher uncomfortable, Afolabi was the only other person on the ship as well read as Book himself.

The two were seen comparing literature and philosophy at all hours of the day. Now, however, they stopped when they heard the cracking of bats and looked down at the sparring match.

"That is simply remarkable," Afolabi said after a moment. "I do believe in a sword fight she would defeat me."

"Wasn't so hard," Mal said. He did let his lips twitch.

Afolabi smiled. "Indeed. And we both know you walked away with 'nary a mark."

"Nary a one," Mal confirmed.

"Then what have you been showing off to me for the past month?" Inara said with a sly smile.

Below, a used cargo bin lifted off the floor of the bay itself and soared across the room. River danced easily away from it. "That just gives me goosebumps," Wash said. "That is so unnatural."

Suddenly a smaller bin lifted off the floor and hurtled directly at Vos. Below on the floor, the Jedi caught it in one hand, then lowered his bat and stared at River. "Incredible," he said. "Most Padawans study for years before they can move an object during a sparring match."

River paused, then dropped the bat and fell to her knees. "It wasn't me!" she howled.

Hearing his sister's voice, Simon rushed onto the gantry only to see Vos kneeling beside River down below, comforting her.

"Is everything okay?" the doctor said.

"She's just busy moving things about with her brain," Mal said. "Nothing to be concerned about."

"I'm sure," Simon whispered.

On the floor below, River took a deep breath as she centered herself in the Force as Vos was teaching her. It took much longer than it would have for a fully trained Jedi, but after several deep breaths she reached her center. Vos's hand on hers helped more than she could say.

"I'm sorry," she said with a sad smile. "I remembered moving something and did it, but it wasn't my memory."

"Perhaps not," Quinlan said gently. "But it was your power. Do not be ashamed of your pain or ability, River. You are an extraordinary person, and the fact we are here discussing your abilities is proof of it."

She smiled shyly, then glanced up at the gantry and the eyes she felt there. She saw Wash, Zoe, Mal, Inara, Jayne, Book, Afolabi and her brother watching her. The only one not there was…no, Kaylee had just joined them.

"They're afraid of us," she said. "They think you're going to hurt me. That we're going to hurt them. But we're going to save them." Her whole expression suddenly changed. The sad, shy, wounded girl disappeared before a mischievous smile and a twinkling pair of eyes. "Levitate me to them!" she said.

Vos leaned back and very carefully schooled his expression. "Showing off is not an appropriate use of the Force."

She leaned forward until her breath washed across his face, and sotto voce, whispered, "Please?"

Above, Simon leaned forward and gripped the rail so hard his knuckles turned white.

"Easy there, Doc," Mal said. "It's a bit of a drop there."

Below, what looked like a pending kiss ended abruptly as River stood and brightly started walking toward the gantry. Suddenly she lifted off the ground with a sparkling laugh and rose up through the air until she floated before the stunned expressions of her eyes.

"Don't worry, Simon," she said and she leaned over and daintily kissed her brother's cheek. "I'm in very safe hands." She grabbed the rail and leaped over it to land by Kaylee, and then started walking toward the galley. "I'm hungry."

When she was gone, the entire crew of Serenity stared down at Vos. The Jedi master shrugged. "Force or not, you try saying no when she looks at you like that," he called up to them.

Day #3 en route to Shadow

"The lightsaber is a unique weapon even in the larger galaxy," Quinlan explained the next morning. He and River once again sat cross-legged across from each other in the main cargo area. "It is almost exclusively the weapon of both the Jedi and Sith. In the hands of a master, it is as lethal as a blaster. As a friend of mine would say, it is an elegant weapon. But it is also dangerous. It could easily take off your own foot or hand with even just the merest second of distraction."

River sat staring up at him with wide eyes, watching every move. The Jedi Master realized she was not listening to a word he said. "River?"

She blinked and smiled. "I could easily take off my foot or hand," she said. "Yes, Master Vos."

"You weren't listening."

"But I heard," she said, not bothering to deny anything. "I like watching you move."

Vos cleared his throat. "River, try to dismiss your feelings for me, if only when we are training. Lightsaber training is very dangerous, especially since we don't have training blades available."

She dimmed her brilliant smile. "Okay." She stood and activated the blue blade, letting the snap-hiss and hum reverberate through the ship. "The blade is weightless," she noted.

"But the handle has a gyroscopic effect to help counter that," Vos pointed out. He activated one of his own sabers, a green one, and moved to stand opposite her. "Now, open your mind to me, River. Let yourself feel my movements. Anticipate them."

Very slowly, Vos swung his lightsaber toward her. She mirrored his movements until blue and green crossed with a crackle of energy. Vos disengaged and did the same to the opposite side, again only to have River counter his move.

In the galley, once again the sound of training attracted a crowd.

"Those are the coolest sword thingies I have ever seen," Wash announced. He turned to Zoe. "Honey, could I have one?"

"No dear," Zoe said. "You'd cut your arm off."

"Or something important," Mal added. "Am I the only one who thinks this is wrong?"

"No," Jayne and Simon both said. The two men shared a look, then quickly broke eye contact as if in disgust that they agreed on anything.

Below, the flashing of the blades grew more rapid as River seemed to fall once more into that dangerous flow of moment that allowed her to defend them all against the Reavers. Vos was more than a match, however. Soon, what started as a simple training exercise turned into a full-blown sparring match.

"Captain," Simon said. "Something's wrong."

"Yeah, I got an alien and a crazy girl swinging laser swords in the hold of my ship," Mal said.

"No, with River. Look at her eyes."

Mal looked, and he saw it—that wild, lost, feral look she had in the bar where she laid half the occupants flat and would have happily killed Mal.

Below, Vos seemed to sense it as well, but did nothing to stop the suddenly vicious attacks. River moved with stunning speed and grace for someone not born to the Force. But as they sparred, something inside the girl seemed to click off, as if her soul was either turned off or caged away. In its place was a ruthless machine.

Below, Vos remembered something she had said. They wanted a weapon. Rather than end the fight, Vos continued to defend himself while reaching with the Force into her mind. He knew the others of the crew sensed something was off, but he did not dare distract himself. Her skills were sufficient to be dangerous even to him if he did not bring most of his abilities to bear.

She arched her back and spun around in a particularly artful combination of sword and foot that, had Vos not back-flipped away from, would easily have removed his head. She sauntered forward with deadly feline grace.

It was at that moment, looking at the way she moved, that he whispered in his own native Basic, "You are beautiful."

The glaze suddenly left her eyes and she came to a sudden stop. In the same language, which her people somehow spoke and called Corlingua, she whispered, "It wasn't me."

She deactivated the lightsaber and let it drop. Vos deactivated his own and hooked it to his belt. He stepped to her and glanced up at her waiting friends. He simply nodded to let them know the danger was past. Seeing the show was over, they broke up and went their own ways.

He looked back down at River. "There is a trigger inside your mind," he said. "It is conditioning, not physical. I can remove it, but it would be painful."

She nodded, and then leaned into him, leaving him little practical choice but to hug her. "Someday you're going to leave me," she whispered. "You're going to go back to your home and the one you love. She's waiting for you. I know it. And I'll be alone."

Vos looked into the far corners of the ship, remembering. "I don't dare hope for it."

"You will see her again," River whispered. She looked up with tears in her eyes. "And you're going to be with her for many years. And I'll only have a few months. It's not fair."

"River…."

She had to jump to accomplish it, but before Vos realized what was happening her arms were around his neck and her lips were on his. Her lithe body pressed against him and he felt intense heat from both their bodies and the Force itself flood into him.

An eternity of three heart beats later, she let go and slid back to her feet. "I want an orange," she suddenly announced with a quizzical expression before she turned and walked away.