Chapter 11

I woke up to a searing brightness behind my eyelids. I rolled over to escape it, but that was when I got a glimpse of my battered alarm clock who was cheerfully displaying in bright red numbers that it was one in the afternoon. I groaned aloud and tried to go back to sleep, I didn't work today and I had no really reason to move, but my sore throat and pounding headache wouldn't let me. I sat up reluctantly, which was when I glimpsed the gun on my end table and the events of last night came crashing down on me. I dropped my head into my hands, pressing my palms against my eyes as if that would help block out the images of what had transpired. My boyfriend was a murderer, at least indirectly, but what made it worse was the voice in my head asking why it mattered so much...I had strong feelings toward him, and he obviously cares about me. But could I shove his past into the background, could I pretend he was anything other than a criminal?

I didn't have the answers at the moment so I shoved my thoughts away and got ready to face the world. I showered and changed, I wasn't planning on going out but I wanted to get out of the wrinkled clothes I had slept in. I ate a small breakfast and took some medicine for my head and throat, all the tears from last night had done a number on me. Then I spent the next half hour cleaning ice cream up since I had left it out in front of the telly last night and it had melted and gotten everywhere. After I had run out of mindless chores to do, I decided it was time to turn on my phone and deal with the aftermath of last night. Now if only I could find it...

I searched my usual places, but when it didn't turn up I went to the laundry bin and riffled through the clothes I had slept in, maybe I had left it in one of my pockets? I didn't find my phone but I did find a folded up piece of paper, the one James had slipped me last night. I had completely forgotten about it. I unfolded it with shaking fingers, eager to see what words James had been so desperate to tell me that he had to scribble them down, instead of waiting to tell me another day. The spidery handwriting instantly made me think of him, it was elegant and masculine at the same time, which fit him perfectly.

My darling Cassandra,

I am hastily writing this as you manhandle your brother's gun away from him and even though I am short on time I have to say I am impressed. You are a little spitfire aren't you?

Anyway...I never wanted this to come out this way, but I swear to you that I was going to tell you the truth soon. You must understand how difficult it was for me to talk about it, the thought of losing you is agony and I didn't want to risk that. But that cat is out of the bag now, and before you make your final decision I beg you to meet me tonight at the restaurant where we had our first date. At least give me one more chance to explain myself to you.

I know you don't feel that you can trust me, but I never lied about how I felt. Don't let tonight be the last time I see you. I will be there at 8pm...

-James

I set the paper down on my nightstand while my head whirled...common sense was telling me to avoid James Moriarty entirely, but my heart sped up at just the thought of seeing him again. I needed advice, I couldn't trust myself where he was involved. I renewed the search for my phone in earnest and finally I unearthed it underneath my bed.

I turned it on with a wince when I saw the exuberant amount of missed calls and text messages. I had quite a few from John, asking me what had happened, if Sherlock was all right, if I was all right...I deleted most of those without listening to them. If he hasn't figured out by now what had happened then Sherlock would just have to fill him in later, I was not going to be the one to do it. There were two calls from Sherlock, asking if he could come home yet and inquiring after my welfare, but he didn't seem too frantic and I could deal with him later as well. There was none from James, which would have disappointed me if I hadn't found his note. Surprisingly I had ten missed calls from Ellie, just the person I wanted to talk to. I felt a pang of guilt at missing her, the calls had started last night and kept going through this morning. I wondered what had her in such a frantic state, Ellie rarely called, she was more of a texter. Well whatever her news was, it couldn't be as dramatic as mine...

I dialed her number from memory and pressed the phone to my ear, it had barely even finished the first ring before Ellie picked up.

"Cassy where have you been!? I have been trying to get a hold of you for ages! You never turn your phone off!"

"I am sorry, I really am but you wouldn't believe the night I had, I just couldn't face the world for a while."

"I knew something had happened to you! I would have come over and banged down your door but...well I had an unexpected visitor."

"It is probably for the best that you didn't come, I probably would have shot you if you had tried to bust into my flat." Ellie was used to my volatile temper so that remark did not get a reaction out of her like it would out of most people.

"So don't you want to hear who my visitor was?!"

"Do I have a choice? I have a feeling you are going to tell me anyway," I laughed to take the sting out of my words but Ellie didn't even notice she was too wrapped up in her story.

"Your brother came over to my house! He just showed up out of the blue! And he stayed the night! The whole night Cassy!"

"Wait what? My brother came to your house? Why? How does he even know where you live?"

"Well he walked me home after the whole incident at the Cross and Keys, so that's how he knew where I lived. He didn't talk much when he came over, actually he pretty much just pouted on my couch the whole night, but he said you two had a falling out and he didn't have anywhere else to stay so he came here!" Ellie was practically screeching by this time and I had to hold the phone away from my ear.

"Well I did kick him out…but I assumed he would go get a room at the Cross and Keys or something!"

"He said he didn't have any money on him, John had won it in a bet or something, and I am sure you understand that he wasn't ready to face John quite yet."

"Is he still there?"

"No he left not too long ago actually. I think he went to go find John and apologize."

"Sherlock, apologize? I doubt it, but he is different with John, maybe he did."

"Cassy…" Ellie's voice had lowered to a whisper, "I think I have a really big crush on your brother."

"No really? I didn't notice!"

"Seriously Cassy! This is a big deal for me…I haven't had a crush on anyone in ages and I have no idea what to do about it…I am scared to mess it up. But there isn't even anything to mess up. I don't even think he sees me. And he is your brother! Does it bother you, me liking him?"

"No Ellie it doesn't bother me at all, but Sherlock…well he isn't like other guys. I honestly don't think he has ever had a girlfriend, all he cares about is his cases. You have my blessing, but be careful…I would hate to see you get your heart broken by my idiot brother."

"Oh Cassy I knew you would understand! I will be careful, I promise. I am sure this will fade soon anyway. But tell me about your night! I am so sorry to blather on like that, I just had to get that off my chest." I groaned into the phone, talking about Ellie's problems had almost made me forget mine. I proceeded to tell her about the disaster that had been my evening. I told her about how John had kissed me and how I had turned him down, which led into James seeing us and confronting me at my flat. I told her about his kiss…how amazing everything had been, then how Sherlock had found us together and then how the drama had really unfolded. I explained to her the revelations about James, and my poor reaction. I even read her the note I had found from James this morning and by the end of my explanation I was crying again.

"I just…never felt this way about a guy before ever, and now he turns out to be some crazy criminal!" I sobbed to her. "I just don't know what to do, I am being torn in two. I can't imagine not seeing him again, but he hates my brother and the things he does…what do I do?"

"If you want my honest opinion, you need to go see him tonight! You need to explain to him your fears and your doubts but I think it would be stupid to throw this away without trying. I have never seen you like this with anyone before, and you deserve the chance to get your happy ending. At least he isn't a serial rapist or something like that? I mean yes, what he does for a living is odd, but look at what your brother does! He actually reminds me a lot of Sherlock, he just took a different path. I have a feeling that he could be good for you, I mean you are a bit of a basket case yourself, you need someone crazy to keep up with you! And I mean that in the most loving way possible of course."

I laughed for what felt like the first time in forever, Ellie could always cheer me up. We talked for a little longer, but my decision was made. I was going to see James tonight, I had no idea what was going to come of it, but I had to give this one more chance or I would regret it forever.