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Unfortunately, I don't own SMASH hence the ginormous hiatus :(

-o-

Hell – Part 4

Previously…

She was half naked in her old Iowa State Cyclones oversized t-shirt, tiptoeing to stay in his embrace and god, it felt nice.

She closed her eyes, unable to move, revelling in his arms. She gradually calmed down, listening to his regular breathing.

"Tell me what you waiting for? Touch me, I wanna feel you on my body. Do you like when I'm leaning into you?"

She resisted humming the song out loud. It felt right to be with him, to be this close and for once, not to be afraid of anything. Did Dev picked up on that? No, he simply was the jealous type. How could he know something she didn't? She marvelled at this newfound discovery. She and Derek were a perfect match. Her body simply loved his. So that was it? She was not impressed by the great director or too shy. Her instincts told her to crawl inside the nearest hole not because she was ''green'' but because she was attracted to Derek Wills?

Still sobbing, she took a whiff of his cologne and snaked her arms around his waist. She heard him snicker. What was she doing? She made it perfectly clear she didn't want him. She might as well stick to her guns. Not that he actually tried to make her change her mind. She has replayed the all harassment thing over and over in her head and she wasn't even sure that he would have tried anything. The more she thought about it, the more she wandered whether she hadn't actually tricked him into it. After all, he didn't ask her to parade in his shirt and to serenade him. He asked her to show him what she'd got. "I want to see everything!" That was a legit request.

Don't go there, she pondered. Remember he came to your place to apologize. Well, it was more of an assessment, but he came crawling. Of course, he would have taken advantage of the situation, why not? She practically threw herself at him that night. But he wasn't going to beat a dead horse, anyway. Derek didn't need to do that. He could have anyone he wanted without snapping his fingers, even Rebecca Duvall.

Her sobs receded and she inhaled sharply. His voice, devoid of emotion, called her back to reality. She gulped and moved away, red creeping up to her cheeks. His hand lingered on her arm. "You okay?" he asked, stooping to her eye level.

She nodded, avoiding his gaze. "Yeah, just peachy," she whispered. "I'm sorry," she added, glancing at him, "I have no reason to be emotional. It's been a couple of weeks since we broke up."

"Karen, I don't want to pry but something's wrong. You'll have to get it out your chest eventually. The way I see it, it's eating at you."

"No, it's not," she said. Her voice was too loud and high pitched. "It's embarrassing, it's boring, and I can deal with it." She turned away from him, still troubled by their closeness but he hang on to her.

His fingers circling her wrist, he pulled her back to him. "You better talk now, love, I'm hungry."

Her eyes shot at his face. "You're hungry?" Was he toying with her?

"Yes, didn't have breakfast yet, remember?"

Oh God, she felt so dumb! Hungry like in… hungry, no double entendre, no foreplay. She was imagining things. His snide smile was so sexy. Boy, she needed to get laid. She needed the release and she missed the intimacy. "Oh yeah, right. I'll be a minute, I just need to take a shower," she said. Staring. She shook her head and finally turned around under his scrutiny. Oh, he was grinning now, she was making a fool of herself. Take a grip Karen, you can do it.

"Not so fast. I may be older than you, but I'm not senile. Spill it out Cartwright, or we're both going to be very late. People will talk," he teased her in his usual condescending tone. "I reckon you owe me an explanation, I've not seen you so distraught for months." With a tug, she was flushed against him, again. "I'm not letting you go until you tell me. Come on, get on with it," he added casually. "The sooner you get it over with, the sooner we can go." His eyes bored into hers. They were very peculiar shade of green this morning, lime green and translucent.

"Are you flirting with me?"

He let her go and stepped back. He cocked his head. "I'm sorry, it wasn't my intention," he sneered, frowning. "Force of habit, I guess."

"You're making fun of me now?" she hissed.

"Angry, are you? Good, then my job here is done."

"So that's it, a scratch behind the ears, a pat on the head? I'm not a f…ing golden retriever Derek!"

"As lovely as you are when you're pissed, we've still work to do. Shall I wait for you in the lobby?"

"You didn't answer my question."

"Which one?"

"Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what for crying out loud! I came bearing good news and to take you out for breakfast. What's the harm in this? You're not making any sense, love. You seemed more upset than usual, and I thought you might need a friend. That about sums it all," he added in a flat monotone. "My job is to make you the best Marilyn possible and to keep you that way. If you're upset, I am upset because that puts the show in jeopardy. I think you understood. Well, if you still need my help, simply ask. I can do without the drama though," he stated, tucking his hands deep inside his pockets.

"So it's always about the show?" she hissed.

"Most of time it is, yes," he said carefully. He'd never seen Karen like this, he was treading in unchartered territories.

"I'm exhausted Derek. I haven't had a good night sleep in weeks. Dev won't stop harassing me. I miss my friends. I miss New York. I miss my life. Why do I have to feel so miserable?"

"Like I said, I can take care of your Oxford problem…"

"I can't see how."

"Just say the word and he's gone for good."

She gaped. "What do you mean for good?"

"Oh darling, don't put too much thought into it, let's say his interests conflict with mine. I can make the problem go away. I'm gonna make him an offer he won't refuse. I know people."

"You're not going to hurt him, are you?" she asked, her eyes wide, identifying the Godfather quote.

"I meant female people," he winked at her. "He'll be too busy to make you miserable ever again." He grinned.

"Oh… okay," she looked down. She seemed to spend most of her time with him in a permanent state of incontrollable shyness.

"You miss your friends now? Why don't you fly to Iowa? Two days is more than enough to rekindle with old acquaintances."

"I mean I miss the ensemble. They're fun to hang around with. I don't know much about the theatre…"

"You don't say."

"… and it feels lonely in here."

"Ouch. What a cruel blow to my ego. Darling, you're the star, it's a lonely place," he trailed. "When you made it to the top of our chaotic production, you lost them. Their perspective is biased. They will never support you the way they support Ivy."

"I'm sure they're not 'just' colleagues!" she protested feebly, aware that he was probably right. Most of them had been rooting for Ivy from the word go. Ivy was family, she wasn't.

"You're obviously free to change your mind. We don't have to stay in the same hotel. I admit it's probably more convenient for me than it is for you. You're free to leave whenever you want," he challenged her. "I won't stop you."

"Good to know," she muttered. What did he mean really? Convenient? And was she ready to trade her cosy room in a fancy hotel downtown and pass on her nights out with Derek for some fun with the ensemble? She had no idea. She waddled unconsciously.

His mouth twitched. "As for New York, we shall be back in a couple of weeks. I promise you'll forget everything about all-nighters on the train and sordid hotel rooms once we're back."

"Okay, I believe you."

"Chop-chop, hop into the shower and meet me at the coffee shop round the corner, I'm too famished to wait for you."

She smiled. The moment, her moment, was gone. No wild animal sex with Derek. She felt relieved. She cannot sleep with him, it was a bad idea. "I'll be right behind you!"

She watched him leave and padded to the bathroom. This was too close for comfort, she thought, a little woozy. She knew it was not from the lack of sleep.

Did she tell him to take care of Dev? And more importantly, how was she going to deal with this sudden attraction to the dashing director? Following her instincts could be fun but it might be a disaster for her heart and her career. Derek was probably not good for her in the long haul. The question was, does it really matter, she thought. She was looking for mindless sex not a relationship. On the other hand, Derek was not the arrogant jerk he liked to project. There was more to him than meet the eyes or else why would she be troubled?