Chapter 11
Let This Go
(One month later)
Tears streamed down Lindsay's face as she walked down the darkened streets of Tree Hill. A cold wind swept over her as she continued to walk, still unsure of where to go or what to do at this point. She felt as though her whole world was falling apart, Lindsay was still in shock from what had just happened. In a way she was happy, of course she was, but there was only one problem, James.
Lindsay continued walking down the empty street, still lost deep in thought. Though she thought it wasn't the best idea, she knew there was only one place she could go. To the one person who would make her feel better about everything, and hopefully be there for her now, when she needed him most.
Lindsay walked up to the front door; she lifted her hand to knock on the door, but stopped when she heard the sound of laughter inside. She peered through the window and saw James and Amber sitting alongside each other on the couch. The two of them were laughing, looking as if they were having the time of her life. Lindsay tensed up a bit when Amber placed her hand on James' knee. She couldn't help but feel jealous of the fact that Amber finally had him now. Defeated, Lindsay turned on her heels and walked off.
(One month later)
James sat down on the edge of his bed, holding his head in his hands. He felt as if everything was falling apart. James still couldn't believe what had happened earlier that day. Though it hurt him, he knew that it was his own fault.
James thought back to the last time he saw Lindsay, the night he'd probably ruined everything. He had had his chance again to get her back, but he ruined that once more. There was a pain in James' heart as he thought about how hurt Lindsay had looked before she had walked away, maybe even out of his life forever.
(One month earlier)
Lindsay walked up to the front door; she lifted her hand to knock on the door, but stopped when she heard the sound of laughter inside. She peered through the window and saw James and Amber sitting alongside each other on the couch. The two of them were laughing, looking as if they were having the time of her life. Lindsay tensed up a bit when Amber placed her hand on James' knee. She couldn't help but feel jealous of the fact that Amber finally had him now. Defeated, Lindsay turned on her heels and walked away.
Suddenly she stopped dead in her tracks; there was so much she wanted to say to James. In fact, she'd regretted letting him go and she'd soon realized how much she had wanted him back. If only she hadn't ruined her chances of that when she asked him to stay away from her after the last time she'd seen him. Lindsay sighed, she knew she had to at least try talking to him, even if Amber was there.
Lindsay turned back around and made her way to the porch, she hesitated for a moment before she knocked lightly on the door. After a minute James appeared at the door, the smile from his face faded as he saw Lindsay.
She could see all the pain in his eyes as he stared down at her. Still, she could see a small hint of happiness at her being there. A small smile spread across Lindsay's lips as she looked at him, "Hi," she said quietly.
"Hi," James said, still surprised. He still looked down at her, not saying anything. James had wanted to apologize to Lindsay so badly the past month, but knew she wouldn't want to see him. He still couldn't believe she was standing before him now; he wanted someone to pinch him just so he was sure that Lindsay really was there. James cleared his throat, "Um what are you doing here?" he asked as he stepped outside and shut the door.
Lindsay looked down at her feet nervously before looking back up at him, "I was hoping we could talk."
James looked at her in confusion, "Not that I'm not glad you're here Linds, but I thought you said-"
"I know what I said James," Lindsay sighed, "I was going through a lot then, just trying to get over what had happened between us. I know I asked you to stay away, but you don't know how much I wanted you to be there."
"Well I wanted you here too Lindsay, but I thought you wouldn't want to see me even if I tried." James said as he looked down at his feet.
Lindsay nodded slightly as she wrapped her arms around herself. She shivered a bit as a cold wind swept over them.
"Do you want to come inside to talk, its kind of cold out here?" James asked in concern.
Lindsay looked inside before she looked back at James, shaking her head. "No, it's fine."
James nodded slowly, not sure what else to say.
"Um, I know it's been a while since we talked, but I kind of need to talk to you about something." Lindsay said quietly.
"Okay," James said quietly as he waited for Lindsay to speak.
Lindsay looked down at her feet, "Something happened today and I just-"
Just then Amber walked out, "What's she doing here?" Amber asked coldly as she stood beside James.
James could see the pain in Lindsay's eyes as Amber came out. He knew she'd probably suspected something was going on between the two of them. "Amber why don't you go inside," James said as he looked over at her.
"I'm fine right here," Amber said as she wrapped her arm around James'.
Lindsay looked down at her feet, "Um, I should go, its getting kind of late." Lindsay said quietly.
"Lindsay-" James started to say.
"Its fine, I get it," Lindsay said sadly as she turned to leave.
James stood there for a moment, unsure of what to do. He watched Lindsay walk off and knew that he couldn't let her go that easily, not this time. Quickly letting go of Amber he rushed off after Lindsay. "Lindsay wait," James said as he grabbed her by the arm.
Lindsay looked up at him, her eyes full of tears again.
James felt a pain in his heart as he saw the sadness in her eyes. He hated seeing her hurting so much, and what was worse is it was because of him. James frowned down at Lindsay as tears streamed down her face, he reached his hand up to wipe away the tears.
Lindsay flinched a bit as he did this, but she soon let him continue to do so. She felt a shock run through her as his finger tips brushed against her cheek; just as she always did whenever he touched her.
James wiped away some of the tears from her face, he cupped her cheek lightly as he gently lifted her head so she was looking up at him. "I'm so sorry," he whispered as he kissed her lightly on the forehead.
Lindsay tensed up a bit as he kissed her; her eyes began to fill with tears again. She buried her face in James' shirt as he pulled her into his arms. Lindsay grasped James' shirt as a sob escaped her lips.
James tried to calm her down, whispering in her ear softly just like he always had before.
Lindsay took in his scent as she buried her face into his shirt again. She'd missed that smell, the smell of his aftershave mixed with his cologne. In fact, she'd missed everything about him; she couldn't help but give in as they stood there in each others arms. The fear of getting hurt again hung in the back of her mind still.
James held her close, he kissed her lightly on the head as they stood there silently.
As they pulled away, Lindsay looked back up at him. The next thing she knew his lips were crashing into hers, she stiffened a bit as he did this, but couldn't help but give in. It had felt like a lifetime since she'd felt his lips against hers. She'd stay there with him forever if she could. Suddenly, Lindsay pulled away from James' grasp. She shook her head, "I can't," she said quietly as she looked away. Though she had wanted to, she still didn't want to be vulnerable again. She couldn't get hurt again, especially not after what happened earlier that day.
"Lindsay…"James said quietly as she pulled away from him.
"I can't do this, not anymore."
"Lindsay, please." James pleaded. He grabbed her by the hand, "You don't know how much I've missed you these past few weeks. I know I ruined everything after what I did, but I would do anything to have you back."
"If it meant that much you would have at least stopped talking to Amber. That's part of the reason why everything fell apart between us, James." Lindsay sniffled, "Besides I don't want to open up my heart again, not if I'm just bound to get hurt again."
"Lindsay I wouldn't do anything to hurt you, you know that." James said defensively.
"You already did," Lindsay said quietly as she teared up again. As James stepped closer to her, Lindsay stepped back. "I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry." Lindsay said before she turned and walked off.
"Lindsay!" James yelled after her, but she continued to walk off. He sighed, feeling completely defeated. James walked back up to the porch, where Amber still stood, he took one look at her before he walked inside.
"What was that?" she asked as she followed him inside.
James stopped walking and turned to her, "I think you should go, Amber." He said flatly.
"What?" Amber asked in confusion.
James shook his head as he looked down at the floor, "I don't even know why I let you in again Amber. I was just fine until you came back into my life."
"James, I'm only trying-" Amber began to say.
"What, trying to be there for me? You know that's not the reason, you just wanted to see Lindsay get hurt after what happened between us." James' hands soon balled up into fists as the anger built up inside of him, "I don't want anything to do with you anymore Amber."
Amber looked up at him in defeat; she grabbed her coat to leave before she turned around to face him again. "Can you blame me for trying? I loved you James, do you even know how it feels for someone not to love you back?" Amber asked a bit harshly.
"Yeah I do now, thanks to you. Lindsay doesn't want anything to do with me because of you." James said with hatred in his voice. "Besides, I don't even know if I should believe what comes out of your mouth Amber. Last time I checked you didn't hesitate to sleep with another guy after we broke up." James shook his head, "There wasn't a chance for us the first time around and I can assure you there wasn't any chance now."
Amber glared at him before she opened the door and stormed out, the door slamming shut behind her.
James sighed as he sat down on the couch, he ran his fingers through his hair as he thought back to what had happened only minutes ago between him and Lindsay. He had hoped that he could have had one more chance to win her back, but he'd lost his chance once more.
James sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair. Everything was falling apart now, and he had no idea what to do. He thought back to what had happened earlier that day when he had went to try and talk to Lindsay again.
James walked up to Mandy and Jacob's house, he knocked lightly on the door. After a moment Mandy answered the door, a smile spread across her lips as she opened the door. "Hey James," she said brightly.
"Hi Mandy. Um is Lindsay here?" he asked nervously.
"Lindsay? She hasn't been here for months." Mandy said.
"What? I thought she was staying with you." James said in confusion.
Mandy shook her head, "She went to stay with her sister a few months ago."
"Oh," James said quietly. "Well I should go, thanks Mandy." He said before he turned to leave.
"Bye James," Mandy said as she watched him walk off.
Walking up to the door, James hesitated for a moment. He knocked on the door and waited nervously for someone to come. After no one came he turned to leave, just then Lindsay's sister, Hannah, opened the door. "James?" she asked as she saw him walking down the steps.
James turned around, and walked back up to the porch.
"Hey," Hannah said with a smile spread across her lips as she walked over and hugged James. "I haven't seen you in forever." She said.
"Yeah, how've you been?" he asked.
She laughed lightly, "Just a bit busy with the kids."
"I can see that," James said as he heard a crash inside.
"Gosh, I should get back inside. Did you need anything?" she asked.
"I was just wondering if I could talk to Lindsay." James said.
"Lindsay? She left a few weeks ago." Hannah said as her face dropped slightly.
"What? Where'd she go?" James asked.
Hannah shrugged, "I have no clue. She just said she didn't want to be a bother to anyone anymore. So she just left, took the first train she could get out of here."
James stood there in shock, "Oh." He said quietly.
"I'm sorry James; I thought someone had told you." Hannah said quietly.
James shook his head, "I should go." He said, still in shock.
Hannah nodded, "I'll see you soon?"
James nodded before he turned to leave.
"Bye James," Hannah called after him before she walked back inside her house.
James still couldn't believe that she was gone. It had been a few days since he'd found out, but he still was in shock. He didn't think Lindsay would ever do anything like that, but then again he hadn't made things any easier for her that night. James had had so many chances to get her back and God knows if he'd ever see her again now.
James stood up and walked over to his nightstand. He pulled open the drawer, revealing a photo of him and Lindsay inside. He took it out and looked down at it; a small smile appeared on his face. James had missed times like that when the two of them were actually happy. He swallowed hard as a lump grew in his throat, he couldn't help but think that he'd never see Lindsay again. He had no idea where she was and if there was any way he could find her. James felt his heart break at thought that maybe he'd even lost her forever.