GUYS I'M BACK! COLLEGE IS OVER!

By the way, the great winner is... "ALI'S GUIDE TO THE ART OF LOVE"! You guys have no idea what you're waiting for, LOL

Well, I've got two questions from guests here:

Q1. Why do you think Alison has been raped even if she got pregnant by her husband? Because Alison did not consent to sex with Archer Dunhill. Also, she's been emotionally abused since she met him from day one. He knew she was lonely and needed someone - that was her weakness. So, Archer played along and manipulated her into the relationship.

Q2. But it's just a TV show! I'm not gonna engage you any further. If you believe TV shows exist in a separate world, you live in a beautiful bubble. If you want to know more about it, just read Edgar Morin's theory on mass culture.

Enough talking! Read!

"Hanna, where is she?" Emily paced around the room for the eleventh time, "Her bus isn't supposed to take that long."

Today was the first day Alison went on a solo mission and Emily couldn't help but feel worried. What if Alison had got lost? What if something happened to her? What if Elliott… no, she's not allowed to think of that.

"Emily, this is not a big deal. She's probably stuck in traffic or something."

"Maybe you should call her and have her stay where she is until Mona picks her up."

"I would, but Mona doesn't know when she's leaving the office," Hanna sighed, "Em, Ali is a big girl and she's gonna be okay."

"She doesn't know the city."

"She will figure it out and she has her phone. Come on, chill out!"

"You're right," Emily finally sat on the couch, "Alison is probably fine."

"Yes, she is," Hanna sat beside her, "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"What do you feel about her?"

Emily swallows hard before answering, "I… I don't know. When I'm with Alison, I feel like everything is perfect and I haven't felt like this since a long time ago."

"Since Maya?" Hanna asks delicately and Emily nods, "Does Ali know about her?"

"Not really."

"You should tell her."

Emily twirled her fingers, "I don't want to scare her."

Hanna places a hand over Emily's, "She deserves to know, Emily."

They heard the sound of rustling keys and stopped the conversation. One minute later, Alison walked into the apartment, her hair wet and messy from the rain, "Hey guys!"

Emily sprinted and wrapped her arms around Ali's humid figure. The blonde shot Hanna a confused look but hugged Emily back. Coming home would be a very precious thing if Emily received her with one of those hugs. Or kisses, for that matter, but it's not like they have talked about it.

Alison doesn't mind coming home to Emily.

"So, neither your parents or your ex-husband have tried to contact you?" Emily asked as she lied with Alison side by side. It wasn't uncommon for them to gather up in Ali's room after dinner. In fact, they spent many nights like this: side by side, sometimes kissing, sometimes just cuddling. They would talk about pretty much everything except their funny relationship. It wasn't that Emily didn't want to talk about it; she just wanted to take it slow so Alison could be absolutely sure that this was what she wanted.

Alison scooted closer and placed her head on Emily's chest, just like she did every time she wanted to be comforted, "No, they haven't. I don't know if this is good or not."

"It means that you're safe now."

"Or that they're just waiting for the right time to strike."

"Not under my watch," Emily wrapped her arm around the blonde protectively, "You're safe with me, Ali," She promised, maybe more to herself than to the woman in her arms.

"I feel safe when I'm with you," There were times like these when it was painfully hard for Emily to hold back. And she doesn't this time, as she pulls Alison by the neck and kisses her. Ali pushes back against her as eagerly as she is, hands cupping her cheeks, making Emily lose control. She rolls Ali onto her back and straddles her.

But Ali is scared at the sudden flip and pushes her away, only to regret it immediately after Emily leaves her lips.

"I'm sorry," Emily sat back on her heels, "I got too carried away."

"It's okay," Ali sighs, "I shouldn't have pushed you like that."

"Hey," Emily cupped her face to let her know that it was okay, "I don't care that you pushed me away. I want you to let me know if I do something you're uncomfortable with."

"I wish I wasn't like this," Ali bit her bottom lip, "I want you to touch me, Em, but I'm so scared sometimes."

"Ali, there's no rush in this. Your well-being is more important than thirty minutes of pleasure.

The blonde smiled, remembering why she felt safe with Emily in the first place. The woman on top of her would never force her to do anything she didn't want to.

"You can be on top if that makes you more comfortable about it," Emily suggested.

"O-On top?" Alison blushes at the thought, "I-I w-wouldn't know what to do."

"You've never been on top?" The brunette gently asked, to which Ali shook her head, "I think it would be better for you because you'd have more control of our actions. Do you want to try?"

Alison was scared, she really was. But Emily made her feel brave at the same time.

"Yes."

Emily flipped them around slower, giving Ali time to adjust her body position. Alison straddled her, her knees placed on each side of Emily's hip, and the coach drew her in for a kiss. Ali kissed her back a little clumsily, tugging at the sheets beside Emily's head. Alison has never been on top; she didn't know what she should do with her hands or if she should just let Emily guide her through this. However, it did feel good not being pressed against a surface while still being connected to Emily. That's why Ali shivers when the brunette trails her spine.

There is a soft heat between her legs and Alison doesn't know how to extinguish. She yearns for Emily in a way she's never yearned for anybody. Yet, when she rocks her hips (involuntarily) against Emily's stomach, it does nothing to satisfy her appetite – instead, it only makes her hungrier. Emily's tongue danced inside her mouth and she moaned. However, before she could be embarrassed about her noises, Emily grabbed her ass and she gasped. Her hips moved again, searching for friction she didn't even know she needed.

"Feeling better?"

"I think so," They slow down a bit so they can kiss and Ali can rest her head back on Emily's shoulder, yawning softly before she falls asleep.

Alison woke up to the sheets ruffling and to the warmth of the mattress. It was soft, but it lacked something. There was linen beneath her fingertips, not Emily's skin. So Alison opened her eyes.

Emily was tossing and turning, sweating hard as she mumbled incoherent words. Alison strained her eyes and tried to identify the words coming from Emily's mouth.

"No… No… Maya!"

That was the same name Emily called when she had a nightmare during that school camp. When Alison had asked, Emily said she didn't want to talk about her. But Ali knows Maya was important to Emily – she still is, considering Emily calls her name during the night. Alison wonders what happened between them and suddenly finds herself being jealous of a woman she doesn't even know. Emily was so sweet to her, but it was as if a part of her will always be held by this Maya and Alison is not sure of how she feels about it.

Emily tosses and turns again, screaming Maya's name louder. Alison popped up on her elbows and shook her gently.

"Em, wake up! It's Alison. You're safe!"

"No! No! I gotta save her!"

Alison wraps her arms around Emily from behind, trying to constrict her movements.

"Em, you're here with me," She pressed a bold kiss below Emily's ear, "You're safe."

"Ali..." Emily whispered as she stilled in the blonde's arms, desperately pressing them against her chest.

"I'm here, baby," Alison mumbled against her hair as Emily's breaths slowed until they were peaceful again.

On the next day, Alison ambushed Emily when the brunette was leaving for lunch.

"Ali, what are you doing here?"

"I need to talk to you about what happened," Alison spoke categorically, leaving no room for Emily to leave.

"I had a nightmare, that's all," Emily shrugged.

"I know," Ali sighed in annoyance, "You were screaming her name."

Emily flinched.

"I don't wanna talk about it."

"Em, it's the second time you say her name when you're having a nightmare," Alison pointed out and Emily huffed, knowing she had no escape.

"Let's talk about it over lunch."

Alison brought up the subject again once they were sitting in a restaurant with food on their plates. To be honest, Ali couldn't care less about what she was having. She just wanted to get this story clear. Emily, on the other hand, was very focused on her food.

"Emily, who is Maya?"

The brunette visibly swallowed hard and took a sip of her water, postponing her answer.

"Maya was… someone very important to me."

That Ali knew. She had seen their pictures in Emily's Facebook account after all.

"Was she your girlfriend?"

"Fianceé," Emily corrected, "She was my fianceé."

"Oh," Alison nodded in understanding. So Emily had a fianceé? She wouldn't have guessed it. But why didn't Emily mention her? Ali had to find out, "Did you two break up?"

"She died in a car accident two years ago."

Cold. That's how Alison felt after hearing those words. She couldn't bear the pain, the bitterness in Emily's eyes. She didn't think she could save her.

"W-What happened?!"

"Maya was a musician. She used to play in a jazz band and I would drive her to their every show. She was very good at it," Emily recalled with a sad smile, "They had played in Austin that night. Maya had wanted to stay there for the night, but I insisted that we had to leave. That had been a rough week and all I wanted was to be home. I wish I hadn't."

Emily laughed darkly before she continued, "The road was dark and I was tired. We were arguing. Maya was complaining that I shouldn't have been a bitch about wanting to go home in front of her friends. I yelled back, saying that she didn't understand the sacrifices I made for her and then I-"

She choked on the tears and Alison reached out, brushing her knuckles with her thumb and giving Emily the strength to continue.

"I heard a scream," Emily let the tears stream down her face, "I heard a scream, there was a blinding light and suddenly everything was black. When I woke up, there was blood on my face and I couldn't move my shoulder. I saw the paramedics touching her and I begged them to stop. I wanted to see her face. The scent of blood was overwhelming. Our blood. I think I panicked because one of the doctors gave me an injection and I blacked out. When I woke up in the hospital, Hanna was there with me. She told me that Maya was dead."

"According to Hanna, a drunken driver lost control of his car and crashed into mine right on Maya's side. I hadn't seen that. I should've seen that. If I did, maybe I could've done something. Maybe Maya wouldn't have died. If I had stayed in Austin, she would be alive. I wish I had listened to her!"

"Emily, this is not your fault!" Alison squeezed her hand, "It was an accident!"

"It was my fault, Ali!" Emily raised her voice and pulled her hand away, "I should have saved her! I should have protected her! But I failed and now she's dead!"

Before Alison could react, Emily got up and left.

Emily didn't come back home at night. Alison paced around her room, thinking of things that might have driven her away. Had she pressed too much? Wasn't Emily ready to talk about it? All she knew was that Emily wasn't there and Alison couldn't shake the feeling that Emily was in danger somewhere and that was all her fault.

Hanna and Mona were apparently calm on the outside, but Alison thinks it's just so they won't make her more nervous. Mona brewed tea for her and Hanna promised she'd give her a day off tomorrow, but none of those were enough to soothe her. Alison needed Emily.

And then she heard something stumbling onto Hanna's wooden floor. Someone giggled.

"Emily, where were you?!" Ali heard Hanna's alarmed voice, "Do you know what time is it?!"

"It's getting c-close," Emily slurred.

"What is she talking about?!" Mona wondered out loud.

"The anniversary o-of her d-death. I-It's coming!"

"Emily, it's time for you to go to sleep."

"I'm a murderer, Hanna. I'm a murderer!"

"And you need sleep," Mona replied and there was a thump on the couch. Emily had probably fallen (literally) asleep, which means she was home. She was safe.

Well, Alison had her doubts about that. What happened just proved one thing to her: Maya still held a part of Emily's heart – a part Alison could never reach.

Alison didn't talk to Emily for a week. Well, she tried to, actually, but the coach was ignoring her. She was sure she had hit a spot that Emily didn't want to talk about. But she couldn't lie: she was hurt. Emily seemed so unreachable now and Alison was afraid that she could never be enough to the brunette. What if Emily had mistaken friendship with… whatever she and Emily were? Alison didn't want to confuse her any longer.

If Hanna noticed Alison had been strange all week she didn't say a word about it – neither did Mona. But Alison also noticed that Emily was avoiding them as well. Whatever happened between them that night, it certainly became bigger than Alison had expected. The only one who brought up the subject was Aria, who asked about it after she gave Alison a ride back to Hanna's house.

"Have you been talking to Emily?"

Alison shook her head, "She hasn't been talking to anyone."

"I've noticed," Aria replied as she turned the wheel, "What happened?"

"I made Emily talk to me about Maya," Alison confessed, "She left and only came back late into the night. I think she was drunk by then. She's been avoiding us ever since."

"Tomorrow is the anniversary of Maya's death," Aria told, "Emily always acts strange when the date approaches."

"What will she do tomorrow?"

"She's going to visit Maya's grave and she often comes back drunk after this. I mean, really drunk. Hanna gets really worried about this, thinking Emily will someday drink herself to death, but Emily has never let anyone join her in that day."

Alison flinched at the thought of Emily drinking alone, putting herself in danger. What if she drank too much? What if someone attacked her there? What if Emily decided never to come back home?

"Is there any way we could help her?"

"She obviously needed therapy," Aria commented, "Mrs. Fields and we have tried to make her see someone, but Emily refuses. She says she doesn't want to deal with the pain. Then, Mrs. Fields told her to go back to Rosewood and I believe she was doing better when she met you."

"But she came back because of me. She's suffering because of me now!"

"Don't blame yourself, Ali," Aria looked at her sympathetically, "Emily may have reacted the same way even if she stayed in Rosewood. Honestly, she's kind of unpredictable this time of the year. And I think you were helping her."

"I don't think so. Emily still dreams about Maya," Alison sighed, "And Maya still holds a place in Emily's heart."

"She always will, Ali. But that doesn't mean Emily can't fall in love."

The blonde snapped an eyebrow, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"We can see it in your eye," Aria explained, "How you look at her, how she looks at you. You two have feelings for each other."

"Aria," Ali took a deep breath, "I am not enough to replace Maya!"

"You're not going to replace her, Ali. You and Maya are different people and Emily knows that. But that doesn't mean that Emily can't love you. Actually, I think Emily began to believe in love again after she met and that is something. Don't let it go, please. Just talk to her."

"You said she wants to be alone tomorrow," Alison pointed out.

"That doesn't mean she doesn't want you to be around. Just go to her. If she pushes you away, give her space. She'll come back to you, Ali," Aria replied.

"I don't have the address."

"I can drive you."

Alison knew she probably didn't have a shot with Emily anymore, but that tiny gleam of hope Aria had just shown her was enough to make her agree to go. She owed Emily, after all. She had to at least try to help Emily as well. That's when she decided to go after Emily tomorrow.

"Okay."

As promised, Aria dropped her on the cemetery on the following day and Alison had to find her way past graves and withering flowers. After a few minutes of walking, she heard the sobs – drunk, messy sobs. She followed the sound. It didn't take long for Alison to spot Emily sat by a grave – Maya's, she assumed – with a bottle of whiskey in hands and a red coat slung over her shoulders. Ali's red coat.

"What are you doing here?" Emily asked once she noticed Ali's arrival.

"Aria drove me here," Alison said, "She told me you spend today alone and drinking."

"I do."

"Do you want me to leave?"

Emily tightened the coat around her and swallowed, "Stay."

Alison nodded quietly and sat beside her. Emily's face was swollen with crying and she smelled like alcohol. That's why Ali snatched the whiskey when Emily tried to take yet another sip.

"Hey!" She complained.

"You've drunk enough, Emily!"

"No, I need to-"

"What you need now is a friend," Ali cut her, "And that's what I'm trying to be."

Emily allowed Alison take the bottle and looked away in shame.

"What are you thinking?" Ali asked softly

"Her smile," Emily snorted, "The fight, the crash, the scent of blood... Everything."

"It wasn't your fault, Em."

"I should've listened to her. I should've stayed in Austin that night."

"You didn't know what was going to happen."

"I shouldn't have fought her," Emily closed her eyes and cried, "God, if I could go back, things would've been so different!"

"Hey," Alison pulled the brunette to her lap and Emily crashed down on top of her thighs, "I think… No, I'm sure that Maya doesn't hate you. She loved you, Emily. And I bet she still does wherever she is now."

"Would Maya go to your Heaven?"

The question took Alison by surprise. To be honest, there had been so much going on in her life that she kind of tossed her faith aside a little. She still prays every day, of course, after she wakes and late into the night, usually before she and Emily hang out on her bed. Her religion is not a blinding light anymore. It's still there – albeit a faint presence – but it's not the main part of her life anymore. Alison actually missed going to church, but she would never go to a place that bashes on gay people. It would be hypocrite of her and she feels strongly that people should love whoever they want now. But Alison is sure that God is different. God – at least the one she believes in – accepts all kinds of love.

"I don't think Maya would want to go to the Heaven I believed in," Alison replied with brutal honesty, "But now I believe that Heaven is a place where all the good souls go, regardless of who they love. And I believe that Maya was a very good soul that brought all kinds of happiness to you, Emily, and to everyone she met. That's why I'm sure she's in a good, peaceful place, watching us from above."

Emily smiled at last.

"She would have liked you, Ali," Emily turned on her back so she could stare up into Ali's blue eyes. God, they looked like heaven. Emily wondered if Alison wasn't some kind of angel waiting to save her because she was so perfect in her words.

Alison chuckled, "I don't think so, Em. I would still like you and she would've been jealous. Not a great way to make an impression."

Emily lifted her hand to cradle Ali's face, "She likes you. I can feel it."

Ali shook her head and blushed, "You drank too much whiskey."

"I don't think you know that you make me better every day."

"You're the one who saved me, Em."

"You saved me first, Ali," Emily brushed her cheek, "That day when I fell out of my bike, I was so useless I couldn't save myself. And then you showed up, just like an angel fell from the sky."

Alison colored deeply and Emily continued, oblivious to that.

"Then you gave me your red coat and, God, Ali, I slept with it every time I had a nightmare!"

Alison gagged. So that's why Emily had brought along her red coat. Apparently, it made her feel safe. Alison made her feel safe. The realization made the blonde's heart jump inside her chest.

"Oh my God, I probably said something stupid, didn't I?"

"No, no," Ali placed her hand over Emily's, "I just want you to be sure that I'm the one you want to catch you when you fall. It's just… I'm such a mess, Em!"

"Then we can be a mess together," Emily grabbed Alison by the neck and kissed her, feeling complete for the first time in years.