Silver Plume

Faerie Endless Gaidan II: The Shimmering Forest opens in unusual fashion: the eponymous woodland is already under siege from the forces of Calofisteri, queen of the Unseelie court (usually you suffer an extended tutorial before anything good happens). As Faerieland falls, the Seelie queen Melusine sends the young fae paladin Rel on a quest to retrieve the five sacred seeds enshrined throughout the forest. The sacred seeds nourish the lifeblood of the trees, which in turn nourish the faeries and the other woodland creatures—basically, if Calofisteri gets hold of them, real bad shit happens.

Rel embarks for the first seed temple near the Great River, alongside her best friend Lu and her perennial frenemy/rival/chief romantic prospect (at least according to the fandom) Jolly. One grueling dungeon crawl later, the trio reach the inner sanctum, where they fight the everlasting protector of the sacred seed: Sylph! Newbies usually struggle with Sylph and her Silence+++ spell that makes Jolly incapable of casting Firebrand, but if you open with Lu's Arcane Barrier it's prestochango easypeaze. Of course, it turns out Calofisteri has been waiting for you to dispatch Sylph the whole time so she could steal the sacred seed for herself. (The game never explains why Calofisteri, who is like fifty levels higher than Sylph, needs Rel and friends to finish her.) Calofisteri then disposes of our intrepid heroes by teleporting them to the Hell dimension.

In Hell, hope seems lost. Jolly and Rel get into a big fight and Jolly flies off in a huff. Lu tries to reassure Rel that things will be okay, but Arch Hellgod Beelzebub arrives and devours Lu in a single gulp. Rel, who has no chance against Beelzebub, flees. Next comes the hardest segment in the whole game. Your party consists only of Rel as you wander through the bowels of Hell, beset by dangerous Succubus and Heretic enemies. It's worse if you don't know what you're doing, but Z. had memorized the exact route to find Jolly—

"Anyone ever see Alive, starring Ethan Hawke." Kiki spoke from an ethereal outer plane, perhaps the Hell dimension, her words divorced and incomprehensible.

Jolly rejoins the party, her typical bitchiness abated once she learns Lu's fate at the grubby claws of Beelzebub. Jolly's NegaFlame Aegis+ absorbs most hellspawn attacks, so random encounters thereafter are no problemo. After swiping the swaggest loot in lower-tier Hell, Rel and Jolly confront Beelzebub upon his throne of skulls. Quality repartee ensues as Beelzebub taunts the duo about Lu's delectable taste, then the battle begins. Far more complicated than the Sylph fight—

The lights went out. Z. looked up (her Gameboy's backlight broken since her brother spiked it into the floor) and wondered who put out the sun. Only the jeep's headlights and Max's cellphone illuminated the void.

"When'd it get night?"

"Tunnel, idiot," said Cal.

"Tunnel." She saved the game on muscle memory, leaned over Max, and pressed her face to the window only to remember it was a plastic sheet so even if she could see she couldn't see. "Underground? Under a MOUNTAIN?"

"Yes, Z.," said Max.

"We're returning to the mothership," said Kiki. "Sorry Z., but we're aliens. Brace for anal probing."

They had tunnels that went under whole mountains? Ginormous ones too! She leaned between the front seats in case getting closer to the window would extend her vision, but it didn't and Cal placed a fingerless glove-palm to her forehead and pushed her back. She turned and tried to look behind them and surprisingly two round lights greeted her. They formed a cone on the road.

The tunnel disappeared around them and the full bask of daylight blotted her sight. She blinked and her vision adjusted as the car behind them burst out the tunnel too, and it was a red car.

A red sports car.

"Oh," she said. "Oh fuck."

"Don't worry," said Kiki, "We won't consume your brains until after the vivisection—Eh, what's that?"

Z. sank in her seat until only her eyes peeked over the headrest. It had to be—how many red sports cars were trekking westbound from Denver?

"What," said Cal.

"Maximillion." Z. forgot his last name. After nobody panicked, she added: "He's behind us."

"So?"

"So?!" So! "He left before us, he should be ahead of us, why is he following us now?!"

"Exclamation marks, Z." Max twisted a finger in his ear.

"Let me think," said Cal. "Could it be that he stopped for gasoline or food at any of the innumerable mountain towns we've passed thus far? Lunacy. More likely he's a psychotic serial killer."

"You're right," said Kiki. "Ever see The Hitcher starring Sean Bean."

"Sean Bean is not a real person you stupid IDIOT!" said Z. "Don't act like you don't think it's weird, Kiki. Because it's weird!"

"You're being shrill, Z." Max tapped his phone. "I think he's a—"

"Look, Cal. There's an easy way to test your theory. Let's pull over a second, let Maximillion pass, and get back on the road."

"We're already late."

"Pulling over five seconds won't change whether we see Malkwon's stupid concert!"

"I refuse to feed into your stoner paranoia."

Z. slammed her head against the amp perched beside her and groaned, she looked to Max as if to say can you believe this bozo, but Max looked back like he couldn't believe her.

"Kiki, back me up here," said Z.

"Meh."

Unbelievable, simply unbelievable, who were these people, where did they come from, what realm did they inhabit to not find it freaky that Maximillion "Creepiest Guy Award" Forgotten Last Name (checked his card—Ackerman) tailed them in his bright red douchemobile, especially when Z. knew Kiki did find it creepy even though she concealed it with a clay mask of apathy because when she first saw the car she used a real question mark a telltale lifting of inflection to denote INTEREST—or—or CONCERN—who cares what word—Kiki cared and to act like she didn't—?! And Max! Wanted to go with him! With Maximillion! Asked for him to take him. Because of a sweatshirt?! Because of a connection with Hussie? The disdain in his stare envenomed her. An illness tumbled in her gut. Exclamation marks, Z. You're being shrill, Z. Did other people exist? Or were they mere automatons programmed to confound her, the sole real human?

"Just..." She gulped for air. "Pull over, Cal. Five seconds tops."

"It might not even be the same car."

"Five seconds... Five."

Cal's hands wrung the steering wheel, a loud breath expelled in a gradual hiss. His fist slammed the knob on the radio that had become such a persistent drone that the sudden absence jolted her.

He pulled onto the side of the road. Maximillion zoomed past. He zipped around a corner and disappeared. "Wow," said Cal.

"Amazing," said Kiki.

They continued.