Author Note: Thanks goes to thunderyoshi for the wonderful review. Thanks also goes to Therjj, animefairy299 and KirikaAndo for becoming followers to this story. I apologize for the delay in update. I was really sick and now that I'm all better, my first thought was to get another chapter out for all of you wonderful readers.

Chapter 11:

Shinji

With her closeness, it was making it really hard to concentrate on anything else. She made me forget why I stayed away from her so long, which was something that couldn't happen. I needed to remember why and the reason why she'd never be fully mine, because the second she learned the truth about how her family died...she'd leave.

The flames flickered against the color of her eyes, expressing her vulnerability to me. She was opening up to me and all I could do was stare at her. Her hand reached out to touch the skin of my cheek, taking in her bottom lips. "Shinji..."

"You don't need to say anything. I've learned that things happen when they are meant to."

Irina dropped her hand to rest it upon her lap. Her emotions quickly became unreadable, as if she was turning away from me. I knew that I should have said something more; but nothing was going to change the facts. We couldn't be anything more than Captain and subordinate. I would only hurt her in the end.

Standing up from the ground, I began to walk in the direction of Arisa outside the cave. Turning back only once, I could see her hold onto my coat for dear life and fall to the ground. She used her arm as a pillow as her eyes stared into the flickering flames. Closing my eyes, I walked the rest of the way out of the cave.

"You are relieved, Arisa." I stated.

She turned to look at me with her soft brown eyes. A protective glimmer radiated off them just as I took a step closer to her. She obviously had heard some of what happened between Irina and I. It didn't really come as too much of a surprise considering how close they seemed to have become over the last week. "You care about her...so I don't understand why would do that..." She stated clenching her hand on the fabric of her uniform.

"It's complicated and not really any of your business."

"It most certainly is my business!" Arisa said defensively.

"I'm not going to argue with you. Just do what you are told and go inside...now."

Her eyes furrowed harshly. I could tell she was upset with me; but she did flee from her spot to return to the cave. Sitting down alone, my mind replayed the kiss over and over again. I didn't know when Irina became someone so important. She just was and there was no way I was going to drag her down into the darkness that dwelled within me. She was better than that and deserved so much more.

Irina

Hearing footsteps come back inside the cave, my heart pounded against my chest in hopes that it was Shinji; but when I sat up and saw that it was Arisa, my heart dropped...returning to its normal pace. She sat down next to me, taking my hand into her own. "He's so complicated." She stated pulling her legs up against her chest.

"It's fine. Maybe it's best this way...he is after all our Captain."

"That shouldn't matter. Emotions are what matter."

"Sometimes it's not enough..."

Arisa opened her mouth to protest. The words never came out. She knew on some level that I was right. I was a prime example. I grew up never knowing my parents. They left me in the Rukon to be raised by people that felt sorry. Emotions played a big part of that. Did they feel guilty of leaving me or did they never care at all?

During the night, I awoke to find Arisa asleep on the ground next to me and the fire just a slow burning ember. My body felt stiff but otherwise pretty healed. Arisa must have done some healing while I was asleep. A smile crept to my lips as I stood up. Taking my first steps towards the entrance of the cave, a sudden feeling of dread washed over me. That's when I felt it...Shinji's spiritual pressure.

Outside of the cave, he was nowhere to be seen. His spiritual pressure was all over the place. My hand instinctively went straight to the hilt of my zanpakuto. Closing my eyes, I concentrated as his energy. It was entwined with several hollow ones and when I finally located his strand, I didn't waste any time getting to him.

His long blonde hair shifted with every swing of his sword. Though I wondered why he didn't release his Shikai with so many surrounding him. He swung again, slicing through the center of the head. It's body started to disintegrate. I could tell he was beginning to tire. Panting for breath was a sure indication of that.

"Tell us where the girl is, soul reaper." One asked with a snarl of his oversized jaw.

"Go to hell..." Shinji snapped.

"Then you will die along with her." Another stated closing in on him.

I pulled Eakattā free from her sheath. The hollows wanted me so that was exactly what they were going to get. Slipping in unnoticed, I swung my blade to sever the head of a single hollow before landing on my feet in front of my Captain. "Foolish woman, just for that we will make your death extremely painful."

"Oh please, spare me your pointless threats."

A shiver ran up my spine knowing Shinji's eyes were on me. I turned my head slightly to meet his gaze. Blood trickled down from his forehead, dripping into his eye. He wanted to argue my presence being there that much I could tell; however, I think he knew that I wasn't going to listen. Tightening my grip on Eakattā, I twisted my body up into the air before coming down upon another unsuspecting hollow blocking my path.

A clawed hand nearly connected with my ribs had it not been for Shinji's interference. His blade cut the limb right off the body, giving me the opening to end its life completely. One after another lost the pointless effort in killing me. Once the last one faded away, I stood in front of my Captain, ready to hear the punishment I would no doubt receive.

"What the hell were you thinking?" He asked wiping away the blood on his face.

"I wasn't about to let you fight them alone. They were after me, not you."

"That was reckless and beyond foolish. You could have gotten yourself killed."

I took several steps in his direction. My heart pounded on the inside and it took everything I had not to kiss him. He was treating me like a child that constantly needed protection and that was far from being the truth. "Would that even matter to you? I did what I felt was right?" I said just before I walked out around him to return to the cave Arisa rested in.

"Irina..." He called after me.

Ignoring it, I continued on towards the cave only to find Shinji standing outside of it with his arms crossed over his chest. Irritation clearly written on his face. He blocked my entrance and I had no choice but to look at him again. His amber eyes locked with mine, causing my body to react as if he was touching me. My mind immediately went back to his lips upon mine and how it sparked a fire deep within me. "Let me inside, please." I said hoping he's just step aside.

"It would matter to me if you got killed." He admitted refusing to step aside and grant my entrance.

"I understand that; but I'm a soul reaper. It's my job to fight the hollows and protect my Captain; so will you please stop treating me like this fragile thing that can't fight her own battles."

"Irina.."

"Don't...you've said what you needed to earlier."

In a matter of seconds, he was inches away from my face. His warm breath tickling the skin of my cheek, keeping me frozen in place. He had made it pretty clear that we weren't going to be anything more that what we were now. "You aren't fragile. You are strong willed and are willing to fight for those you care for. There is nothing more powerful that that."

"Shinji..."

"I'm bad for you, Irina..."

His words caught me completely off guard. I didn't understand why he thought he was bad for me. As far as I knew, he had done nothing to hurt me; but the way he was looking at me, he believed that he did. "Don't say that. How could you be bad if you're the one who saved me all those years ago."

I reached out to him, placing my hand on his face. A gesture I was all too familiar with at this point. He took my hand and pulled it away from his cheek, though he didn't let go of it nor did he push me away. We stood staring at each other for what seemed like an eternity. "There are things you don't know about that night." He said in a hushed whisper that seemed like it pained him to even say aloud.

"I was there Shinji. I lived that hellish nightmare. What is there that I don't know?"

At this point, he was starting to scare me with the lowering of his voice. He was purposely doing it so Arisa would hear nothing, which scared me even more. His beautiful eyes held such regret. It got me thinking. Did he blame himself for what happened to my family? There was no other explanation for what I was currently seeing displayed on his face. "I was so young and stupid...drunk with power fresh off my promotion to Captain..."

"You blame yourself for my family, don't you?"

"If you knew the extent, you'd blame me to."

"My god! That was fifty years ago...way too long to hold onto that much guilt."

After the words left my mouth, he instantly let go of my hand and took several steps away from me. The long locks of his hair hide his expression from my sight and all I wanted to do was reach for him once more; but I knew he wasn't going to let that happen. "I let them die. My unit wanted me to signal for the attack and I did nothing...I froze upon seeing such a calculated massacre up close like that."

"Shinji...you did nothing wrong. Everyone freezes up. I have...Arisa has...we all have one time or another. You can't blame yourself for that one mistake."

"It is not okay!" He yelled.

I swallowed hard. I didn't know what else to tell him for him to belive that really was okay. That I didn't blame him for what happened. He saved me and others in the village. That night might have been a nightmare; but he gave me the opportunity to do what I never had the courage to do before. "Go wake Arisa, we are leaving for home shortly." He ordered.

"Okay..."

Walking passed him, a single tear rolled down my cheek. What he told me did hurt; but being angry at him wouldn't bring them back...nothing would. My ever growing feelings for him also dulled the anger that I would have no doubt felt if he meant nothing to me. I knew that things were going to be even more tense than they were before. He was going to avoid me at all costs, even send me away to a different squad. "Don't think things like that." Eakattā's voice echoed inside my head.

"You know you thought it to, don't lie." I argued.

Entering the cave, Arisa was already awake folding our Captain's haori that I had left behind. She looked up at me and her eyes widened in shock. "What happened? You've been crying." She asked frantically.

"It's nothing. Captain wanted me to come get you. We are going home." I said doing my best to hide the hurt I was currently feeling.

"Irina...tell me what's wrong."

"When we get home, I'll explain it all to you. I promise..."