TRAUM.

chapter ten!

In before reviewers, teehee.

After returning the clothes to where I'd found them, taking care to make it look like they'd simply been blown out of their pins on the line, I met the prospect of shifting with great hesitation.

What if I couldn't block the others out? I found myself wanting to somehow get in touch with Instinct. Reassurance calmed me. A promise from within.

I closed my eyes and focused on that constant undercurrent of anger, of instability. Of course it was easy to find, what with my sudden longing for Natanael again.

On four feet I ran, running solo both physically and mentally. My wrists had hurt yesterday evening, I'd had a desire to go this way. Surely it was a sign? I hoped it was.

I was speed, I was faster than the winds that blew, faster than anything I'd ever seen in my life. Except, maybe, for leeches, who I considered equal to myself in speed, but not for anything else. Except for creepiness, of course. I'm not as creepy as a vampire, nor am I as heartless, soulless, or bloodless. But that goes without saying.

Finally, after ages of running, I came to a stop in God-knows-where, breathing hard with exertion. The afternoon sun shown through the trees, the damp earth soft beneath my paws. I sat, unsure of my spur-of-the-moment mission. A foreign anxiety danced in my stomach.

I realized something.

I had an anchor.

Something was tying me to where I had left. Dammit! I wanted to go... home. That place was now home to me? Home was wherever I ended up sleeping, be it in the shadow of a tree or in that of an alleyway. Never, ever a set place. Not since Father and Mother were killed. Not since those leeches took them from my brother and me, not since I'd been shielded.

I growled my annoyance, as if the strange urge to turn around and return h-back to where I'd come from was something I could scare off by fluffing up my fur and exposing my teeth. Everything felt wrong. Looked wrong, smelled wrong.

A shudder ran through me, nausea making my stomach lurch to my throat. I denied the remains of the sandwich exit, since I'd rather not puke up five bucks. Five bucks I'd lifted off of someone walking down the street. I did what I had to do. I always did.

A crow flew above, haste evident in its jerky, swift flight. Nata had always swore by crows, said they knew more than us. I'd always teased him for it, but now I wasn't so sure that we were the more evolved beast. You're being paranoid!

Was I?

No! I wasn't! I spun around and took off as a scent, repugnant and sickly sweet, wafted toward me, mixed with something metallic and... something very, very familiar.

I stopped, against my better judgment. Nata!

The smell came from the earth, the dirt. A thousand messages of LEAVE raced through my nerves, but ten thousand messages of FIND HIM responded in my veins. I had to see... I had to...

Silent, taking care not to disturb any fallen leaves or step on delicate sticks that could crack, I padded toward the smell that Instinct warned me against. And yet... Instinct seemed to be encouraging me, too. Conflicting messages, much?

Everything was conflicting. The smell of vampires, repulsive, intermingled with the smell of my brother, which was irresistable. Are you alive? I wondered. Where have you been? Why did you leave? I was sure now that he hadn't done it willingly. But if vampires were involved... they'd kill him, for sure. They must be pursuing him now. Perhaps he had left, but was only now being caught.

I had to save him. Had to.

I began to run, following Nata's scent. I ran for several minutes, sacrificing stealth for speed.

Voices. I stopped, holding my breath.

"You've been careless, Ivan."

"Have I? Two birds with one stone, right? I've been doin' this longer'n you, Vasilisa."

"So you say."

"Leetle wolf!" The man called, the sing-song tune to it freezing my insides.

"Did you plan this?" A pause, then: "See? This was pure luck. I still say we should have killed him first thing. One less to worry about. We'd get more credit if we killed 'em first thing, Ivan."

"But now we get two!"

Two?

Shit! They knew I was there!

I spun around, nearly tripping over myself in my haste. Instinct supported this decision wholeheartedly, though was not so pleased by my near-clumsiness.

"Aren't you going to follow it?"

"Not yet."

Not yet.

Not yet?

What do you mean, not yet?

Not yet for what?

Instinct had taken the shield down, apparently.

What the fuck, Naomi? Stop doing that thing with the blocks. Where are you? They weren't far away. My heart sank.

GO BACK! I screamed inwardly, much to their annoyance. They had to go back!

Why? So you can run further away? Jacob was none-too-pleased with my field trip.

I replayed what I'd heard, what I'd just left behind. Vampires. Two. I wasn't going to lead the leeches to them, so I veered right, planning on zig-zagging my way until I was on the other end of the fucking country.

Come here. No! Nononono!

Noooo! I wailed, but I was powerless to disobey. Instinct wasn't pulling any favors right now, much to my dismay.

I don't mind the idea of her going to the other side of the country. Leah had been... worried? Why? I wasn't worried, bitch. I wasn't convinced.

But we can't have them follow me!

If they do, we fight them. I thought of my brother. He'd been strong... they must have overpowered him somehow. How do you know that? You didn't see him, you only smelled him. They might just be following him.

Of course you would just jump to conclusions, though, right? Leah's constant snarking was so very tiring. It was a mask, though, I was sure of it.

We're a pack. We outnumber them. They don't know how many of us there are. Seth was optimistic.

But we don't know how much of them there are. I point this out as I nearly trip over a fallen tree.

Well, I think we could take them.

Maybe they won't follow. Seth was still optimistic. You don't hear them, do you? I didn't. They weren't following me.

But what of my scent?

Rain clouds, Leah answered. Apparently you were lucky enough to pick a rainy day to trek into Canada. Canada?

Where are you guys, anyway? I asked, even though my feet knew where they needed to go already. Some semblance of normalcy felt nice, so ask them I did.

Not as far in as you are, that much I can tell. Jacob replied, still running to meet me. Leah and Seth had stopped, with Seth being much closer to La Push than she was, thanks to her speed. They weren't sure if they should pursue him or not. No. Sit tight. I don't think they will follow her.

Yet. I think this with the utmost dread.

It's not your fault. Both Jacob and Seth think this, while Leah thinks that it is. Boys against girls. Girls always win.

Damned straight.

Yeah, right. Seth rolls his eyes.

It's going to be a while. Jacob is thinking mostly to Leah and Seth. You guys can head back. I'll ensure she doesn't disappear on us again. The two Clearwaters whirl around to head home, while I maintain a steady but swift speed through what I've been told is the Canadian wilderness.

You sound suspicious. Do you think we've lied? Jacob feigned hurt. Leah didn't appreciate the lack of trust in her honesty.

I don't know where I am, I inadvertently spooked a moose as I went tearing by it, barely noticing its existence until it was too late. At least I didn't run it over. Usually I only believe what I know, not what others tell me.

Is that right?

I'm back. Seth was in La Push now, unsure of if he should phase or not.

Go ahead, Jacob said. In the next instant there was only three of us.

I don't get you. You want to kill my brother and you feel sad that he's gone? Or are you just lamenting a lost opportunity...?

Oh, yes, I have this grand scheme of how to murder a perfectly innocent –

Innocent? Ha!

– kid who I don't even know. Yes, that makes all the sense in the world.

You don't exactly make all the sense in the world, Naomi.

Neither do you, Leah.

Do I sense female bonding? Jacob mused, enjoying the run as if this hadn't been fueled by vampires. Are you implying that I'm not taking this threat seriously?

No. Yes. No. Maybe. I don't know.

And the best sense-making answer for a yes/no question award goes to...

Sh, Leah. Vampires exist. But this is out of our jurisdiction, so to speak. We don't have the resources to actively hunt leeches. If they make the mistake of following your trail, one doubtlessly easy to follow, an unnecessary lead, you're part of the pack now. We're not going to kick you out for this. We can handle two vampires.

And if there are more?

We've done favors for the Cullens. They have connections.

I didn't like the idea of them asking a favor of a coven of bloodsucking immortals, but there was no use in arguing about it, was there? I thought of my brother. Was he fleeing them? Had my interruption distracted them for a moment long enough for him to shake them off of his trail? Was I being too optimistic? What if something else had happened?

What-if games go nowhere.

Leah would know, Jacob agreed unthinkingly, before regretting it for the flash of pain-sadness-anger-rage that whipped through us all so fast we were disoriented for a good second or two. I tripped.

Clumsy, she mocked, grasping easily to the distraction from darker thoughts. I made the mistake of feeling guilty for sparking her anger previously, for intentionally dredging up those thoughts. Then she was the one dredging up those memories, using the bond to inflict her pain on us. For whatever reason, I always gravitated towards her anger for Sam Uley.

Leah.Jacob warned, cut it out.

She did. Grudgingly, but she did.

How many years has it been?

A few. Bitterness was evident in her thoughts. She'd tried to get over it all, tried so damned hard. She didn't love Sam anymore, didn't envy Emily as much as she used to. But he was still a dickhead, still is an ass and doesn't deserve a happy ending. There was more to it. There always was. I tried to clear my head, tried not to get too wrapped up in it.

Finally, she was close enough to where walking on two legs wouldn't be too much of a problem, finding one of the outermost stashes of spare clothes for easy phasing. See ya. She was gone.

Jacob and I just focused on not thinking about too many things, which immediately made us think of just about everything.

He wasn't far off from me, it wouldn't be too long. Why'd you have to meet me, anyway?

To make sure you weren't followed.

You can read my mind. Listen. I listened, to the thudding of my paws on the soft earth, to the buzzing of a bumblebee as I went flying by. I heard a river some miles back, rushing endlessly through the forest. I was aware, just from the sounds, of all the living things in the vicinity. Well, moving things. Statuesque leeches were not among them. See?

Better safe than sorry. They could have waited.

They still might.

Yes.

We're not out of the woods. ... Figuratively and literally, of course.

Of course.

We settled into an easy rhythm for the next leg of the run, focusing on ourselves.

I am sorry about your brother, he thought to me as I skidded to a halt when we finally met. His dark eyes were sincere, his thoughts more so. I flicked my tail at him.

You've nothing to be sorry for.

You want to go back and find him.

Yes and no.

Hmm?

Yes, I want to see if my brother is there. How can I not? But... it would be stupid. One dead Rousseau is better than two? My morbid humor bothered him. I sighed, flattening my ears against my skull as I silently apologized to the hopefully-not-dead-Nata. Bad taste. Sorry. I will be of no use to my brother if I'm dead, you know?

Yeah. But you were so close? I narrowed my eyes, my hackles bristled.

Do you want me to go back, then?

No. No! You are right about you not being any good while dead. I am right in not letting you go back. But... If Rachel or Rebecca disappeared...

Your sisters, right?

Yeah.

Well. Whatever. Nata is not helpless. He's bigger than you.

You're kidding.

I'm not.

Shit.

I know. Are we going h-back to La Push or not?

You were gonna say "home." He was smug about that. Why? I was not sure.

So?

So? You are meant to be in the pack after all.

Me getting too comfortable has nothing to do with me being meant to be somewhere or what fate has planned, Alpha.

I wouldn't be too sure. He panted, a wolfie-smile, letting his tongue loll out of the side of his mouth. Classy. I try. Anyway, yeah, we'd better get going. Race ya?

My instincts weren't in favor of the notion. A competition with a higher-ranking would was not good, it meant –

Gawd! Chill with the whole "higher-ranking" wolf thing. It's just for fun. He bumped his shoulder against mine playfully before taking off running. I hesitated, before rising to the challenge.

Hey! I launched myself forward, stretching my legs out as far as they would go, before deciding to focus on getting as many strides as I could instead of getting the longer one. I had no idea which method was more beneficial, but whatever.

Overthinking it?

You wish. I had less weight to haul, less muscle to get in my way. I was an Italian sportscar and he was just a dump truck. I could do this.

Oh-ho! Dump truck? Now that's just cruel.

Fine. You can be an SUV.

A luxury SUV.

Fiiiine. You can be an Escalade.

I would be.

I woofed a wolfy laugh.

So I'm a Caddy, what are you? Specifically?

Testing my knowledge? I'm a Lamborghini Murcielago, baby.

Baby? Aw, gettin' the hots for me already...

In your dreams.

Don't worry. I won't tell Leah. Wouldn't wanna make her more jealous.

Oh? Well. I won't tell... I didn't know that many people. I won't tell Embry.

Deal. Our little secret.

Pshaw.

Pshaw? Is that even a word?

It's a sound.

Is it now?

An expression. A scoff. Of utmost disdain.

Fancy.

Someone's gotta be.

Pure?

What?

Random thought. Our colors are supposed to be representations of our... inner wolf.

Is that right?

Absolutely.

And... your inner self is... reddish?

The color of russets, so I've been told.

Har har.

But you're white.

What can I say? European blood.

No, your fur.

I'd imagine my skin is white, too.

Well, I'm talking about your fur. I realized I'd caught up to him already and hadn't bothered to notice. I never passed him, running on his left side, not to his shoulder. More alongside on of his hind legs. You must be pure of heart. He couldn't think the thought without wanting to laugh.

Oh, please. Pure I am not. A pause and a rather dirty thought from him. ugh! No. I'm not a whore. What is with that?

Hm? He played innocent. I snapped at his tail playfully.

He was hungry. Honestly, I was, too. Running long distances required a lot of energy. Energy we had, but it had to be replenished sooner or later. I don't think I was running as fast as I often did.

Time to hunt? He thought of Leah's revulsion to eating animals raw. Sorry, not that dainty... He barked out a laugh at the thought of Leah being dainty. I imagined her drinking from a tea cup, which only fueled his laughter.

Guess so.

Dibs on the bull moose, 10 o'clock.

Pfft. You can't dibs food. It's a free-for-all in the wild. Survival of the fittest, baby. I betcha I can get him first.

Oh, do you now?

Why yes, I know so.

Pfft. I mimicked him, blowing past him as I followed the scent of the great deer, easily catching up to the bull. I wasn't as strong as my packm-the other members of the pack, but compared to this guy... I think I can take him.

Unfortunately for my pride, Jacob had some kind of twisted sense of honor and rained on my parade. In one easy movement, he ripped the creature's throat out, having to practically disassociate from himself to not think about the ickiness factor. This bothered me.

I had to do no such thing. It was perfectly natural. My mother had hunted often, it was a regular family outing. My father always sat on the sidelines, stuck to his human form as his wolf lay dormant without the moon's call, but he'd taught us many things.

We shared the kill, another thing that struck me as odd. Instinct said lessers always ate last...

author's shameless include:
Two chaps for you guys as an apology for poofing!

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so r&r, if you'd please (: what can I say? I'm a review whore.

pointing out errors/inconsistencies would be super beneficial for me! I'm only human, I might slip up quite a bit. I am trying to be somewhat compliant with the series, but I will take occasional liberties. still, if there is something totally wrong (like if I said that alice had long orange-red hair, haha) don't be afraid to let me know. if you also think someone is totally OOC, I'd love tips on how to make them more in-line with what they probably are. :]
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