Nearly there now. See, I'm starting to be nice again. Sort of.
Chapter 11
When he went out to the courtyard a day later she was already waiting for him. It was a danger now, more than ever, but they would come through it. Things were finally come together.
He took a seat beside her and found in seconds that her hand had slipped into his. He squeezed it affectionately, and kissed it. They could talk through their problems later; this was the time to be happy.
"I love you," she said.
"I love you," he answered. She kissed him, briefly, but with as much love on her lips as any deep, wild kiss.
"Let's never do that again."
"No," he agreed, chuckling a little, "We won't. I won't put you in that position again."
She glanced down briefly, and when she looked up at him there were tears hovering in her eyes. "I don't know if I can do all that again, but I'll try."
He hesitated; his suggestion might make things even harder than before. He hated putting her through this. But they had to do something.
"I've started to rent my mother's house," he said, "and there's a good income from it, which might make things so much easier. I've been thinking that maybe I should take the job with my brother-in-law. It will give me a home of my own and a better income than I have here."
"No," Anna said at once. "It would be too hard. I couldn't have you off in Knaresborough, it's too far."
"It is far," he admitted - he didn't like the distance either - "but I'd come and visit as often as I could, and if we really couldn't bear it then you could come, and stay with my sister until we married. But by this way I think we would be married and settled in no more than eight months."
He waited while Anna processed the idea. It had taken him a long time to digest what it would mean for them, and to think through how they would bear the separation. It had been so hard to get through it all last night - he was amazed at how quickly she reconciled herself to it.
"Don't go for a while yet," she said. "We need to make some better memories than we've had, for both our sakes. And then when you do go, we'll be ready for it, but… it's so long since we've been happy together."
From then on things were different between them. Every opportunity he had, he spoke to her, he enjoyed having time with her in any way he could. He made sure she did, too. They shared jokes and silly little games and every possible chance of touching that was possible between them. John had never been so happy, and Anna was constantly in a state of delight. Things really were beginning to look up in the most wonderful way.
There was one day when the family were hosting some big important dinner party, and so John and Anna were wrapped up in wild work all day, not getting five minutes to themselves even separately. But she came out to talk to him as he polished shoes, and they wound up laughing uncontrollably over a dozen little things. They were like old friends again.
Another time, it was Anna's half day and John had resigned himself to an afternoon of boredom. But his Lordship had a few things he needed and John happened to know where to get them, so he offered to go in place of Thomas, and when he spotted Anna he was what she later called unkind enough to take pleasure in startling her. He bought her tea at the little village shop and enjoyed a half hour in pleasant, relaxed conversation. Their days were ever dotted, now, with instances like that.
About a week after they made their decision, she pulled him into the courtyard when nobody was looking and kissed him with a deep kind of fervency.
"I've been a bit of a trial," she said with an embarrassed little smile, later, when they had exhausted themselves in each other. "I'm sorry."
He shook his head with a smile, countering her at once. "Don't be silly, I've been stupid and selfish and blind. But it's all done now."
Anna leaned over to give him a little peck of a kiss. "You've more than made up for your stupidity," she said. "It has made the world of difference. Thank you."
He laughed a little, embarrassed. He had a long way to go before he made up for what he'd put her through, but something in her manner told him that wasn't why they were here. "Anna, what's all this really about?"
She breathed in deeply, and took his hand. "You should go," she said. "Go to your sister's and help with the shop and build a life. And in a few months, I'll come, and we can get married. But don't let me hold you back from doing what you want to do."
"Anna…" John tried to process what she was saying, but he couldn't quite do it. "What happened to it being too hard?"
"It will be hard," she said. "But maybe if I stop trying to be miserable, or at least welcoming misery, I can get through it. I didn't exactly make it easy for myself when we were first hiding."
He had thought a dozen times that Anna ought to be stronger than she seemed. At least this made some sense. "Are you sure?" he said carefully, studying her expression for any sign of uncertainty. "Honestly, tell me. Are you really sure?"
"Certain," she said, and he kissed her at once, with a depth that allowed him to show her a great deal of what he felt.
"I love you," he said, and the smile she gave him was beautiful.
Three weeks later, he left for Knaresborough.