I wish I could go down and hang out at the coffee shop. I like hanging out with the gang, they really are my new friends, but even though I've talked to Rachel, I'd still rather not see her for a little while. I still need some time before I see her and Ross together.
So, I hang out most of the day in the apartment. I'm pretty bored a few hours in.
Finally, I hear the door opening and turn excitedly, knowing Chandler will be my escape from this infinite boredom. But he walks through the door laughing with his date behind him. My smile fades as the two look up and finally notice me.
"Oh, Joey hey you remember Stephanie?" Chandler motions to the pretty girl next to him. I gulp down my disappointment and force a smile back on.
"We haven't officially met," I say charmingly and put my hand out. She shakes my hand.
"It's a pleasure, Chandler has told me all about you," she smiles brightly.
Chandler talked about me? I wonder what he told her, I hope he didn't tell her the whole story of me and Rachel, I would look so pathetic. He wouldn't do that, that's too personal… I hope.
"Oh really," I try not to noticeably cringe from my loose thoughts.
"Yeah, so you're an actor?" she asks.
"Oh, yeah, but you probably wouldn't know me from anything," I tell her.
"Oh, I bet you're being modest."
"I'm really not," I smile widely and she thinks it's a joke. I catch Chandler's face and see he's uncomfortable with my honesty and so he quickly changes the subject.
"So, anyway Stephanie and I went to that new noodle place. It was really good," he says and offers to take her coat. She lets him and agrees as he finds a place for it.
"Well, I suck at chopsticks," I say.
Stephanie laughs.
"Oh me too, I make my best, feeble effort," she says as she mimes using chopsticks poorly. Chandler laughs although it sounds forced, probably because it wasn't really funny.
I force a chuckle out and rub the back of my neck. I don't really feel like talking with her, but I also have no where to be.
"So, we were thinking of watching a movie together," Chandler tells me.
"Here?" I ask and he gives me a stern look.
"Of course here, great 'cause I was just heading out," I say quickly.
"You can join us if you want," Stephanie offers, but Chandler is shaking his head wildly behind her. I was not interested anyway.
"No, thanks, it was great meeting you though."
I hurry out.
I stay out as late as I can. Basically, just walking the city, hitting a bar or two and eating out by myself. I come back to the apartment and I'm happy to see no sign of Stephanie. Chandler walks out of his room.
"Hey, Stephanie in there?" I ask.
"No, she left."
"So, you get anywhere today?" I ask in an impish tone.
"Uh, nah not today," he half sighs and sits down on one of the bar stools.
"What do you mean, you two were alone watching a movie for two hours and nothing happened?"
"We…snuggled?"
I make a grossed out face.
"Chandler, come on, I thought it's…been a while," I say gently.
"It has," he stresses tiredly.
"Then, why didn't you make a move!"
'Cause I always chicken out, I get too nervous. I'll make one, probably around the fourth date," he tells me like its science.
"Four! Chandler, you're gonna wait four dates? God, do you even want to get laid?"
"Of course I want to!" he objects.
"Then, don't wait, make a move," I pressure him.
"I just…" he looks down.
"What?"
"I don't know… I don't know what to do always. I always overthink every little thing. That's why I need a few dates to warm up."
I shake my head.
"Alright, calm down," he argues, starting to get embarrassed.
I still shake my head and then go to grab a beer out of the fridge.
"Well, if you're such an expert, then what do you do?" Chandler inquires.
It perks my interest. I'm suddenly excited to share my moves with Chandler.
"Well, if you must know," I start real cocky. "I have six moves, that always work."
"You're real confident."
"I am — that should be number one, actually. Always be confident Chandler. Women don't want a scared man."
He rolls his eyes at me; obviously telling me it's not that easy.
"Alright, first thing I do, after we get back here or her place, is I walk her over to the couch and tell her I just want to talk with her more. Then, as she's talking I lick my lips a lot."
Chandler gives me a face.
"You just sit there and lick your lips?" he judges.
"Not like a dog, just subtly every so often. See, I already get points for letting her ramble on more and seeming like I'm listening to everything she's telling me, but then I'm also making my lips look more appealing. It'll distract her," I explain like they're facts from a book.
"Okay?" Chandler comments plainly.
"Then, I kiss her. Then, while I'm kissing her I put my hand on her leg and slowly graze it up her thigh."
"Just… just up…the," Chandler looks down at his thigh, seeing how it would look.
"Like this," I say and walk around the island to him. I place my hand above his knee and then slowly glide it up his thigh. I stop before I get too close to his crotch and then take my hand off his leg.
He nods, still looking down.
"Okay, and you stop there?" he asks.
"Well, no you keep going…to you know," I answer his question.
He nods again because he's uncomfortable now, I can tell.
"Right, okay and are you're next moves not PG enough to share?" he half jokes.
"No, they're fine. After I do that most girls will get pretty into it on their own, but if not, then you move to their ear. Girls love when you kiss them right under their ears and then travel down to the neck."
"Okay, ear, neck got it," Chandler notes like it's a test.
"And really attack the neck," I advise.
"Okay…" he makes a weird face again.
"Then, you start undressing her. It's good if you can unhook her bra with one hand, that always surprises them."
"Yeah, let me just get my hat of magic tricks out," he jests at me.
"Hey, I can do it," I defend.
"Fine and then what?" Chandler tries to get this conversation over with.
"And lastly I usually carry them to the bedroom and kind of throw them on the bed, unless it's like a really nice girl then she probably wants it's be romantic and sweet or whatever. So, I'd be more gentle if Stephanie's like that."
"So, that's all?" he asks.
"Yeah," I shrug.
"Okay, well thanks," Chandler comments and gets up.
"Okay," I say wondering what he's getting up for.
"Well, all this talk is making me hungry, I'm gonna grab something down at the coffee shop, you want anything?" he asks.
"Uh, no," I say wondering why he wouldn't just invite me to walk downstairs with him. But he's already making strides towards the door and walks right out.
He is so weird sometimes.
In another fifteen minutes, I decide that I don't care if Chandler feels weird or didn't invite me. I'm done with being bored and I'm done hiding out in the apartment. I'm going to Central Perk and I don't care who's there.
Chandler's probably fine by now anyhow, I think to myself as I walk down the many sets of stairs. So, I grazed his thigh a bit, he has to get over things.
I get to the coffee shop and walk right in.
Everyone is here, hanging out like they always do. I walk around and see Ross and Rachel snuggled together on the orange couch. Ross has his arm around her and their holding hands. Chandler is sitting at the small table across from me and Monica is next to swooning couple while Phoebe is to my left in the big armchair. The second they all see me, Ross and Rachel split apart and try to look casual.
"Hey guys," I say.
"Hey Joey!" Phoebe says in her normal, friendly tone as if nothing has ever happened to this group. She probably is the only one over it, she's always had a get over it and go with the flow kind of attitude.
"Is it okay if I hang out?" I ask because the vibe is so weird I feel like I have to ask.
"Are you kidding, of course, grab a seat sweetie," Monica generously says and points to the chair next to Chandler at the small table.
I hope he's not mad at me. I don't know why he would be, but the thought that he might not be okay with me sitting next to him scares me a bit. I don't want to lose Chandler too.
I walk over nonetheless and sit down.
Everyone is silent for a second and I feel awful, like I did this to them, I made everything uncomfortable.
"So, uh we were just discussing that new movie 'War Town' that's coming out," Ross says in the most hesitant voice. He doesn't even look at me; I think he's waiting to see if I'll acknowledge him. Am I mad at him? I mean maybe he could have talked to me too, but I really don't know him, so no we're cool.
Everyone waits to see if I will respond to Ross.
"You know I auditioned for that movie," I say nicely and Ross looks up at me with a renewed face. Everyone looks over.
"Really?" Rachel asks, very intrigued.
"Yeah…didn't get it, obviously," I say with a small laugh.
"What part?" Chandler asks.
"The main guy, I would have been the hero and probably killed a bunch of bad guys," I say remembering how cool it would have been.
"Well, they really made a bad choice with casting then," Phoebe flatters me and I smile at her. She winks at me and my smile grows bigger.
Finally, the conversation returns and the strange air lifts.
I feel so much better when everyone is talking like normal again and no one is sitting in awkward silence.
We all sip our coffees and laugh and talk and everything is great. It's all great until everyone is listening to one of Phoebe's stories about some crazy guy on the train. And suddenly I can't even hear her anymore because I look over and see Ross and Rachel staring into each other eyes. I watch as they slide they're hands secretly back to each other and their fingers intertwine. They quickly lean in and share a small peck of a kiss. It makes my chest hurt, it makes me feel a painful feeling of loneliness.
You know when you hate being alone so much; you wish you just had someone, anyone to show off. I wish so bad I could have someone with me so I could hold their hand and kiss them in front of Rachel. I want to make them jealous so bad in this moment, I even look at Chandler and wouldn't mind him being this source.
I quickly look back over at Phoebe to make sure they don't see me looking. I don't want to be bitter, I don't want to hate either of them, but it's still a lot harder to watch than I ever imagined.
We all stay until the shop closes. We all walk upstairs tired, but relaxed. Ross is with us, which means he's staying with Rachel tonight rather than going home. I try not to think about it, I try to forget he's with us every step we take back up to the apartments. We separate in the hallway and I refuse to look back and actually see Ross and Rachel walking in with Monica to where I know they'll share a bed and probably do a lot more than just that.
Chandler doesn't notice and we walk into our apartment like always. I take my coat off slow and now he starts to notice.
"Uh, hey Joe you okay?"
"Yeah, just tired," I lie.
"Right, me too," he agrees to make me feel better, but it doesn't really help.
What would help is having someone with me tonight, to not have to sleep alone when I know the happy couple is right across the hall ruining any chance of sleep I have tonight. But I know I could never ask Chandler, I mean it is a weird thing to ask someone and it makes me seem weak and most of all it would be way to gay for Chandler. I don't need another rant about how straight he is. I get that it's a weird request.
So, I nod and start slumping my way to my room.
As I pass Chandler, he stops me.
"Hey wait," he says.
I stop and turn to him. He looks at me and I wait.
Then, he picks his arms up and closes them around me. He pulls me into a hug. It catches me off guard, but I lift my hands to complete the hug I only realize now how much I needed.
"Thanks," I say softly and he pats my back and then lets me go.
"'Night," he says.
"'Night," I reply and watch him walk to his room.
I really needed that.