Clare's POV

The feeling in the air, the look in everyone's eyes, it was all so dark. I found Eli trying to kill himself, and I had a hard time finding the words to stop him. That was two day's ago, and even though he didn't do it I could see in his eyes that nothing had really changed for him. This was a darkness I didn't think I could pull him out of. I was hurting too, but his connection with our daughter was something not even I could understand. We sat next to each other in all black, with our hands on our laps. People came up to us one by one hugging us and saying how sorry they were that Julia had passed, Eli and I said thank you and smiled at each person. It all felt like a dream, like any moment I'd wake up. It was the end of the night and every one had cleared the room but Eli, Alex, and myself. This was the last time we'd be able to see Julia's face before we buried her tomorrow, a truth that I couldn't fathom yet.

"Alex, would you like to say something to her before we go?" He put his hands on hers, and for the first time since she passed he cried.

"You will always be my twin. I will never be the same, and I will never look at a bottle of black nail polish again without yearning to see you, sister. I love you, and I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry this happened to you and I'm so sorry I bailed on you, because I wasn't strong enough to see you that way. I hope you can forgive me." Alex pulled his hand away, and with tears in his eyes he walked out. I called out for him to come back, but the more I called out to him, the faster he walked. Was my Son gone too?

"Clare, don't cry because of Alex. He loves you, he just has to deal with this in his own way." This was the first time Eli had spoken to me since I talked him out of killing himself. Even now though, his words were hallow.

"I don't think I can do this. I grew her inside of me, our miracle baby. I didn't carry her inside of me for nine months, to only end up burying her. Eli tell me what to do, tell me how to get through this!" I had thrown my arms around his neck, and I was clinging to him with all my strength. He grabbed my wrists, and pulled me off of him.

"Clare this isn't going to work. I'm done. I wont pretend for another second, I wont fight for something that's dead. Julia is dead, and so are we. We were dead the moment you cheated on me, the moment you abandoned me and Julia for Drew Torres. The moment she left us. This isn't a family without her, never will be again. I'm moving out tomorrow, you can keep everything I don't want any of it. I'll file for divorce tomorrow, don't make this hard and don't use Alex against me. I'm his dad, and I will see him. As far as the baby, I think it's best I'm not involved...I wouldn't be the father it needs right now. I of course will pay whatever I have to, I wouldn't leave you in a bind like that. Ill be living in the next town over, so I'll pick Alex up until he can drive, you don't have to worry about driving him. Please understand this is the best thing to do. I hope you understand." Eli's face was blank, no emotion on it whatsoever. It reminded me of the first time we broke up in high school, when I had questioned if he had ever loved me at all. He had the same look on his face as he does now, a look of nothing.

"It? You just called her, it? This is a baby, our baby! Alex is our son, and we are married! How in the world are we not a family, we are! We are a family going through a rough time, a hard time. We are a broken family, but a family! Always and Forever, does that not mean a god damn thing to you Eli? I cant take you staring at me like that, its sick. I need you now, don't you bail on me. Don't you dare, because despite what you think in your deluded head right now I never have and never would bail on you, on this family. This life we have built from the ground up. Do you remember Eli, do you remember the beginning? Do you remember running over my glasses in the Degrassi parking lot, and how when our eyes met we both felt this draw to each other? We were, and are, so different but we have always fit. Remember prom, remember our wedding, remember when the twins were born? Don't forget everything because you're hurting. I'm hurting too, she was my daughter. She was my baby." Eli showed a flash of concern for me for a moment, and he wiped a tear from my cheek. He pulled me to his chest and wrapped his arms around me, and I returned the embrace. After a few minutes he let go, and walked over to Julia with me following behind him.

"You know, she really was so much stronger than any of us Clare." He pulled out a picture of us and the kids at Christmas time, and placed it under her hands. The tears came to me again, like a flood without warning.

"She was Eli, she was so strong." We both turned to look at each other, and his face had turned back to stone. He took a step closer to me, our bodies touching, and he placed his lips on my for head. After a few seconds Eli pulled his lips away, and whispered in my ear.

"I don't love you anymore Clare. I'll send you the paper work soon." He stepped away from me, kissed Julia, and Just like that I watched the love of my life leave me in a funeral home alone with our dead daughter.

Eli's POV

I left the love of my life yesterday alone, in tears. Who I have become, isn't someone Clare deserves. Who I have become is a monster. I feel nothing, but pain and sorrow. I'm a coward running away from everything, because I cant handle this. I don't think I'll ever be able to handle waking up in the morning, and seeing an empty chair at the breakfast table. I told Clare I didn't love her, but god I loved her so much. I was pretty much abandoning her and my kids, but I couldn't be a father and a husband to them like this. My mind couldn't think of anything but Julia, and the ache in my chest because she was gone. Today was her funeral, the final goodbye, and I wasn't attending. I was watching from a distance, looking at everyone from behind a tree like a the pussy I was. I could see Blake and Clare holding each other crying, poor kid lost his first love. I knew that feeling all too well. It was in a way ironic that we both lost a Julia. God damn that name was a curse. I noticed Blake walk away from Clare, throwing his hands in the air. She dropped to her knee's, and I was going to run to her and comfort her, but he beat me to it. Drew Torres knelt down beside Clare, and wrapped his arms around her. Alex followed, and they were all in a huddle hugging each other. It was sick, but honestly Drew was probably better for them than I was at this point.

"Julia forgive me, I am weak without you."

"Your subtleties, they strangle me. I cant explain myself at all, and all the wants and all the needs, All I don't want to need at all. The walls start breathing, my minds unweaving. Maybe it's best you leave me alone." All American Rejects It Ends Tonight