CHAPTER TEN
The next morning, I wake up to the sun shining through the windows of the plane. That was the longest I had ever slept on a plane. That was the only time I ever slept on a plane. That was the only time I had ever been on a plane. Gosh, so many new experiences that these guys have exposed me to.
I groggily open my eyes and look around me, reacquainting myself with my surroundings. Next to me, Louis continued sleeping. In front of me, Zayn lays with his head against the closed window. Niall slumbers next to him, a blanket wrapped around his body. On the far couch, Harry and Jenny are sleeping side by side, still snuggling. To my far right, Alexes and Liam sit, eating their breakfast. I slowly rise and approach them, saying "Dang, early risers."
"Oh, morning River, didn't realize you were up."
"Yes, good morning Kim. Did you have a nice slumber?" Liam asks, setting his fork on his plate.
"Mm, yeah." I respond, still sleepy and jet-lagged.
"We should be landing in a couple of hours." Liam tells me.
"Shh. Some people are trying to sleep, you know," Niall whines from his makeshift bed.
"Too late, Niall. You are already awakened." Liam responds, tauntingly.
"Ugh… Where is breakfast?" Niall asks trudging over to where Alexes, Liam, and I were sitting around a table.
"I'm hungry too," I add, "What's for food?"
"Seriously Kim?" Alexes remarks, "What kind of question is what's for food? The proper question should be what's for breakfast." She continues to lecture me on my poor word choice which I find oddly amusing. I can smell bacon, so I am pleased because I have a deep love and adoration for bacon. I figure that Alexes had some cereal because she doesn't eat meat and it looks like Liam decided to have cereal with her so she didn't feel odd. I sat there silent, anticipating the food that would be brought out to us in a short time.
Jenny and the other three boys are still sleeping when the food is brought out to the table but Niall doesn't hesitate to take over half of the plate of bacon for himself. "Woah, woah, woah, hold your horses Niall." I say jokingly. "You gotta save some of this for me now." I say, grabbing the rest of the bacon.
"You sure eat a lot, glad to know a girl with an appetite." He remarks.
"It's crazier than you think." Alexes adds. "She is constantly eating, and when she isn't eating, she's hungry for more food!"
I laugh again, I'm not sure why I'm in such a laugh-y mood, but I am. It's a good thing that I've been in such a good mood recently. Shortly after Niall and I finish off the food, I notice that Jenny starts to wake up. "Good morning sunshine!" I say to her in a high-pitched tone.
She looks over at me but ignores the comment. That's usually what she does when she's still tired. I decide it's time to wake up the rest of the guys so I say to Niall, Liam, and Alexes.
"Don't you think they have had enough time to sleep?"
They all smile in agreement and we stand up from where we were seated at the table to eat.
Okay, Niall, you get Zayn. Alexes, make sure Jenny doesn't get attacked while Liam wakes up Harry. And I will wake up Louis." I say and they all nod and tip-toe over to the sleeping boys.
I turn to look at the others as Alexes is guiding Jenny towards the table. We are in the clear so I begin to count down "Three, two, ONE!" I shout and we jump onto the three sleeping boys. I take the pillow straight out from under Louis' head and hit him with it. His immediate response is to attempt to cover himself with his blanket. I laugh when I look over at the other two who seemed to be having an even harder time waking up Harry and Zayn. I yank the blanket off Louis but forgot that I had left the pillow within his reach. He grabs the pillow and hits me in the face. I start to laugh again, this time even harder giving him an opening to hit me with the pillow again. "Oh it's on pretty boy!" I say jokingly and begin to wrestle with him in a failed attempt to take the pillow back.
I hear Alexes and Jenny talking and laughing behind me but I must resist the urge to turn towards them. My initial purpose was a success because Louis was now indeed, awake. Now I have to somehow stop him from hitting me with this pillow. An idea pops into my head and I hug him so that he can't hit me anymore. We both just lay there laughing after he assumes it's my way of a truce. I glance over and Harry is up but Niall is still not having any luck with waking up Zayn. In the time I spent wrestling with Lou, Harry got up and joined Jenny and Alexes at the table and even got some breakfast. Wow.
For being on a plane, these makeshift beds are really comfortable. "Okay I woke you up, now I'm going to go back to sleep, this bed is just too comfortable." I say joking and turning over as if I were going to sleep.
"That's not fair!" Louis whines, "If I have to wake up then you do too!" he finishes and proceeds to hit me with the pillow once again.
"Fine, fine; Just stop hitting me with that damn pillow" I say laughing.
Louis stands up and extends his hand for me in an offer of assistance to stand. I take his hand but decide to make it difficult by just lying there and not exerting any effort on my part. Louis is strong though and is easily able to pull me up; I don't know why I thought it would be difficult for him. We head over to the table so Louis can eat and I just sit and wait for everyone else.
"So what do you guys usually do up here? There really isn't much to do on a plane." I state.
"Well we just hang out and goof off really." Harry replies.
I nod, figuring we will figure out something to do for the last few hours eventually. Niall finally gets Zayn up and has to practically drag him over to the table to get food.
"And now after all that work I'm hungry again. Thanks Zayn." Niall says.
The group of us chuckle at Niall's comment but we know he's being serious. Everyone finally ate their breakfast and we just continued our breakfast conversation for a really long time. After a few hours of talking and joking, the pilot announced that we would be landing momentarily. I was so excited I could hardly contain it. I glanced around and only Jenny and Alexes were visibly excited, most likely because the boys are from London and they travel so often as it is.
I watch out the window like a dork as we land anxious to land so I can say I have officially been to London.
Once we land the boys lead us outside where a car is waiting. We walk towards the car and there are a few men who grab all of our luggage and load it into the trunk of the car. We all pile into the back seat of the car and I say to the boys "Thank you guys so much, this is so awesome!"
"No problem love," Louis replies smiling.
I look over at Jenny intending on asking her a question but I can see that she is busy talking to Harry and she hates it when I butt into her conversations. The car ride is full of excited chatter from me and my two close friends and the boys laughing at us.
We arrive at our destination and the car door opens. Harry leaps out and announces, "Welcome to our home for the next week!"
We all pile out of the car and this time I insist on taking my own stuff. I don't know why, but I hate when other people do things for me that I can just as easily do myself (Not that I don't appreciate it, I just know that I'm more than capable of carrying my own stuff). Harry leads us on a tour through the bungalow and we are all directed to our rooms so we can put our stuff away.
When we are all settled, we meet in the main room and through the window I can see the pool. I suddenly get the idea for us all to have the pool party here where we are free of the drama of people who claim to be our friends. I should bring it up to Alexes and Jenny first before I tell the boys about it though. I walk up to Alexes and Jenny and say "We should just have our pool party here. No drama, no reporters, just us and the guys."
They look at each other, then smile and nod. "That would be so much better than doing it back home with all the crazies," says Jenny.
"Yeah, it'll be great," Alexes adds.
"Great we shall just tell the guys then and it's a plan" I say, unaware that Zayn had walked into the room.
"Tell the guys what?" he asks us.
"Our plan" I say tauntingly holding back the information about what the plan actually is.
"Because that is so specific," Zayn replies sarcastically.
"I know. That's how I roll" I say smirking.
Alexes and Jenny laugh at me but neither of them offers up any information either. Before we do anything, I want to explore the place; it's really nice from what I've seen so far. "I want to explore!" I say randomly.
"Let's go then," Jenny adds. So Jenny grabs each of our arms and leads us on a self-guided tour of the place. As we walk around exploring we are chatting about how wonderful this opportunity is and how much fun we are going to have. At this point, it went from Jenny holding our fore-arms, to us all holding hands as close friends often do. I'm so glad I have friends like these two. We skip around with huge smiles on our faces, laughing and joking all around the house until there's nothing left to explore.
"Now what?" Alexes asks me and Jenny.
"I am not quite sure," I say trialing off at the end of the sentence.
"I have an idea," says the familiar voice of the one and only Liam Payne from the doorway.
"Oh? And what would that be?" Alexes asks with a slightly flirtatious tone to her voice.
"Rather than just the three of you wandering about, you could join the rest of us for a swim." He replies.
"Yay! Swimmy time guys!" I shout to my two friends that are standing right next to me.
We all laugh and the three of us are off to put on our bathing suits. Alexes puts on a tie-dye bikini with a halter top. Jenny is deciding between a black strapless bikini and a colorful flower pattern bikini with sequin embellishments. And I don't have to decide because I brought my blue and purple bikini and white board shorts.
"Why are you wearing those?" Jenny asks in horror, pointing at my board shorts. "You look good in that bikini; you don't need to hide your legs and ass girl." She finishes.
"Yeah hon," Alexes adds," You don't have anything to hide or be ashamed of."
"Says you miss dancer body" I retort to Alexes in a playful way so I don't sound like a total bitch. But she knows, they both do and they keep trying to convince me not to wear the shorts. "You guys know why I'm wearing these shorts and you also know that I'm not taking them off." I say to them. I am so uncomfortable with how my legs look; Since I have done so many sports constantly, the muscles in my legs developed faster than my skin could handle and it left stretch marks on my thighs. It's one of my biggest insecurities even though it may seem like nothing to a lot of people.
"Well today you are getting over this and you are taking off those shorts!" Jenny says very loudly. I'm pretty sure if the guys are inside, they heard Jenny's comment.
"Fine but you owe me for this," I tell her shimmying off the swim shorts. "There, off. Are you two happy now?" I ask.
"Yes, very," Alexes says and Jenny beams, obviously very pleased with herself. I shake my head at them and we head out to the pool. When we walk through the door, Harry wolf whistles at Jenny who decided on the sequined getup. At the same time, Liam turns and looks at Alexes in her bikini and smiles. 'Yeah my friends are hotties', I think to myself. I give them both nudges to head over to the guys who are checking them out and Jenny doesn't need much of a nudge because she heads straight towards Harry who is already in the pool, along with Louis and Niall.
Rather than wait and get in slowly like my friend Jenny, I run towards the pool and do a full-out cannon ball. When I resurface, I get tackled by Louis and I swallow a little bit of water when I laugh. "Louis! You're making me swallow pool water!" I manage to say between coughs and being dunked under the water, while still laughing.
"Come on mate, let her get time to breathe," Zayn says from outside the pool. While I was getting attacked, Alexes and Liam had joined the party people in the pool and Jenny had moved a little further into the water.
"Jenny, stop being such a wuss and get in the water already!" I say, earning me a look and a stuck out tongue. I chuckle but I turn back around to start swimming around. Out of nowhere, Zayn asks Jenny "Who were you shouting at before you came out here?" Jenny looked over at me and I slowly sunk under the water. I tried to stay hidden under the water with my breath held but Louis sunk under and grabbed my arm to pull me back up to the surface. I decided that I would rather play around and swim away from him than let him just catch me. I swam around under water until I finally needed to take a breath so I resurfaced temporarily but it wasn't quick enough, Louis caught up to me and pulled me back towards the group.
"We are supposed to be swimming around and having a good time you know," I say to the group. Great, thanks Zayn, you just had to bring it up; I thought to myself. The group was having a conversation and I would much rather play a game than sit and talk in the pool.
"Okay finish your chit-chat and let's swim okay?" I say and it seems that I'm not the only one thinking that so Zayn asks me, why was Jenny hollerin' at you?"
I look at him and then to Jenny, I really don't want to answer this question right now, in front of a big group of hot guys. Apparently I was taking too long so Alexes says "She wanted to wear board shorts because she doesn't feel comfortable in just a bikini." At least she didn't say why, so I gave her a thank you look and said "Swim time yet?" they all brushed off the previous conversation and Niall said "Who wants to play a game?"
Everyone agrees and soon the conversation about earlier is seemingly forgotten. The first game decided on was chicken fights, I own at chicken fights. "I call Louis as my partner!" I say immediately.
"I get Harry!" Niall says jokingly because Jenny and Harry were already planning how to "win" against everyone.
"I don't really want to participate," Alexes says.
"What? No, you have to!" I protested.
"It's not really my thing" she tried to explain, but I wasn't hearing it.
"Nope, not listening. You've played before so you're playing now." I say sternly, almost in a very bossy way.
She finally agrees after a short time of silence. "Fine, I'll join but the minute someone gets hurt, I'm done." So Alexes is paired up with Liam and Zayn and Niall pair up.
"Okay, ro-sham-bo to decide who goes with who." I say to everyone. "First two people out compete against each other and the two groups remaining play each other. Then there will be a final round with the two winners from the previous rounds." We all play a big game of rock, paper, scissors and the first two groups to compete are Zayn and Niall and Jenny and Harry.
Niall and Jenny climb on the shoulders of their partners and I count down, "Three, two, one, fight!" And the two pairs begin the challenge. Jenny is strong, as is Niall; so it's a close battle. After a short time, Jenny is able to knock Niall over and she and Harry come out as the first set of winners. Now it's time for me to fight Alexes. I look over at her and smile deviously. We climb on the shoulders of Louis and Liam and Jenny doesn't count down, rather she says "GO!" and like that Alexes and I are pushing and shoving in attempt to become the winner of this chicken fight. Liam loses his footing and he and Alexes go tumbling backwards. They lost this round, meaning that Louis and I will be up against Jenny and Harry. Once we are prepared to fight, Alexes does the count down and I am once again, wrestling one of my closest friends. We struggle to shove each other over and soon Jenny is able to get the advantage and shoves me back, taking Louis down with me.
"Good game love," Louis says to Jenny after we regain our composure from falling.
"You too" she replies.
"Congrats on winning" I say to my friends and then slowly sink under the water and swim away.
"You are really bizarre Kim" Jenny says to me laughing at my weirdness.
We swim around and play for hours and then the sun starts to set and we begin to get hungry and tired out a little bit. We had started relaxing about thirty minutes ago and it transitioned into a swim around a little bit with a lot of sitting and chatting in the shallow end.
"It's getting kinda chilly, maybe we should get out and dry off" Alexes suggests to us.
We all agree and Harry says, "We can have a fire too, to warm us up."
"Can I start it?" I ask excitedly."
"No River, you're a pyro," Alexes tells me.
"Damn it! Party pooper!" I yell to her and she shoves me back into the pool even though I was still holding my towel.
"Gee thanks!" I say "I now have a soaking wet towel"
She sticks her tongue out at me and laughs. Gee what a great friend I have. All the guys were laughing at us as was Jenny. Alexes offers her hand to help me out but instead I pull her back in, which I'm sure she was expecting because she had set her towel down before she offered to help. We are both laughing and decide to actually get out this time and when we get out I offer "Truce?"
We shake hands and she agrees, "Truce." We head back over to where the rest of the group was and she grabs her towel and I look at my towel that is dripping from falling into the pool with me. I start wringing out the towel when someone drapes a dry towel around my shoulders and takes the wet one from my hands. "Here love, dry off and I'll take care of the wet towel." Louis says to me.
"Thanks," I say and begin to dry off with the towel he gave to me. I dry off mostly but I wrap the towel around myself to start to dry my bathing suit. I think about going inside to grab myself some sweats so I can warm up but it doesn't look like anyone else is so I decide against it. We are all on the couches and lounge chairs around the fire just talking. Jenny is sitting on Harry's lap and she has a blanket covering her legs, Alexes is sitting really close next to Liam and he has his arm wrapped around her shoulder and I am sitting with my legs draped over Louis' lap I'm leaning my back against Niall's shoulder. I'm glad we have gotten the chance to be so close with the guys.
"Okay so tomorrow we have a radio interview that we would love you guys to come to with us." Harry inserts into our conversation about nothing in particular.
"Sounds great," Jenny says looking up into Harry's eyes.
"Yeah and then after we can take you three out to lunch." Niall says. Niall is always thinking about food, we can be having a conversation about anything and he somehow is able to relate it to food.
"Oh my god Niall, I love you" I say laughing.
"Awww you're too sweet, I love you too Kim" he replies and we both start laughing.
"I think I missed something" Zayn says confused.
"Join the party" Louis says to him.
"Keep in mind guys, Kim loves food about as much as Niall does." Alexes reminds the group.
"Oh, well that's true" Louis says.
"Hey foodies!" Jenny says to get mine and Niall's attention. "Stop excluding us from your laugh fest okay?"
"Okay Jenny," I say still laughing but beginning to calm down. We continue talking about random things, Alexes, Jenny, and I gossiping about people we know and the guys seem so lost so we decide to let them lead the conversation. I'm starting to get tired so I change the way I'm sitting so that I'm straight up against the back of the couch. Despite my attempts to stay sitting up, I lean onto Louis' shoulder and fight sleep. We are all talking and I'm not sure at what point I tuned out but the next thing I know I'm being carried to my bed by Louis.
"Thank you." I say to him sleepily.
"Sorry did I wake you?" He asks me.
"I'm a pretty light sleeper, don't even worry about it." I reassure him.
"You might want to change into pajamas before you go to bed though now that you're awake" he says setting me on my bed.
"Thanks Louis" I say with a weary smile.
"Any time" he says and kisses me on the forehead before walking out. He turns back around and says "Sleep well love" and then he leaves, closing the door behind him.
Well, I sure wasn't expecting that. Ever since I've started getting to know him, my celebrity crush became wow I really do like this guy. And yeah that kiss didn't help much because now I'll be up all night thinking. I get into my tank top and boxer shorts and climb into bed with the hopes of falling asleep. At first, no luck but eventually I fell asleep.
When I wake up and wander into the living room the next morning, Alexes is already there. This doesn't surprise me, but the pale coloring of her face does.
"Alexes? What's wrong?" I ask. She looks at me, and I can tell she's gotten almost no sleep.
"I..I don't feel so great. You remember there were those times in sophomore year where everything I ate made me feel sick? Well…I'm having that problem again. I think it's just because I'm not used to the food here but…" Alexes trails off and leans wearily on the couch. "I'm so sorry River. I don't want to be a bother."
"Don't worry about it! Do you want us to stay with you today?" I ask her, concerned. I haven't seen her this sick in a long time.
"No…I'll be fine on my own. I think I just need some quiet for me to rest, you know?" As she talks, the boys and Jenny are beginning to make their way towards us.
"Good morning!" says Liam cheerfully. Then he notices Alexes. "Oh my, are you okay love?" He asks her, leaning down to meet her eyes.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I just need a moment to collect myself," she whispers.
"No, you are not fine," I interrupt. "You're way too sick to do anything; I've only seen you like this once but I know you are not well enough to go with us." Alexes starts to protests and push herself up off of the couch, but I force her to sit back down.
"Listen, a day to yourself could do you good. I'll have my phone on me if you need anything, okay?" I say.
"Fine," mutters Alexes, realizing that I'm not going to change my mind.
"You need time to recover love," says Liam, squeezing her shoulder. She looks up at him and smiles in a way I had never, not once, seen her look at Ryan. I am so glad she has Liam now, he's much better for her.
"Thank you. I just wish I could come with you to the interview," she tells him.
"We're heading off to the interview soon love, so you can at least hear me. But don't hesitate to call us if you get worse, alright?"
"Well, alright," she consents weakly
"We'll be home soon enough anyway," Jenny adds, apparently having heard the whole conversation from the kitchen where she and Harry had been since they got up. Alexes manages to turn herself around to face Jenny.
"Don't hurry back because of me. I want you all to have fun today anyway," she said, and I smile to myself. This is just like Alexes, to worry about who she might be affecting instead of worrying about herself.
"Guys, I know we're all worried, but if we don't get going we are going to be late," says Zayn. We all make our way out the door. I turn back to make sure we're all together and see Liam lingering in the doorway. I strain my ears to hear what he's saying, but I catch Alexes' voice instead.
"Really, Liam, I'll be fine. This has happened before, I'll deal. Go have fun and I'll see you guys later." She says from inside the house. I stop listening as Liam shuts the door and catches up with us. We all pile into the car and we're off.
We arrive at the radio show, and at first my guard is up because it feels exactly like it had when the stupid TMZ people had followed us around. But the guys handle it well, answering a couple questions here and there, and generally pushing their way through pretty easily. Jenny and I grasp each other's hands to avoid getting separated as we make our way through the crowd. Inside, we're led onto the stage just as the radio host finishes introducing us.
"And now, we have some very special guests. The five singers of boy-band One Direction and a couple of their friends!" Hm, it looks like our visit has already been explained. We are quickly ushered to our chairs and the host turns to us with a big cheesy smile.
"Hello, everyone. How are you all doing today?" he asks us.
"Oh, pretty well. It's nice to be back home," says Harry. I see Jenny squeeze his hand as he continues, "But we've had some amazing experiences in the States as well. Wouldn't you agree Louis?"
"Definitely, it was certainly interesting," he says.
I chuckle. "Interesting" is one word for it.
"And, I see you gentlemen have your two lady friends with you. But wasn't there a third?" asks the host.
"Oh, yes, there is. She stayed behind," says Liam, and then goes silent.
"I see. And what are your names, girls?" he says, turning to me first.
"Um, well, I'm Kim, and this is-"
"Jenny." She finishes for me.
"And the other girl?"
"Her name is Alexes," says Liam. Soon, the nervousness begins to wear off and we're laughing and joking with the host just as the boys do. I can just imagine what Alexes will think as she's listening to this. Before we know, the show is over and we're heading back outside.
"That was so much fun!" Jenny gushes enthusiastically.
"There was no food," complains Niall, and we all laugh.
"Okay we should probably go eat before Niall explodes," says Harry jokingly.
"Harry's right," agrees Zayn, "so where do we want to go?"
"Nando's!" Niall immediately shouts, so of course that's where we end up. When the chicken first arrives at our table, not much talking happens because we're all too busy eating. We clear our plates pretty quickly, but none of us moves to get up. It takes someone to actually kick us out before we move. We all exit to the parking lot laughing.
"Did you see her face? She did NOT want us there any longer," remarks Jenny, giving way to a new round of laughter.
"Come on everyone, let's head back. I want to see how Alexes is doing," says Liam. He's been focused on that the whole time hasn't he? As we begin to walk towards the car, the heel of my shoe gets caught on the road and I trip.
"Well shit," I say, wobbling as I stand back up. Louis picks me up.
"Here love, let me help," he says.
"I just twisted my ankle, Louis. It's no big deal."
"Maybe I just want to carry you then." He replies. I happily accept this answer and turn look at Jenny, who's nodding in encouragement.
I hear music coming from the bungalow get back. I recognize as a classical song that Alexes loves to dance to, so I can automatically guess what she's doing. I should have known she would manage to bring her ballet stuff with her. I hope she was actually feeling better and not just trying to prove that she was ok to us. The guys, however, seem a bit confused.
"Huh, I wouldn't have thought she was the type to listen to this," remarks Zayn. That's when I remember that they don't actually know Alexes dances.
"Just wait until we get inside," I say mischievously. I grin at Jenny; she knows what's going on in there too. I slowly open the door and tiptoe in, making as little noise as possible, he guys following right behind me.
"Look, " I whisper to them and point to where Alexes is in the main room. Her hair is pulled up into a tidy bun and she wearing a leotard, tights, and a black wrap skirt. On her feet she wears the ever-present pointe shoes. Unaware that we're back, she twirls around the room. She ends her practice session with a complicated turn section and begins to curtsy to an imaginary audience. That is, until Liam begins to clap. She turns around, startled. Oh god, she's been crying. Why has she been crying?
"You're back," Alexes says, pausing the music and locking her iPod.
"Yeah, we didn't want to interrupt. I didn't know you dance," said Harry.
"I've danced since I was little. I just…I try to keep it separate from my social life, save for a few close friends. Ever since I can remember there were always remarks about it that people thought I didn't hear, so I don't talk about it. It's that feeling of judgment you know?" she explains. I want to run over and hug her, but I know she needs her distance right now that the guys are around.
"Judgment?" asks Liam.
"Yeah; people assume that just because I'm a bun head I'm a weakling, or sometimes even just because I'm a girl. A few times guys have tried to take advantage of that…one or two of them have been strangers. And sometimes it's true. Sometimes I'm not strong enough to fend them off. But sometimes I am. And it's the remarks….the stereotypes that I get placed into. I got away from that years ago, well mostly, and I don't want to return to it." All the guys stand there in shock as Alexes elaborates. Even I have never heard the full story before, even though I did know she doesn't like dance and friends to mix.
"Alexes…" Liam begins.
"No, don't. I'm fine, really. It's much better now and I pulled through everything that happened. But now you know. I'm a ballerina." At the end, Alexes can't maintain her tough exterior any longer. I follow as she leaves the room.
"River! River, I won't press you about the dancing, but why were you crying before we even got back?"
"Well you see, I began to feel better so I went to get my laptop. I haven't been on facebook in a while, I figured I would check up on everything right? Now I know how Jenny felt. It's like the whole world has turned against me. I got so many hate messages it was ridiculous. I know I shouldn't care. It doesn't matter. But it still hurts." She says.
"I know it's hard. But we better not leave the guys out there too long, they'll start to worry even more," I reply. Alexes agrees to go back out to the main room.
"Um…hi," she says when everybody just stares at us.
"Alexes, listen to me. Your dancing was beautiful. You shouldn't keep that from people, you could have a real career," says Liam.
"Look Liam, I already told you why I hide it. I've been taken advantage of too many times in my life. I'm not letting that happen again."
"How exactly were you taken advantage of?" asks Zayn gently. Alexes immediately freezes up. Uh-oh, Zayn must have hit a sensitive topic.
"It doesn't matter," she says stiffly.
"Alexes, you can tell us," says Jenny.
"But you don't understand! I can't tell you! I can't even acknowledge it myself half the time! Suffice it to say, it left me rather broken at the time. Okay? Now can we PLEASE move on?" Alexes cries. I can tell that everything about her wants to come clean, to explain everything. But she just can't, and I know how she feels so I lead try to brighten the conversation. But the boys aren't having it.
"Come on, Alexes, you will feel better once you say it," Louis coaxes her.
"No." I can already see the wall that Alexes had spent forever trying to avoid is going back up. She's becoming distant again. I remember her telling me about when she "didn't live…just existed." I have to stop this from happening again.
"Love, it's okay. I promise," says Liam, putting his hand on her shoulder. She shrugs it off.
"I said no! Don't you get it? I've TRIED to talk about it, to open myself up and I just can't! Don't any of you understand? There are some things I just can't talk about!" she yells.
"Guys," I say quietly, and they all turn to me. "Leave her be."
"Trust me, what she needs right now is her space. It's hard to be pushed to open up about things you have hard time even opening up to yourself about; I'm guessing you hit one of those things Zayn. Liam, don't take it personally. She's had some rough times. She will tell you when she's ready, I'm sure. For now, just leave it be."
"Kim, I worried about her," says Liam.
"And you have good reason to be. But she'll calm down if you let her," I reply. Jenny looks at me, and then at Harry.
"How can we be sure?" she asks.
"The same way we were sure you would forgive Harry," I tease her, and the mood lightens up a little. By this point it's later in the afternoon, so we all begin to prepare for dinner. I walk into the bathroom and the first thing I notice? My straightener. Shit, shit, shit. I grab the counter, willing myself not to touch it. "You promised," I tell myself, shaking. I don't have any reason to do this, Alexes is the one upset. Suddenly, through the wall, I can hear Alexes shouting, obviously on the phone since no one else is in her room. At that point, I break. I can't hold out any longer. In a way, the pain is almost soothing, and I already feel calmer. That's when Alexes tries to open the door, probably to get a tissue since she's been crying again, and finds it locked.
"River?" she inquires.
"Yes?" I reply steadily.
"River what are you doing in there?" she asks. I don't reply. Outside, Alexes goes silent for a minute. Then she starts banging on the door. "River stop! Stop it! Put it down!" I hear footsteps come running towards the bathroom.
"What the hell is going on?" I hear Jenny say.
"Yeah, what is all the screaming about?" Louis then asks her.
"She…she has the straightener," Alexes tells them, her voice a pitch higher than usual.
"What? Kim, no!" Louis shouts through the door. I ignore them, all of them. I want to stop, I do. But I can't make myself.
"Kim, please, turn it off," Jenny begs me. "You were doing so well. Please."
At last, I give a simple reply. "I can't."
I can still hear the whispers outside but I don't care, I'm not listening. I hear more footsteps but what can they do? They have no way to stop me. Well that's what I think until the power goes out.
"Oh thank god. Thank fucking god," someone says.
"Alexes, watch it," Harry warns. Oh, that's who it was. I let the straightener drop to floor with a clatter and look at the burn marks in the mirror. What had I done?
I don't know what to say. I'm so lucky to have such understanding friends. "But, I do want the straightener back. It's just too tempting for you, and if more drama happens…well, we know what could happen. And I think we can all agree on no more locked doors?" she asks the group. They all nod in agreement.
"And Kim, I want someone to be with you if you're using the straightener on your hair. Just in case. And I want it to be kept in Jenny or Alexes' room, okay?" Louis tells me. I know he's trying to help, but knowing me I would probably find a way to sneak around all of them. No, I can't think like that. They're trying their best, and I want to make it as easy on them as possible.
"Deal," I say. Alexes takes the straightener to go put in my room. Jenny goes to search for where Harry went, and the rest of the guys wander off as well. Except Louis.
"Don't ever do that to me again," he says, still staring at my stomach and he pulls me into his arms.
"I'm sorry. It's just….with all the drama with Alexes today, I guess I couldn't handle it anymore," I reply. The next thing I know, Louis' lips are on my forehead once again.
"We'll fight through this Kim. I promise love, we will figure it out."
I start to cry, damn it I hate crying in front of people but I couldn't help it because I felt like I had seriously let everyone down. I try to walk away but Louis just hugs me tighter so I stand there crying into his chest while he stroked my hair trying to get me to calm down. I cried for a while but I lost track of time. My harsh sobs transformed into sniffles as I ran out of tears to cry. I looked up at him and asked with a serious tone, "I look like shit don't I?"
He chuckled then looked me dead in the eyes and said "You look beautiful, you always do."
If I were a normal person I would probably blush, instead I laughed and said "Don't lie to me, I always look like shit after I cry." And headed for the bathroom to wash my face.
When I reached the bathroom, I gripped the edges of the sink, staring at myself in the mirror. I shook my head, my hair gluing itself to my face, stuck by my drying tears. "Why Kim? Why do you have to fuck up like this?"
It wouldn't be the last time I would fuck up, I knew, but it needed to be the last time I fucked up this way. Screw it, I am done. I snatched the plug from the wall, gripped my straightener, and stormed out of the bathroom with it in my arms. Heading towards the dumpster, I passed by all of my friends with a solemn look on their faces.
Jenny was the first to rise, chasing after me. "Kim, what are you doing?
"I don't want to do it anymore, Jenny. I am so done with hurting myself on the inside and out." I told her, keeping myself ahead of her so she couldn't see my face.
"Why, Kim? Why did you do this? You fucking promised me you would stop. I get it, easier said than done, but seriously!"
"Jenny, I don't need you mad at me right now, I really don't." I said, finally reaching the dumpster and throwing the straightener in.
"God damn it, Kim." she said as she ran over to me and hugged me tight. She stroked my hair and we found a nearby bench. We just sat there, her holding me tight and me sitting there frustrated.
With a final sniffle, I turned to her and said, "I think this is the longest time we have spent with each other one on one in weeks."
At that, she laughed and pulled me towards the bungalow. "Come on you goof."
When Jenny and I walk back into the room, Alexes is crashed on Liam's lap and Louis and Zayn were sleeping on each other's shoulder. Harry quietly turned and yawned while Niall stared into the distance, eyes at half-mast. "Well, I guess I will have to crash with you since my futon is taken." Jenny whispered to me, loud enough for Harry to hear.
"No! You can stay with me!" he said, jumping out of his seat. "Louis is clearly sleeping out here!"
At this, Jenny and I giggle. "Uh, don't think so big guy." I tell him, grabbing Jenny's arm and pulling her in my room's direction.
"But I will be lonely!" Harry said, following us, reaching for Jenny
"Don't think so, love." Jenny said, kissing him gently on the cheek and closing the door behind us. Slowly, she spun around and slid down the side of the door smiling and staring at the ceiling. "God, isn't he dreamy?" she cooed.
"God, aren't you two sickening." I say.
"You are just jealous," she taunts, "Jealous that it isn't you and Louis."
She pops up and walks to the other side of the bed, changing into her purple silk jammies.
Clumsily, I whip open the covers and crawl in smiling all snuggly warm. "I swear, you are the weirdest, but I wouldn't have it any other way." Jenny says, crawling in next to me and shutting off the lamp next to her side. "Now go to sleep, freak."
Jenny is just great with terms of endearment.