You Got A Problem

Rating: T

Takes place current season and after "Service" Jesse, Noah and Frannie are non existent in this particular drabble.

Benson and Carisi walked into the precinct discussing the current case they had just been out together on. Tossing back and forth different scenarios and ideas. The victim had been a working girl that was raped. When they walked into where Rollins and Tutuola were sitting near the idea board. Rollins was just in a mood and it was sensed. When Carisi started voicing his thoughts and telling where he thought things were going Benson saw Rollins roll her eyes and clearly suck her teeth. So once he finished Benson dispersed her orders "Carisi you're with me. Rollins, Fin you two go." Carisi and Fin went to gather their things and Rollins began getting up from the table. Something bothering Rollins was clear, since she had an attitude. Benson wasnt a fan of this particular mood Rollins was exhibiting. She looked over again to see the blonde getting up with her folder "You have a problem?" Rollins looking over at her superior answered back with the same attitude. "Nah". In all actuality Amanda does have a problem... she's hurt and needs a friend more than anything right now. But she didnt say that. Instead she stayed moody when she and Fin went where Liv asked them to go. He let her be. He knew her well, so well infact he knew that if she felt like talking she would talk to him. He was worried though she was on the verge of getting her ass handed to her by Benson. As they finished up and headed back to the precinct Fin asked Amanda if she wanted a coffee. She told him sure. He went in and grabbed the coffees and came back out. Once again trying to get Amanda to talk to him. "So whats going on with you? You and Carisi have another fight? Or do I dare ask if you and Liv got into it?" He knew that she had some kind of feelings for Olivia he just didnt know what exactly they were. She just shrugged. He was boggled as he wanted to know what was up but he also knew not to push Amanda. He was going to however have a talk with Liv. Since she had shown more of a reaction when he mentioned a fight with her more so than when he mentioned a fight with Carisi. Though it was not a fight with Carisi at all, nor was it a fight with Benson. It was something that she was going through, and that was breaking her heart.

When they got back to the precinct Amanda went to her desk and started typing her notes into her laptop and searching up some leads. She knew for a fact she nor the rest of the crew would be going home anytime soon so she might as well make the best of it and stay out of Liv's hair. Last thing she wanted and or needed was for her boss to be on her ass. She rolled her eyes and took a heated deep breath. This was going to be a long fucking night. Liv was still catching vibes of Amanda's attitude and the latest of her being really bitchy to the victim, wasnt like Amanda at all and Liv wanted to know what was up. She had seen Amanda go into the break room, now was her chance.

"Rollins what's going on?" Liv had asked once she had joined the blonde in the breakroom. The blonde was tense and Liv could feel tension, not to mention she was kind of worried about her subordinate.

Amanda stood at her locker, pulling out an elastic so she could put her hair up. Oh she didnt want to get into this, especially now, she didnt want to lose her shit with her boss. She thought a second, maybe she could bullshit her way out of this. As nonchalantly as she could she spoke "This case you know. Sometimes this job is rewarding, other times..." Amanda lied.

"Life affirming in a way. Opens your eyes a bit more." Liv threw in her comment. Hoping to maybe get Amanda to open up.

"More like it makes you wanna pound a fifth of jameson" Amanda replied with dark tone.

Not missing the unreadable tone Liv looked over to her subordinate now knowing her suspicions were infact spot on and there was something going on with her detective, she took her glasses off and tried to talk again. "What's going on Rollins? You okay?" She was genuinely concerned about her, for one she was her detective and for two she was her friend as well.

Amanda shaking her head, trying to keep the tears that wanted to fall at bay. She answered with a sigh. "Yeah." Liv picking up on something but not really wanting to push the blonde as she didnt really respond to being pushed to talk. "You want to talk about it?"

"I'll get over it." Amanda's voice started to break but she hid it with a smile. She wanted to open up to Liv but at the same time she didnt, if that made any sense. The last time there was an opportunity to talk, Liv gave her that goddamn card to see her shrink.

Liv looked at her, knew she was hurting could see it, but also could see that she wasnt going open up anymore so she stood up and walked to the door. "Okay. Well whatever it is, let's not take it out on Sandy." Amanda looked over at her. She still didnt get it, after all this time. Liv walked out of the room. Amanda sat there with a sad, hurt and lost look in her eyes. Thinking to herself, and talking softly to herself "No everything isnt okay but you calling me 'Rollins' doesnt make me want to open up and talk, it actually makes me want to slap you. But I also do need a friend too and it seems noone can be bothered with that lately."

It got to be later on in the day, Rollins had gone on home. She was just done with it all. Her mind completely fried. She stopped at the nearby liquor store to get some tequila and beer. It was gonna be a long night she could feel it. This damn case. Why was it always that she wasnt good enough for someone? She shopped for more booze then she saw the 'jameson' she had mentioned to Liv. Nothing better besides tequila than a trusty shot of whiskey. She grabbed that and paid for her things. After that she headed home. No sooner she got home her phone went off.

"Rollins, just wanted to see if you made it home ok. You seemed very off and almost like you wanted to open up and talk. Let me know if you need anything.-Liv"

Amanda put her bags on the counter and closed the door before checking the message. Sighing heavily she opened up the text from Olivia. It immediately angered her to see that Liv was still calling her Rollins, like what in the actual fuck? So she typed back.

"FYI calling me 'Rollins' doesnt make me want to open up and talk, makes me want to slap you."

Olivia was a bit shocked at Amanda's revelation. She and Amanda had of course had it out before but nothing like this. She didnt know how to respond, as with that last text she knew the blonde was pissed off. So Liv being Liv decided that she and her detective needed to talk as soon as she got into work in the am.

As the night wore on Amanda just drank, thank god for a high tolerance. Knowing if she pounded back the booze now and took some aspirins before she crashed, she wouldnt wake up with the massive hangover she was bound to get. She laid back on the couch turning on some game and started drinking. Then to get her going 'he sent a text'

"Look hun, I know you are mad at what I did. I didnt pay you, so you shouldnt be that angry. We can still be together, we just need to work on your game and get you better in bed. Think about it. - Al"

She poured her shot. Fuck him she thought. He seemed to be the only one who complained about her. Still hurt none the less. She didnt think she was that bad in bed. Tears started to come down. She muttered out loud and instead of taking a shot she drank a glass of jameson. The fucker burned going down, but ooh tasted so good. "Better make me forget him" once that settled in her stomach she got sleepy and passed out.

The next morning she hears a loud buzzing, her damn phone going off. Instead of grabbing her phone she knocked it off the table, then when she reached to get it she ended up cracking her head on the coffee table. Rubbing her head and wincing when she touched the spot she cursed out loud "For fucks sake, really?" Liv was going to roast her ass. She showered as quick as she could leaving her hair wet. When she finally got to the precinct all seemed normal until she heard...

"ROLLINS MY OFFICE NOW"

The tone of her voice let Amanda know that Liv was annoyed. She looked over at her coworkers and they gave the looks like they didnt know. Rollins wasnt always late, and she hadnt planned on being late this am either. She placed her stuff at her desk and walked to her leiutenants office. Quickly deciding to address Liv as 'Lieutenant' as she had still been addressing her as 'Rollins'. Once inside the office Liv told her to close the door and take a seat. Amanda did as asked, after all she didnt want to lose her job. Amanda folded her hands in her lap. Liv noticed she was looking like hell. She wanted to ask Amanda if she had been drinking but decided against it.

"I'm going to try this again and ask, what is going on Rollins?" Amanda rolled her eyes, she knew this was coming. Her anger getting the best of her as she replied "Oh come off it Benson for christssakes, you've been calling me 'Amanda' for months, and now all the sudden we are back to this 'Rollins' shit. What the fuck? That's my problem." Liv was taken aback, she knew Amanda spoke her mind but she wasnt really ready for that. She looked at Amanda and when she replied she had a stern tone. "What do you expect, you take an attitude with a victim Amanda, A VICTIM. She came to us for help and you had the biggest stick in your ass with her. I've cut you a bit of slack here but jesus christ Amanda you cant act like that with a victim. They wont come forward if they feel the cops are blaming them." As much as she hated to admit it Liv was right. Amanda cut her eyes down, she had thought her and Liv had gotten close and could trust each other but her being called Rollins made her feel like they werent that close anymore. "Look Liv I get that I could have handled it better and I have apologized to her. With what has just gone on in my personal life I just snapped. I'm fucking human. It's allowed." This was not going in the way Liv wanted. It was getting hostile and she couldnt fathom why.

Sitting in silence with her boss just looking at her it was doing her in. She felt like shit, noone cared. They noticed she was snippy but not a one of them had inquired about it. Angry tears began to fall. Liv noticed the tears start to fall. She wanted to know what was up with her detective, her friend. Taking a breath, sitting closer to Amanda on the couch, she placed her hand gently in the small of her back. "Amanda what is going on? Since the other day you have been on edge, now you're in here with a cold attitude but clearly hurting as tears wouldnt be falling if you weren't. Talk to me, let me see if I can help you in any way." Amanda glared, she was full of hurt, anger and even embarrassment. "You want to help me eh? Well maybe you can answer me this then. Why the hell am I not good enough? I'm not good enough here thats a given, cause you constantly rip my ass, and go back and forth between calling me 'Rollins or Amanda.' So I'm not good enough for anything apparently." clenching her hands tight into fists "Tell me why he had to go and pay for it? You wanted to know what my issue was with her. There you have it. The guy I was seeing. Yes Ive been dating someone on the DL. Al. He's a cardiologist. One night after we had been intimate he crashed and I was still awake. Me being me, decided to fold his clothes and put them on the chair. Well guess what falls out of his pocket..." Liv looked at her, the blue eyes in her detective full of hurt, and she wasnt holding back. "Go on Amanda, I'm right here, you need to get this out so you can heal." Amanda got up and started to pace "A receipt for an escort. A fucking escort. He barely had time to spend with me, but he could fucking go and pay for it. Come on and I didnt have a right to be pissed at the vic come on Liv. That's fucking rubbing my nose in it." Amanda had sat back down after a minute or so.

Olivia looking over at the woman sitting next to her, keeping her hand on her back moving with gentle ministrations, she understood why Amanda had acted like she did. "And you calling me 'Rollins' I guess just set me off even more. Liv to be honest it hurt. I thought we had come so far and were past that." Amanda turned away, trembling with the onset of more tears, she didnt want Liv to see anymore of her tears. Liv now felt like a first class ass. Granted she wanted to get Sky justice but she had also in the process made her friend feel like she didnt matter. That wasnt right. "Honey, you look at me." Amanda wouldnt look, she just felt so worthless so to speak. Liv gently tipped the trembling blondes chin so she could look in her eyes. Looking directly into those bright blue eyes Liv once again spoke. "Whoever this Al person is, he had a good thing with you. He's the one who fucked up Amanda. Not you. You're plenty good enough. Honey it's on him. You werent lacking. Dont think that. His loss and its a big one. Sweetie going back to your 'why the hell am I not good enough?' he wasnt good enough for you. You're a smart, beautiful woman Amanda. He was stupid to treat you like that, honey you deserve much more than that. You certainly dont deserve to be cheated on, let alone having him pay for it." Amanda swiped at her tears "Look can I just get out there and get to work. I just want to get the day over with and go the fuck home."

Amanda left Liv's office, she grabbed a cup of coffee and went to her desk. As she was working, Fin could see she wasnt really there, she was physically but not mentally. "Hey Manda, you okay?" She nodded answering softly "Yeah Fin, I'm fine." She gave him a small smile that satifisfied him. She continued to work, next thing she knew her phone rang and it was her credit card company. She excused herself from the bullpen to take the call. Once out by the elevators she started talking to them. Seems they were alerting her to large spending on her card. When she told them she hadnt been using the card she sighed, braced herself for the answer and asked what the charges were. When they told her, she just shook her head. She spoke back to the woman, her voice thick with anger and tears "Please just put a stop on the card to prevent it from being used." They told her of course, and that they would get a new card out to her immediately. She also asked them to send her a list of the charges. She went back into the squad room, headed straight for Liv's office.

Shaking as she knocked on the door, Liv who happened to be on a call, came and opened the door. When she saw the blonde and the look in her eyes she told whoever was on the other line she'd have to call back later as she had a matter that needed tending to. She waved Amanda in as she ended her call. Amanda shut the door and stood there.

Liv was a little hesitant of approaching the clearly upset blonde as how it was a heated exhange earlier.

"Amanda what's up?" Liv asked with a calmness in her voice.

Amanda hung her head and went over to the couch in the office. "I'm such a fool. A fucking fool, to think anyone would be interested in just me, let alone a damn cardiologist. What the hell was I thinking?" Liv looked at the distressed blonde in her office, hours ago she would have never thought that Rollins would come to her on her own. Liv watched her sit and waited a minute before joining her. "What do you mean? Amanda we went over this. You're not the fool, he is. He lost a good thing in you." Amanda looked up "Liv I am a fool. I just got a call from my credit card company, they were alerting me of suspicious activity. Liv he got ahold of my credit card and was using that to pay for his good time." Amanda folded her hands together. Liv carefully spoke as she didnt want Amanda to think she was chastising her. "Honey, what can I do to help you? I hate to see you this stressed out." Amanda wiped her eyes. "What I really need is a friend. Just someone who will listen and just let me talk or even not talk." Liv understood what she said and told Amanda she would be there to listen. Amanda couldnt take it she just felt depressed and was beyond hurt. She ended up gathering her things and saying bye to her coworkers. Liv tried to keep her there and to talk but Amanda was shutting down and rather get Amanda upset she told her to go ahead and call it a day, she'd check on her later.

Amanda decided to go hit up her favorite bar. She just needed a release and since gambling was out of the question she opted for the bar. She wanted to forget about her problem not lose her job in the process. She got to the bar and where she was familiar with the bartender when he saw her he got her usual ready. Her usual being a shot of her favorite Jameson whiskey and a bottle of coors. "Shall I start a tab for you Amanda? You look like you have had a hell of a day?" She nodded yes not knowing how many she was infact going to have tonight. Her phone going off with Al's texts and calls. She was just over him. She had cared and yeah a part of her still did cause he got close, but seeing the receipts for the hookers and then being notified that he had taken her card and used it without her knowledge pissed her off.

"Come on Mandy dont be like this. We can work on it. I can help you become more satisfying in bed, then I wont have to pay for the hookers."

She looked and saw that and ohh it set her off. She sent back a venomous reply "Fuck Off and oh fucking pay me the money on the credit card." After sending the reply she downed her shot and asked for another. Just as she downed her shot again, who shows up? If you guessed Al you guessed right. "Well Amanda kind of fitting I find you here. Yet you told me you were a detective with the NYPD. I dont think an actual NYPD detective would be drowning their ass in booze when they should be working." Amanda signaled for another shot as she was going to need it. Then she turned around to face Al. Anger boiling up inside of her, "Who the hell asked you? I could ask you the same thing, what the fuck is a cardiologist doing at the bar. Shit best not be going back to work after here. That's a fucking lawsuit waiting to happen." She turned away from him once again to get the shot she had asked for. Downing it yet again and then chasing with her beer, he decided he was going to put his hand on her. "Now Amanda honey, let's not get all hostile. You wont get any tonight when we go home." Sensing that his patron was about ready to pop this guy the bartender text Liv since he knew that she would come down and get her detective. Amanda spat at him, "How about you pay me the money you fucking owe me since you stole my credit card you son of a bitch. I'm not going home with you." She shrugged his hand off her and promptly asked for another shot as Al was pissing her off. The bartender told her he ran out of jameson as he knew she was bout to blow her top and he didnt want her in serious trouble. This time Al grabbed her side "See he's cutting you off babe. Time to leave." Amanda grabbed her beer bottle "Get your fucking hands off of me you prick." When he didnt do as she asked she crowned him with the bottle, breaking it. Just as she did that Liv walked into the bar. Amanda's eyes blazed, taking the broken bottle to his neck she spat "You're going to pay that fucking bill, you used it for your cheap fucking sluts. I work hard for my money, busting perps like you. Pay me the money you son of a..."

"Amanda dont do it." Amanda was interrupted as she had begun to aim the broken beer bottle's jagged edges to the guy's jugular. She wasnt playing around. Liv came closer to Amanda, putting her hand gently on the one that had the broken bottle. "Amanda he's not worth you losing everything. Please put the glass down. I dont want to arrest my detective." Al sneered "You'll have to arrest her if I decide to press charges." Olivia growled this dumbass not realizing that she was right now keeping Amanda from slicing his jugular. "Look you, if I wasnt here she would have already sliced you. I wont press charges on her cause noone in the bar saw anything and it would ultimately be your word against a dedicated detective's. You want to try me? I can however press larceny charges since you knowingly stole her credit card and spent it on working girls. That's a pretty decent fine and where I'm leiutenant I can bargain for jail time if I want." Joey the bartender came back over, he had clearly had enough of the disruption in his bar so he asked Al to leave. Al looked at him and told him to mind his business. Joey was like I can call another precinct down here and have you locked up cause I'll be the one pressing charges, so your options are leave or stay and spend a night in the facilities. I'm done with you harassing my patron." Al looked one more time at Amanda. "Dont be late." Liv clenched her fists, now understanding why Amanda wanted to cut the man. Keeping her cool she replied "She isnt coming home to you, she's going to stay at my place as I dont want to get a call in the am that my detective murdered her dick of an ex boyfriend." As Al snickered and walked to the door, Amanda ordered yet another beer and another shot. Joey looked at Liv quickly and seeing her nod it was okay he served Amanda what she wanted. "Come on Liv, you're not on the clock, have a drink. Hey Joey can you bring my boss a glass of red wine?" Joey did just that. Liv thanked him. They stayed and had a couple more drinks. Amanda was pretty well drunk, still completely aware of her actions but was definitly inebriated.

Amanda was quiet the drive back to Olivia's. Thankful that she didnt have to go back to her apartment. Once inside Liv's apartment Amanda sort of relaxed. Liv placed her hand gently on her shoulder. "Hey hun, I have a pair of sweats that'll prolly fit you. Do you want a t-shirt too?" Amanda looked at her "Uh sure." Liv brought her the clothes and told her she could change in the bathroom if she wanted. She came back out and just sat on the futon that Liv was sitting on. She sat on the far end. Now it was all starting to hit her once again. Liv moved over slowly as she didnt want to startle Amanda, noticing that Amanda was okay with the closeness she then pulled her into her arms. She held her tightly but not too tight to where she couldnt get away if she wanted to. Amanda though didnt want to break away. Noone had taken this time to just hold her. It shocked her but at the same time it made her feel safe. Letting Liv continue to hold her she spoke, her voice void of all emotion even though she was hurt deep. "Liv how could he do this? I know I'm not worth it but come on, he could have just left me and been done. I know I'm not the best looking woman in the world but fuck I'm not hideous either. Why did he have to be so fucking cold?" Olivia just held her. She didnt know what else to do. Rollins wasnt the type that needed the coddling, but here she was letting Liv coddle her and Liv didnt mind. Liv spoke to her with a stern voice "STOP saying you're not worth it Amanda. You are too strong a woman to let him brainwash you like this. You certainly are not hideous Amanda. You're a very attractive woman." Liv didnt want to give too much away, but she did have a crush on the blonde sitting in her arms. Now probably isnt the best of times to say anything but with her attraction continously growing it sure wasnt going to get any easier to keep it at bay.

Liv held her for a lil bit longer before speaking again. "Sweetie it's getting late, why dont you go ahead and take my bed for the rest of the night and I'll take the couch." Amanda looked down, she was extremely tired both emotionally and physically. "Olivia I am not kicking you out of your own bed. I'll take the couch. Probably wont sleep much anyway. You go and get some sleep Liv. You have a precinct to run in the am. I promise hand to God I'll still be here when you wake up." Olivia looked at the smaller woman before her, she didnt think that Amanda wanted to be alone. "Honey you're not kicking me out of my own bed. I just want you to be comfortable and get a good nights sleep." Amanda gave an almost sarcastic laugh "A good nights sleep, what's that?" Olivia put her hand once again in the small of the blondes back, rubbing gently "Honey I'm fine." Amanda cuddled into Liv as the rubbing of her back eased her nerves and relaxed her so much she was dozing off. Before she dozed off she spoke softly "Liv it takes alot for me to admit this and even ask this. CanIcuddlewithyoutosleep?" Olivia was just about to ask her to repeat what she said but she felt the smaller woman lay her head on her shoulder and by the even breathing she knew she had fallen asleep. She leaned both of them gently back on the sofa. "You know Amanda, I am always here for you. Always." With that she held her detective, more importantly her friend and drifted off to sleep.