Chapter 10

Potions

The week was passing as slow as molasses for Merula. It was true that coming to Hogwarts had been a dream of hers ever since she'd found out about the wizarding school. But she had never had such a busy schedule or had needed to be in meetings and classes that she hadn't set up a time for. Her sleeping schedule had always been quite unorganized and she was having a hard time settling into a routine. And having so many people around her all the time was immensely straining on her nerves. Merula hadn't realized how much she had enjoyed the solitude of her shack in Knockturn Alley. As the days passed, she could feel a weight building up in her chest; a pressure that caused her discomfort and made her movements increasingly jumpy and jerky. She began spending all her free time in the girls' dormitory, which usually remained empty until after dark, and tried to stay away from as many people as she could.

oooo

As Merula made her way down for double potions, she had to clench her hands tightly around her books to force them to stop shaking. Students jostled her on all sides and a panicky feeling began rising in her throat. Just breathe, she chanted a mantra to herself, just breathe and get through another day. Keep your head down and breathe.

Her eyes lifted a little and she saw that the flow of students had brought her down into the dungeons. It was dank and dark down there and reminded her of Knockturn Alley, and she was surprised when she found some comfort in that fact. As Merula entered the classroom, she noticed Harry, Hermione and Ron already seated at a table near the opposite wall. Hermione gave a little wave and motioned for her to join them. Merula took another deep breath and made her way across to the room, taking her seat across from Ron and Harry.

"Hey, we haven't seen you all morning," Hermione greeted her with a smile.

Merula nodded and set up her cauldron, her eyes moved over the ingredients spread over the table. She felt another small wave of relief. Potions were familiar to her, she could do potions. And by the look of the ingredients, they were making Shrinking Solutions.

"Is this your first time with Snape?" Harry leaned towards her.

Merula leaned back slightly at the invasive gesture. Her eyes stayed locked on the ingredients in front of her as she nodded. Harry sat back and exchanged glances with Hermione.

"Boy, are you in for a treat," said Ron, oblivious to Merula's reaction, "Let's just hope that he doesn't find out that you don't talk."

Merula shot a nervous glance towards the front of the class, where Professor Snape had just entered. His black cloak billowed out behind him as he swept around the classroom, making him look like a dementor. Merula shivered and quickly lowered her eyes.

"You will be making Shrinking Solutions today," the professor flicked his wand, "Your instructions are on the board, begin."

And with that he swept off around the classroom.

Well that was a wonderful introduction, thought Merula. She turned her attention to the board, but I was right! A Shrinking Solution is it? I can do that, right Keira? she was answered with a quiet rustle.

This was something she could lose herself in. Merula quickly got to work preparing her ingredients and soon blocked the noisy hum of the students out of her ears. The amount of people around her was pushed to the back of her mind as she chopped up her daisy roots and skinned her shrivelfig. She thought Hermione said something to her, but didn't hear her properly and didn't respond. As the class wore on, Merula felt the pressure in her chest lifting slightly, giving her more room to breathe and the courage to look around. She saw that both Harry and Ron were still only at the beginnings of their potion making. Hermione seemed to be as focused as Merula felt, her hands moving quickly between her pile of ingredients and her cauldron.

Merula's attention snapped to the door when it sprang open with a sudden bang and Draco Malfoy sauntered in. Her eyes locked onto his right arm and she noted that it was bandaged and held in a sling. Malfoy looked around the class as if he were searching for something. A girl from Slytherin asked if he was okay and Malfoy grimaced and held his arm tenderly.

"Settle down, settle down," Professor Snape called from the other side of the class.

Malfoy smirked as he saw the empty seat beside Ron and swaggered over. Merula checked her time and saw that she had a few minutes to wait before adding her next ingredients, so she let herself observe the subsequent interaction between Malfoy and the three Gryffindors who now shared her table.

"Sir," Malfoy called as he sat down, "Sir, I'll need help cutting up these daisy roots, because of my arm -"

"Wealsey, cut up Malfoy's roots for him," Professor Snape didn't even look over as he gave the order.

Merula lifted her eyebrow as Ron grabbed the roots and quickly chopped them half-hazardly before shoving back over to Malfoy. The blond boy complained about the bad job and Ron was forced to switch roots, then Harry was asked to skin Malfoy's shrivelfig for him. The whole thing shed a lot of light on the students whom she had become acquainted with and the professor himself.

It seems there's a social order to follow here, she thought as her eyes drifted down to Malfoy's bandaged arm, which he was leaning heavily on as it rested on the table, if it really hurts that much he shouldn't be putting that much pressure on it.

She reached across the table and tapped Malfoy's hand once with her finger before withdrawing. His eyes snapped to her and she pointed to his arm before lifting hers off the table, trying to show him what she meant.

"What?" the blond boy sneered at her, "If you want to say something, just spit it out."

Merula felt her face become warm and she immediately lowered her eyes and returned to her potion. Her hands shook slightly as she stirred her cauldron and brought the solution to a creamy golden orange colour. So what if his arm doesn't heal properly! she thought with embarrassment.

"Shut up, Malfoy!" Hermione snapped, "Don't be rude to Merula. You know she can't speak."

Merula's eyes stayed focused on her cauldron, but she felt her cheeks growing hotter. Her embarrassment increased, but there was another emotion mixing in her chest. No one's ever stuck up for me before…

There was a slight pause before she heard Malfoy's voice again.

"Well since she wasn't in Care of Magical Creatures, I suppose she's curious as to why I'm so grievously injured," he drawled.

"No idiot!" Harry's voice snapped, "She was telling you not to lean on it."

There was another pause. Merula chanced a quick glance over at the dark haired boy. She was glad that someone had understood her.

"Oh," Malfoy's voice lost some of its bravado, but he quickly recovered from his falter, "Well it does pain me greatly. That oaf shouldn't ever have been allowed to teach. Showing Hippogriffs on the first day! What a moron!"

This comment got a rise out of Ron and Harry and they were soon whispering threats and insults around the table. Merula blocked most of this out. So they saw Hippogriffs in Care of Magical Creatures? She felt a twinge of regret, that sounds like more fun than learning the meanings of runes…

She was drawn out of her thoughts again as Hermione spoke up from beside her.

"Please sir," she was speaking over Merula's head, "Please, I could help Neville put it right."

Merula looked up and saw who she was talking to. Neville Longbottom was a few spots down from theirs and Professor Snape was currently looking into his cauldron with such a sour expression that Merula thought the poor boy might get a detention right then and there.

"I don't remember asking you to show off, Miss Granger," Snape said coldly "Longbottom, at the end of class we will feed a few drops of this potion to your toad and see what happens. Perhaps it will encourage you to do it properly."

The look of horror on Neville's face made Merula feel pity for him. As soon as Snape was out of earshot, the boy leaned over.

"Help me!" he whispered desperately to Hermione.

The bushy haired girl quickly began whispering instructions to him behind Merula's back. Merula found this easy to ignore, but Harry and Ron had also started a conversation with another Gryffindor boy, Seamus Finnigan if she remembered correctly, and were talking in low voices about Sirius Black.

"Thinking of trying to catch Black single-handed, Potter?" Malfoy butted into the conversation.

Harry glared at the blond boy.

"Yeah, that's right," he said nonchalantly.

Malfoy grinned coldly.

"Of course, if it was me," he said quietly, "I'd have done something before now. I wouldn't be staying in school like a good boy, I'd be out there looking for him."

"What are you talking about Malfoy?" Ron muttered roughly.

Just then, Merula caught sight of Ron's potion and reached out to get his attention.

"What is it?" the ginger boy glanced at his cauldron, "Oh bugger!"

Ron's potion was sluggishly oozing around his cauldron in a thick purple mass. He began frantically trying to bring it back to the pinkish yellow he'd had a few minutes ago, but was only succeeding in making it blacker. Snape's progress through the class and snarky retorts, which could be heard all around the room, probably weren't helping. Malfoy looked absolutely gleeful as the professor began moving closer and closer to their side of the classroom and Ron got more and more frantic. Merula reached out and tapped the ginger boy's shoulder. When Ron turned, she handed him a small bottle.

"What's this?" Ron eyed the oozing, clear liquid inside.

Merula pointed to his cauldron and made a stirring motion. Ron shrugged and added the bottle's contents into his potion. As he stirred, the liquid slowly turned pink and thinned out. Ron's eyes widened and he mouthed "thank you" back at Merula. She smiled and turned her attention to her own potion. She knew that nothing could completely save Ron's potion, but now he should at least get some marks for it.

"Professor," Malfoy suddenly called out, "Weasley's cheating,"

Snape walked over and looked into Ron's cauldron.

"This is obviously much higher than your normal grade of potion, Mister Weasley," Snape sneered, "Five points from Gryffindor for not providing original work."

"But sir," said Ron desperately, "It wasn't someone elses work. I just added something to fix my potion."

"And what was this something?" asked Snape.

"I…I don't know, sir… Merula gave it to me…," Ron stammered.

Snape turned his attention to Merula.

"Well this must be our new third year," Snape muttered, "What did you give Wealsey, Miss Alsop?"

Merula held out the bottle, turning it so the label was clearly visible.

"Donkey spittle?" Snape sounded a bit surprised, "And what made you think to use this?"

Merula pointed to the cowsbane and raised her hand high then gestured to the wormwood with her other hand and brought it lower, then she leveled out both hands in front of her. Snape stared at her, but his eyes flicked momentarily to her cauldron. It was simmering away happily and glowing a nice orange at the moment.

"Umm… she doesn't talk much, professor," murmured Hermione, "I think she means that it balances the mix of too much cowsbane with too little wormwood."

"Yes Miss Granger, I know perfectly well what Miss Alsop was trying to say," snapped Snape, "It would do better if Miss Alsop told me herself. Five points from Gryffindor."

Merula felt both guilty and defiant at the professor's statement. Hermione didn't have to translate for her, she could manage by herself. Meanwhile, Snape had moved on to check another boy's cauldron. Other students were sending her strange looks and whispering amongst themselves. Harry, Ron and Hermione were all looking at her with sympathetic faces.

"It only gets worse from here on in," warned Harry.

Merula shrugged, it was time to add the last ingredients to her potion and her cauldron demanded her full attention.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Merula sighed as she left the potions classroom. She was eager to get to the Great Hall and eat lunch, and she wanted nothing more than for this day to be over. But there was still Defense Against the Dark Arts to do before she could reach the quiet of the dormitories. She felt her feet dragging on the flagstones as she followed after Hermione as they started up the stairs to the Entrance Hall. The bushy haired girl paused for a moment and Merula stopped so as not to run into her back. Then, Hermione wasn't there.

Merula blinked and rubbed her eyes. What?! She glanced around her, but Hermione was nowhere to be seen; she was left alone in the corridor. Malfoy and his two cronies rounded the corner and were coming up behind her, but they were the last ones out of the class. Merula's eyes fell down to the blond boy's bandaged arm and saw that his fingers were clenching easily and he didn't have a look of pain on his face. She couldn't help the smile that lifted her lips. It looks like it isn't too bad after all, she felt relieved.

Her eyes rose and she felt the pressure in her chest increase as she realized Malfoy was watching her. Merula quickly averted her eyes and turned around, her mind going back to wondering where Hermione had gone.

"Hey, Alsop."

Merula's shoulders stiffened and she took a step forward before turning back around, putting some space between her and Malfoy. Her heart rate increased and her legs itched to run away; but there were no drainpipes she could run up to escape the crowds in the halls of Hogwarts.

"I thought you should know, since you seemed concerned…" Malfoy's eyes flicked over her head before settling back onto her face and lifting his arm, "It's healing pretty well… though it's been really nasty for a few days. That stupid bird should be executed before it hurts another student."

Merula nodded her head cautiously and gave another faint smile. She didn't think there should be any executions, but she was glad that the wound was healing. One of the boys over Malfoy's shoulder let out a cough and Merula lifted an eyebrow. Malfoy gestured to the two boys behind him.

"Oh yeah," he said, "Goyle was wondering why you don't talk."

Merula simply shrugged her shoulders. She wasn't going to explain herself. There was an awkward silence, then Malfoy cleared his throat.

"Well, don't want to miss the feast," he said, then the three continued past her and down the corridor. Merula turned with them and waited for a few seconds before following. She had some space now, and she was going to take advantage of it.

"There she is," Harry's voice drew her attention and Merula looked up to see Hermione just ahead of her on the stairs, clutching her bag and panting.

"How did you do that?" Ron asked as Hermione's bag burst all over the floor and she shoved some of her books into his hands.

Merula didn't hear the rest of their conversation as they moved on up the stairs. She kept her pace slow and enjoyed the empty halls. The ceiling above her was humming with the many students going to lunch but her hunger, though it was gnawing at her stomach, wasn't so strong that she wanted to hurry and join the crowd. She reached out and rested her hand against the cool dungeon wall. Leaning against it for support, she closed her eyes and imagined being back in her shack in Knockturn Alley. She visualized her makeshift bed and shoddy cauldron, the holey roof and the flimsy cupboard. The only thing good about that place was that it was quiet, she frowned, I don't really want to go back there…I need to find someplace where I can unwind here. Her chest tightened and her hand flew up to run along Keira's body, searching for comfort, and soon, or else…

"Is there a reason you are tarrying in the halls, Miss Alsop?"

Merula's eyes snapped open and she whirled around to see Professor Snape standing level with her. She immediately jerked her hand down and bowed her head, giving it a slight shake.

"Well then move along," the potions master snapped.

Merula nodded her head and turned, adjusting her bag and continuing up the stairs. Her body remained tense as she heard the footsteps of the professor following behind her. With each tap of his shoes on the stone floor, the knot in Merula's chest grew tighter and tighter. She could feel his eyes digging into the back of her head as if little trowels were actually working away at her scalp.

I have to find a place where I can relax before the pressure gets too heavy. It would be bad if it gave way while I was around people… but I can last for a while yet, she rested a hand on her chest as she entered the Great Hall and gazed out over the mass of students. Snape stalked past her and approached the teacher's table.

Merula sat down at the Gryffindor table and filled her plate, her eyes ogling all the tasty food spread out before her. I definitely don't want to go back to those Alleys, she thought as she munched on some meat pie.