CHAPTER 8
"Yo, banker, Reno on the line!" I said as soon as our lines have been established. Ah, technology rocks, I must say!
"Now, don't worry too much, Reno!" he said in a semi-undertone. "I'm not after some crazy pun this time."
Yeah, yeah, after that entire "bikini bottom" pun with Dita earlier, how wouldn't I worry? I have high regards for women – even though I am a voyeur on rare occasions, which mostly happen during our monthly trip to the local onsen (hot spring) somewhere around Beppu. I still remember that fateful day – a day after the Lee Chaolan episode – when the entire Shoujo 26, wrapped only with their silky white towels, began screaming out loud as they threw those pumice pebbles upon me like they were Red Sox pitchers. Result: a storm of foul words from "Tough Gun" Barret himself.
Back to our conversation, I asked the baldhead banker in a cautious tone.
"Yeah, I know, ya with da shiny bald head! Now, is there anything else you wanna say – aside from the offer, of course?"
"Indeed, I have a favor to ask ya, Reno," he said.
"Okay, what's it?"
"Please tell Anko to call up this guy named Noboru Yoshikawa as soon as the show ends. He sounds like he has some great news to tell his girlfriend, I suppose."
Great news? Like Noboru's just won a free ticket to the fifth Tekken Iron Fist Tournament? If that's so, I'd like to see Lee do his kick-butt combos against that crispy hot Jinpachi Mishima, in case he manages to enter the finals.
Well, forget it! Listening to upbeat J-pop music is a whole lot better – how 'bout "Just Communication", yo people? Yo, anyway, let's just go back to the offer.
"No problem, yo banker! Now that it's been said, what will be your offer, man?" I asked him.
"Since Mister Krabs has played poorly in this round, I shall offer him… yes, I'll offer him 7,400 gil, no more, no less!" he replied.
I didn't have to push the "End Call" on my phone; the banker cut the conversation himself. I guess he's preparing for round three.
Dita once again opened the hatch for me as I announced the offer – "7,400 gil, yo, Eugene!" Quite expectedly, Eugene's face turned into a frown, a frown that's definitely worse than Byakuya's oh so serious facial expression.
Steam literally blew off steam from his red head as he said unsteadily, with glowing eyes, "7,400 gil? I won't allow that! Why doesn't he give me five million gil instead?"
Five million gil? No way would our wise banker do that silly thing!
By the looks of things, I guess I don't have much choice…
I did what first entered into my mind: I picked up my phone and dialed Anko's mobile number.
There was a single ring, and then, it's her.
"Oh, it's you, Reno-san!" said Anko in her most snobbish tone yet. Nah, I guess that's why she's often misunderstood.
"Yeah, Anko, it's me! I wonder if I could ask ya a favor." I asked in the most polite way I could.
"Why, yes, of course, Reno-san! Well, what is it, anyway?"
"Could you please come here at the studio for a while? I guess I'll need your adrenaline rush on this situation."
Anko answered with utmost certainty. "Certainly, Reno-san! I once beat up my boyfriend Noboru, so whoever you wanna beat up, let me do it!"
The conversation ended with a simple bleep; I put down my phone upon my podium. Now, I wonder what's gonna happen next.
From the Shoujo 26's staircase, there appeared, once again, Miss Anko Uehara, now in a casual outfit: cottony yellow blouse, white miniskirt, and a pair of yellow Chuck Taylor shoes. What didn't seem to change, though, are her signature hairstyle and her snobbish facial expression.
And, oh, she had a white cloth wrapped around her right hand.
She walked down the staircase, all the way towards us.
As soon as she stopped walking, Anko, with the wrapped hand on her waist, looked towards my eyes with conceit.
"So, what am I to do, Reno-san?" she asked with a sarcastic smile on her lips.
That question I replied to immediately. "I know you're good at beating up guys into pulp, so I thought you might help in giving our steaming contestant Eugene right here a thousand slaps a la Yuri Sakazaki."
"No problem, Reno-san!" she said.
"Please be careful with what you're going to do to Krabs-san, Anko-chan!" Dita said with worry in her eyes.
"Such a childish request…" Anko said in return.
She then proceeded towards Eugene, staring at him with her own threatening eyes.
Then, finally, with her wrapped hand in the air, she yelled something.
"Will you get hold of yourself, you red crab?"
Anko followed up with a series of slaps at Eugene's face; if it – his face – weren't red, we could have witnessed how it turned deeply red from the relentless flurry of blows from Miss Uehara's hand.
When the assault finally stopped, Anko walked away as if nothing had happened. As for Eugene, he's no longer as red as a pressure cooker.
And Dita? She's thankful that our contestant's back in his sanity.
Now that Eugene's himself again, I said those words…
"Press that button to get the banker's offer. Say 'No Deal', and we continue the game." And once again, Dita and I said the famous tagline – of course with the gestures…
"Eugene, is it a deal… or no deal?"
And once again, everyone in the audience jeered, this time split into two groups: those who are shouting out "DEAL" and those who are screaming out "NO DEAL!!" Sounds like an all-out political rally down here, definitely!
Even though Eugene's himself, he still would not accept "such a measly offer". And so, he closed the hatch as he said, "NO DEAL!!"
Let's move on to round three, yo! Or… perhaps we should introduce some guests first.