After we're finished for the day, we start cleaning up the Pit and Tobias comes over to me. I know that I'm not in the clear after the way he looked at me when I came back from the bathrooms earlier. He still remembers like I still remember and so I know he's going to ask me about it. So I do what I've done the past couple of days, and avoid his gaze as I pull the knives from the box. I don't want to leave quite yet, and I figure throwing blades will help distract me a little bit from the conversation that's about to happen. He steps toward me and I move away and head toward the targets. He chuckles and I hear him grabbing his own set of blades before following me. I throw the first blade and it hits the heart.
"So you want to tell me what happened or are we going to have to play twenty questions?" He looks at me before throwing his own blade.
I take a breath before answering. "Christina came to see me," I say throwing another knife.
"She did?" he sounds surprised. I wonder why, because with this Christina, I'm not surprised she reacted that way. "What did she say?"
"Mostly that I was crazy."
"Why would she—" Tobias stops. "Did you tell her?"
I bite my lip and then lift my shoulders in a shrug. "I thought that she would understand!"
He sighs. "Tris, what you know…it's hard to believe. I believe it because I trust you, but Christina…and anyone else, it's complicated."
"I know," I say shaking my head as I walk toward the target to pull out my blades. I flip one in my hand as I walk back toward him. "I was desperate, I guess. For her to know who I am. To remember something…anything. I thought we were closer than that," I look up at him. "It's weird being here…like this; this situation. Where I'm the only one who knows what's happened." Well, the only one besides Uriah, but it seems to me that no one else knows that Uriah had died, except for Uriah…and me of course, but still. I make a mental note to talk to him later because if I don't, and I let it stew any longer than it already is, I'll drive myself crazy. I don't know what Uriah is doing here, but I do know that if I get things back to the way they were, then he's not going to be here. And I can't lose him again; I can't let Tobias go through that guilt more than he already has. It wouldn't be fair.
He nods at me and walks toward me, brushing a hand down my cheek. "I know," he says. "But you'll get through it."
"How can you know that?" I ask him.
"Because you've got me."
I glance at him and he's wearing that half smile on his lips and I can't help but match it. That smile has always been a weakness of mine and I feel like a part of him knows this. Or he's caught on to it…which shouldn't be hard considering the way that he's probably seen the way that I look at him. I think everyone has seen the way that I look at him. I don't attempt to hide it…there's not really a reason to…not anymore.
"Well that's a relief," I say, my voice half teasing, half serious. I am not afraid of him not being there for me. I am afraid of not being enough for him. Not being enough for this game, this life, this choice. Everything is different…even the way that I love Tobias is different. I don't take it for granted now. There's too much at stake and there's too much that I'd be risking if I didn't love him the way that he deserves. This is Tobias Eaton…this is the man who has saved my life more times than I can count. I owe everything to him and he deserves to know that…if at least for a little while. However long this sim lasts, I need to be there for him. I need to be his.
He tugs my arm and pulls me against him. My heartbeat picks up speed in my chest and my eyes look up into his. I swallow, licking my lips nervously. I can feel his heart beating against my chest; our bodies are so closely pressed together. I can't find the words to say…I wouldn't even know what to say anyway, I'm so nervous. He grins at me and I hear the knives clatter to the floor. I couldn't tell you if they were mine or if they were his. He puts one hand on my waist as his other hand moves to lift my chin up to look down at me.
"Are you nervous?" he asks looking at me.
The feeling of his fingers on my skin sends shivers and heat simultaneously though my body. I shake my head at his question and I take in a breath, inhaling his scent, everything that makes him who he is. This is who he is to me. He's everything to me and I love him. "No," I tell him. "I'm not."
"Good," he smiles before leaning down to kiss me.
I am not prepared for the way this feels. It spreads through my entire body and it's like an electric shock straight to my toes. It is like the first time I kissed him. I pull my hand from his as I wrap my arms around his neck, kissing him back eagerly. His hands move to my waist and he pulls me against him. I sigh as I part my lips against his and he pulls away. I am breathless as he rests his head against my own. I am hanging onto him because I'm afraid to let him go. I am partially afraid that this may be a dream.
I open my eyes and looks up at him and see that he's looking down at him. The look is one that I recognize. He's looking into me, looking into my soul. This would be a perfect time to tell him that I love him, but I can't bring myself to say it. Not yet…not now. I don't want to move too fast with him, I don't want to scare him away. I kiss him again before I pull away from him to pick up the knives.
"What do you say we go and get tattoos tonight?" Tobias says bending down to pick up his fallen blades. I walk over to the table to put the blades in their containers. He comes up behind me and I hand him the box.
I lift my shoulders in a shrug. "I wouldn't even know what to get," I tell him.
He looks at me and brushes his fingertips over the birds on my collarbone. "I'm sure you'll find something," he says.
I watch his hand as it brushes over my skin and I lick my lips before looking back up at him. "Yeah, okay," I say putting the lid on the container of knives and setting it back down on the table.
He holds out a hand I take it, lacing my fingers with his as we making our way out of the Pit and up the steps toward the tattoo shop. The feel of his hand in mind is comforting and I'm glad that I have him here with him…someone to lean on. It makes this easier than it would have been if I had to go it alone. We reach the top and we walk into the red lit room with the music blasting and it feels like home to me. We walk over to the wall that holds the tattoo designs and I let go of Tobias' hand so that I can walk around the wall to look at them all. I pull one out that is a series of vines that I want to get wrapped around my ankle and I turn to find the Dauntless worker and I stop in my tracks when I see them.
She comes toward me, her dark hair up in a half ponytail and I feel my heart stop in my chest. I stare at her with shock on my face and she smiles at me, that knowing smile on her lips.
"Hello, Tris," Tori says.