Chapter 11: Charles

In that ditch, I truly thought my last moment had come and all I could think of was that at least I was with her, and there was nothing else I wished for as an ending to my life, if it had to end. Except kissing her. Her face was so close, her lips were so close, and I just felt there was no more time to waste and then I just did it. It was not even a conscious decision, for once I did not let my brain decide. And she responded, drew me closer to her, parted her lips, let her tongue meet mine. For a minute I nearly forgot where we were, I could have gotten undressed and made love to her in that ditch because everything else was forgotten - 2 section as well as enemies. Then the raindrops fell and broke the spell, woke me up from the dream. Talk about losing focus – completely. But then again, if I was to die that sure would be the way I would choose to go.

When we moved forward again, and I watched her slender back in front om me, I thought of how I wanted to get this operation over and done with and then to be alone with her sometime soon. Tomorrow was the last day she was to be a part of 2 section, then she would return to Bastion. I would be allowed to tell her my feelings, and after what just had happened I dared to hope like I never had before, that she felt the same. I had to seek her out in Bastion as soon as possible and talk. Or maybe not talk, maybe instead continue where we just had interrupted. Anyway, let her know – and know myself, somehow, what we meant to each other.

Soon we reached the compound we were headed for and now I had to stop dreaming and focus on the present to make sure we survived it. We all hid and rested there in the empty building until the morning came. Molly sat on the floor at some distance away from me and I barely dared to meet her eyes because I was afraid I would expose my feeling for her to everyone then. I wondered if she was nervous, or afraid, as she was the one who would have to identify Badrai. Probably and I wished I could have moved closer to her and put my arms around her and told her everything would be fine. We would get through this together, although I was far from comfortable putting her through this even if she was tough.

When dawn came we made sure we had eyes on the road where we expected the truck with Badrai to come driving, and on the bridge where it had to pass and would be stopped for a check. We were all on our toes, but as the hours went by and the sun rose higher in sky it got quite tedious waiting. At high noon a truck finally came driving on the dusty road and we immediately became fully alert again.

The truck drove up to the point at the end of the bridge where the ANA, who were informed of our presence and the plan, stopped it for what seemed to be a regular check for any passing vehicle. That was our sign to move and we crossed the bridge, approaching the truck from behind, which we did with caution. We could not know for sure who or what was in that truck. If it was Badrai alone, or if he had other insurgents with him, and if there were explosives too. It could also be a truck full of innocent people and then we neither wanted to scare them nor hurt them. When we reached the truck and positioned ourselves around it, the ANA soldiers had already removed the cover that had been over the back of the truck and revealed that at least there were no explosives to be seen. They must be transported to Bastion in some other way. Some people were seated in the back, however all seemed to be women although all of them, as could be expected, wore niqab or even burka making it difficult to identify any of them.

For a moment I turned away from the truck, to discuss with the ANA soldiers if it would be possible to ask the women to show their faces to Molly only, woman to woman, so we could be sure that Badrai was not hiding under those clothes, which were indeed convenient attire for anyone who wanted to disguise themselves. Suddenly, before any of us could react, one of the presumed women agilely jumped down from the truck and pulled Molly to her. From under her clothes she conjured up a long knife which she held to Molly's throat. She had her back against the truck, so she had cover from behind and held Molly in front of her as a human shield. It all went so fast, in a second Molly had become a hostage.

"Back away", a dark male voice hissed in broken English. Then louder;

"Back away and lower your guns, or I'll cut her throat."

To show us he was serious, he pressed the sharp blade against Molly's soft skin, so drips of blood emerged, and she squealed. I saw the fear in her eyes and the same fear was squeezing my own heart, but I had to stay on top of this - for her.

"Let her go, you have nowhere to escape here."

"Oh yes, I do. You're going to let me get into that truck and I will drive away."

Ha said a few words in Pashto and the women who sat in the truck immediately fled out of it. Apparently, he wanted no excess luggage. He kept his eyes on me. I kept mine on him, on Molly, on the knife that could end her life with one swift move. I could not let that happen. I signed to 2 section to retreat a bit and backed a few steps myself, to make him feel less threatened.

"Now I will move slowly to the driver's seat. Make no sudden movements or I'll kill her."

I still held my gun pointed at him, but the way he held her I could not shoot him without risk hitting her instead, which he of course knew.

"For once a woman is of use", he said with mockery in his voice. "She will come with me. If you follow me she dies. I will use her well."

The tone he had in his voice when he said the last, sent shivers through my body because it painted pictures in my mind of him abusing her. I could not let him take her, but I could not risk shooting her either. I did not know what to do and I was afraid my feelings for her were clouding my judgement. Then I met Molly's eyes as she looked straight into mine. She mimed;

"Don't let him take me with him. Shoot."

I could not talk back because Badrai would see, but I tried to tell her with my eyes that I did not want to risk hitting her. She just repeated;

"Shoot."

And when I looked into her eyes, I realised that she meant that she would rather take the risk to get hit by a straying bullet and die, than go with him and let him get away. Still I hesitated, I would not be able to bear it if she died by my hand. My mouth was dry, I heard a whizzing sound in my ears from my blood pumping.

"Shoot, please."

Then I pulled the trigger and the bullet passed right next to her ear and hit its target, between Badrai's eyes and he fell to the ground. It was over. Still it took a few seconds before any of us could move, then I stepped closer to Molly and took her in my arms.

"You're all right, Dawesy. You're safe. It's over."

She was shaking and sobbing, and I held her for a while. It did not even appear strange to any of the others present, given the situation. Only I knew that I had the woman I loved in my arms for the first time and it was extremely difficult to finally let her go. It felt completely unnatural. For a moment she had been where she belonged and when we stepped apart I felt empty and cold, deprived of the touch of her.

We called in the American back-up troops that had been waiting at some distance and they soon came driving. The dead man was stripped of the niqab he had been wearing so we finally saw his face and Molly was asked if she could identify him. She nodded;

"Yes, it's Bashira's father, it's Badrai."

That meant we had succeeded half-way. Badrai had been caught, but we had not located the explosives and we did not know who he had been collaborating with and if they still would go through with the plan to attack the hospital. However, the Americans as well as special forces were on it and our part of the operation was over and we were to return to the FOB.

As we drove the long way back she sat opposite to me. Sometimes when the vehicle moved on the bumpy road, our knees touched. It was not the way I would have liked to comfort her, but it was better than not touching her at all. I was not my normal calm self, I was trembling, shaken by the thought of how close it had been, how easily Badrai could have slit her throat and she would have been gone. I had also killed a man at very close distance, and that does not even leave a soldier like me unaffected, but I had the feeling this had very little to do with my reaction in this moment. It was the immediate danger she had been in that did this to me. Tomorrow morning, she would leave. I did not know how I would be able to stand it after this.

When we finally came back to the FOB, it was already beginning to get dark. I told the rest of the men to go get some scoff and then get to bed early but asked Molly to come with me to the Ops tent to de-brief with Major Beck. We informed him of what had taken place and at the end of it he nodded;

"Well done, Captain James. If you had not killed Badrai we don't know what would have had happened, with him or with Captain Dawes."

I did not feel any pride for having killed a man, for extinguishing a life, I was only relieved that Molly stood here beside me. That was all that mattered.

Beck informed us that special forces had managed to locate another truck with the sought explosives and succeeded to overtake it and apprehend the men inside. It seemed like for now, an attack of the hospital had been averted, even if there was no way to know if another would be planned. It was a pity that we had not had a chance to interrogate Badrai, but the men that the SF had taken were for sure being questioned as we spoke. Beck continued;

"I understand this is your last evening here, Dawes. That you are returning to the hospital tomorrow to resume your duties there?"

"Yes, Sir."

"You have done an excellent job here. Not every doctor is cut out for being in the field, but you have proven yourself on numerous occasions. I'm sure Captain James will agree to that."

I nodded, and he went on;

"I hope your time in Bastion will be less eventful."

"I hope so too, Sir. I prefer taking care of casualties to having a knife against my own throat."

"Fully understandable. I hope that if our roads cross again it will under happy circumstances."

"Thank you, Sir."

He gave us permission to leave and we did, walked out of the tent into the warm Afghan evening where the crickets now were having a concert in the darkness. I have grown to like that sound. I even miss it when I'm back home. We walked side by side, Molly and I, and my heart was thumping inside my chest and I felt something that resembled panic. She would leave so early, this might be the last I saw of her before that. Suddenly I knew with certainty that I could not let her go, not like this.