Author's Note: Before we get to putting Ariana thru her paces, let's have a brotherly moment with Mav eh? No? too bad! Mwhahaha!
Thanks go to my reviewers as always, KL10X, HL98, Arrow and JB
Chapter 11
Confessions of a ghost
I do manage eating the broth but mainly it's due to Makenzie staring me down when I try and push the bowl away with my off hand. When the bowl is empty and she checks my arm one last time to make sure circulations hasn't been compromised she lets me rest.
Maverick comes back a few minutes after I had I finished, he catches me standing at a 'window'. It's just a light box, but it gives off the same kind of light and warmth of sunlight. It's supposed to be soothing, but it's just making my heart ache.
"Miss your family?" he says softly as he comes over
I shrug, I don't know how to explain how I feel right now, instead I ask a question.
"Did I do the right thing?" I ask, "making them believe I am dead?"
He's quiet for a few moments, and sighs, "I don't know, to be honest Ariana if I was in your position I think I would have been too scared to do what you did, its completely unselfish and brave, true they are hurting now, and I know if I was Seneca I wouldn't be able to forget you"
I close my eyes at that remark and ball my hands into fists.
"But I also know if they knew why you did it they couldn't be more proud of how selfless you are…damned crazed and as cunning as a fox, you care more about them then your own safety" he touches my fist, "I think you are being too hard on yourself, like in the arena when you killed Jade outright to save me"
"I was fourteen Mav" I look at him
He nods, "true but you were smarter than all of us, you were surviving thriving even, the rest of us were dying off because we didn't think we needed to know how to survive"
I look back at the light box, its doing absolutely nothing for my mood. I think he knows this.
"Come, let's walk, if you get lightheaded I can drive you back" he says.
The halls of the hospital ward are quiet and damn near empty. It takes a while but Maverick breaks the silence.
"I nearly died when they brought me here, heart attack, worse than yours" he starts, "I was in a traction bed until my injuries healed and then I was in physio for weeks, months on end" he looks at me.
"I don't know how I-" I start but he interrupts
"No its okay just listen" he continues, "you should understand some things. I have a feeling my mom told you about Marie?" when I nod he continues, "well I thought I failed you, they said you were being reckless, doing those things for the districts, having that big festival, I knew something was wrong, I knew you were trying to be the brave one. I also knew you knew exactly what you were doing, maybe not consciously but you and I both know there is something very wrong with a nation that is okay with seeing kids kill each other. I heard thru Plutarch what you were up to, and before you even told me of your attack I had heard that an attempt was made. I didn't know if it succeeded. Until I started hearing about how you were I didn't want to continue, I couldn't walk, I felt useless. Plutarch kept telling me I wasn't, same as the doctors, but when I heard you were almost attacked it made me want to fight back too, when I heard that Plutarch was aiming to recruit you I knew you needed someone so I kept fighting kept with the rehab"
"But not with eating properly" I say
"Have you seen the muck they give us? Right you're still on broth but trust me I would kill for clear broth sometimes" he chuckles, "point is Ari, in you is a fighter and a pragmatist, you know what you did is right…maybe not straight away but deep down you know what you did had to be done or other innocent people would die"
"So why do I feel like a failure" I say, "why am I doubting that I did the right thing?"
"Because we don't want to let go of the people we love" he says, "I blamed myself so fully for Marie dying that I volunteered for the games. I wasn't a true career I didn't do a whole six years of training like Abbleline I was seventeen when I chose the academy, I wanted to die. Then I met you and knew that if I did die at least I wanted to make sure another girl would survive. I left Ren , Jade and Abble when they wouldn't listen to reason. Nearly got into a fight to leave but after pinning Ren to a tree he let me go cursing me for being stupid, I tried to find you. I knew Farrow was somehow looking out for you and when he died I knew you needed maybe not a protector but a friend."
"So you were looking for me?" I ask, he nods, "guess the whole reaction was fake then?"
He chuckles, "no that was real Ari, I thought when you were helping me I was deluding myself, I never thought you'd trust me enough to come to my aid, you didn't know me. So each time you helped by sharing food, or keeping me alive and saving my life just cemented what I had thought."
"What was that?"
"That you are a good person, someone who respects life, and people around them" he replies, "you just have to realize that yourself, and it's a hard lesson to learn, my mom tried with me, when Marie died and I told them I was going career she begged me told me I was a good person that it wasn't my fault but then released me, knowing I meant to go. You taught me I was worth something Ari, and I want to thank you"
I stop, I can feel myself want to cry.
Maverick just takes my hand, "just don't give up on us okay?"
I nod.