Dear ALL. Sorry this one came so late. I was at a remote area for quite some time that had absolutly no internet access or a computer so I didn't really get to type anything. I'll probably have problems later on too...but I'm so absorbed in the Olympics right now that the tensity is driving me CRAZY!! It's soooo annoying how china is on a totally different time zone because then you have to watch things like at three oclock in the morning!! As much as I love China, I hate TIME!! instead I have to watch stupid repeats, that tell you whats going to happen. :P Oh well. WINTER OLYMPICS in VANCOUVER!! ME HAPPY!!... However the opening ceremony is probably going to be such a drag after seeing what China did for theirs...

Chapter 11: A New Olympic Sport...Punch the Baglady

"Oh, Jack. Why would you ever do such a thing?" The black and white screen of the TV was saying. It was a scene with a woman in an overly expensive dress, and a man taking bottles out to some alley.

"But Claire, It can never work. Your family doesn't like bums like me." The man evidently named Jack mentioned, in a very cheesy fashion. Not to mention there was cheesy music in the background.

"But Jack. You are so intelligent and yet you're working here. Let's run away! Let's run-

Jack interrupted by kissing her. It was one of those fake kisses that they did back in the 40s to prevent the movie from being X rated. In one shot, the woman's strap of her dress fell down, in the next shot of the scene it was back into place…

"Continuity!" Liz shouted at the screen eating some popcorn and lying on Hellboy's bed. "Continuity error! I found one."

Hellboy came sitting beside her. "Why do you always find those type of things?"

"Because I always want to criticise a movie to some extent. Oh there's another one" She pointed to the screen and once again there was a man who was eating with his right hand in one shot and the next shot of him he was eating with his left. "I feel like such an expert in these things."

Hellboy lay down now too. He started playing with her feet that were stuck right in his face. "I'm bored as hell." He said. "Remember when we used to do that?"

Liz looked back at her man. "What are you talking about?" She inquired.

"You know…kiss like that?" He was designating to the black and white screen.

She crawled up to his face and accidentally spilled the popcorn. After deciding that the could be taken care of later, she put her two hands around his face and exclaimed, "We kissed just yesterday night and besides we don't kiss like that. That's just fake old fashion movie style kissing. But we do kiss like this." She leaned in closer and gave a passionate touch to the lips. Oh, What wonders it did for good ol Hellboy.

Hellboy looked up into her face after she was done eating him away. He then put his hand on her stomach. "Wow, that took me to…Paris but now that I think of it, how are these two little…babies?"

Liz frowned. He just reminded her of the death angel and what the thing explained to her. Pain, wondrous pain. It was not a matter if she did anything right or wrong. She would experience it one day, and hopefully that one day wouldn't effect the way her two twins are growing. "Um…they're fine." She said laughing a little to cover her grieving look. She still hadn't told him. Whether he knew or not, still didn't make a difference. She just didn't want him to know. She didn't want him to feel pain now. "Red, I love you."

"I love you too." He held up something in his hand. "Johann Krauss, sent us a letter. He's back in Germany right now. Want me to read it?" When Liz nodded he took out the piece of paper in the envelope and began reading in a German accent. "Dear Hellboy, Liz and Abe. Yah." Hellboy added the "Yah" for more of a German effect. "It has come to my attention that vat you said earlier is-

Hellboy never got to finish because Liz started hysterically laughing. He decided that the letter was not important so he crumpled it and took a shot at the garbage. "Oh, good shot." Liz said kissing his cheek. What neither of them did know was that Krauss's letter was consequentially portentous and that it had to do with the murder of Professor J. Archibald.

That was one heck of a big mistake Hellboy…

Truly one heck of a big mistake…

It was not unusual for Jude to joke around.

"O.K. Plan A." He started "We ask around and see if anyone has anything worth hearing. If they scowl at us and say we humans should be accumulating elsewhere, then run away, because you know that a 9.5 feet tall creature can just trample on you, and you are squished flat. The end. Goodbye… Plan B is that we all dress up as girls and ask questions because everyone knows that no one dares hurting girls. Hellboy, you're now Helga, Abe you're now Abby, John, you're now Johanna." Jude stopped for a minute to sing the song from Sweeney Todd. "Ryan, your now Rianna and Manning…" He glanced up at Manning "You're…Tabitha"

Manning gawked back at him. "You can't be serious."

"Oh, I'm dead serious." Jude said, ridiculing him.

"Don't tell me you get to be Judy."

"How did you know?" Jude sarcastically blurted out sticking out his tongue afterwards. He put his hands on his hips imitating a woman. "We can be perfect girls can't we? Hehe, I'm Judy." He mocked in a high pitched squealing girl's voice. All the men laughed except Manning. He didn't seem to be in on the joke.

"No way! You wouldn't be perfect. You would have to shave bigtime." Liz came in all dressed to go to the market. "And besides even if we put tons of make up on your face, you'd still look like a man… All right, I'm negotiating… Maybe you'd pass as a really hideous girl but there's no guarantee." Rebecca giggled at Liz's comment giving an excuse for Jude to look in her direction.

"Hey stop laughing, you're just jealous that I can grow goatees and moustaches." He joked

"Like I care." It was her turn to stick out her tongue.

"Myers is lucky. Just give him a wig and a shirt stuffed with tennis balls and he can pass as anything." The group laughed and Myers shot straight towards him his arms stretched out to ring his neck.

"You are so dead." He grunted.

Liz stopped Myers and dragged his shirt backwards so he couldn't get any closer to do anything stupid. "For your information, John is fifty times more handsome than you." Then Hellboy did a gesture and sound that meant. 'Oh…dis.'

"Ouch that hurts." Jude sarcastically said clutching his heart and making a dismayed expression, fluttering his eyelids making him look like some sort of animal. "Anyway, Phelps won his eighth medal yesterday. Did you see that? If I were a woman, I would marry him because look at all the product endorsements companies offers him. By the time the next summer Olympics comes, he's going to be a billion air for just putting his face on adds…Of course if I'm going to marry him, I'll have to change my name to Judy and have lots of plastic surgery…"

"Ha ha. Sure, like he'll marry a transsexual named Judy." Hellboy cut in "I would be surprised if Canada didn't win synchronised swimming. However China looks like they are winning everything. So maybe the women in china are more buoyant than the woman in Canada."

"Fine, I bet 20 on Australia." Myers held up a twenty-dollar bill.

"Canada's mine! I don't even know whether Australia qualified." Hellboy contributed to the pile of cash.

"China. I bet China! Chinese women are just so flexible." Jude did the same. And the girls just rolled their eyes thinking they could not believe the men were betting on a whole bunch of women synchronised swimmers…what ever happened to soccer?

Manning came strolling back to the group and announced that they should really get going, because rush hour would start soon, and it was getting late. By the time they would get there, the sky would be dark and it was true. They got there, to the dark streets of the night dominated by running cars and gangsters or the occasional average person. At least it was dark enough to conceal Hellboy's and Abe's paranormal proportions without them having to travel in some sort of secret vehicle.

They were at their destination now, where the cat-eating woman was earlier. Any minute she would show up with her bundle of cats and her cart, pushing it, making her blend in with all the other bag ladies but most of the agents new, she was actually a troll. Hellboy, Jude, Abe, Rebecca, and Liz were hiding behind crates. Manning chickened out as usual...

"We've been here before, with that Krauss guy." Hellboy assured them. "If I were to stand in the area where she goes, she would never come."

Rebecca looked up at him, still kneeling, "Why?"

"I'll tell you later." Hellboy whispered gesturing to keep quiet. They all peered in the direction of the alley. And what do you know, the lady came into view rolling her cart, and petting a fuzzy kitten. Rebecca and Jude exchanged glances.

"Ah," The lady muttered to herself "Fresh meat" She held the kitten close to her face.

"Not again, ugly." Hellboy rolled out into the open and towards her. "I'm back."

"You! You again?" She sputtered out. "I thought once was enough, but why again? Did you not solve your case? I'm warning you now! I came prepared. I have an umbrella now!" She held up a bashed and broken black umbrella that had the skeleton poking out in various directions. She began poking the air and backing up.

"Don't worry." Hellboy said. "I brought a whole group with me this time." He snapped and immediately Rebecca, Jude, Liz and Abe went to his side coming from behind the crate. The old lady glared at all five of them then she dropped the umbrella to the wet cement. "Let's have this nice and easy then." Hellboy began stepping forward to her.

"You!" Rebecca pointed out. "You're that woman back at the coffee shop with me and Ryan. You kept going on and on about the gluteus maximus fairy. Listen, that's all very well, but don't you think you might scare very little children?"

The woman shrugged her shoulders and shrank a bit, not wanting to be in the view of these unusual guests.

"And stop telling Israelis that if they don't eat falafel, they will melt. I shouldn't eat hamas. It's very fattening." Jude mentioned filing down his nails with some random nail clipper.

Hellboy cornered her and began to grip the old lady's shirt. She squirmed. "No! No! I beg of you! Leave me alone! I didn't commit sins! I simply stated the truth! I know it's not right to tell people of the paranormal world! My grandmother was the bad one. She's very very bad! She was the one who told people of the tooth fairy and now it's everywhere! Under their pillows the parents say! Ba! Everyone knows they don't just go for the teeth…" She was muttering a whole variety of different stories but when Hellboy shook her, she began to come down to earth again. "Please!" She squealed. "I beg of you!

Put me down!"

"Is this really necessary?" Rebecca asked, now realising that Hellboy was about to hurt a simple old lady.

Abe nodded "If you were here in the past. Johann Krauss lent us pares of identity goggles. Showing which people are alien and which are our typical every day humans. It revealing this lady exceptionally well. It turns out she's a troll in a masterful disguise. It's quite all right. Trolls tend to have more than just one life. I think it's something to do with their diet of cats."

"Oh," Rebecca said changing her expression totally. "Then that's another story. Cary on Red."

Hellboy held the lady by her collar. "We are not here to do anything to you. We are here to get into the market, show us, and I won't punch you like I did earlier."

The old lady looked up at him, and gave a scared sort of giggle. "My pleasure?" she squeaked.

It seemed like no time at all when they followed her through a meat preserver room and a few hidden tunnels. But finally, they made it to the large steel circular door. "And this time, you have to do the combination. Because we don't have that German guy doing things for us." He dragged her toward the combination of the door. And she peered side to side making sure they didn't see what she was pressing. Then she stopped and faced

"I don't know about those humans deary." She tilted her head in the direction of Liz and Rebecca who where still amazed by the size of the door. "You might not want them to go, because they smell of perfume and human flesh. Us paranormal don't accept people, but women have it harder. The men like to take girls like them and make them hard hard labourers, that is. The only women humans that don't have a bad life at all, are the royal bloods, Sir. Though they are down in the underground, deep deep down, where no one can really find them, I'm sure. Powerful people they are, very powerful. Like that young Isreali man." She pointed at Jude, who was smoking a cigarette now. He noticed that the old lady was pointing at him and he raised an eyebrow.

"Hello." He waved unsure of what they were talking about.

Then she continued "Though he would not be royal blood because his power is very limited…duplicating and all. It's a very sinister power cloning yourself though." She pressed one last button and the door slowly shook. It began sliding open, and like Hellboy and Abe described it, Liz and Rebecca saw tons of paranormal things idling or walking about bargaining on what they could buy, or selling. Chopping fish, or cooking. Doing a whole mass of activities. It was a busy market. Only with not normal people instead.

Hellboy let go of the woman and she began sniffing wildly. She then peered at Rebecca who began walking through the doorway along with the others and widened her eyes. "You! I thought there was something-

"Not so fast." Hellboy pushed her back from the door not noticing what the woman was frantically going on about. "You have a duty don't you?" He asked.

"But-

"Go back to your bags. And stop eating cats!" He punched her, the force pushing her off the ground and miles away from the door. "Smell you later." Hellboy said, activating the door to close shut. They were finally in the market.

I know this is like totally against the rules in , But i just didn't bother checking to see if I had any mistakes...I was simply too lazy because I don't feel like re-reading somthing I created...YAWN...BIGTIME. Nevertheless REVIEW please! I want to know whats going on!! :D Such a ridiculous chapter too, but THAT DOESN'T STOP ME!! I was in a hyper mood. MWAHAHAHAHAHA

:D please review! :D