When Santana arrives at the hospital the next morning to pick up Brittany, she's surprised to find that the woman is still fast asleep. It's just past eleven o'clock so the Latina assumed that she would be up and ready to go as soon as she got there. When she and Cassidy left the hospital last night, it was just after eight so she's hoping that Brittany got a good night's sleep. However, she's aware that Brittany detests hospitals so there's a high chance that she barely slept at all.
Walking over to the bed, Santana does her best to be as quiet as she can be. She's glad that she dropped Cassidy off at Kitty's apartment before she came here because even though she loves her daughter dearly, she knows that she wouldn't have given her mother time to rest. Kitty offered to look after Cassidy for the whole day so she thinks that she'll probably pick her up once Brittany is home and settled.
"Wake up Brittany." Santana whispers as she crouches down beside the bed so that her face is level with Brittany's. "I'm here to take you home, you've got to wake up." She gently takes the blonde's hand in here and runs her thumb over the back of the pale hand a few times, and watches as the woman in the bed begins to stir. She's always been a light sleeper.
It takes a couple of seconds, but soon Brittany's eyelids flutter open, revealing her bright blue eyes and Santana can't help but smile at her. She's looking a lot better already. "Good morning San." Brittany mumbles tiredly, bringing her hands up to her eyes to rub the sleep away. "Where's Cass?"
"Kitty offered to take care of her for the day whilst I came to pick you up." She explains as she stands back up so that she's at her full height. "I thought that it may be a little bit more stressful if she were here right now, so I took her up on the offer."
"That makes sense." The blonde nods her head in approval before checking the time on the clock on the wall. "A nurse came to check on me about fifteen minutes ago and said that she was going to get the doctor to come and discharge me. I was trying to stay awake for you, but I must have dozed off. I'm sorry."
"Don't apologise, if you're tired then you should sleep." Santana shrugs in response because she'd much rather see Brittany resting than forcing herself to stay awake. "I was thinking that once I take you home we could both have a nap before I go and pick up Cassidy. She behaved amazingly last night, but I had so much going on that I couldn't sleep."
It's true, she got no sleep at all. Cassidy worked as a great distraction throughout the evening, but once the toddler had gone to bed Santana was faced with the events that had happened. She had caught Jessica cheating on her, and throughout the day Jessica had been trying to get in contact with her but she had declined every opportunity. She's not ready to talk to her. She's too angry and upset because even though she fell out of love with the woman a long time ago, she never thought that she'd cheat on her. Cheating was wrong and it was something that the Latina vowed to never do. She's fairly certain the Jessica just used her, but she doesn't want to make assumptions until she's spoken to her properly. She's an adult now. She's going to deal with this maturely.
"That sounds like a good plan." Brittany agrees. "I think I'd kind of like to just spend a few hours with you on your own." She adds bashfully as she averts her gaze to the ground. "I mean, you've helped me out so much and I just want to let you know that I appreciate it."
Santana notices that the woman is flustered and she chuckles to herself before squeezing Brittany's hand lightly to get her attention. "I'd kind of like to spend a few hours with you too." She admits and the blonde visibly relaxes. "I want to know how you're feeling about everything and what's going on in your head."
It takes a while, but after an hour of waiting Brittany is finally discharged from the hospital. Santana helps her into the car, keeping a protective hand on the small of her back until she's safely inside and then jumps into the driver's side. After checking that Brittany is comfortable she turns on the radio, keeping the volume low because she's pretty sure that her ex-girlfriend is going to fall asleep again, and begins the drive home.
Santana doesn't think that she's driven so slowly in her life, but she doesn't care. She'd hate to cause Brittany any more pain and if in order to prevent it, it means driving a lot slower than she normally does, then she'll do it. It's not like they're in any rush to get back anyway. As she drives, the Latina hums along to the radio and keeps a close eye on the woman next to her, who fell asleep ten minutes into the drive. She doesn't mind though, she totally expected it to happen. She can't express how relieved she is to know that Brittany is safe now, and if she's honest, she doesn't want to let her out of her sight until she's fully recovered. She thinks that she probably won't get away with that, but she's going to do her best to be around her family whenever she can be. She wants to protect them.
Luckily for Santana, Brittany wakes up as she parks her car in the driveway of the house so she doesn't have to feel guilty about waking her up once again. It's a struggle to get the blonde out of the car and Santana sees the look of pain on her face as she helps her, so she takes a mental note to not let Brittany go in the car unless it's absolutely necessary. Once they're inside the house and out of the cold, Santana helps Brittany get comfortable on the couch and surrounds her with pillows and blankets. She's not exactly sure if there is a specific way that Brittany should lie, so she decides that as long as the blonde is comfortable then it's okay.
"Do you want anything to eat or drink?" The brunette asks, hovering next to Brittany just in case she needs anything. "I can make you some hot chocolate, or if you have your appetite back I could make you some pancakes or something."
"I'm okay just now, thank you though." Brittany answers through a stifled yawn. "Come and sit next to me?" She asks, opening up the blanket that covered her body to allow access. "I think I need some comfort now."
In her mind, Santana knows that she's probably treading on some dangerous territory. She's just came out of a toxic relationship less than twenty four hours ago and she and Brittany aren't supposed to be on the best terms right now. However, she also knows that Brittany is a physical person and the only way to comfort her is through physical contact. Either way, she's kind of screwed because deep (deep) down she knows that she wants to be close to Brittany, but she also thinks that she might want to be close to her for the wrong reasons. They both need comfort right now. Deciding just to go with her first instinct, Santana cautiously sits down next to Brittany, making sure not to hurt her in anyway, and opens her arms out wide. Brittany shuffles closer to her and when their bodies come into contact, the brunette gently wraps her arms around the woman's body.
"Thank you for doing all of this for me, Santana." Brittany speaks, breaking the silence between them. "I don't know what I would have done without you here. I can't thank you enough."
"You don't need to thank me." Santana quickly interjects. "We are a team Brittany. I'll help you when you need it, and I know that you'll help me when I need it. I'm just glad that you're okay now, I was so worried about you."
The two of them go quiet again and Brittany not so subtly shuffles a little bit closer into the Latina's body and rests her head on her shoulder. Santana's body freezes for a second, but she quickly recovers before Brittany can notice and she relaxes into the back of the couch. She wants to bring up what happened in the hospital room yesterday, but she doesn't know if the blonde will remember it. After all, she did have a lot of medication running through her system.
"If you want to leave and go back to your apartment, then I completely understand." Brittany suddenly says, surprising Santana because there's nowhere else she'd rather be right now. "I mean, Jessica's probably missing you and you've probably got work or something that you need to do."
The blonde's statement confirms Santana's suspicion that she doesn't remember the previous events, and the Latina is glad of that. She thinks that if Brittany had remembered then she wouldn't be acting so comfortably around her and there'd probably be an awkward atmosphere. She doesn't want any of that. At least not now.
"Jessica and I broke up yesterday." She announces, finding it very easy to say the words. "I found her other girlfriend in my apartment yesterday when I went home to get something to eat and change clothes. I've not spoken to Jessica, but I think she probably knows that it's over. I'm going to make it official whenever I see her next."
"Oh my gosh! Santana, I'm so sorry!" Brittany gasps, placing her hand on the brunette's knee and squeezing it lightly to show her support. "I'm so selfish! You probably want to go and get things sorted out, not stay here and look after me. If you want to go back to your apartment, I can call Kitty and Marley round. I feel so bad, San. I'm so sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry for, you weren't the one who cheated on me." She jokes, trying to lighten the mood. "You're not selfish, you just had major surgery Brittany and honestly, I'd rather be here taking care of you and Cassidy than be anywhere else. I've already called my work and explained the situation and they've given me the week off since I'm already off two weeks after that because of Christmas. I like being here, and I want to stay and look after you for as long as you want me to."
"You're too good to me, the last time I checked you were supposed to hate me." Brittany says as she shakes her head lightly. "I'm really tired, let's take a nap for a while. We could both use it, I think."
When Santana wakes up a few hours later from her nap, she's not surprised to find Brittany still sleeping soundly next to her. She thinks that Brittany will probably sleep for another half our or so, which she's thankful for because it means that she has time to prepare them both something to eat. Being careful not to startle the blonde, Santana skilfully manoeuvres herself off the couch and makes her way through to the kitchen, picking her phone up from the coffee table and slipping it into the back pocket of her jeans as she does so.
She's not too sure on what she should make since Brittany's appetite probably isn't, and won't be, back to normal for a few days, so she decides on some home made soup. It's light and if Brittany doesn't want to eat it straight away then it can be refrigerated and then reheated. The recipe she is using is one that's been in her family for as long as she can remember, so she knows it off by heart. That gives her a little bit of confidence because she's not cooked for anyone in ages and she's slightly concerned about that. She and Jessica used to eat take out or frozen dinners, they very rarely bought fresh food so her cooking is a little rusty.
Once she's got the soup on the go, Santana takes a seat on the stool at the kitchen island, kicking her legs as they dangle in the air. She decides that now is probably a good time to text Kitty and see how Cassidy is getting on because she's certain that one of the first questions that Brittany will ask when she wakes up will be about their daughter. When she takes her phone out of her pocket, she chuckles bitterly when she sees that she has another four missed calls from Jessica, followed but seven text messages. Deciding to humour herself, she opens them instead of deleting them straight away, like she had done with the previous ones.
From Jessica: "We need to talk, this is just a big misunderstanding."
From Jessica: "Are you going to break up with me?"
From Jessica: "Where are you?"
From Jessica: "Are you going to come home?"
From Jessica: "We can fix this. It was just a mistake. I still love you."
From Jessica: "Santana, babe, answer me!"
From Jessica: "Stop being childish and reply to me!"
After reading (and laughing) at every single message, Santana deletes them all. She does plan on talking to Jessica about all of this, but she refuses to do it through the phone or text. She wants to do it face to face. Sighing in annoyance at the situation, she opens up a new message and addresses it to Kitty in an attempt to take her mind off Jessica.
Sending to Kitty: "How is Cassidy doing? I need to go back to my apartment later today for a little while, do you think that you or Marley could come over with Cassidy and keep Brittany company for an hour or so? It would be greatly appreciated."
Whilst she is waiting for a reply, she stirs the soup before going through to check on Brittany. She's still sleeping and the sight warms Santana's heart a little bit (not that she would admit that to anyone). She's aware that she has to wake the blonde up soon but before she does that, she gets some painkillers from the medicine cabinet and a glass of water and places them on the coffee table, ready for Brittany to take.
"Brittany…" Santana whispers softly. "It's time to wake up." She watches in amusement as the blonde scrunches up her nose, grumbles something, and then tiredly rubs at her eyes. "There you are." She smiles when Brittany's blue eyes focus on her. "Did you sleep well?"
"I did." Brittany confirms with a nod. "I'm quite sore now, though."
"The doctor said that you will probably be stiff and sore for a week or two." The brunette informs as she hands the painkillers and water over to her. "The painkillers will helps with that though, and then, if you're up for it, I can give you some of the soup I've made. It should be ready in a few minutes."
"Is it the soup your mom used to make?" She asks, her eyes lighting up in excitement. Santana simply nods, making the blonde let out a small squeal in delight. "I'll definitely have some, but not too much because I'm not that hungry."
"That's okay, I'll give you a small bowl and if you want any more after that then you can have it." The brunette reassures. "It's completely normal for you to have a small appetite right now, so just eat whatever you can manage."
Santana goes back through to the kitchen, but before checking the soup she checks her phone. She has one message from Kitty, telling her that Cassidy is fine and that she will bring her over in an hour. Santana lets out a breath of relief, because she's glad that her daughter is doing well but also because it means that Brittany won't be left alone when she goes back to her apartment to talk things out with Jessica. She has no idea how long she'll be, but she's hoping it won't be longer than an hour. She doesn't want to waste her time.
Santana lets out a sigh as she parks her car outside of her apartment. She doesn't know if Jessica will be home, but she's hoping she will be because she wants to get this over and done with as soon as possible. She has no idea how their conversation is going to go, but Santana is one hundred percent certain that she's not going to forgive her and take her back. She doesn't need Jessica to be happy and she's finally realised that.
As soon as she enters the apartment, she's met with Jessica standing in the doorway. She looks no different from whenever the Latina sees her. Her hair is perfectly done, along with her make up, and she's wearing a pair of jeans and an oversized sweater. It doesn't look like she's been suffering at all. Brushing past the woman, Santana makes her way into the kitchen and takes a seat at the small table. Jessica does the same, sitting opposite her. She takes a second to glance around the room and she notices that none of Jessica's stuff has been packed up. She guesses that the blonde doesn't think she was being serious about kicking her out.
"I told your girlfriend that you I wanted you out the apartment by today." Santana speaks, her voice cold and void of emotion. "Why are you still here?" She decides that getting straight to the point is the best approach to the conversation because she doesn't want to give Jessica an opportunity to talk herself out of trouble. It's something the she's a pro at, and the brunette doesn't want to fall victim to that too.
"She's not my girlfriend, okay?" Jessica bites back defensively. "I never made it official with her."
"You never made it official?" Santana quirks her perfectly arched eyebrow in response. " You gave her a key to my apartment for your two year anniversary." She emphasises because there's no way that she's going to let Jessica lie to her.
"It isn't your apartment Santana, we share it." The blonde huffs in annoyance, folding her arms across her chest. "I have nowhere else to go."
Santana knows that she's trying to get sympathy from her, but it's not going to work. She's had enough of feeling sorry for Jessica and helping her to make things better. She wants the girl out of her life for good. She's toxic, and she doesn't want to be around her any more. "I think you'll find it is my apartment. My parent's bought it for me, and you moved in." She declares through gritted teeth. "I don't care if you have nowhere else to go, you should have thought about that before you ruined our relationship by cheating on me."
"You weren't supposed to find out about Caitlin!" Jessica exclaims, raising her voice so it echoes throughout the apartment. "Besides, our relationship was ruined way before that, and you know that just as well as I do."
There is some truth in that statement, Santana knows that. However, it does not explain why Jessica cheated on her. She was just as unhappy in the relationship and yet she managed to stay faithful. "You're right, our relationship was at a standstill." She acknowledges with a slight nod. "However, that doesn't explain why you cheated on me. I never cheated on you, and it's something that I would never, ever, of done."
"You never cheated on me?" Jessica asks sceptically. "At least I'm not the one with a child."
"No, I never cheated on you. If you must know, it's extremely difficult to find a girl who is excepting of me." The Latina replies bitterly, trying to keep her emotions and insecurities at bay. She doesn't want Jessica to pick up on them and use them against her. "Cassidy was created before we even got together, and she's one of the best things that has ever happened to my life, so don't you dare try to use her in a negative way."
"Oh please, Santana." Jessica rolls her eyes dramatically and lets out a short laugh. "You keep on talking about how amazing Brittany and Cassidy are and yet, they don't want you. Don't you see? No one wants you. You're a good fuck, but nothing more than that. You're not girlfriend material. That's why I cheated on you."
Santana's whole body freezes at the blonde's words because she honestly can't believe they just came out of her mouth. They hit her like a ton of bricks and they make her want to curl up into a ball and cry. She never thought that anyone would say anything like that to her, and she especially didn't think the woman who she spent so many years with would.
"Fuck you. Fuck you and fuck everything else! Get out of my apartment now." Santana spits out angrily. "I love Brittany and Cassidy and I know they love me too. I don't care where you go, but we're over, so pack your stuff and leave."
Jessica stands up from her seat, pushing it back with such a force that it falls over. "They don't love you, they tolerate you because they have to. There's a difference." She hisses into the Latina's ear before storming out of their kitchen and into their bedroom so that she can pack her stuff.
When Santana arrives back at Brittany's house four hours later, she's glad to find that Kitty is leaving just as she's entering. It's not that she doesn't want to get to know her, because she does since she's one of Brittany's close friends. She just doesn't feel up to it right now. Jessica's words are still playing in her mind and all she wants to do right now is spend time with her daughter. She's never been one to take people's opinions to heart, but her ex-girlfriend's words have really gotten to her. She wants nothing more than to be a good mother to Cassidy, and for Cassidy to grow up and love her, but now she's doubting the possibility of that happening.
She's doubting the possibility that she'll ever find love again altogether.
She finds Brittany on the couch with Cassidy curled up into her side. They're watching The Lion King. The blonde smiles at her and she forces one back, which she immediately regrets because Brittany raises her eyebrows in surprise, knowing that there's something wrong. She guesses she'll have to explain later once their daughter has gone to bed. Crossing the room, she sits on the couch opposite Brittany and Cassidy and pulls her knees up so that they're tucked into her chest. She needs some comfort right now, but she doesn't know how to get it. Asking Brittany to physically comfort her would be weird since she doesn't really know what's going on between them right now, and the only other person she could get physical comfort from is Quinn but she's currently out of town for work.
She tries her best to concentrate on the film, but she can't do it, especially since she can feel Brittany's eyes on her. Brittany's has always been good at reading her, and she thinks that right now is no exception. They've both been good at reading each other and despite being a part for a few years, that talent has not gone away. Right now, Santana thinks that it's probably a bad thing because she doesn't want Brittany to be worried about her. She's supposed to be focussing on recovering.
In reality her break up with Jessica has changed nothing, except from her relationship status. Even when they were together, they rarely acted like a couple. Well, they did for the first year or so, but after that they only did it when they had to. They hadn't been on a date in over a year, and they hadn't had sex in months. So Santana doesn't understand why she feels so lonely now that she knows Jessica is no longer in her life. It just doesn't make sense to her. She has to admit, now that she is officially single, it's like a huge weight has been lifted off her shoulders. However, at the same time, it has left her feeling exposed and vulnerable. She doesn't like it.
"S'tana." The Latina is snapped out of her thoughts when Cassidy calls her name, effectively gaining her attention. "Can you take me to bed please?"
Santana looks at the time to see that it's half past eight and she begins to wonder where the time went. She's aware that she spent a lot of time at her apartment as it took Jessica forever to pack all of her stuff, and then after she left the brunette spent a good few hours cleaning it. However, she didn't think that she'd been lost in her thoughts for over half an hour. She's never been one to get distracted easily.
"Of course I can, Sweetie." She responds kindly. "Say goodnight to your Mama and then I'll take you upstairs."
She watches with a small smile as Brittany hugs their daughter gently and kisses her cheeks and forehead before whispering an 'I love you' into her ear. She's pretty certain that it's one of the cutest things ever. Cassidy then holds out her hand for Santana to hold, and once she is, she leads the way upstairs.
After helping the youngster brush her teeth and change into a pair of pyjamas, Santana tucks her into bed and places a kiss upon her forehead. "Would you like me to read you a story before you go to sleep?" She asks, knowing that Brittany usually reads one every night .
"Yes please." Cassidy answers through a yawn. "Read The Gruffalo, it's my favourite."
Santana smiles at the book choice because she knows it well, and she's not surprised that it's one of Cassidy's favourites. It used to be Brittany's favourite childhood story and she's aware that the blonde knows it word for word. Walking over to the bookshelf, she finds it and then settles on the floor beside Cassidy's bed.
Clearing her throat, Santana begins to read, unaware that downstairs, Brittany has turned the baby monitor on (she keeps them for emergencies, especially now since she has to stay downstairs) and can hear everything that's going on.
"A mouse took a stroll through the deep dark wood. A fox saw the mouse and the mouse looked good. 'Where are you going little brown mouse? Come and have lunch in my underground house'…"
Santana only gets halfway through the story before Cassidy falls asleep, and once she's completely sure that she's not going to wake up, she gets up from the floor, puts the book away and tiptoes out of the room. She liked reading to Cassidy and she hopes that she can do it again soon because she found it incredibly relaxing. She prays that Cassidy liked it too.
When she enters the living room, she finds Brittany sitting in the same spot that she left her in, only this time she's looking at something on her phone instead of watching the television. She coughs lightly, signalling her presence and it makes the blonde look up from her device. She drops it down onto her lap and then pats the spot on the couch next to her, wanting the brunette to sit there. Santana does just that, and once she's comfortable Brittany shuffles a tiny bit closer to her.
"You did great reading to Cassidy." Brittany comments sincerely, giggling slightly when she notices Santana's confused frown. "The baby monitor was on. I got Kitty to set them up since I won't be able to sleep upstairs for a while." She explains.
"Thanks." The Latina can't help but smile because it's a big compliment coming from Brittany. The blonde has always been the best at reading stories and dealing with children because she's so lively and passionate. "The Gruffalo was a good choice, I remembered most of it."
"The classics are always the best." Brittany comments with a shrug of her shoulder, and Santana nods in agreement. "Do you want to talk about what's bothering you?" She adds, getting straight to the root of the problem, because Brittany has always been one to say things how they are.
It's something that Santana admires about her.
"I- It's nothing." Santana sighs. "I mean, it is something, obviously, but I don't want to bother you with my problems. You're supposed to be recovering, not worrying about me."
"Hey, don't think like that." Brittany chastises gently. "I care about you Santana, and if I didn't want you bothering me -as you like to put it- then I wouldn't have asked in the first place. If you don't want to talk about then that's fine, but I'm here if you want to."
Santana takes a moment to process Brittany's words. She just admitted to caring about her, which means that what Jessica said was complete and utter bullshit. Well, she knew that it was anyway, but now that Brittany has reassured her that she does care about her and want to help her, it makes her feel a little bit better. She still feels like shit, but that's understandable since she's currently going through a break up.
"When I went to break up with Jessica, she told me that I was nothing but a good fuck and that nobody wants me because I'm not good girlfriend material." She lets out in one breath. "I guess I just let it get to me, hence my sad mood."
Santana doesn't really know what she expected Brittany to do or say, but when the blonde pulls her into a side hug, she is taken completely by surprise. "Don't you ever listen to her." Brittany tells her, her voice firm and forceful. "She's talking shit because I know you're more than just a good fuck Santana. You're an amazing mother, an amazing friend, and a lot more."
Thank you for all the reviews. As I got so many, I decided to upload this as soon as it was done. Let me know what you think.
More reviews = quicker updates