Chapter 11 - How to Love

Ana's POV

Summer is here, and Christian's birthday is today. We spent the day at the lake, and I have never felt more carefree. Getting ready for his party, I'm wearing a black short lace cocktail dress, and Mia is doing my hair. Mia is talking about Ethan, he took her to prom but he said he isn't ready for anything serious and things have kind of died down between them. She said she really likes him, but just doesn't think it's their time.

After Mia is finished with my hair we head downstairs to the party tent they have set up in the back. Grace has done such an amazing job getting everything set up. When we head out back, I finally spot Christian talking to his dad. I take in a deep breathe and head over to them. Christian smiles at me, and put my arm around him and he kiss me on my forehead, before his dad chimes in.

"So Ana, what do you think about Christian going to Harvard next year?" He asks, taking a drink of his scotch. I stare at the glass, not hearing the question.

"Ana." I hear Christian say, and I shake my head and look at Carrick.

"I'm sorry, what was the question?" I ask. Even though Ray is on my birth certificate, I wonder if Carla ever told him she got pregnant when they had the affair.

"How do you feel about Christian going to Harvard next year?" He ask. I can't tell him what I know, it would kill Christian. I still wonder how far this secret lies.

"I think it's great. I'm hoping to be getting into Julliard next year." I should be testing out of high school next year, so it really doesn't make a difference.

"Ohh, Christian never mentioned that." He says looking at Christian. He just smiles at his dad, I know this is a hard conversation for him. He hasn't told his dad about Harvard, and he doesn't want me to go to Julliard. He hasn't said it, but I know he doesn't want me to leave him. I don't want to leave him, but now more than ever I need to get away from all these ghosts. Seeing Carrick and not knowing what he knows, kills me everytime. Not telling Christian kills me even more. I excuse myself to the bathroom, and when I go to watch my hands I run into someone I wasn't expecting.

"Hello, Ana."

"Mrs. Lincoln." Another old ghost. Does she know about me and Linc?

"I hear you and Christian are together." Where is this going.

"Yes. How is your marriage going?" Okay, that was below the belt.

"Actually, I'm getting a divorce."

"I'm sorry to hear that." Not really. She's probably better off. I don't know much about their relationship, but I actually feel kind of bad that her husband probably lied to her about his extra curricular activities.

"I'm sure." She says reapplying her makeup. Feeling like I have overstayed my presence in the bathroom I make my exit to end the conversation I don't want to give her the chance to tell me what I already know. She knows about me. I don't know if he told her, or how much she really knows, but I know she knows.

The music's playing loudy, and I find Christian acting his age on the dance floor. Mia has him dancing to Shut Up and Dance. I make my way over, and dance foolishly with them. The song changes to a slow song, and Christian has me in his arms. It feels like we are the only ones in the room, even though I know we are surrounded by people.

Cut the music up a little louder.

You had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart. Never really had luck, couldn't ever figure out, how to love, how to love.

You had a lot of moments that didn't last forever.

Now you're in a corner tryna put it together how to love, how to love.

For a second you were here .Now you over there. It's hard not to stare, the way you moving your body, like you never had a love, never had a love.

He moves my body around, and I feel complete in his arms. We don't need a routine, just two people dancing carelessly together.

When you was just a youngin' your looks were so precious, but now you're grown up. So fly it's like a blessing but you can't have a man look at you for five seconds. Without you being insecure. You never credit yourself, so when you got older. It's seems like you came back ten times over. Now you're sitting here in this damn corner. Looking through all your thoughts and looking over your shoulder.

See you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart. Never really had luck, couldn't ever figure out how to love, how to love.

See you had a lot of moments that didn't last forever. Now you're in this corner tryna put it together how to love, how to love.

For a second you were here, now you over there. It's hard not to stare the way you moving your body like you never had a love, had a love.

You had a lot of dreams that transform to visions. The fact that you saw the world affected all your decisions, but it wasn't your fault. Wasn't in your intentions to be the one here talking to me. Be the one listenin'. But I admire your popping bottles and dippin'. Just as much as you admire bartending and stripping. Baby, so don't be mad. Nobody else tripping. You see a lot of crooks and the crooks still crook.

See you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart. Never really had luck, couldn't ever figure out how to love, how to love.

See you had a lot of moments that didn't last forever. Now you're in this corner tryna put it together how to love, how to love.

See I just want you to know that you deserve the best. You're beautiful, You're beautiful.

And I want you to know, you're far from the usual

Far from the usual

See you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart. Never really had luck, couldn't ever figure out how to love, how to love.

See you had a lot of moments that didn't last forever. Now you're in this corner tryna put it together how to love, how to love.

See you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart. Never really had luck, couldn't ever figure out how to love, how to love.

See you had a lot of moments that didn't last forever. Now you're in this corner tryna put it together how to love, how to love.

He kisses me then whispers in my ear.

"Baby, come upstairs with me." He takes my hand and leads me up the staircase to his bedroom. We've never had sex in his room before, we've only ever stayed at my house.

"Christian" I breathe in between our kiss. He lifts my dress off over my head. His hands are all over me, I know he is being careful not to touch my back, but I feel ready to try something. I put my hand over his, and move it to my lower back. It don't feel any pain, I look into his grey eyes unafraid.

"Ana." I know he knows how much this mean to me. He keeps his hand there, and I kiss him again not wanting him to move his hand. Something about this kiss feels so different. I get the rest of his clothes off, and he's on top of me on the bed. When he runs his hand down my body, and starts kissing my neck I have to reach up and grab the pillow. My body thrusts forward, begging for more friction. Our tongues collide is a sensual kiss, and my body is pressed against his. I need more.

When he inserts himself inside me, I am already ready to come. His thrusts are deep, and I feel him hit my core. When he kisses my neck, my body falls apart under him.

"Ana" he says, letting himself go with me. He holds my hand in his and we lay there on the bed together.

"I should go." I know he just turned 18, but he still lives with his parents and I don't think they would approve.

"I want you with me. I don't have nightmares when you're with me. He lets me wear one of his shirts, and we lay there on the bed unmoving. I fall asleep with my head on his chest, feeling completely at ease in his arms.

Christian's POV

When I wake up, I couldn't have imagined having a better birthday. Waking up next to Ana, I know we can't lay here forever. She let me touch her last night, and I know how huge that was for her. I only hope she gets the same feeling I get when she touches my chest. At first it was strange, but it never burned. Now, it feels like a million butterflies, as corny as that sounds.

I hear a knock at the door, I know it's locked so I don't panic.

"Christian I told mom Ana was asleep in my room, but she wants you downstairs for breakfast." Mia says it quiet enough so no one can hear, but loud enough I can hear her through the door.

"Thanks Mia. Be down soon." I wake Ana up gently. She smiles at me, and I kiss her lips gently.

"I have to go downstairs for breakfast. Are you staying?" Please stay.

"I should get going." She says waking up.

"Do you have to?" She puts on her same dress from last night, and I hate that she got up so fast.

"No. But calm grey. We have all summer." She kisses my forehead, and leaves just like that, I know this will be the best summer.