Season 3 - Episode 11 - "Birthright" - Never Perfect
"You okay?" Hotch asked, and she said nothing for a moment.
JJ stood next to him, trying to understand the nature of the world around her.
"You stop caring and you're jaded…if you care too much, it'll ruin you…" There was a pause of silence, and then Hotch said…
"Just know that you did everything you could." His glance then pulled away from her. "Sometimes we get it right with a little luck, most of the times we don't; that's the job. It's never perfect…it's still better to care."
She said nothing for a moment, and then replied with, "You really believe that?"
Their eyes caught and she could see the pain in them.
"I believe it's never perfect."
With that he walked away, leaving her wondering as to what he hadn't told her. She had been with him now for quite a while and knew him more than he knew himself sometimes…and she knew that he was holding something back.
That something was wrong…
"Agent Hotchner?" said a man as he walked through the glass doors to the bullpen.
"Yes…"
He handed him the yellow envelope, and Hotch recognized it for what it was. Yes, it was exactly as Haley had told him. He quickly signed the clipboard, Prentiss asking him what it was, but he stayed silent until he had handed it back to the young man, and then turned to face the team.
"Haley's filing for divorce…I've been served."
He quickly turned away, not wanting to see the look on JJ's face. She would be absolutely devastated for him, and he didn't want to see hers or anyone else's pity.
JJ reeled at what she had just heard, and then suddenly Hotch's words from earlier made sense.
"I believe it's never perfect…"
Yes, she understood that. The two of them had both known what they were getting into when they had started their relationship, and had remained quiet throughout. They had coordinated everything so that no one would ever find out…and no one had.
Haley had never known…that's not what the divorce was about. It was about time that he wasn't able to give that she felt she deserved.
Her and Hotch weren't perfect, but JJ felt that they were pretty darn close.
Both of them knew what the job entailed, both of them knew the sacrifices involved, and both of them knew the emotional toll it took on each of them.
No…not everything was perfect in life. People were killed every day, people got divorced every day, and yet, at the same time, people found hope, people realized their dreams…people found love. And that, JJ knew, was something that was simply a fact of life.
Nothing was perfect…but at least they had each other.
JJ lay next to him that night, both of them fully clothed under the covers, and she ran a hand through his hair.
"Why didn't you tell me Haley was filing for divorce?"
Hotch turned his head and looked at her, his eyes carefully scanning her own. "What would you have done, JJ?"
She opened her mouth to respond…and suddenly realized that he was right. Telling her would have accomplished nothing; in fact, it might have ruined what they already had. She lay her head down on his shoulder and dropped her hand to his chest.
His lips brushed her ear as he spoke.
"For what it's worth…I would have stayed with you even if you had tried to push me away. Nothing will ever take me away from you…"
He didn't say the three words that she longed to hear, but she knew that this was his way of saying them. Maybe nothing was ever perfect….
…but this certainly came close.
END PART 11/?