Jasper's P.O.V.
Too many emotions.
There are just too many emotions running through Jordan's body. It's like I'm reliving one of the worst days of my new life as a vampire in which I had been surrounded by human females whose emotions were running wild. Back then, it had nearly caused me to tear their throats open, but that's another story for another day.
Miss Walker, who is now known by several nicknames, like, "Jordy", "Danny", "Shrimp", "Shorty", "Little J", "Whelp", "Kiddo", etcetera, is made up of a plethora of emotions which keep juggling back and forth between the most obscenely short intervals I've ever felt. One moment she's peaceful and quiescent, and the next she's on the verge of hyperventilating, even though she doesn't even to breathe.
What she feels the most, though, is melancholy. She misses her family and her past life, the way all newborns do, except her heart seems to be anchored even more strongly in the home she can never return to. More strongly even than Emmett's or Edward's.
I realize that it was easier for those of us who found their soulmate instantly, but Edward still hasn't found the one yet and he's managing fine. Then again, Carlisle had been on his own when he turned Edward. Perhaps Jordan just doesn't feel needed or necessary to the family the way we all did. I mean, it's not like I really feel like I'm an important part of the household, but at least I know they accept me and that I'm the most important person in Alice's life. I know I'm wanted and needed.
And I also know that she is. I just wonder if she knows.
Another strong wave of discontent reaches me and I get to my feet, deciding that enough is enough. I walk out into the garden barefoot, because I'm finally comfortable enough around this family to loosen up a little when it comes to stuck-up etiquette, and head over to the girl sitting in the grass, leaning her elbows on crossed legs and gazing at nothing in particular.
She looks shocked when she sees me hunch down in front of her, but I don't say a word so neither does she. I place my palm against her forehead and close my eyes, channeling the negative energy out of her and replacing it with calm and positivity.
She seems to be sighing out her grief when her body suddenly deflates like she had been holding the weight of the world on her shoulders. I stand back up again and she watches me with serious, calculating eyes.
"Why did you do that?" she asks.
"Because I can," I reply easily, quirking up the corners of my mouth quickly before heading back to the house.
Alice is elated when she enters our room with a spring in her step and a bounce of her hair and she half-dances over to me and kisses me.
"What's up?" I ask, basking in her happiness.
"It's Edward!" she replies, smiling wickedly. "I had a vision of him and this girl at our school."
"A human girl?"
"Yes! She's kind of normal-looking, wouldn't pop out in a crowd, but she has something about her... I think it's the nose... or maybe the way her eyes look when she talks... anyway, point is, I think Edward has an eye on her!"
I want to be as happy as my pixie-like mate, but somehow I just have a feeling that Edward is making a big mistake with this human.
"Doesn't that sound fantastic, Jazzy?"
"Um, yeah. Yeah, amazing."
"You don't sound amazed," she replies, frowning slightly. "You don't think her being human is going to cause a problem, do you?"
Ah, my Alice. Ever so perceptive.
"Well, of course I do, Ali. She's too frail. We could bump into her and crack her ribs. Then she would catch on immediately. And besides, it's not like Edward is planning to turn anyone into a vampire any time soon, so... it's kind of a toilet plan."
"And here I was, thinking I was about to make a new friend. How silly of me."
"Awh, now come on Alice, don't make me feel guilty for voicing my opinion."
"Guilty? Whatever for?" Alice asks, smirking. She pushes me down onto the mattress and settles herself ontop of me, kissing me passionately.
Her playfulness coils in the pit of my stomach and sends jitters down my spine.
"Jasper, down here please," Carlisle calls from downstairs. I hasten to obey, as I have never quite been able to shake that particular habit. Alice snorts when I rush to my feet but I ignore her and head down the stairs quickly.
Carlisle is standing by the front-door, spinning his car-keys around his index finger.
"Yes sir?"
"Jordan would like to go to the bookstore and I know that you enjoy reading, so I was wondering if you would like to go with us."
Oh. Not an order. Whew.
"Uh, yes sir, I would like that very much. I'll just go tell Alice."
But before I can even make a move toward the stairs Alice shouts, "Have fun!" with a sort of mirth in her voice as if she were aware of every move in my life and simply enjoyed being humored by the audacity of my claim of complete control.
"Right. Okay, all set, Carlisle."
"Okay, Jordan's already in the car. Let's go."
Her mounting agitation disappears the moment we enter the bookstore. When she unnecessarily inhales, she seems to lose all of the irritation that she had soaked up in her sponge-like body and when she exhales, all of her sorow leaves her as well.
As I hunt down the book on the second world war I had been meaning to read, I can feel her excitement as she sniffles through the aisles. When Carlisle walks over to me discreetly, pretending to check out a book I know he would never enjoy, and asks softly, "How is she?" I reply with a slight smirk on my face, "Excited," and am pleased to note that he's smiling, too.
"Good."
I return my attention to the back of the book, decide it's not worth my limitless while, and spot a book with better pictures in it on display on the top shelf. I glance around quickly before jumping quickly to reach it and allow my eyes to feast on images of scenarios I've seen unfold right in front of me many times before.
I flip through the pages for a while, mostly just soaking up the calm atmosphere. Carlisle seems to be doing the same thing, until he hears something and turns around quickly, leaving me standing there wondering like an idiot what just happened. I follow him to the back of the library (the sci-fi section, why am I not surprised?) where Jordan is standing, looking for all the world calm and collected. But Carlisle seems to hear something I can't and immediately envelopes her in his arms for a reason yet unknown to me. And then my stupid supposedly-vampire eyes finally see the way her straight brown hair turns blonde and curly and her green eyes turn bright blue.
"What happened?" I whisper.
Carlisle cocks his head to the side just a tad before whispering quietly to Jordan and I look around the bookstore for some sort of threat. Then I hear the muttering.
"Wasn't that Jordan?"
"I could have sworn it was her."
"Am I hallucinating?"
"No, love, I saw her, too."
"Sh, dear , it's okay, just calm down."
She's struggling for air (breathing has become a habit of hers) and pressing the heels of her hands against her cheekbones to stop the flow of venom tears and it suddenly hits me that this is the first normal thing in her vampire life that she had actually become quite excited about that was ruined simply because she's no longer who (or what) she used to be.
It makes me want to scare the two people off and make sure they never come back to this bookstore but one glance from Carlisle keeps me rooted firmly to the spot. Unfortunately, one could not say the same about young Walker.
Before either of us know what she's doing, she's flying out of Carlisle's hold and hollering toward the two old people several aisles behind us. "Gram, pop!"
"No!" I utter, chasing her but making sure not to run inhumanly fast. She is not being as careful as I and for a second I fear we might be found out, but then I remember we're in the middle of one of the least-popular bookstores in one of the least-popular towns in one of the least-popular states.
"Jordan?" I can hear an old lady's voice ask, completely and utterly smothered in sickeningly tearful hope, and I bite my tongue harshly, grabbing her by the collar just as she reaches her grandparents.
"Amanda!" I scold, "You know better than to run off like that, sis'."
Jordan appears to have forgotten that she is not in her original state and that she has taken on the appearance of a young blonde teen. It doesn't seem to stop her from doing something stupid, though.
"Gram, pop, it's me!"
I give her a kick to the shin but it doesn't derail her from her path. "I've missed you guys so much! I'm- I'm so sorry, I never thought things would turn out this way, I thought I would be able to celebrate New Years with you and go on that family camping trip next year and-"
But then, thank goodness, Carlisle shows up, pulling out his new hospital I.D. card and cleverly covering up his name with his thumb.
"Amanda Brooks, that is quite enough. I'm sorry, sir, m'am, we thought she'd outgrown this habit. I'm doctor Jameson from Forks hospital, and this is one of my patients, miss Amanda Brooks. Amanda, you should know better. Apologize to these kind people for trying to fool them into thinking you were their granddaughter.
"Pseudologia fantastica," he adds in a whisper, "compulsive lying."
"Oh," the woman manages to push through her lips, sounding so lifeless compared to a couple seconds ago.
I give Jordan's shoulder a nudge but she seems at a complete loss for words.
"Sis', say you're sorry."
"Uh-y-yes, I'm very sorry." She's quite obviously incapable of saying any more and Carlisle doesn't push it. But then, when the two people look like all the happiness has been sucked out of their lives, she repeats her words, only with such sorrow that the emotion spills out of her and nearly leaks out of her eyes.
"I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Her voice is trembling and I can tell that she wants nothing more than to change back into her former self and throw herself into their arms and feel happy and warm and safe. But she can't.
She can't.
"Come on, little one," I say, because I know it is the only nickname she seems to carry in her heart.
She follows me numbly, and I can hear Carlisle explaining the after-effects of some or other psychiatric condition, but it's not as though either of us really care, so I bring her out to the car and have her sit down on the back seat with the door open. I hunch down in front of her and grab one of her hands between both of my own, concentrating on the ball of misery and depression inside of her and trying my hardest to replace it with feelings of calm and belonging.
"I shouldn't have. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Jasper."
"Sshh, don't be," I reply, pushing some loose strands of hair behind her ear.
"No, I'm sorry. I-I shouldn't have called out to them, I shouldn't have told them-" she seems to suddenly realize just what she had lost the moment she became a vampire and joined our cov-family. I meant family.
Seemingly out of nowhere, the dams break and the tears begin to flow. She covers her face with her hands and for the first time since her turning, she doesn't breathe. The realization of this fact seems to hurt her all the more, and she clenches her hands into tight little fists that she presses against her eyes.
"I never meant for this to happen." The words bear more weight than one would think at first hearing them, and I realize that she means more than just running into her grandparents and trying to let them know it was her.
Carlisle walks out, then, and heads straight for the car, handing me his keys and wordlessly asking me to make the drive home.
"We need to talk," he says to Jordan, and fear spikes in my stomach. It takes me a moment to realize that it's a combination of both mine and hers and I do my best to calm us both back down.
"We'll take the shortcut through the woods. I would like to speak with you later, Jasper."
A lump of anxiety manages to return to the back of my throat and I nod stiffly. "Yessir."
I give the two of them a wary look but I know better than to ask Carlisle from refraining from being too harsh on the girl. Chances are he's not planning to be even medium-harsh on her and the moment I say something, I just screw everything up for both of us 'cause then he's going to think that he should be harsh on her and really, what did she ever do that even deserved a talking-to? What did I do that deserves a talking-to? Oh no. What if this is about last week? I knew I shouldn't have accepted that dare from Emmett! Stupid lug of a vampire always getting these crazy ideas involving toilet paper...
"Son?"
I look up quickly. "Yes sir?"
Carlisle places a gentle hand on my shoulder. "Chill."
I know he says it to put a smile on my face, because, hell, who woulda' thought Carlisle could say 'chill'? But still... what if he's just trying to get me to calm down so he can go ahead and punish Jordan for God-knows-what?
"Jasper, seriously, you're making all of us nervous and there really is no reason for it. Why don't you drive home and tell your mother that we're going to be a little late and we'll see you there soon."
I nod again. I think I can manage that.
I get into the driver's seat and watch Carlisle sling an arm around little J's shoulders, walking off in the direction of the forest. I rev up the engine and try to 'chill' as Carlisle suggested but for some reason, I'm still worried that Carlisle's going to be overly harsh on her the way he was last time. Because, yes, no matter how far away you are, you'll still always hear a close one's pain. And I felt the hurt that swallowed her whole after he was done.
The thought suddenly makes me come to the realization that I consider Jordan as a real part of the family. Not that I hadn't from the start, but, well... in my opinion, one really has to earn their place in a family. I think I speak for every Cullen when it comes down to that. Well, probably with the exception of Esme. Which is weird because she seems to be the only one Jordan can't be found alone in the same room with for over an hour.
Hm. Perhaps Alice knows more about this.
Or, I can stop worrying about the kid's life and do my own thing. Yeah, that sounds good. I will go see Alice. And perhaps she'll know what we can do for 'fun'.
Alice and I are stepping out of the shower when I hear the front-door closing and I smell the entrance of our coven leader and newling. She giggles as I throw a big towel around the both of us and she wraps us up snugly, pressing up against my body and I can imagine the heat that used to course through her limbs as a human.
We stumble to the bed and nearly trip and fall but I catch us quickly and support my mate as she giggle hysterically. I honestly don't know what's so funny about falling, but hey, she's my wife. I know better than to ask her.
"Jasper, would you come see me in my office?"
Holy crap that scared the shit out of me.
"Jazzy? Did you do something wrong?" Alice asks, searching my face for some sign of petulance or remorse.
"No. At least, I don't think so. I dunno, ma sweet, I'll go see."
"Well put some pants on first, unless it's one of those trips to Carlisle's office."
It's a poor attempt at lifting my spirits, since I have never appreciated that form of discipline in the Cullen household, but I smile at my Alice nonetheless, heartened by her consideration.
I throw on some clothes and reply,"I doubt it's one of those, darlin'." And yet my unbeating heart seems to thrum heavily in my chest when I make my way over to our coven leader's office.
I knock on the door and wait for him to call me in before standing ram-rod still with my hands neatly folded behind my back. "Is there a problem, sir?"
Carlisle chuckles lightly. "No need for the formalities, my boy." It's not the first time he's said it, but it's a hard habit for me to break. As if to demonstrate this fact, my shoulders droop slightly but my arms remain locked where they are and my feet stay shoulder-width apart.
"Jasper, seriously, there's no need to be so nervous. I wanted to talk to you today about how well you handled Jordan's situation. The speed in which you dealt with everything was the necessary push we needed to convince her grandparents that it wasn't her."
"Really?" I ask, not quite convinced that this is the only point to the conversation.
"Yes, really. Thank you for being there for her, son. I'm sure Jordan really appreciates your presence in times like those."
I nod. "No problem, sir."
He gives me an affectionate smile and for some reason it makes something long-forgotten burn like a furnace in my chest. "Uhm, if that's all sir..?" I state, asking permission to leave. He nods gently and I make my way to the door, but then he calls out to me, "Oh and Jasper, one more thing."
"Yes, sir?"
"Please drop the formalities."
"Alright s-Carlisle."
"Thanks."
I leave the study feeling a little lighter than I felt before.