It had been two months since both men had come back into her life. Both men had told her that they were in love with her. It shocked her, particularly in reference to one, because although she had always been in love with him, she had assumed her didn't reciprocate. To find out he did caused her a lot of confusion. Since then her heart had been torn into two pieces, each fighting to be whole, a struggle which was emotionally killing her. The effects of this internal war were showing up in her academics, in her writing, in her social behaviour. Friends and family saw she was having trouble, but noone knew the cause. Except them. Neither knew of the others presence in her life. She kept them apart. Each blamed her troubles on themselves. Each tried, unsuccessfully to help her. Only one person in the world understood her pain, one who's heart had also been torn in two. Her mother knew how it felt. Her mother had been forced to choose between her real father, and a man who was her father figure. When she went home for a weekend, her mother instantly recognized the look in her eyes. The only thing she cold tell her was she would have to choose. Yes, choosing meant hurting one, but it was unfair to them and it was killing her to keep up in her actions. She asked her mother how she did it.
"I listened to my heart." was her only answer.
She thought about what her mom had said to her all weekend. She would sit silently for hours trying to listen to her heart, but she
heard only her own breathing. She made list after list weighing the benefits and consequences of her decision. She was in love with
both, and they in turn loved her. She didn't know how to choose. Her heart said two different things. Her head pounded. She was
emotionally unstable. She went back to her place with no more answers than she had had when she left.
She went out with him one night. He saw the look in her eyes. It was full of pain and desperation. He had no idea if she loved him.
"Please tell me what's wrong." he said.
"It's complicated." she answered, avoiding his eyes. He recognized the connotation of the words. He had heard the same response when he asked his mother about her supposed affair.
"What's his name." he said. She looked up at him.
"how do..." she began.
"I've heard your answer before, I recognize the look in your eyes." he said
"Oh."
"Do you love him?" he needed the truth, even if it might hurt.
"I'm confused" she answered. He felt a stab in his heart.
"Do you love me?" he had never asked that before. She looked at him.
"I'm confused." she said, and walked out.
He felt no better for her answer, but he didn't feel any worse. She hadn't said no. She said she was confused. That meant there was
still hope. He walked out, breathed in the night air.
She saw him a few nights later. He saw the look in her eyes. It was full of pain and desperation. He had no idea if she loved him.
"Please tell me what's wrong." he said.
"It's complicated." she answered. He knew what those words implied.
"What's his name." he said. She looked up at him.
"how do..." she began.
"I've heard your answer before, I recognize the look in your eyes." he said
"Oh."
"Do you love him?" he needed the truth, even if it might hurt.
"I'm confused" she answered. He felt a stab in his heart.
"Do you love me?" he had never asked that before. She looked at him.
"I'm confused." she said, and walked out.
He felt no better for her answer, but he didn't feel any worse. She hadn't said no. She said she was confused. That meant there was
still hope. He walked out, breathed in the night air.
She was walking home. When she heard someone come up behind her. She turned around to see who it was. He was standing there
smiling. The sun shone down, making his hair a glistening gold. His blue eyes were twinkling with a mischievous light. He looked
then just as he had before he went away, before his eyes took on a look of one who had experienced pain beyond his years. He took
her hand and led her to a coffee shop. He bought her a drink and they sat down.
"Well, what's going on?" she said.
"Happy birthday." he answered. She smiled, he remembered. "I have a very lovely evening planed for us." he said. Her smile faded, she wanted to go out with him, but He also had hinted that he had something planned as well. She didn't know what to do.
"He's taking you out." it was more of a statement than a question.
"I think he was planning on it." she said.
She still hadn't made her choice. She still hadn't told either one that she loved him. both were waiting for her to come to them, neither wanted to push, lest they push her into the others arms.
"I have to go." she said. She walked out. She had left a book.
She began to walk home. She again felt someone behind her. She turned to tell him she didn't know what she wanted to do, but it wasn't him. Her eyes met brown instead of blue. He smiled, she didn't.
"Happy birthday." he said, she gave a half-hearted smile. He hugged her, turning her in the air. Suddenly she saw him walking up to her, holding her book. He saw Him. their eyes locked. Each felt a small tingle of recognition, feeling as though they had seen one another before. They instantly knew who the other was.
"You forgot you book." he said giving it to her.
"Thank you." she said. She kept a calm look on her face, but her eyes betrayed her inner distress. She had never told either who the "other" one was. She had never let them meet. She hadn't wanted anything to happen. Now she couldn't stop it. They eyed each other, each tyring to size up his rival.
"So I suppose you think your taking her out?" one said.
"I suppose you think the same." said the other.
They both looked at her. She knew she would have to decide. She didn't know what to do. Her eyes filled with tears. They both went to comfort her at the same time. One tried to stop they other, pushing him away. He retaliated back pushing him too. It all happened so fast, she didn't know what happened. They were now physically fighting each other. Each felt he had to prove himself to her. They kept on beating each other, a crowd began to form. She tried to stop them she begged and cried, but neither listened. It became a struggle to prove who was the better man. They punched kicked and pushed. Both had blood on their faces and clothes.
"ENOUGH!" she screamed. They both stared and looked.
"Both of you are acting like children." she said
"You have to choose." One of them said. "You have to make the choice. Fine, one of us will get hurt, but at least then we'll know and we can move on. It can't go on like this anymore."
"I know." she said weakly.
"Here's how it will work. I'll be at the park tonight at seven. He'll be at the coffee shop at the same time. It's equal distance to both. Whoever you choose, you meet him there tonight. The other can walk away after that. Are we all in agreement?" the other man nodded his approval. She reluctantly agreed as well. Each left her. She stood there, she had no idea what to do. They were right, she had to let one go, but she couldn't stand the idea of hurting one. She loved both of them so much, and she hadn't to either of them. Now one would leave tonight thinking she had no feelings for him. she couldn't stand the thought. She went home and wrote a letter on her computer. She printed it twice, signed both copies, addressed two envelopes, one for each, and put it in the post box. She came home and began to get ready.