DISCLAIMER: How many kids does it take to ruin an anime?

4kids

"Um…hello," I say intelligently to break the silence, waving at the man weakly. My polite mode tries to shift into place, but it's kind of hard in the awkward atmosphere created when your best friend's dad walks in on you with your underwear halfway up your legs.

I unconsciously gulp at the furious expression on his face but feel my own anger rising in return. Shouldn't I, the one with his pants around his ankles, be pissed?

He lets out a slow, shaky breath as he massages the bridge of his nose, blue eyes going to the ceiling. "Pull up your pants and go sit on the couch down stairs. Tell my son to go with you." His tone leaves no room for argument.

I dash for the hem of my jeans and yank them up in record time with my underwear, but my nervousness makes me clumsy as I try to button them. I end up just zipping them and running out of the bathroom, face finally turning red in embarrassment. I hear Lavi's dad make an annoyed sound at this, but I'm almost sprinting at this point, so I don't check to see his expression.

Ow! I stumble back, rubbing my forehead where something hard hit me. I look up though the involuntary tears to see Lavi frowning at me from around his door. "Allen? What's wrong?"

I grab his hand. "I don't think your dad likes me," I tell Lavi matter-o-factly, dragging him with me. "He told me to go sit on the couch downstairs."

"Wait, my dad's here?" he asks, starting to slow down and look back in the direction I came. "And why are your pants unbuttoned?"

I jerk him forward, getting a small yelp of pain in return. "You might not want to talk to him." I warn, trying to button my jeans with one hand. Surprisingly, Lavi doesn't argue. He follows meekly behind me the whole way to the couch. I do a quick scan around and strain my ears, but I don't hear anyone else in the house. Where's his mom, and why didn't his dad tell him he was here? In fact, why didn't we hear them pull up to or enter the house in the first place?

We both sit down awkwardly on the couch for only a few moments before his dad comes down like a hungry hawk.

"Who is this kid, and why is he here?" he yells, his powerful voice echoing throughout the house. I can see where Lavi got his strong voice… and his height. Seriously, the guy looks like a freaking giant from down here on this low couch. In fact, looking up at him, he isn't really what I expected.

Lavi had told me he got his coloring from his mother; he must've got most of his other characteristics from his father. Both have a lankier frame than me, but Lavi's dad is taller than either Lavi or I. They have same crazy hair, though his father's is brown. He's also tried to tame his, unlike Lavi, but random pieces stick out here and there from his slicked-back style. The way he holds himself in an almost secretive way reminds me of my friend too, as if you'll have to torture him just to learn his favorite color.

The couch sinks slightly as Lavi shifts, not answering his dad. "I'm Allen Walker," I offer instead, "and Lavi invited me over for dinner since my own family is…out of town. I can leave if you like, Mr…?" I trail off, not really sure how to address him. Last name would probably be best, but I have to feeling I need to tread lightly here.

"Leo!" I can't control my jump as a sharp woman's voice floats in accompanied with the slam of the front door closing. I shift my position to try and see who it is, but stop at Lavi's father's evil eye. Dear god it burns!

"I told you to wait for us!" I look at my feet as footsteps sound approaching. "Honestly, they showed up right after you left. Someone needs a little more-" I hear the footfalls stop and Lavi's sharp intake of breath, but I don't look up.

Silence…then:

"What the hell are you doing?" I have to bite back a laugh. It's said in such monotone, I wonder if she's really surprised to see Lavi and I being chewed out on a couch. "We're not even here for five minutes and you're already yelling at our son and his friend?" She sighs in exasperation. "Do you even know the boy's name?"

I glance up through my lashes to see Lavi's dad- Leo scowl and cross his arms, attention away from us and on the woman. "Yeah, it's Alan-"

"Allen," she corrects with the right pronunciation. I blink. How does she know that? I try to catch Lavi's eye, but he's conveniently focusing on the hammer I got him now hanging on a necklace.

Leo waves his hand dismissively. "Like it matters. I'm sure he was just going home." He looks pointedly down at me.

I clench my hands, remembering I distinctively told him I was invited here for dinner. I open my mouth to answer, but an old, gravely voice laced with tiredness interjects first. "I told him he could come." I look up at Gramps, sure my face is showing my disbelief at him actually saying something to defend me. And here I though he didn't like me.

"You did?" asks the woman again. My eyes flicker to her, but she's so bundled up in a coat and scarf I can't make out her features besides the red hair sticking out of her hood. "Wow, did you bribe him or something, Allen?"

I frown. "How-?"

"Go help with the food you two," she interrupts, successfully avoiding my question. "The car couldn't make it passed the snow, so it's a small walk to get there." I think she means Lavi and I at first, so I start to get up. "Allen, you stay. You are the guest after all." Leo moves instead, walking passed his wife- at least, I think that's who it is- with Lavi following, but she stays behind. Gramps follows as well, glancing back at us once before leaving us alone.

"Um," I start awkwardly, trying to fill in the sudden silence. "Who are you?" I ask,not wanting to insult her if she ends up being Lavi's sister or something.

She laughs clear and free, the opposite of Lavi's. "Don't worry, I'm his mother. You can call me Nara." She walks towards me, pulling down her hood, unwinding her scarf, and unzipping her jacket. "And I know all about you, Allen Walker."

Lavi was right. Their color is exactly the same. Nara is tan despite the snow outside, with red hair the clone color of Lavi's down to her shoulders in small waves. Her green eyes sparkle knowingly at me, seeming to know all my secrets before I know them myself. It's more unsettling than when Lavi gets serious.

I swallow, suddenly getting a 'bug-under-the-microscope' feeling. "Really?" I ask, my voice coming out in a squeak that makes me cringe.

She smiles. It's a borderline smirk. "Yes, like how Marian Cross is your guardian, and your uncle is the infamous Neah Walker." I feel a pang at his name, and Nara notices. "If you don't want people to make the connection so easily, you might want to change your last name," she observes dryly, eyeing me critically.

How does she know? My name was never released! I scowl against my better judgment, feeling my politeness shake a little at her bluntness. "And say I'm related to Cross instead? No, thank you. I'd prefer not to have debt collectors at my throat for the rest of my life."

Nara roars in laugher, throwing me for a loop. I'm sensing a little bi-polarity going on here. Maybe Lavi got more than his coloring from his mom. "I don't blame you! That guy is such a bastard!"

I shift further away from her on the couch. "Please tell me he doesn't owe you money."

She shakes her head, wiping a tear from her eye. "No, but I do owe him a good knee to the crotch." Nara gives me an unreadable look. "I don't doubt you two meeting was a coincidence," she says cryptically, offering no hint whether she's referring to Cross and I or Lavi and me. She leans closer, smirking like this is all a game. "A little birdie also told me you aren't as straight as most people."

"Only half," I say without thinking or pausing to check if her expression is distasteful or curious first. Nara cocks an eyebrow. I mentally smack myself. I'm not doing too hot with first impressions. "I-I mean…um…shit," I finish, letting my futile attempts at politeness fall off. It just hasn't been as easy to fake since I moved here. I'm still trying to decide whether that's good or bad. I get up. "I'm leaving."

Nara grabs my hand and pulls me back on the couch. "Who said I cared? Just asking." Bull crap! I don't buy that for a millisecond. The look in her eye…dear lord, it's worse than Cross' as ever been. Thank god I went to the bathroom earlier. A man greater than I would've wet himself.

"Why do you care?" I ask. "It's not like I lied to Lavi. He knows about it." I wave my hands haphazardly, leaning my head back against the couch and staring at the ceiling so I don't have to look at Nara. "Don't worry. I haven't hit on him or anything either." I've had a few people I started to get close to in my teen years stop hanging out with me because they were afraid I was flirting with them every three minutes. I wasn't…most of the time, but what can you do at the hormonal age of thirteen except assume the worst of the openly (half) gay kid?

"So Lavi isn't good enough?" She questions softly, a threatening note not quite entering her voice. It makes Nara all the scarier.

"N-no!" I stutter, eyes widening as I look over to her. "Not that he isn't—I mean, he's my friend and it'd be weird—I would if we weren't—his chest is really—no! No, yes! I…You're screwing with me, huh?" Nara finally lets out the laughter she was holding back, and I exhale the breath I didn't know I was holding. "You're as bad as Lavi sometimes," I mutter.

"This has happened before?"

I shift uncomfortably, rubbing my arms through my jacket with lack of a better thing to do. "Well, I've had two people ask if we were dating…" Wait, why am I telling her this? I feel my muscles tighten as I finally notice the atmosphere. It reminds me of Mana and Neah when he had random acts of good advice, like a parental bubble you can say anything in and not be judged. "How'd you do that?" I ask in wonder.

Nara doesn't play clueless, smirk, or act like I'm some puck-ass kid who shouldn't know. She gives me a sad kind of smile and says, "I'm just good at putting other's guards down. Now the real reason I asked," she continues with a no nonsense tone, "is to warn you."

I hear the front door open and Lavi's voice complaining the whole way from here. I start up, but Nara holds me still and whispers in my ear, "Be careful around my husband."

"Mom! You better have not killed my friend!" Lavi yells, coming into the room with carefully stacked boxes in his arms. The smell follows him in, the mouth-watering scent almost making me tackle him right there to get some. There's one smell I'd associate with a horse's ass mixed in, but I ignore it. Lavi catches my look, and shifts the food-filled boxes away from me, mouthing 'mine.' I smirk at him with a shake of my head. Yeah, right.

Nara straightens up like she didn't just have a boarder-line heart to heart with me and takes the two top ones, smiling easily. "Now why would I do that?"

Lavi wrinkles his nose, casting a quick glance over his shoulder before talking. "'Cause I think he'll taste better than whatever L-Dad made." I notice in sounds like he has to force the word 'Dad' out of his mouth, but I don't comment. "What?" he protests at Nara's look. "You smell it too! It smells like a horse's a-butt," he censors at the last minute.

"How do you know what that smells like, Lavi?" My friend starts like he forgot I was there, but Nara offers me a chuckle.

"I'd like to know that too. What has your grandfather been teaching you?"

"Just the usual: how to make poison about of rain water and baking soda, the thousand and one ways you can kill someone with a spork-" Lavi dodges his mom's playful swat, laughing. "How to train a bean sprout…" He smirks at me. "Doing pretty well so far. He keeps barking at Yu, though."

I flip him off.

They start towards the kitchen, talking about some relative I don't know. I follow, waiting for my chance to steal some food. He shots me a look, guessing (correctly, by the looks of it) what I'm thinking. I give him one of my best angelic smiles, picturing a halo above my head supported by a thin wire. He shakes his head at me in good humor, setting the boxes down on the kitchen counter and leaning against it, crossing his arms and staring me down like he's guarding it as he talks.

I make a move to go next to him, fully intending to get around his defenses somehow, but Nara pokes my shoulder. I look over to see her grin apologetically. "Do you mind going to grab the last few boxes? Gramps and Leo are down where the car broke down, and judging from my son's actions, I don't think I should leave you in here with the food." She waves to the living room. "All that's left are the presents, and I don't trust Lavi not to peek."

I know she's trying to get rid of me. There's nothing in her expression or body to suggest it, but it's in my gut, which is usually right. The last time I thought my gut was wrong, I ended up half way to Ohio with a drunk Cross passed out in the back of a stolen car the color of rotten mangos. Nara probably just wants to talk to Lavi, but why doesn't she say it out…loud…

Why does Lavi look like he's going to piss himself when he was so relaxed before?

…Oh! Awkward talk's coming…right…

Time to go upstairs and eavesdrop from the grate like any real friend would.

+Lavi+

I almost yell for Allen to stay when he leaves the kitchen. Almost. Sure, the only reason I agreed to see Dad again for Christmas was to see Mom. It's been forever since we last talked, but I didn't miss the look in her eyes as she glanced between Allen and me with a cheerful expression. I predict this conversation will get over nine thousand on the awkward scale.

"He's-"

"Shh!" I hiss, holding up a finger to signal her to be quiet. I silently count to ten before hoisting myself up onto the counter of the kitchen. Mom shoots me a disapproving look, but let's me go. I smile and count to three with my fingers, creeping to the AC grate on my right. I scream into it, smirking when Allen's accompanies me with a wail of pain. "Go do what Mom said, Allen!"

"You're no fun!" his voice echoes through the grate. I laugh, jumping down onto the tile of the floor. I slip a little in my socks, probably looking like a penguin trying to fly as I flounder to stay upright.

"Careful." Mom moves forward, steadying me. I thank her, shooting Allen a warning look as he passes us to get to the door. He sticks his tongue out at me, rubbing his damaged ear as he stalks out to the door, and slams it behind him.

Mom waits a few minutes before talking. "He's cute."

"He's my best friend." I give her a pointed look, leaning back on the counter. I already know where her mind is: the gutter.

"He's not at all what I imagined. I had the picture of a pretty, girlish boy. He's much more mature looking than you said." I smile, thinking back to the first time I saw Allen. He looked like a genderless twelve year-old.

I roll my eyes, knowing she's talking the truth. "He's a teen, Mom. They tend to grow up." Allen looks like a fourteen year-old boy now. Sure, it's not his age, but it's closer than it was and he looks like his gender.

Mom steps forward, sitting next to me. "You haven't told him."

I feel my temper rise at the disapproving tone but keep it down, distracting myself with the new key chain Allen got me. It seemed a shame to stick it on my book bag where it'd surely break off, so, in a moment of impulse, I grabbed an old chain and slipped it on before leaving my room. "What makes you think I would? I haven't even told anyone directly besides Dad; Yu- I mean Yu Kanda- found out by mistake."

She sighs, absentmindedly running her right hand through my crazy hair. I lean into it, recalling how she used to do it every time I came to her during a thunderstorm or when I was just having a bad day. "You just have seemed…better these last couple months in your letters. Gramps even made a comment about you getting back to normal in the car on the way here. I figured you'd got Gramps on your side and finally had a boyfriend. Why else would you tell me about your miracle pianist being bi…" Mom stops at my pained look. Her 'unless you're interested' joke dies in her throat.

I shake my head and move on to an easier topic. "I don't know where Gramps is. First he says to leave, then he says to stay." I shake my head wearily. "It was his idea to have Allen over. I just…I don't know whose side he's on."

Mom sighs and takes a breath to say something, but the sound of the front door interrupts her. She leans over and pecks me on the head before jumping down. It's strange to be taller than her now, almost depressing. I'm growing up.

"I warned Allen to be careful around your father," Mom whispers, mouthy barely moving. "Whether he'll listen…" She shakes her head. "Well, he has been living with Cross."

"Can we have food now?" Allen asks, walking in with the boxes. Gramps and Leo follow, Leo frowning slightly at my overzealous friend. "The car's fixed," he tells Mom, sitting the boxes next to her, "and Mr. Leo said dinner was almost done." I frown slightly at Allen's polite tone. I can't believe I forgot how he acts around parents. Although, judging by the look Leo has, maybe this is a good thing. Allen wouldn't say anything to get on his bad side, so we should survive this dinner.

+Allen+

The Deaks' Christmas Dinner is prepared the strangest way I've ever seen. Granted my Christmas Dinner consisted of Neah attempting to cook and Mana taking over after he caught something on fire, but still.

The food is in the boxes brought in and is about halfway done. Everyone grabs a single box and the supplies they need to finish it before grabbing a spot of the kitchen to work on finishing the dishes. It's a weird system, but it works. Somehow the corn is finished in the microwave just in time to put in the rice, or the stuffing finishes just before the ham has to go into the oven. They all dance around in conversation as they work, but I can sense a large elephant in the room. The only time I can actually see the tension is when they argue with Leo about throwing away a mush of what's supposed to be pudding that smells like a horse's ass.

Through it all, Nara watches me closely, especially near Lavi. Leo keeps an eye on me as well, but he's somehow much more menacing than his wife. It irks me to the point that, if they weren't Lavi's parents and Gramps wasn't in the room, I probably would've snapped. As it is, I resolve with the weak solution to keep Lavi between me and his parents at all times. He sends me a questioning look every time I run to get beside him but says nothing about it.

It doesn't work that well. What's even worse is Nara sits across from me and Leo is at the head of the table when we finally sit down to eat. I'm in clear view of them both now.

Happy birthday to me.

The atmosphere is heavy enough to crush an ant. The chunk of ham I take feels like a hundred pounds (but it tastes so frickin' good). The space is filled only with the sounds of chewing and the clatter of silverware on plates. I can see Lavi is visibly tense. His eyes dart around, landing on his mother, father, and sometimes Gramps. Even Nara and Gramps seem like they're waiting for something. Leo is the only one totally at ease.

"So, Allen." I jump at Leo's too casual to be casual voice, swallowing a chuck of half chewed ham by accident. It scratches harshly down my throat, making me cough. "Yeah-er, yes?" I choke out, rubbing my throat.

"Is your hair naturally white, or did you dye it?" He questions, staring straight at me.

I move my gaze to my plate piled high with food. "It's from shock, sir," I admit. Most people leave it at that, not wanting to pry into the 'poor incident' that caused my hair, but Leo forges on, uncaring about Lavi's warning looks.

"Really? Must have been quite the shock." I don't say anything as he cuts his ham. "What happened, Mr. Walker?"

"The ham's really good this year, Mom," Lavi says cheerfully. I glance his way to see the fixed grin on his face, the line of tension clear to me.

"Why don't you take your gloves off Allen?" asks Leo, abruptly changing the subject. "You wouldn't want to get them dirty.

I feel a retort in the back of my throat but wash it down with some Sprite, glaring at the glass as if it's its fault Lavi's dad is a dick. "I have a scar from running into a tree on my bike," I tell him curtly. "It's embarrassing and hardly something to show at the dinner table, not unlike my eye." I make a crestfallen look come to my face and let my hair fall over my scar dramatically.

Leo cocks an eyebrow, and I silently cheer for myself in my head. Lavi's stiffening posture cuts off my inner victory celebration. "I see." I think he does. He takes a long sip of his water. "You know, your eyes are very unique as well." I feel my spine shiver at the sudden change in topic again, hating to way he keeps throwing off my train of thought. "But then again, maybe not. I mean, I saw a boy about your height last night at a bar with the same eyes, but his hair was brown."

I never thought I'd say this, but thank god I've lived with Cross and his debt collectors. Otherwise, my mouth would've hit the table. As it is, I manage to say relaxed and eat some more ham. "Really? Maybe it's a long lost brother."

Lavi chuckles. "God help us all," he whispers to me, barely moving his lips. "Two walking miracles? We'd be famous overnight! Or have to hide two dead bodies after Yu snaps."

Leo frowns, obviously unable to hear Lavi. "What was that?" When neither of us talks, he continues on. "Well, your long lost brother had some Portuguese man leering at him as he walked away." Tyki! Or Mikk. He always has that borderline rapist grin on his face, and blocking off his eyes makes it look all the more perverted.

Lavi shoots me a look. 'Later,' I mouth, reaching across the table for seconds. My panic level rises when I see the slight warning in Nara's eyes as she looks at her husband. I follow her gaze to see him staring straight at me, buttering a roll without looking. Creepiness factor has just risen. I think I officially understand why Lavi looked so sick when he talked about his parents.

"Filthy guy, too." Hey! No one- I mean no one- calls Mikk filthy but Road and me! My grip tightens on my spoon, but I force my fist to go limp. "Obviously a dead beat-" Son of a b- "and gay by the looks of it."

That makes me pause. Sure, Mikk's always never given a shit about who he's flirted with, but I never expected to hear that used as an insult.

"So?" A string of venom sneaks in my voice. Lavi flinches softly and kicks me under the table. I kick him back, and dodge his next kick swiftly. The table rattles as Lavi's foot connects with it. He squeaks out something untranslatable, clearly holding back the slew of curse words obvious welling in him as he grabs his foot and shoots me a pissed look.

"So," Leo starts, ignoring his son's pain like the ass I'm suspecting he is, "I do believe he shouldn't be so open about his…perversions."

Now look, I'm as used to morons like this as well as the next guy, but when my best friend's father talks about someone that might as well be family… well, we have a situation.

I start to get up, completely throwing away the usual act I have around people like I always do when this topic pops up, but Lavi tugs me back down. Nara sends me a warning look, but I don't care. "And what, pray tell, is so perverted about it?" I demand. "I've seen Lavi stare at girls almost everyday at school, but I don't say anything…anymore." Come it think of it, he hasn't flirted too much recently. Maybe after Chomesuke he just figured he'd wait awhile or something. "You can walk down the street and hear some drunk-off-his-ass man cat call to a girl as he watches her sway by, but that's apparently normal."

Leo's face is stone. Lavi looks like he's going to puke. Nara's giving me a pitying look. Gramps looks like he's just waiting another bad TV drama. I think I just screwed myself over…again.

Because meeting Leo in the bathroom wasn't bad enough to ruin me in his books.

"I see." Leo looks at Lavi, who's looking at his Coke like he's hoping it'll just explode so everyone's eyes will get off him. "What an interesting choice of friends you have, Lavi." My eyebrow rises at the hidden insult. "Maybe your brother is under the same category as him." It's directed at me; accusation is clear in his eyes. I lift my chin and meet his challenge, the atmosphere way passed friendly. In fact it's gone into a corner, died, and is now stinking up the air.

I open my mouth to answer, "Maybe he is," but Lavi speaks up first.

"No, he's not."

My eyes whip sharply to my best friend as anger boils up inside me. Lavi, for his credit, looks pale and sorry. Too bad I don't give a crap.

"Sir, I'm afraid I wasn't feeling well this morning. All this food has made me sick, so I'll have to leave," I tell Leo, falling into a hostile politeness. "May I be excused?" I don't wait, just push my chair out with a high-pitched sound as the legs scrape against the floor and make for the door faster than a sick person ever could.

"Allen!" I ignore Lavi and increase my pace. "Allen, wait." I hear his chair squeal back as well, but I only walk faster—nearly at a jog by now. I don't pause to put on my shoes, just shove my foot roughly inside, but remember I left my coat in Lavi's room. I grit my teeth and push out into the snow anyway, resolving to get it later. Maybe I'll break into his house later to pay him back for all the times I've had to pay for a new lock to my window.

"Allen." I feel Lavi's hand grab mine, but throw it off angrily, spinning around to face him. Both our breaths fly into the air, clearly seen as white smoke thanks to the freezing snow making itself known by leaking into my half-on shoes. "Look, just come back in-"

"Why'd you tell him that?" I demand, hiding my hurt. "Ashamed?" The answer on his face is enough. "I thought you were my friend."

Lavi's eyes widen. "I am!"

"Then what the hell-"

"Le-Dad thinks being gay is a choice, like doing drugs or joining a gang. He thinks if you start hanging out with the 'druggies' you'll start joining in." He runs a frustrated hand through his hair. "Can't have his only son turn gay on him now."

I rub my temples, rage making pressure gather there. "But I'm only half gay."

Lavi shrugs. "Maybe that other half will 'pollute' me or something," he says sarcastically, physically making the quotes in the air.

There are few things that can get under my skin and provoke a reaction. Three in one day doesn't put me in a forgiving mood.

"Maybe it will," I retort dryly. "In fact, I won't take that chance." I pat his check, borderline smacking him. "Sorry if my gay germs attack you." I turn to go home, feet starting to loose feeling now, but Lavi grabs me. "Let me go," I hiss.

"No," he says stubbornly. "Not until you hear-"

"What, Lavi?" I demand, whipping my head back to glare at him. Amazingly, I'm more pissed at him in this moment than I have at Kanda the whole time I've known him. I use that anger to push down the hurt. "How I can 'fix' myself or how you shouldn't hang around me because you'll become like me?" I thrust a finger at his house. "I've dealt with dickweeds like that before and know the drill. You say I need to grow some balls?" I recall, remembering his shot at me before the show at school. "You can't even defend your friend in front of your jerk dad!" I jab his chest. "How about I'll grow a pair when you do!" I rip my hand away and stalk over to my house.

"Please!" Lavi retorts, getting fired up as well. "You can't even ask me what's under my eye patch, coward!" I turn on him, only to have to stifle the desire to stumble back as he stalks towards me. "You just sneak around and hope to get a glimpse, maybe even steal my sketch book to try and figure me out."

"I didn't steal it!" I yell, throwing my hands in the air. "You left it at my house!"

"But you didn't return it," he points out.

"So what?" I ask, shaking my head to get the snow out of my face. "It's a sketch book! I know you took something of mine when I was sick- don't deny it! I know- and you got to see my arm." I lower my voice so only Lavi can hear the last part. "Is it so bad I want to know something to even it out?"

"We don't have to be 'equal.' We're friends!" I shake my head. Lavi growls in the back of his throat and tries again. "You just met my god damn parents."

"Yeah, and I know nothing except your dad's homophobic! Hell, you're mom told me to watch out for him!" I laugh, an edge in my tone I know Lavi doesn't miss. "And I thought N- Mikk's family was crazy! At least they're straightforward about the people they bring home. Hell, Mikk would probably willingly admit if he brought home a prostitute, let alone a bi guy!"

"Did you ever think there are things I can't tell you?" Lavi asks. "That my family isn't all flowers and pink unicorns?

I snort, uncaring if I hurt him anymore. Isn't that the purpose of a fight anyway? Don't you win by hurting the other more than they hurt you? I think Lavi's hurt me well enough to enforce the idea's right. "How would I know? You never tell me anything! All the stuff I know about you that's not common knowledge or simple everyday things I've found out from other people!"

"All the things I learned about you were by mistake!" Lavi rages back, pointing a finger at my arm. "Maybe you should be more guarded if you're going to complain!"

"Fine! I'll start now!" I walk with my head held high the whole way to my house, ignoring that most feeling in my feet are gone. "Don't ever come in my house again! I'll call the cops for breaking and entering!" I make sure to slam the door loudly behind me to solidify the fact I'm pissed at him, satisfied when I see snow outside fall off the roof from the force.

Anger and hurt swirl around my body. My teeth, which I know notice I've been clenching, are almost grinding into each other. I feel like I'm going to be sick. Is this how it feels to fight with a friend? Half of me wants to run back over and apologize- to Lavi and Nara, not Leo- but the other half, the one holding my pride and stubbornness, wishes I spat in the food before I left. This is way I should've just ignored him and walked home! Asshole! Fuck, how I want to punch his face in!

My eyes land on a very fragile lamp.

…

No, I won't lash out! Not again. Instead, I do what Neah taught me. I kick off my shoes, ignoring them as they slam into the walls in favor of stomping to my room. I slam the door behind me, throw off my coat, and grab my binder containing all the random poems and songs I've had ideas for over the years. I slam it on my pillow and flop on my stomach after it, grabbing a pencil. I open to a random page and thrust my ear buds into my ears. Turning my ipod up to mind-destroying levels, I block out everything and focus on that blank page of paper, forgetting everything but myself.

I know Neah did this whenever he had a fight and could be in his room hours. He was once in there for two days straight. He'd be calm by the time he came out, even if his room would look like a twister and a pack of bulldogs had been in there. I hope the same holds true for me…minus the mass destruction of property.

+Lavi+

All through the rest of dinner I smile. It's physically repulsive to talk directly to the man who seems to keep ruining my friendships without hurting him or snapping in some way, but years of experience keep me calm and in control. Mom and Gramps shoot me concerned looks, but I ignore them. If they really want to help they'd say something.

Of course, I would too.

I can feel myself gravitating towards any window with a view of Allen's house, keeping an eye out for my friend. The only reason I hadn't followed him home when he stormed off was my mother and Leo watching me…and the fact I don't doubt Allen will actually call the police. I am way too good looking to survive a night in prison.

The reason I'm able to live with Gramps is because Leo is convinced I'm 'getting better.' If I ran off after Allen and completely left them, he'd think something was up. Thinking Allen's not straight is enough to make him suspicious, but leaving my family to go after him would result in him and Mom leaving right away and not contacting would possibly kick me out in his command.

I need to talk to Mom. She's always known me and seen my crushes- hell, she knew I was gay before I did! -but Leo…it's hard to know get to know your son when you're never in the god damn house. I want to talk to her about Kanda, the band, and Allen. Tell her my problems and listen to her usually right advice.

So yes, I chose my house and family over Allen! Can you blame me? No crush or friendship is worth being homeless. I wouldn't put it passed Allen to offer me the couch at his place after he calmed down if that was the case, but I've met Cross; I don't think I want to be in the house with that guy. He'll murder me in my sleep! I've seen those hostile looks I get whenever he's home and sees me in the morning!

It takes everything I have not to scream to the heavens with victory when Leo's cell phone goes off as I unwrap my present from them. He leaves the room, so Mom comes over to sit by me.

"Why didn't you go after him?"

I shot Mom a look reading 'duh.' "Because L-Dad was here, and I was told he'd have the cops arrest me." I open the box and frown down at the book I got. It's not so much it's a book as it's about a subject I have no interest in.

"So? I'm here too." She places the book on the ground and cocks an eyebrow. "And when have you cared about the cops? I seem to remember you releasing that monkey at the zoo without any thoughts about the circumstances."

I look away and play with my key chain again so Mom can't see my smile at the epic memory of the monkey rampage. "Yeah, but it'll be hard enough to try and break away from what I'm supposed to do if Leo hates me. Maybe if 'get over' my 'homosexual urges,' he'll let me do what I want with my life." It's a dumb hope, but I cling to it.

Mom says something else, but I'm not really paying attention. She means well- she always has- but there's been strain between us since Leo found out about me being gay. The thing is, she didn't take my side. She didn't take anyone's side. Mom just let it ride out because she loves us both for better or worse even though Leo's a close-minded ass. She loves him, and sometimes I hate her for that.

"How's the band coming?" Mom asks when she realizes I'm not paying attention.

I release a heavy breath. "Well, my pianist and I just had a fight. Apparently he doesn't know enough about me," I grumble, placing my elbow on my knee and my face in my palm. "Why's he so difficult?" I mutter, mind still on our fight.

"Maybe it's both of you," she reasons, playing with a lock of my hair. I glance at her to see a gentle smile I've missed. "Even before all this, you've always been…stand-offish around others. It was even worse after your eye…" Mom bites her lip at the sensitive topic. "You were better around Allen when he was here and your father wasn't around, just like you used to be." Her smile morphs to a smirk. "Of course, I know Allen's the same. He had a little façade on when I talked to him. It took longer than I thought, but I managed to make him relax and talk. He's a tough cookie for an untrained teenage boy."

I chuckle at the thought. Allen probably doesn't know what hit him. Mom's specialty was interrogation. She could- and still can- make the atmosphere so soothing and loving you want to spill your guts to her. It's cool… when it's not you she's using it on.

"I have a legit reason for not telling him," I start, hand not supporting my head going for my eye patch.

"Bullshit. That's an excuse and you know it!" Mom claims, voice rising in anger. She takes a deep, calming breath before continuing softly, "I saw Allen's scar. Lavi…" Mom grabs my hand away from my eye, holding it between her hands and looking me in the eye. "He probably has skeletons to rival yours in his closet, but that doesn't matter. The past is the past! People spend too much time thinking about the bad instead of the good.

"Take this," Mom gestures to Gramps' house," as a blessing in disguise. You always loved music. Now you have a band. You've never had many friends. Allen seemed to consider himself enough of a friend to be insulted when you lied about him, and I've heard all about Yu Kanda and Lenalee. You've never had anyone to really be yourself around." She moves her hand from mine and points to the direction of Allen's house. "You seem to be able to relax with him to a greater degree than you ever have anyone outside the family. So grow a pair and let someone besides Gramps and I know you."

I blink at her speech, the longest one she's given me to date. "Did you record that? That was some grade-A motivating right there. I could sell it for a lot of money."

Mom uses her wrist to whack my temple, clearly not amused. "Lavi," she warns in a sing-song voice.

"Easier said then done," I sing in the same tone. "And Gramps isn't on my side-"

"If you would just-" Mom starts at the same time.

Gramps comes in the room; we both stop talking. "Are you going to apologize, or are you going to wait for him?" he asks me, showing no signs of hearing our conversation. His eyes lock onto mine, and I think I see a hint of hurt. It's gone before I can tell. He jerks his head to the window that shows a view of Allen's house. "I'd get a move on if you want to do this while this can still be treated in the least painful way. It seems someone's coming home."

I frown and look out the window. I feel a smile come to my face as Cross' truck pulls into the driveway, his red hair easy to see even from this distance.

Allen looked hurt and pissed when he left, and going over there today could make things worse despite what Gramps just said. At least I know Cross'll probably piss him off enough that our fight will be smaller in comparison.

…Right?

+Allen+

Can't you wait up? It's like I'm talking to myself;
Can't you pay me a little more, more notice?

Once it starts, it never stops.

Discipline, it's all I'm not.

Maybe I should apologize. I did leave my stuff in his room…

I ponder the thought over the guitar of my ipod, scribbling down the next line of my still untitled poem-song. I have a slight rhythm to go with it, but I can't come up with drum and bass parts.

Can't? Do you, don't you want to meet?
Then see you, wait up. Just 'cause. Wait up.

Pfft! No way am I going to apologize!

I set down my pencil, flip over from my stomach to my back, and let the guitar of the new song destroy my eardrums.

Liar, liar, pants on fire
And the pills go down and get you higher

I listen to the most positive stuff, huh? Still, the music's hard to beat, even if the lyrics are…less than child friendly, but then I've heard a six-year-old singing 'I'm Sexy and I Know it.' At least it's helped me calm down enough

I frown when I think I hear the door, but shift and close my eyes. Just my imagination. Lavi's probably faking happiness around his dad next door and, with any luck, Cross is lying dead in a gutter. Wouldn't that be a nice birthday present?

A dog barks from close by. I sit up and look curiously out my window, but there're no animal or paw prints in the snow. Where-

Holy shit -what the hell?

I scream as some giant, golden mass flings itself at me. I fall back on my mattress, twisting to try and get the thing off me. This is all Cross' fault! He's trying to kill me! He finally got tired of taking care of me and is going to let a bear eat me! It's even licking my face! I squeeze my eyes and mouth shut and thrash around to try to avoid it.

…Wait…dog barks, giant thing jumps on me, it licks my face…

As if this day couldn't get any more interesting.

I grab the dog's muzzle and push it away, trying to wipe the saliva off my face with my blankets before daring to open my eyes.

It's a fully-grown, golden lab. He's looking though the gaps in my fingers at me with happy brown eyes, as if he's missed me. His long, strangely curved tail flies back and forth with enough force to blow Hawaii away.

"You better appreciate this," growls Cross from my doorway, smoke in hand. I glare at him pointedly seeing as he knows my room is the only place smoke-free in the house, but he ignores me. "Took me three years to find that dog. I had to take that mental musician's directions and ended up lost each god damn time." He looks smug as he takes another drag. "Happy sixteenth…moron."

No way! Mental musician's directions? That has to be Neah! So then this is…? I shift my hand so the dog can turn his face to me and gasp happily.

"Tim!" I exclaim, hugging his neck and burying my face in his now-massive size. "You've gotten so big!" I coo, removing my face to rub his side. He barks, the yellow cross a shade darker than the rest of him standing out clear on his forehead.

"That's your birthday and Christmas present for the rest of your life, brat. Be glad I got you anything in this lifetime," Cross drawls. I stick my tongue out at him before smiling knowingly at him. He loves Timcanpy too. "Wipe that smirk off your face before I set your hair on fire. God knows it'd be an improvement." He leaves my room before I can counter back, probably to get some wine and watch the news. The sound of the fridge being open tells me I'm right.

I grab my binder and stash it under my bed, petting Tim. I get up and head out to the living room, Tim following behind. I can feel his hyperness; I'm not keeping him in my room.

Cross shoots me a glance from the couch as I sit down on the ground near his feet. He's stretched out on the length of it, so I wouldn't be able to sit on the couch even if I wanted to. I reach under the couch to grab a bouncy ball Lavi (asshole) left here and throw it in the air. Tim runs and catches it mid jump, skillfully avoiding the table in the room.

I only half listen to the news, glad to have someone back after all these years with Cross. I'm not surprised it took him awhile to find Timcanpy. He used to leave our house for days at a time, only coming back for food. Of course, he'd been small back then, so we worried. I thought he'd ended up at a pound. Even if Cross said this was the only present I'd ever get from him, I'd say Tim's well worth it.

"In other news, Neah Walker has been granted a retrial."

My hand freezes mid-throw, smile fading from my face. Tim's tail stops wagging, and he sits down, looking at me worriedly. He's always been smart; I wouldn't doubt he can feel my emotions swirling in my stomach. Or is that vomit?

"Neah Walker was accused of killing his forty-year-old brother, Mana Walker, and attacking his nephew, whose name was never released due to his underage status, five years ago. Walker first pleaded not guilty but admitted to his crime part way through the trail after the defense offered the possibility the nephew was the criminal. He took a plea deal. His sentence of life in prison with the chance of parole after thirty years was appealed last year, and a new trail has been granted. The date has yet to be announced." There's the suffling of papers as the newsman switches topics. "A new contest sponsored by BL records-"

I don't hear anymore, already in the bathroom. Please tell me none of my friends saw that.

+Lavi+

I love how they put an advertisement for a new TV show right after talking about a murder trial. They haven't even said what the show is, just that it'll be announced on Tuesday.

"Isn't the Walker case the one you're working on, Gramps?" Mom asks from the doorway, putting on her shoes. Leo's at the door with his arms impatiently crossed. "Any progress?"

Gramps sighs from the coat closet, handing Mom's coat to her before grabbing his. "No. That's why I have to head back out. We just can't seem to find anything on the nephew. The mark on his face should've been a dead give away, but the videos from the trail don't show it since it wasn't done healing. They lost the record of where he moved too, so we have no lead whatsoever besides Walker's knowledge of his whereabouts. He's not talking." He looks over to me on the couch. "This house better be in one piece when I come home."

I wave my hand in the air distractedly, changing the channel to FUNimation instead. Let me tell you, I love their voice actors, especially Chris Patton and Jason Liebrecht. Todd Haberkorn's voice is sexy too.

-Fall in love with me and we can live within your dream life.

Oh! Sasami's Magical Girl's Club! Yes! I mean, why isn't anything good on? I quickly change the channel to Nick to see a shirtless Gibby. I can feel my brain cells dying.

"See ya, hon." Mom kisses the top of my head. I make a face and rub my head, but smile anyway. "Don't hesitate to call and talk about anything. And about Allen…" She gives a pointed look towards his house and fixes me with a stern look.

I groan. "You know what would've hap-"

"He doesn't." She gives me a quick peck on the check. "Take care. I love you."

"Love you, too."

Mom lightly pats my head. "Do yourself a favor and don't justify your actions. You'll find life to be much easier when you can swallow your pride."

I wait for the door to close before changing back to anime. I quick look at the guide shows it's a marathon. I'll just wait to talk to Allen tomorrow. I'm sure he'll have cooled off.

I'll wait till after New Years to sort this out.

I scowl as my memory decides to guilt-trip me. So what if I'm putting this off? Maybe I don't want anyone other than Mom to know me. Isn't that how it goes anyway? The longer you're with someone, the more they find out about you. They find out the bad things you hid at first then start to drift away. Parents have to say, but friends don't. Maybe I want to stay like this, in the band where we're all friends and nothings complicated! Letting Allen in can only increase my attachment to him. I won't open up till there's no possibility of me getting in too deep with him. Romance can only end in a giant display of crap-colored fireworks.

+Allen+

Timcanpy curls up on my bed, taking mind to sleep far enough down that I can stretch out my legs. Cross is passed out on the couch, hugging a wine bottle to his chest. I settle into bed, unable to fall asleep.

Lavi still hasn't come to talk to me. I can see his lights on. I have a brief desire to run over but throw it away quickly with the pang of hurt I feel. He should apologize, not me. Why should I forgive him anyway? He basically gives me a free ticket to get to know his family then lies about me. Some friend he is! Then he has the nerve to try and ask me stuff about my past! Lavi can go get shot by a crippled star fish for all I care!

I don't want to stay like this, not knowing him. Even Kanda's come to accept me somewhat and is actually on the path to be a real friend. Lavi's somehow the one staying behind. Kanda's managed to be a real friend to Lavi, but Lenalee and I are only temporary at this point, destined to only be high school friends he shared a laugh with. Letting us in can only help our friendship get stronger and last. I won't tell him anything till he does, and I'm certainly not apologizing first.

Songs are "Damage" by Fit For Rivals, "Lair Lair (Burn in Hell)" by The Used, and "Sweet MAGIC" by Lauren-Claire Poitevent. The poem Allen writes is "Antinotice" sung by Akikane.

100,000 words...damn.

Thanks to FallLikeSnow for betaing.

Thank you to all who reviewed/alerted/favored!

So, chapters too long? Not enough by's kissing? Wonder how much longer this story can possibly get (me too)? Review!