Disclaimer: I own a car. A house. A flying saucer. Yet I do not own Desperate Housewives. Marc Cherry does. Lucky Guy. Ever had days when you wish you were Marc? I do.

This is following the same basic events in series 3 but slightly changed…okay, a lot. Almost completely, get off my back…please?

This is the 11th part and hopefully entertaining. It is shortly after the episode Come Play Wiz Me where Alma rapes Orson. God, that sounded weird.

Julie and Danielle Have Another Adventure

Julie yawned loudly.

"Morning!"
Julie looked up and saw Danielle standing over her, "Why am I here?"
"We had a sleepover. And we didn't sneak out! Though we did get sugar-rushes."
Julie glanced at the clock, "Six in the morning? Goodnight, Danielle!"
Julie rolled over and fell off her bed.

"Ha."

Danielle was still giggling as she helped her friend to her feet.

"Let's go get you some coffee, Jules."
"B-b-b-b-b-b-b-but, I'm tired."
"C'mon, Julie. Let's go ask Mom and Orson if they want a cup."
Julie got up and trudged after Danielle. She looked at Bree and Orson's bedroom door, which was slightly ajar. They glanced at each other, shrugged, bent down and peered in. Orson was fast asleep, and Bree was sitting in bed with a glass of water. A few moments passed, and then Bree suddenly tipped the water over Orson's face.

Orson woke up, spluttering.

"I'm sorry, but you've been out cold for ten hours, and we need to talk!" Bree snapped.

It took a moment or two, or perhaps fifteen minutes, but soon Orson was more awake, and he had told Bree what he remembered about whatever she was talking about.

"…I remember drinking the scotch and then Alma suddenly sitting up. But after that, nothing."

Bree sighed, "Oh, dear. I'm not sure how to tell you this, but...after Alma knocked you out, she assaulted you."

Julie spluttered, so Danielle had to push her off-balance to shut her up.

Orson ran his hands over his chest, "Where?"

"Sexually. She had sex with you." Bree cried. This time, both girls had to stifle giggles.

"But that's impossible."

"Your drink was laced with pills for...erectile dysfunction."

More laughter.

"But I was dead to the world."

"No, dear, you were dead to the waist." Bree told him.

Julie ran along the hall into the bathroom and Danielle heard her peals of laughter. Wow, underneath that good girl, looks-after-everything-responsibly exterior was a real...immarture child!

"I had sex with Alma, and I wasn't even conscious? How reminiscent of our marriage."

"Okay, this is no joke. She raped you, and your mother helped…."
"Oh my God!" Danielle gasped as Julie returned, "Psycho mom!"
"…Look, after we get dressed, we're going to the police."

"I can't do that!"

"Orson, I know you're embarrassed, but what they did to you was a crime."

"No, I can't go to the police. Not now, not ever."

"Orson, your ex-wife is a homicidal rapist, and your mother is straight out of I, Claudius. Why do you refuse to deal with them?"
"I, Claudius is actually a good book. He would like it," Julie muttered.

"And Orson's mom would fit right in," Danielle shrugged.

"I think it's time I told you about the night Monique Polier died." Orson whispered, and there was silence as he moved towards the door. A silence broken by a cry from Danielle.

"Dun, dun, duuuuuuuuun!"
"What?" Orson cried, flinging the door open. Danielle and Julie stared up at him, still on their knees, before they both lost balance and fell over.
"Ow."
"Julie, that's my foot!"

"Were you two listening?" Orson demanded.

"No," Danielle lied smoothly, getting up, "So Orson, we were going to get some coffee. Do you want some, or do you already feel perky this morning?"
Julie burst out laughing and was actually rolling on the floor in laughter.

Orson scowled, and looked at Bree, "Eavesdroppers."
Bree was grinning cheekily, "Do you, Orson? Answer her question. It's only polite."
As Danielle gave her mother the thumbs up, Orson slammed the door.

"Ow! My other foot!"

"Sorry," Orson yelled.

"Coffee?" Julie asked.

"Sure," Danielle answered, and they went downstairs.

Later

Bree lay on her bed, staring into space. Orson sat next to her, and sighed.

"Bree…"

"Please don't touch me."

"All this time, you've said you wanted the truth."

"That's before I knew what it was."

"You see, that's why I've tried to protect you from this." Orson cried.

Bree glared at him, "Yeah, but you weren't just trying to protect me, were you?"

"What do you want me to do?"

"Exonerate Mike. How could you stand by and let an innocent man be dragged off to prison?" Bree demanded.

"You think I haven't felt terrible?"

"And this, after he'd been in a coma because some lunatic ran him over."

Orson took a moment to look offended, but quickly changed his expression, "He has had a rough year. I wanna help Mike. How do I do that without implicating myself? I could go to jail."

"I don't care if you go to jail. You have done a horrible thing, and you have to make it right. I mean it, Orson. If you don't fix this, I will." Bree snapped.

Orson sighed, "Well, I guess I'm in no position to argue."

"No, you're not."

Julie and Danielle sat at the kitchen counter, eating waffles when Andrew ran down.
"Girls!"
Danielle waved at him, "Hi, Andrew. Wow, love the teddy pyjamas. No bunny slippers?"
Julie smirked. Andrew flicked his sister's head.

"Listen, you're not going to believe what I just heard Mom and Orson talking about…"
Danielle and Julie smirked and turned away, hiding their laughter.

"We've heard plenty from them, Andrew!" Julie grinned. Andrew looked puzzled for a moment, before proceeding to tell them everything.

"Really? What part can't we believe about that?" Julie asked.

"Well…I dunno…but Orson has done something really bad."

"All of us have," Danielle sighed.
"But, what if this has to do with the dead chick?"
"It does," Julie cried. Danielle's eyes widened, "Orson killed her!"
"That's stupid," Andrew snapped, "I think it's worse."
Julie frowned, "Worse than killing Monique? Worse than framing Mike? Worse than yanking all her teeth out…" Julie gasped, "And he's a dentist, isn't he?"
Danielle nodded, "Maybe I should have added evil dentist to that list at that sleepover,"

"Danielle?"
Danielle groaned as a sing-song voice interrupted her and Julie's conversation.

"Danielle?" Bree grinned, poking her head round the door, "Could you take the trash out?"
Danielle frowned, "But…but, I have company?"
"I'm sure Julie won't mind," Bree said, "C'mon,"
Danielle pulled a face, "Please, Mom. Make Andrew do it,"
Bree rolled her eyes, "I'll do it myself."
Danielle grinned broadly as Bree left.
"I wouldn't have minded," Julie said, "You could've done it."
"But I don't want to!" Danielle grinned. She glanced at the clock.

"It's six thirty now," Danielle muttered, "Want to stay for dinner?"

"Sure," Julie said, "Beats Mom's soup-from-a-can. But I'll have to do home straight after dinner, 'kay?"
Danielle nodded. Julie got up and gasped.

"Danielle! Why's there a ladder outside your window?"
"Orson was cleaning the gutters. Why?"
"Don't you remember that sleepover? That ladder has dangerous memories!"
Danielle grinned, but then froze as she joined Julie at the window, "Why is there a little velvet bag tied to it?"
"I don't know,"
"Holy crap! Mom's climbing the ladder!"

"Why do you Van de Kamps always climb the ladder?"

Bree looked up the ladder, spotting the little bag. Just like the one Monique's teeth were in…interesting.
Curiosity overcame her as she stepped onto the first rung and climbed cautiously towards the bag. Finally she came in reaching distance of it. Just one more rung. She put one foot on it and lifted the other one. And, suddenly, the rung snapped.

She screamed as she fell off the ladder and towards the hard concrete floor.

"Mom!" Danielle screeched, and she and Julie took off. They streamed past Orson and Andrew and ran outside towards Bree's fragile body lying on the floor.

"Mom!" Danielle cried, falling to her knees beside her. Julie picked up the little bag she was holding.

"Marbles?" Julie asked, "Does she collect…?"
"No," Orson whispered. Andrew's face darkened, "What the hell is this then?"
Orson moved away and called an ambulance on his cell phone.

"Andrew," Julie whispered, "Don't get any ideas…"
"Too late," Andrew snarled, "Because now Mom's been hurt. And I'm sure her no-good husband is to blame!"
"What then, Andrew? You going to go all 'it's personal' on my ass?!" Julie snapped, doing a bad gangster impression.

"Look! Someone has an idea in their twisted minds that killing my mother is going to solve something."
"A year ago, you wanted to hurt her!" Julie snapped. She threw the marbles on the ground and went to sit with Danielle as ambulance sirens blared in the distance.

"Mom! Wake up!" Danielle pleaded. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a jelly-baby, "Maybe she needs one…"
Julie grabbed it and threw it away, "Two things. One; she'd choke on it! Two; it's yucky and yellow."

"Oh,"
A few moments later, and an ambulance drew up, and Julie and Danielle were pushed aside as they gathered Bree up. Orson and Andrew got into the ambulance with her, yelling out to the girls to watch the house.

"Like we get a choice," Danielle muttered as they drove down Wisteria Lane, arousing many curious neighbours.

Danielle and Julie sat at home alone for a long time. Andrew called them to say Bree was okay. And since then, they'd done nothing but watch cheesy Godzilla type movies and eat ice-cream. Then the phone rang.

"Hi?" Danielle said, answering, "Yeah…uh-huh…what? Goodness gracious, Orson jumped off the roof? Dumbass…okay, bye,"
Julie stared at Danielle, "Orson's dead?"
"No, he's just stupid. He's okay. I'm sure he probably was just stupid enough to let Andrew too close to him. Ooh, Night of the Killer Cows is on!"

Meanwhile, in another house on Wisteria Lane, Gloria Hodge (Orson's mommy) made a call to the hospital.

"Yes. I'm calling to check in on a patient…last name Hodge…what do you mean which Hodge?"
And, after this phone call, Bree's devious mother in law came up with a plan. So evil…she told Alma (Orson's ex-wife who raped him).

"Suicide? Is he okay?" Alma cried.
"Yes. But suicide isn't the act of a happily married man. But don't worry, Alma. Soon, Bree shall be gone, and he'll need a good woman like you to consol him!"
"What are you going to do to Bree? Gloria? Gloria?"
Gloria merely walked away, leaving Alma in the locked attic.

When Bree had arrived home, she was greeted by her daughter, her daughter's best friend (who was always around, didn't she have a mother to get home to?), and Andrew.

"Mom!" Danielle grinned, hugging her tightly.
"Don't strangle me," Bree joked, but Danielle leapt back quickly as if she was worried this could happen.

Bree had to stay in bed for several hours, and Andrew had to leave for work at the Scavo's Pizzeria opening, and Julie left too. Leaving Danielle, alone, annoyed and out of jelly-babies.

"Danielle, are you okay?" Bree asked faintly. Danielle nodded solemnly, "Yeah,"

Bree didn't have time to grill her as the doorbell rang and Danielle took off to answer it.
"Gloria?" she cried upon opening it.

"Hello dear. I heard about your mother's accident, and I bought some special homemade soup."
A few minutes later, Danielle was putting the soup into a bowl, while Gloria watched over.

"So, why are you here and not at the Scavo's? A pretty thing like you should be at the party."
"I would," Danielle sighed, "But Andrew had to go and someone needed to baby-sit Mom."

"Oh. Well, sweetie, why don't you leave me to look after your mother, and you go?"
Danielle grinned, "Seriously? Oh my God, thanks, Grandma!"
Gloria hugged Danielle, "Anytime. Anyway, just take this soup up and score extra points by telling her you made it,"
Danielle nodded and took the tray and bowl upstairs.
Boy, she thought, It does smell good. I think I'll try it.

Danielle took a tiny spoonful and tasted it.
Yummy.

Danielle beamed and walked into her mother's room.

"Hi, Mom. I made you some soup."
"Oh, sweetie, thank you!" Bree smiled, as Danielle put the plate on her lap.
Danielle yawned, "Oh! I'm more tired than I thought. Anyway, enjoy!" Danielle started to leave the room, before looking at the window-seat.

Hmm…

Bree stared as her daughter yawned again, and sat on the window seat, before promptly falling asleep.

"Okay…" Bree whispered, before starting the soup herself.

Julie felt a tingle go up her spine. She looked at her mother, who was beaming down at her engagement ring from Ian, before quietly excusing herself and moving towards Andrew.
"Andrew…"
Andrew turned, "I just got a funny feeling about something."
"Me too…and I reckon it's your sister…"
Andrew nodded, "She is thick."

"Maybe I should go check on her?"
"Thanks," Andrew said, and he turned back to his work, "Good luck,"
Julie shrugged, and silently slipped out of the pizzeria.

"Dummy," Gloria muttered, upon seeing Danielle fast asleep on the window seat. She glanced over at Bree who was drifting off.

Bree's eyes widened slightly as Gloria perched on the bed, "Gloria…what are you doing here?"

"I came here to look after you."
Bree tried to sit up, "Andrew? Danielle?"

"They're not here…well, Danielle is, but she passed out…"
"So…sleepy…" Bree whispered, falling back.

"Then the pills in your soup are working."
Bree's eyes slowly closed and her breathing steadied.

"I'm so sorry, Bree. I'm sorry that you got caught up in this. With Monique it was easy, she was a slut. But you are a good woman. But I can't let Orson become his father's son..."

"I want to go home!" Orson whined, as the nurse tried to get him to eat, "I need to speak with my wife!"
"She was discharged hours ago, Mr. Hodge," the nurse smiled kindly, and she started to leave, "Oh! And your mother called…"
"Ick…" Orson muttered, quietly.

"…she wanted to check you were staying overnight."

As she left, Orson's brain started ticking. Why would his mother care?
Then he started panicking.

When the nurse returned an hour later, Orson was gone…

Gloria lowered Bree slowly into the bath she had run. She lit the candles around the bathtub and smiled maliciously at the pictures of Bree and Orson.

As she walked downstairs into the kitchen, the phone starting ringing, but went quickly to the machine.

"Bree? Bree, if you're there pick up! Pick up!" Orson's worried voice rung around the kitchen, but Gloria ignored it and picked up the knife. Then she went back upstairs. And looked around Bree's bathroom.

Completely ready for Bree's 'suicide'.

Julie turned the doorknob and it opened easily. Julie frowned. Usually Bree kept doors locked, and so did Danielle. She shrugged and walked into the house.

"Danielle?" she called.

Gloria heard Julie's call and panicked. Another teenager to meddle in her plan.

She picked up her cane and left the knife next to Bree.

Julie was about to walk upstairs when she felt the faint aroma of old perfume.

"Is there an old lady in this house?" Julie cried. She looked around the living room and saw Gloria Hodge's purse.

"That can't be good…" Julie whispered. And she started to smell scented candles.

"Oh, crap…" Julie murmured. Orson and Bree don't like Gloria. Gloria wants Orson back with Alma. Andrew thought it was Orson who caused Bree's accident, but what if it wasn't…it was Gloria!!
"Danielle!" Julie yelled, and started to run upstairs. But as she got to the top step, someone hit her in the face with a cane. Julie toppled downstairs and felt blood begin to seep out her nose. She rubbed her head where she'd cracked it on the banister and got up unsteadily.

"Ow…"

Julie grabbed a tissue from the box and held it against her nose and suddenly Orson crashed through the door.

"Julie!" Orson cried, seeing her holding a red tissue to her nose.
"Orson!" Julie whispered, seeing his scars and bruises from falling off the roof.

Orson heard the bath running and they both took off upstairs. Orson burst into the bathroom while Julie ran over to wake Danielle up.

"Julie?" Danielle whispered, drowsily.

"Danielle, are you okay?"
"Yeah. You look like hell though."

Julie nodded and helped her friend to her feet. Julie then heard several crashes in the bathroom and ran to check on Orson. He was trying to twist a knife from his mother's hand, whilst Bree slipped into the bathwater.

"Whoa." Danielle cried, staring at the bizarre sight in front of her.

"I know."
Orson finally smacked the knife out of her hand, and pushed Gloria over. He then scooped Bree up in his arms and took her out of the bathroom.

Danielle and Julie stared at Gloria, who was muttering about having a stroke.

"I hope she dies!" Danielle hissed venomously.

"That's a bit cruel."
"Oh."
Danielle smiled at Julie, "Why do we keep having these odd adventures?"
Julie shrugged, "It's fun though."
Danielle nodded in agreement and they both started laughing.

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