We get to the top and notice we were faced with a somewhat long hallway with three doors, one on each side, with the one on the left being really close to the one at the very end. We venture into the first door on the left to find the master bath, which is even nicer then the one at the hotel. With an elevated bath in the right corner, a walk in shower in the left corner, a two faucet sink with a big counter, a nice closet for toiletries and all that, and a nice toilet of course. In all the bathroom is huge and we leave it and go to discover the next door on the right and we find basically a game room of sorts, with a pool table, a tv, a plush sofa and a record player with dozens of records beside it. We leave that room with giddy smiles on our faces and go to face the one at the end. We find ourselves in the master bedroom with a big, soft white bed in the center. With a dresser against the right wall and a dresser at waist height with a mirror attached exactly to our right, kind of like a vanity. I've never laid on a bed as comfortable as this one, and Paul seemed to enjoy it as well. While we're both lying down on it and Paul has his eyes closed I grab a pillow and hit him playfully and he grabs one and we get into a full out pillow fight while jumping around on the bed hitting the other with a pillow as we're both in stitches laughing with the biggest grins on our faces. I give in and collapse onto the bed and Paul does the same beside me and we both breath heavily while trying to catch our breath and we burst into giggles. We're such kids. I let out a content sigh and move over to Paul and I place my cheek on his chest. I close my eyes as he runs his soft fingers along my cheek.
"What was bothering you earlier, J?" Paul asks me quietly, breaking the silence.
"I was just scared by what had happened at the hotel." I confess deciding telling him will make me feel better. He moves me so I'm laying on top of him and I lift my head up and rest my chin on his chest as I look up at him and he looks down at me.
"Then why'd you act all tough guy saying you were okay?" he asks me and I shake my head unsure.
"I'm sorry that it happened and that you got hurt, darling. I wish you wouldn't of gotten hurt, and that I could've done a better job at protecting you. I'm supposed to protect you and I failed at that." he says sadly as he runs his hands over his eyes and let's them fall down to reveal his sad eyes.
"It was out of your control, Paul." I say while I stroke my thumb along his cheek.
"I know, but I could've done a better job. I could've prevented you from getting hurt." he says with a sigh.
"Paul, it's in the past. There's nothing either of us can do about it. It's okay." I say with a sigh since we had gotten off the subject.
"I'm sorry you were scared. I wish you would've told me that sooner, after it had happened. I-I was scared too, and scared of what would happen to you…" Paul says trailing off as I continue to lightly stroke his soft cheek.
"That, that hype and craziness isn't going to stop." he says.
"I know that." I say.
"I'm sorry you have to go through it, but you have a choice you know.." he says trailing off again and I squint my eyes surprised he would say that.
"What are you saying? I'm confused, Paul. You say earlier you don't want to leave and then you're asking me if I want to." I say kind of angry and confused as I move off of him and I sit cross legged on the bed. He's sits up and faces me with a bewildered look on his face.
"That's not what I was saying." he says defensively.
"Then what were you saying?" I say back strongly.
"Not what you think I was saying." he says not really answering my question.
"Just tell me the truth." I say.
"Tell you what? What truth? There's nothing I'm hiding from you, you know that. I haven't in these past what 2 hours, changed my mind about us. I'm not going to leave you and I don't know why yer twisting my words!" he says angrily and starts to yell a bit. I really don't want to get into a yelling match with him right now, or ever.
"Stop yelling at me." I say remembering him apologizing a number of times for yelling at me, but then he continues to do it.
"Stop twisting my bloody words then!" he says back angrily and kind of yelling still.
"Yeah well maybe you should stick to yours." I say and get up off the bed and go downstairs and I hear him behind me.
"Stick to what words?!" he asks me angrily.
"I don't need to answer that, you should know." I say going into the spacious kitchen and I wander to the fridge and find it full of food. I find a water and I grab that and a strawberry yogurt.
"Why the hell would you think I changed my mind?! I don't want to leave you and I was just saying that you have a choice to be affected by my fame and all this bullshit with the fans and the press. I don't, but you do. I wanna make sure you really do want to be in this." he says strongly, no longer yelling while my back is to him and I set the food down on the counter and look to him with a tear in my eye.
"Why are we doing this all again? Me doubting you earlier and now you doubting me? I'm going to say just what you said. If I didn't want in this, if I couldn't deal with the fame and all that comes along with it. I wouldn't of gotten into this in the first place or been in it for almost a year. We already had a big fight about this in June. I don't want to fight about it again or hell talk about it, because my answer hasn't changed. Yes I have my moments where I ask myself "what have I gotten myself into and am I really ready to deal with all of this and for it to become my future". But I never act on those thoughts and they don't bug me, i've just had them a few times. I want to be in this, Paul. If I wouldn't want to, I would've told you. I would've never became your girlfriend in the first place if I didn't want this with you and all that it comes with." I confess getting it all off my chest as a few tears escape my eyes as I have my eyes locked with his.