You will, you won't.
See, here's the thing, Jude. I don't know what to make of it yet. I can't figure you out, and I can't figure her out, and I sure as fuck can't figure me out. You've told me some things that nobody in this situation should hear. You tell me that you'd be with me for sure, if only you weren't with her. Well, that doesn't help me one bit, does it? You say we both don't want to hurt Luce but I don't think you understand that I would absolutely choose you over my sister. In a heartbeat. It wouldn't cross my mind. It's confusing, but then, it's not. Not really. I love you, and you say that you love me, but when you do stuff like kiss her in front of me, or dance with her at one of Sadie's gigs with those stupid love-filled eyes, I don't know if I can believe you. I think on your end, it's more of an "infatuation pending" sort of situation. You will. You won't. I know what I want, you know what I want. But you can't act on these fucking instincts you get until you're a hundred percent sure, and I have no idea how long it's gonna take until you're sure. But I'm gonna wait, Jude, even if I have to wait fifty years and we both look like the back end of a bus. I don't know if that shows that I'm dedicated to you, or that I'm absolutely insane. But that's the way I suppose it is. Fuckin' Max Carrigan. Stupid as the day is long. I don't know if this means anything, I don't know if this will make you change your mind again and if saying this will do me more harm than good, but I ought to try, I suppose. You should know that when day after day passes me by and I have to keep on acting like it doesn't hurt me when you treat her the same way you've treated me a few hours before, it really kills me, because it does hurt me and it hurts me badly. I don't want to scare you away but I don't want to fuck myself up either. I don't know what else to say. I used to be able to make snap decisions, I wouldn't need a second to think. Now I don't know what I want, really, except that I want you.
Maybe I'll burn this letter I've written so many times to cinders again. Maybe I won't. Maybe you'll leave her today. Maybe you'll be with me. Maybe you won't. Maybe you never will.
Hell, maybe I'll get over you! No, I bet I won't. I'll never stop loving you, Jude, not as long as I've got a head on my shoulders.
That sort of came out of nowhere. And I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to get another one of these out! I hope you all had a great holiday and that the start to the new year was a great one!
1234567, all good children go to heaven...