Hello everyone! Here's another Blind Spot for you lovely readers! I've been doing some more reading on anxiety attacks and PTSD symptoms (which is basically what Hiccup has in this AU, and are referred to as 'dark days' by him and Astrid). And I found that those attacks don't always have to be about fear or sadness. So I tried to apply that in this oneshot, and possibly in some future ones as well.

Out of Touch

Astrid smiled as Hiccup enthusiastically filled another sheet of copper with thin scratches using his small knife. She barely understood how he did it, drawing sketches without having to see. Somehow he only had to run his sensitive fingers over the metal to know what he had drawn.

He made it look so easy. Astrid had never been able to draw or write well. She had never mastered the subtle art of the precise movements necessary for it, and she certainly never had the patience to learn. It had always felt like a useless skill. Why would she need to draw figures or schematics? She had much preferred learning to fight, the ache in her body after a grueling training session a far greater reward than a pretty drawing.

And now, with her scarred hands, it was harder than ever to hold a quill or charcoal pen.

She took her eyes away from Hiccup's nimble hands for a moment to look around the room. Toothless was sleeping on his stone slab in the corner. The desk was cluttered with tools, models, and a burning candle that she would have to blow out when she left, because Hiccup would forget about it. He didn't need candlelight after all, unlike Astrid who could barely see in the evening darkness. Astrid often wondered how he found things in the chaotic mess, but she knew he had a system of sorts, and he'd get irritated if anything was moved without his permission.

Old drawings made of charcoal and paper were pinned to the walls of his room. He had no need for them now, it wasn't like he could see the old and outdated sketches of dragons anymore, but they had never gotten around to throwing them away. Astrid wasn't sure if he even realized the drawings were there, but she liked having them around. They were a reminder that Hiccup had not always been blind.

There were even more drawings in the forge. Schematics for weapons and ships, catapults and axes. Violent things that Hiccup had once dreamed up to kill dragons. She didn't like seeing those designs. Hiccup's brilliant mind had been focused on producing ways to kill and impress. Of course, now that everything has changed, he made schematics of better, more peaceful things. Cranes, stables, watermills, farming equipment, mines, the list went on and on.

But because of her, he now drew them on copper instead of paper. Because of her he was writing and drawing in a way only they could read. Because of her, paper was useless to him. She tried not to think about that too much. He had forgiven her for it, and they had left it behind.

But on days like this she wondered if she could ever fully forgive herself.

"Okay, I'm done! This forge should work! There's enough room for the Gronkle's lava, and the heat should be distributed evenly!" Hiccup said as he put his knife down and picked up the sheet of copper. Astrid couldn't see anything different about the sheet, but she knew it contained the secrets to Hiccup's newest idea: A Gronkle-powered forge. Feeding a Gronkle abundant sandstone and then using the lava for heat was much cheaper than using coal, and would hopefully produce less smoke and grime.

The next village council meeting was tomorrow, so they had to hurry if they wanted to present it then. Hiccup, with her help, had completed the first step: Producing the actual design. But the most difficult part was yet to come.

Although the council's faith in Hiccup's designs was slowly increasing, they were still skeptical of anything they couldn't see for themselves. And they were unable to read Hiccup's copper drawings, the ridges too small and faint for them to distinguish. So Astrid would have to copy his design on actual paper to show the council.

And if the proposal was accepted, her paper drawing would be used by the builders to construct the actual forge.

"Good! It better not explode like the last one!" Astrid said as she took the schematic from him, placing it in front of her. Then she grabbed a blank sheet of paper from the big stack, took a charcoal pen, and ran her fingers over the copper, trying to determine how big the drawing was.

Copying Hiccup's schematics was hard. Very hard. Seeing the lines, especially in flickering candlelight, was nearly impossible, and the scars on her hands were too thick for her to be able to feel the lines well. Hiccup tried to help by making his lines as wide as possible, but it was still incredibly difficult.

But they managed. Or at least they tried.

Hiccup felt around for the copper sheet as well, rotating it when he found a notch only he could sense in the top. Then he took her fingers in his, gently running her index finger over a wide, but shallow line.

"That's the edge of the bin where the lava will go. The Gronkle will be over here..." Hiccup said as he moved her finger over the contours of the bin, then moved it to a round figure she sort of recognized as a Gronkle.

"The length of the lines is marked next to them as usual. I took Meatlug's size for the Gronkle," he whispered as he finished tracing her hand around the copper dragon. She quickly moved around, finding small numbers next to various lines, indicating how many feet long the part would be in reality.

"Okay, I see," Astrid said as she used her right hand to start drawing, trying to copy the contours of the Gronkle as she felt them. She didn't think she did a very good job, as the head seemed too small compared to the body. But the Gronkle's contours weren't too important.

"Meatlug is four feet high?" she asked, and Hiccup shook his head. "Five," he said, and she silently cursed when she realized she had misread the number.

"And… six feet long?" she said, trying her best to read the number. Any error could be catastrophic, as they had found when she had misread a 12 as 2, having missed the small 1. Because of that error, a support beam had been too thin, causing a crane to collapse when it tried to lift its first load. Ever since, she checked with Hiccup for every number. But even then, errors would still slip through.

"Yes. Are you done with the Gronkle?" Hiccup asked. She drew a final line and marked the number, before saying "Yes."

Hiccup moved her finger again, this time to the drawing of the forge itself. This was the crucial part. Any error here and the forge would explode. They had found that out the hard way.

"Okay, there's a… horizontal line here, and at the end there are two vertical lines. The chute goes through those like this…" Hiccup explained as he quickly moved their fingers over the copper. Astrid tried to keep up, rapidly drawing lines with her right hand as her left hand felt the metal.

"Slow down!" she said when he moved her finger too fast, making her lose track of the line. He muttered an apology, and she frowned. His tone was… odd. Almost angry. She decided to ignore it for now, moving her focus back to the drawing.

"Ah, so now these lines end up at that big vertical line we drew earlier!" Astrid exclaimed some time later when the big picture became clearer, but Hiccup shook his head.

"No they don't! They should end up at the diagonal line that's connected to the chimney," he said as he moved her hand to a line she hadn't noticed before.

"Oh, but I just drew these lines… So they weren't supposed to be this long?" she asked, and Hiccup sighed, briefly clenching his fist.

"No. Time to start over," he muttered, and she sighed as well. She had to focus on the lines, but it was so hard. It was nearly impossible to distinguish actual lines with naturally occurring ridges in the metal.

But she now understood the design better. So she grabbed another sheet of paper and drew the Gronkle again. But it seemed the Gods had found themselves a fun new game, to Hiccup's clear annoyance every time he discovered she had made a mistake.

"No, the lava chute and the exhaust chute are different things, they aren't connected. Let's try again."

"Wait, you thought this was a straight line? It's curved! Can't you feel it?"

"No, it's 8 feet, not 9!"

"No, no, no, no, no! The line is supposed to go like this, and connect to the edge there!"

Hiccup clearly got more frustrated as time went on, making her tense as well. She wished she could do better, but she just didn't know how. The forge was so complicated, with all kinds of exhausts for various gases, temperature alarms, metal filters and other parts she didn't even understand.

"Wait a minute! Which opening is the Gronkle barfing lava into?" Hiccup asked as she drew the forge for the seventh time. Astrid frowned as she grabbed his fingers and moved them over the copper.

"Uh, this one? No wait, it's this one? I'm not sure," she said, trying her best to find the right ridges.

"Oh, for the love of… it's supposed to be over here, Astrid!" Hiccup exclaimed as he moved their hands to the other side of the sheet. What? But… But her drawing was…

"Did you… Did you draw it upside down?" Hiccup asked, the shock clear in his voice. Astrid shook her head.

"No! At least I don't think so! I mean, I thought this was the lava bin, so the lave had to come in through here, right?" she explained, her confusion increasing as she tried to find the lines in the copper corresponding to her drawing.

"No, that's the water bin! The lava bin is below that, to heat the water, and it's… Argh!" Hiccup shouted, wrenching his hand from her grip to rub his face. Astrid wasn't sure what to say. She didn't want to apologize, it wasn't her fault she couldn't feel the faint lines. But for some reason Hiccup seemed more anxious than she had seen him in a long time.

"Have you got any part of the design right? I can't even tell! How can I know if you drew any line correctly?! How can I explain it?! It's like you trying to describe a paper map to me! It's hopeless!" Hiccup exclaimed as he jumped up and started pacing around the room. Astrid had never seen him this worked up.

It scared her a little.

"Hey now, since when do you worry so much? We can try again, right? We did it right plenty of times," she said, trying her best to stay calm in the face of his frustration.

"And we did it wrong plenty of times as well! Remember the crane? Remember the last forge design? It exploded because the chimney wasn't connected to the right chamber. Another copy error!" Hiccup shouted, and Astrid flinched. She hadn't known it was her error that made the forge explode. She thought it had been a construction error.

"I'm sorry, but I'm trying! I just can't feel your drawings!" Astrid said, louder than she intended.

"And that's the problem! What's the point of inventing things and having ideas if I can't communicate them to anyone?!Why can't you just understand what I mean?!" he shouted as he grabbed his chair and threw it to the other side of the room. Toothless growled. The shouting must have woken him up.

Astrid suddenly recognized this behavior. Well, sort of. It was almost like he was having a dark day. But instead of becoming sad and tired, he was energetic and angry. She wasn't sure how to help him with this. Normally she'd hold Hiccup and let him cry, but she didn't think that would help now.

"Hiccup, calm down! We can fix this! We'll just try again, and-" Astrid tried, but Hiccup didn't let her finish.

"And try again and again and again and again! Just like with combat training. And we'll get nowhere! It's all useless!" he screamed, and suddenly he walked over to the desk. Before Astrid could stop him he grabbed the paper drawings she had been working on and began tearing them to pieces.

Astrid was frozen in shock. She had never seen Hiccup so destructive. It was like all the anger and frustration he normally turned inward during a dark day was now focused outward.

Suddenly Hiccup stopped tearing paper and instead felt the desk. A strange grin appeared on his face when he found a blank sheet of copper. To Astrid's horror he broke the soft metal in half on his knee, before screaming in frustration when he felt the piece he was holding and found it blank.

"Where is my design?!" he shouted as he felt the desk again, and Astrid quickly grabbed the design before he could find it, and jumped up.

"I'm not going to let you smash this, Hiccup! You worked too hard on it!" she shouted as she ran to the other side of the room, out of his reach. Hiccup's hands balled into fists as he walked over to her, and for a moment Astrid thought he was going to hit her.

"Rawr?"

They both froze when Toothless warbled in a comforting tone, and Astrid looked down to see him stand next to Hiccup, his eyes big in worry and fear. Then his tongue came out to lick Hiccup's balled fist, and Hiccup's face changed. The anger disappeared and it was replaced with… something Astrid had never seen.

Then his knees buckled, and Hiccup just… collapsed. He fell to his knees, then forward, like he had been knocked unconscious. She managed to catch him as he fell, and guided him to a lying position.

"Hiccup? Hiccup!" she said as she shook him a bit, but Hiccup didn't react. He was as still as a ragdoll, his rapid breathing the only thing that told Astrid he was still conscious.

"Hiccup, talk to me! Say something!" she shouted, terrified by this behavior. She had seen something like this before during his normal dark days. Sometimes he… hid himself in a dark part of his mind, and would barely respond to anything, but he'd at least cry and move to hug her. This was worse. This was… It was almost like he wasn't there anymore.

What could she do? Stoick wasn't home, and she didn't really dare to leave Hiccup alone to get her parents. And she didn't think this was something Hiccup would want others to see.

Suddenly Toothless warbled angrily, before pushing her away from Hiccup. In her surprise she let him. Maybe Toothless knew what to do.

The dragon quickly grabbed Hiccup, dragging him along as Toothless let himself fall to his side. His paws and wings curled tightly around Hiccup, hiding him from Astrid's view. Then Toothless closed his eyes and began humming softly. The procedure went so quickly Astrid wondered if they had done this before. Had Hiccup hidden these attacks from her, like he had done with his nightmares?

She took a deep breath to calm her anger at his stupid noble behavior, before kneeling next to Toothless, reaching her hand out to his wing. The Night Fury raised his head to look at her, before warbling loudly. Astrid wasn't sure what the dragon wanted to say. Should she leave them alone for now? Join in in the hug?

As her thoughts raced, Toothless moved his head to nose at the metal sheet she was still holding, before warbling sadly. Did Toothless want her to finish the copy? That would probably make Hiccup feel better. But could she leave them alone?

Like he was reading her thoughts, Toothless warbled happily, before gesturing at the desk with his head. "I've got this. I'll take care of Hiccup, you take care of his invention," the dragon seemed to say. So, with a heavy heart she stood up.

"I'm right here, Hiccup. And Toothless is here too. Just say it if you… need me," Astrid said, hoping he could hear her, before quickly scratching Toothless and sitting back down at the desk.

It took a few minutes before she was calm enough to focus on the drawing again. Toothless, meanwhile, comforted Hiccup with practiced ease. He warbled, shook his wings, nosed Hiccup with his head, and though she could see her boyfriend was still silent and unresponsive, she knew he was well taken care of.

So, with a heavy sigh, she grabbed another piece of paper and helped in the only way she knew. It would be even harder without Hiccup there to assist. So Astrid decided to try some other techniques. Noticing the sharpness of the charcoal pen, she dragged the pen over the metal, trying to find the ridges that way. Every time she found one, she'd drag the pen down the line, before copying it on the paper. She nearly gave up when she saw that she drew one of the lines longer than it should have been again. But she refused to give up. She had to be strong now. Hiccup needed her. Hiccup needed the proof that they could still communicate.

So for the next hour Astrid tried to find the lines as best she could, copying the lines and marking her mistakes. But as time went on it only became harder. Chips broke from the pen, making it less sharp and pointed, and the entire sheet of metal became covered in charcoal, making it even harder to see lines.

As she put her twelfth piece of paper aside, a sound reached her ears.

"Toothless?" Hiccup muttered, so softly she had trouble hearing it, and she immediately jumped up and ran over. Toothless looked immensely happy as Hiccup tried to move out of the tight embrace.

"Hiccup? Are you okay?" Astrid asked as she knelt next to them, and Toothless moved his wings out of the way, though he kept Hiccup trapped in his paws.

Hiccup looked very tired, and slightly dazed, but aware. "I'll live," he softly said, and she hesitantly moved forward to embrace him as well as she could with Toothless holding him.

"What happened?" she whispered in his ear, and he stiffened a bit.

"I don't really know. I just got really angry, and then I was… cold. I'm sorry I yelled at you," he whispered, and she grabbed his hand.

"Hiccup… I want you to answer this honestly. I won't be mad. Has this happened before?" she asked, squeezing his hand.

He slowly nodded. "Yeah. Two times. First one was just after I… lost my leg. And the other one was when I was stuck inside because I fell," he said, and she sighed.

"You should have told me. Because just now… I was scared, okay? Because I didn't know what was happening. You have to let me help you. What if Toothless hadn't been here? I wouldn't have known what to do! I'd probably have asked Gothi and your father and my parents!" she said, forcing herself to stop when she noticed she was getting angry. This wasn't a good time for an argument.

"I know. I just… I didn't want you to worry. I thought it wouldn't happen again," he whispered as he squeezed her hand, and she couldn't bring herself to be mad at him.

"It's okay. Just… tell me if there is anything, Hiccup. I want us to communicate," Astrid said, and Hiccup winced at the last word.

"Can we still communicate?" he softly asked, and she held him a little tighter.

"Of course we can. It'll just take time. I tried to copy your design by myself, but I couldn't really do it," she said, and he squeezed her hand softly. It was his way of telling her he was frustrated without saying it.

"Look, Hiccup. We can always get someone else to copy your designs. I bet Fishlegs would love to do it!" she offered, annoyed by his silence. He was always timid after a dark day, and this weird one seemed no different.

"But… But I want to share it with you," he eventually whispered, and she couldn't help but smile.

"I know. But we'll figure it out. We always have, right?" Astrid said, trying to remain strong in the face of his pessimism. He'd cheer up, he just needed a good night's sleep.

"But what about… when I'm chief? I'll have to write letters, sign treaties, make lists and draw battleplans. What if I can't communicate those to you?" he asked, and she frowned. He rarely mentioned his future chiefdom, preferring to avoid thinking about it. But she knew it would be a problem. She wondered how long he had been worrying about this, letting it fester inside him instead of letting anyone see his 'weakness'.

"We'll think of ways. You can just dictate your letters and I'll write them. You can probably learn to sign your name blindly. And as for drawings… we'll think of something, okay?" she said, and he slowly nodded. She didn't think he was really convinced, but it was the best she could do. Toothless warbled again, and Hiccup moved to scratch the dragon's head.

Astrid looked back at the desk and the pile of used paper, and sighed. "I don't think we'll make progress tonight, Hiccup. Let's just get some rest, and I promise you'll feel better in the morning," she told him, and he nodded, before hugging her again.

"I know. I'm being stupid," he whispered, and she used her free hand to punch his arm.

"No, you're just nervous. I worry about these things too. But we're not going to give up, okay? We still have years and years until you're chief," she said, and he nodded.

"Thanks, Astrid. Thanks for… staying sane when I'm just… so weird," Hiccup whispered, and she held him a little tighter, hoping her hand rubbing his back told him he didn't have to thank her.

Suddenly she heard the front door open, so she quickly stood up and walked to the desk. "I'm going home now. I'll take the papers with me, and I'll try working on it some more, okay? I love you," she said, smiling when he said "Okay. Love you too."

She grabbed the big pile of blank paper and put it on the copper design, before putting her used paper and the charcoal pen on top. Then she grabbed the entire pile, blew the candle out, and walked downstairs, taking a last worried look back at Hiccup, who was now hugging Toothless.

"Hello Astrid! Have you and Hiccup made something for the council meeting tomorrow?" Stoick asked when she reached the living room, and she shook her head.

"We tried, but… we ran into some problems. Hiccup is… a bit upset. I think he wants to be alone right now," she said, hoping it would dissuade Stoick from going upstairs. The chief nodded in understanding.

"Well, maybe next week then, eh? Good night, Astrid," he said, and she nodded in farewell before leaving the house and walking home, trying to think of ways to copy his design as she walked.

"Hello, love! How was your date?" Kirsten asked when Astrid entered her house, and she groaned. She did not have the patience to deal with her mother's teasing right now.

"It wasn't a date, mother. And it didn't go well. I brought some work home," she said as she sat down at the table and put the pile of paper down.

"Ah, I see. I'll leave you to it then. Don't go to bed too late," Kirsten said as she moved to the big bedroom, and Astrid nodded. At least her mother wasn't too difficult today.

With a deep sigh Astrid turned the pile upside down so she could grab the metal sheet from the bottom. She cursed when she moved it away and saw that the charcoal on the copper had rubbed off on the blank paper on the bottom of the pile, ruining it.

"Can nothing go right today?" she muttered as she slid the smudged paper to the side, grabbing the next blank sheet.

Yet, as she started copying the design once again, her eyes were drawn to the ruined paper. It looked kind of funny. But she couldn't be distracted by odd figures. She had to keep copying. But during the next hour she couldn't stop noticing weird things about the charcoal smudges. It was almost completely covered in charcoal, but there were some clean lines crisscrossing the sheet. And oddly enough, that part on the left kind of looked like a Gronkle.

Wait a minute…

She frowned as she slid her drawing aside and grabbed the black paper again. It really did look like a Gronkle. A Gronkle she was very familiar with by now. And the rest of the paper… she could sort of recognize bins and chutes in the white lines. But how?

She looked a little closer at the charcoal-covered paper, suddenly realizing what had happened. When she put the heavy stack of paper on top of the metal, the charcoal had pressed against the paper. But the lower parts of the metal, where Hiccup had carved his lines, hadn't touched the paper, so it remained clean there.

Could she do it again?

With trembling hands she grabbed the charcoal pen and rubbed all over the metal, until it was completely black. Then she took a blank sheet of paper and carefully pressed the metal against it.

A laugh escaped her lips when she moved it away and saw Hiccup's design on the paper. Of course. It was so simple, why hadn't they thought of it before? She had to show Hiccup!

Keeping quiet for a few moments, she heard her parents snore in their bedroom, and she figured she could sneak out. So she grabbed the metal design, the pen, and the pressed paper, and opened the door as quietly as she could, shivering from the cold night air blowing into the house. But she refused to let the cold stop her as she started running up the hill as quickly as she could.

Hiccup groaned as he turned over in his bed once again, trying to find a comfortable position. He just couldn't relax enough to sleep, even though he was exhausted. He just couldn't stop thinking about what happened earlier. He had been so angry, but it had also felt like… it hadn't really been him. During those… episodes he often felt like he lost control over his body, like some evil spirit took control and forced his mind out.

It scared him. He knew he had been so close to attacking Astrid. He probably would have if Toothless hadn't stopped him. He didn't think he could have hurt her, she'd have him down on the ground in seconds, but it still scared him. The memory made him feel sick.

Thankfully those angry dark days were much rarer than his normal ones. He turned over again, trying not to think about it anymore. He just had to focus on the things he could change! He had to think of a solution for their copying problem. How could he make it easier for Astrid? He had tried different materials that were easier to feel, but none of them worked well. Lines in sand faded almost immediately, and clay was so soft even feeling the lines would erase them.

The only solution he could think of was widening the lines even further. But it seemed like such a waste of copper. He'd need huge pieces of the stuff for his designs, and it would make it much harder for him to understand his drawing.

Of course, the easiest solution was just giving the designs to Fishlegs and letting him copy them. But that felt like losing. Like giving up. It would be the first time he and Astrid were not able to solve something together.

His erratic thoughts were interrupted when his window creaked. Immediately he grabbed the knife under his bed, even though he knew he had no real chance of defending himself against an attacker.

A sigh of relief escaped his lips when he recognized Astrid's footsteps on the windowsill, and a moment later cold air blew in as the window opened.

"Hiccup? Are you awake?" her voice softly asked, and he sat up.

"Yeah, I'm here. Did Toothless get you?" he asked, wondering if Toothless had sneaked out without him noticing.

"No, I just have to show this. I found a way to copy your designs!" Astrid whispered, her excitement barely contained, and he couldn't stop a smile from coming to his face.

"You did? How?" Hiccup asked, and she sat next to him on the bed, whispering her explanation in his ear.

Of course! How hadn't he thought of that before! Ideas flooded his mind as he considered the possibilities.

"That's… Astrid, think of what else we can do with this! Imagine if you want to mass-produce some kind of drawing or letter. You can just… press it over and over again on as many pieces of paper as you want! You can easily spread laws, or edicts! Or maybe even books!" he exclaimed, trying his best to be quiet and not wake his father.

Astrid chuckled and grabbed his hand. "Here I thought we just solved our little communication problem. Of course you'd have to make it some… great invention," she said, and he chuckled as well.

"No seriously, imagine a machine that could press paper quickly. You'd just put a stack of paper and some crushed charcoal in, and it'd press automatically. A letter that took an hour to write by hand could now be reproduced in seconds! But… Oh damn, when you press it against the paper, it gets mirrored. So I'll have to start drawing and writing everything mirrored to counter that. But… that's doable," he muttered as he stood up and felt around for more copper and his knife.

Astrid followed him, sitting in the other chair as he started drawing this pressing machine. He'd need a better name for it. Writing machine? It didn't really write anything. Copy machine? That might be it.

"Are you already designing a new machine?" Astrid asked with a chuckle, and he blushed.

"Yes. And you should be happy, since it's going to save you a lot of work!" he said, and she took his hand again, squeezing it.

"Maybe, and I'm incredibly glad we'll be able to communicate with more than our hands and mouths now," she said, and he couldn't help but squeeze her hand back.

"But… the council meeting is tomorrow, so you might want to redraw your forge mirrored. Since my paper version here is the wrong way around! It would be bad if they'd read this 21 as 15!" Astrid continued, and he couldn't stop his laugh.

"That would be quite bad. But maybe we can present this machine next week, okay?" he asked, and she responded by writing their symbol for "Yes" on his hand. He smiled.

At least they'd always be able to communicate. In many, many ways.

So that's the story of how Hiccup and Astrid invented the printing press! Well, it's not a real printing press, but close enough. Thank you for reading, I hope you liked it! As always, please leave a review if you have ideas or suggestions!