First posted: December 31, 2004
Suggested music: "When I Fall" by Barenaked Ladies
Chapter Eleven
Another Nasty Rumor
"Good morning," she said sweetly. She threw a glare of loathing at Lily. "Fancy seeing you come out of this particular room….Filch told me to guard it because there were students inside who had spent the night there. He's just gone to get them expelled."
"Woke up early to kiss Filch's ass, did you?" spat Sirius.
Bellatrix ignored him. "I never imagined that those students would be you. Of course," she said, still looking at Lily, "I always knew you weren't as innocent as you tried to make everyone think." Then she turned and grimaced at Sirius. "And as for you, I simply can't believe a relation of mine would stoop to the level of a mudblood. Could you get any lower?"
"How dare you?!" shouted James. "Lily's so far above you, you couldn't come near her on a broomstick." He looked like he was about to slap her
She just smiled darkly. "I must be going now. Filch gave me strict instructions to report back to him immediately after the naughty students came out." She turned and marched down the corridor leaving Lily, Summer, James, and Sirius, fuming.
"That hateful little beast!" cried Lily. "Why does she hate me so much?! I've never done anything to her!"
"Come off it, Evans! You know she doesn't care about what you've done. Being a muggleborn is reason enough for her," barked Sirius.
Lily knew he was right. Still, she could not bring herself to understand it. Why did the "purity" of her blood matter so much to some people? Why did it stir so much hatred?
Summer nodded ruefully. "Now she's going to do everything she can to make you look bad. Jealous bitch."
"Of all the prefects, why did Filch have to choose her to guard the door?" said James, raking a hand through his hair. "If only it had been Moony."
Lily didn't say anything. She wasn't sure if she would have preferred Remus in Bellatrix's place to see them emerge from that room, knowing that she had spent the night there with his best friends.
Then she realized that it didn't matter. He was going to find out eventually when Bellatrix spread the word around. How could anything go so wrong?
After ranting and raving about Bellatrix some more, wandering through the corridors, Sirius suggested they go down to breakfast.
"I'm not hungry," Lily muttered.
"Come on, Lily. Just because Bellatrix is trying to get the better of you doesn't mean you should help her out a bit and starve yourself," said Summer.
"You'll have to face them sooner or later," said James. "Might as well get it over with."
Lily looked at him for a second then sighed. "Fine then, let's go."
When they entered the Great Hall, it was obvious that Bellatrix had told everyone she saw on her way to find Filch that Lily Evans and Summer Liem had snuck out of their dormitories to sleep with James Potter and Sirius Black and clearly, she had taken the long way. Judging from the pieces of conversation they heard from the other tables as they passed by, the rest of the school was more than willing to partake in the spreading of this rumor.
"—can you believe it?"
"—Lily Evans and Summer Liem, of all people…"
"—and she always talks about how much she hates him…"
"—probably just another nasty rumor…"
"—but isn't she dating Remus Lupin?"
"—I always knew those two were nothing but little tramps…"
Some of the students, like Bellatrix, were viciously triumphant; some were fair, while others were shocked. As for the people who did not believe the gossip, their minds changed when the four subjects of the rumor walked into the Great Hall together. Lily tried not to listen, to rise above it, but inside, she was tearing apart.
But as they approached the table, it seemed that even Bellatrix Black's amazing rumor-spreading skills had yet to reach the Gryffindors. Remus was sitting with Peter and he beckoned to them. Guilt burned into Lily as she looked at the cheerful smile on his face. It wouldn't be long before it was wiped off. And he would know that James and Sirius had not gone to bed last night.
"Hey, guys! I've been all over looking for you. Where were you this morning?" he asked.
They never got a chance to answer. The doors of the Great Hall burst open with a bang, causing all heads to turn. Professor McGonagall marched in and headed straight for them, her lips compressed so tightly that they disappeared altogether.
"You four," she said icily. "Come with me."
It had never taken so long to cross the hall. Lily stared straight ahead as the doors seemed to move further and further away, unable to meet the eyes of her classmates, though she could feel the heat in her face. McGonagall led them down the length of the Great Hall and through the double doors, as the rest of the school watched and exchanged looks amongst themselves.
At last, they reached McGonagall's office. She bustled around her desk and gestured impatiently for them to sit.
They obeyed. As Lily looked up into her professor's grim face, she felt worse than ever. There was no anger in McGonagall's face, just profound disappointment. Lily stung with burning self-disgust. The trust her teacher had carefully invested in her was gone. It made her stomach squirm.
McGonagall stared at them solemnly for a moment, letting the suspense grow, before speaking.
"Mr. Filch has just informed me that you four were out of your dormitories past midnight last night. He said that you ran from him and locked yourself in a classroom to avoid getting caught. And finally, that you failed to come out until this morning."
They all looked down at their laps. James and Sirius didn't even try to use their infamous smooth talk to lighten their situation.
"This is serious even by your standards," said McGonagall, rounding on the boys. "I thought you two were through with this kind of foolishness. And Ms. Liem, Ms. Evans, I am thoroughly shocked at you both—the two of you being smart, decent students with a flawless record. I never thought I'd be ashamed of you."
That last sentence was excruciating to hear. Lily's heart kept sinking lower and lower until she was drowning in her own pathetic, guilty misery. She was incapable of meeting her teacher's eyes.
"The Head Boy and Girl of this school, to top it all off! Why, in Merlin's name, would you pull a stunt like this?" she demanded, putting both hands on her desk and leaning toward them.
"Professor, we never planned to sleep in that room," said James. Lily was shocked to hear him speak so meekly. "We were just—"
"Just as you didn't plan to get caught?" interrupted McGonagall furiously. "Yes, I suppose that's the story, right? Poor excuse for being out past curfew. I have half a mind to expel you all!"
"Only half?" asked Summer.
"Yes, but I am not going to lie," said McGonagall, with a piercing stare. "I am confident you are well aware that all four of you are among the top students in the school. I could not deny a group of such potential their education and future because of one mistake. Especially since this is your first offense," she said, looking at Lily and Summer so reproachfully, Lily didn't even realize she had just received a compliment. "And you two," she bore down on James and Sirius. "You are very capable wizards. Never have I seen such talent in two young boys before, I'll admit. If you simply focused even a little of it on your studies rather than creating havoc, you could easily be some of the most successful students to pass through this school..."
At this point, James and Sirius looked bored, having heard this lecture many, many times before, not only from McGonagall, but James's parents, other professors, and Remus.
"No, I cannot expel you. But you must understand the seriousness of what you have done. You will receive a week's worth of detentions and forty-five points will be taken from Gryffindor. You may also be sure that Professor Dumbledore, along with your parents, will be informed," she declared. "You may go back to breakfast now. I expect you here at five o'clock sharp on Monday evening to serve your first detention."
Once the door was closed safely behind them, Sirius sighed and said, "A rotten week of detentions…I'd prefer the expulsion."
"Sirius, don't say that!" rebuked Summer. "Do you realize how lucky we are?"
"Just wait and see what you say after this week…it's no pleasure cruise, believe me," retorted Sirius.
"Unless they don't supervise…" said James, grinning mysteriously. Sirius grinned, too.
"I don't want to go to breakfast anymore, how about you lot?" asked Lily, recalling the whispers and stares.
"Nah, let's go to the dorms and clean up a bit," agreed James.
When they scrambled through the portrait hole, they saw that everyone was either at breakfast or still in bed, except for a small group of first-years huddled over a game of Exploding Snap.
Lily and Summer said goodbye to James and Sirius and climbed up the stairs to their dormitory. Tara and Di were in the process of getting up, taking their time. They both greeted Summer and Lily with mixed looks of relief and anger. Tara pounced on them immediately.
"Where have you been?" she exclaimed, placing her hands on her hips.
Lily and Summer exchanged a look of silent agreement. Tara and Di better hear the real story from them before they heard the gossip that was flying around the school.
"This may shock you a bit," began Summer slowly. She poured out a full account of everything that had happened the previous night and she was right; Tara and Di were shocked. Lily and Summer knew they had a right to be, so they patiently answered their questions.
"Of course that Bellatrix troll told as many people as she could and now the whole school thinks we're some kind of tramps who slept with.…" Lily trailed off, the thought she was trying to express so repulsive to her, that she could not voice it aloud.
"Why didn't you tell us where you were going?" asked Di.
"I don't know," admitted Summer. "It all just sort of happened."
"Who would actually believe you're a tramp?" demanded Tara doubtfully.
"Nearly everyone in the school now," replied Lily, heaving a depressed sigh.
"Well, you didn't…er…do anything with James and Sirius, right?" asked Tara.
Lily threw her a horrified glare. "How could you even ask that?" she hissed.
Tara shrugged. "Well, you are telling me that you went out after hours and stay overnight in the same room with them and I never could have imagined you doing that. Who knows what else you'd do?"
"How dare you say that!" Lily snapped; mentally, emotionally, and vocally. "Me…and…and…James Potter?!" she sputtered.
Tara folded her arms. "Not necessarily James Potter, Lily. Sirius was there, too."
A simple reminder, but Tara threw an incredible amount of meaning behind it. She raised an eyebrow and stared shrewdly at Lily.
"I can't believe you. I'm not going to stand here and listen to this," spat Lily. She turned and dashed out of the room.
She continued walking straight through the portrait hole, taking no notice of the curious stares that followed her, James and Sirius's included.
Her mind whirled violently. She was so angry with…everything—Tara, the gossip, Bellatrix Black, herself. She walked faster as the thoughts raged inside of her. Her legs broke into a run and she didn't stop until she had reached the lake. There, she stopped on the snow-covered bank, looking out across the wide, frozen water.
Lily heaved a sigh of relief, steam billowing from her mouth. Outside, she could finally breathe and think clearly. She tugged her robes tighter around her body, folded her arms across her chest, and leaned against a tree. Then she just stayed there, motionless, trying to forget how much she had screwed everything up.
"Are you trying to freeze yourself to death?"
Lily turned at the sound of the voice. Summer was holding out Lily's cloak.
"How'd you know I'd come out here?" asked Lily with a small smile.
"Don't you always?"
"Thanks." Lily gratefully took the cloak and put it on. "You know me too well."
"Good thing, too," grinned Summer, as she leaned against the tree next to Lily. There was a brief pause before she said, "Tara didn't mean anything. She was just being Tara."
"I know," said Lily, stuffing her hands into her pockets. "I'm not really angry at her…I'm just so mad at my stupid self. This entire thing is my fault. All to get James and Sirius to trust me and nobody got anything out of it except five detentions, a new reputation, and a row with Tara."
"Maybe, but," said Summer. "It was sort of fun. Being adventurous for one night…if nothing else."
Lily grinned deviously as she remembered the thrill of sneaking out and wandering the dark corners of the castle. That night of wild Marauder mischief was the most fun she'd had in a long time. For the first time, she felt like she understood the Marauders and their love of causing trouble. Then she thought of laughing on the floor with James. It made her want to giggle all over again.
"Yeah," she agreed. "It was exciting."
"Plus the pressure of keeping a clean record is gone," said Summer. "And as for our new, um, reputations, they won't last. People will see how ridiculous those rumors are and forget all about it. And Tara—Tara, as we all know, will be on her hands and knees begging you to forgive her in about half an hour." Summer smiled. "So…no worries, right?"
"No worries," repeated Lily.
They heard the crunching of snow and turned around. James was running down the hill toward them. He waved happily.
"Hey, Evans! We've got a prefect meeting to run in about five minutes, remember?" he said when he reached them. "Moony just reminded me. What a waste of a Saturday."
"Oh yeah, I forgot about that. I suppose I'll see you later, Sum," said Lily.
"Is this all frozen?" asked James, looking down at the icy surface of the lake with excitement in his eyes.
"I think so— Potter!" Lily shrieked when James hopped off the bank onto the ice.
He turned and looked up at Lily. "What?"
"You can't just jump onto the lake like that! You don't know if it's safe!" cried Lily. "What if…it cracks or something and you fall through?"
James raised one eyebrow at her, a playful smile on his face. Then turned and sprinted out toward the middle. He let himself slide several feet on his sneakers and did a little pirouette.
"Seems safe enough to me!" he shouted back, lifting both his arms over his head. He jumped up and stomped hard on the ice. "See?"
James began gliding around, spinning and leaping.
"You're insane!" yelled Lily.
But Summer laughed and ran to join him. Lily looked at the surface, waiting to see tiny cracks stretch across the ice. James and Summer seemed to be enjoying themselves, though, and she really wanted to skip around the lake with them but something held her back. She stared down at the ice, wanting to follow her impulse but unable to suppress her fear of the worst.
"Let's go, Evans."
Suddenly, James was in front of her, grabbing her hand and pulling her onto the ice before she could stop him. Lily tried to step very carefully, afraid of slipping, but James was dragging her along too quickly.
He stopped to look behind at her struggle and she slid straight into him. They both went tumbling down onto the cold surface. Summer came and stood over them, shaking with laughter.
"Potter! Look what you made us do!" said Lily, rubbing her bruising knees.
"You're the one who knocked into me—Wait!" James froze. "I think I hear…The ice is cracking!"
Lily gasped and tried to stand up but fell flatly on her back. James and Summer began laughing hysterically. Lily spun around and glared at them, realizing that the ice had never cracked but her twitching lips gave in and a loud laugh escaped.
"You bloody prat!" She crawled over to where James was still lying and pounded him in the shoulder.
The two of them fell into a heap of breathless laughter. Neither one of them noticed when someone emerged from the castle and headed purposefully toward the lake. It was Remus, who had been sent to find James. He stopped short when he was close enough to identify the three figures playing on the frozen water.
Without further ado, he turned and strode back up the hill, slamming the doors behind him.
* * *
"Uh, oh."
"What's the matter?" Lily asked James quickly, a smile still playing on her lips.
"I completely forgot…We're fifteen minutes late for that damned prefect meeting!" he groaned.
"We are the worst Heads ever!" said Lily, getting to her feet. "See you later, Summer!"
James and Lily hurried as fast as the ice would allow them to move off the lake and ran up the snowy hill to the school. They barged into the prefect lounge, panting and flushed.
"We…are…so…sorry!" gasped Lily immediately. "We were, uh, busy with something and lost track of time!"
"Gee, I wonder what they were so busy with," said Bellatrix loudly. "You'd think they'd gotten enough of that last night."
Lily's face burned and even James, who always kept cool, blushed.
The prefects stared snidely at them. Lily tried to meet their eyes in an attempt not to look as mortified as she felt. After all the work and dedication she had put into becoming a well-respected student, all of it was forgotten as soon as she did anything suspicious. It made her sick. She turned to James. How could anyone believe that she would do…anything with him? The whole thing was absurd.
He was glaring at Bellatrix, despite his red face. "Are you finished?" he asked.
Bellatrix smirked. "As long as you are."
"All right, that's enough," snapped James. He stared evenly at the group, squaring his shoulders. "It isn't really any of your business but as long as this one here is spreading lies, I'll have you all know that nothing has happened between me and Evans. You all can either grow up and get over whatever rumor you heard so we can get down to this meeting or you can leave."
He waited and the prefects averted their eyes. No one moved. "All right then. First order of business…"
The meeting lasted for another half hour. No further comments were made by any of the students. They seemed to balk at James's ferocious sincerity.
When Lily closed up the meeting by reminding them to confiscate all Fanged Frisbees and dungbombs, everyone got up to leave without saying a word to Lily or James. Lily wondered who they would believe, James or Bellatrix. Either way, she could not believe what James had said. After years of trying to get her to go out with him, he was going out of his way to make sure people knew they weren't. She looked around to thank him. But the room was already empty.
Sighing, Lily went to leave but stopped when she saw Remus in the doorway.
"You couldn't have told me?" he asked. His jaw was set.
"Tell you what?" asked Lily, edgily. Nice way to start a conversation with the girl who may or may not be your girlfriend, she thought bitterly. She had hoped he, of all people, would see how crazy the rumor was and show her some sympathy.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
Lily narrowed her eyes at him, her frustration quickly growing to a dangerous size. She made an impatient gesture with her hand. "Elaborate please."
"About you hooking up with one of my best friends," he said angrily. "It would have been nice—"
But that was as far as he got.
"And why is that?" demanded Lily, her voice rising. "Because you have some sort of claim on me?! Sorry, but you never let me in on that one as you hardly ever talk to me! I didn't even know if I was your girlfriend or not! So as far as I'm concerned, it's none of your business who I hook up with, Lupin!"
Remus's eyes widened in shock. He had never known this side of Lily. James was the one well-acquainted with her temper.
"You really did then?" he sputtered.
"ARE YOU NOT HEARING ME?" she yelled. "It's not your problem! All you had to do was tell me how you felt about me but since you were never man enough, what I do with other guys is none of your concern! Understand?"
"It is if it's with my best friend!" retorted Remus.
"How dare you think that for even one second! What kind of girl do you think I am? And can't you at least—at least—have more a little more faith in James? Even I can admit that he would never do that to you! If you can't trust me, then at least trust him!"
"I did until I saw you two being all cuddly on the lake!" countered Remus.
"What?! You saw me on the lake with James and Summer so that makes you believe all the lies they're spreading about us? What is wrong with you?"
"All I'm saying is that it looks bad, Lily. You should really care more about what other people will think than having a little fun," he said coldly.
Lily gaped at him. She was speechless for a moment as the full impact of his words hit her. "Was I fooled about you, Remus Lupin," she said calmly, when she regained her voice. "You're even worse than James and Sirius. At least they aren't cowards. You're pathetic."
"Yeah, well, you're not the girl I thought you were either!" said Remus. He rushed from the room without another word.
Lily stood rooted to the spot. She brought her shaking hands to her face and covered her eyes. She was trembling in fury.
"Hey."
Lily looked up. James was standing in the doorway where Remus had been moments before.
"Were you eavesdropping?" asked Lily testily.
"Yes," said James matter-of-factly, and strolled into the room. His bluntness irritated her. Why couldn't he just pretend to be decent like everybody else? "Don't flatter yourself, though, I didn't mean to. I left my cloak here but didn't feel the need to interrupt your, er, conversation. Does this mean you two are done?"
"Do you really expect me to keep hanging around with that…that…." Unable to find a satisfactory word in her vocabulary to describe Remus, she ended with a bitter, frustrated groan that sounded more like a roar.
James seemed to bristle slightly. He took a step forward, a rather pleading expression etched on his face.
"I know he said some stupid things…but he's going through a lot right now. He's not really himself," he said. "Just try not to murder him."
But Lily still reeked with venomous anger. The dangerous stage had yet to pass and she could not stand there and listen to anything in favor of Remus.
"You're standing up for him? But he even doubted you! Did you hear all those awful things he said?" she snapped. She threw her arms into the air. "I can't take this! And, you know what? It's all YOUR fault!"
James seemed taken aback. He didn't try to argue but waited for her to explain.
"You got me into this whole mess with your bloody secrets and your mad tours and your…your…"
Lily choked back a sob and swallowed fiercely. "Oh, no no no no no…" she muttered under her breath. She began to pace, her fingers dug deeply into her hair. She blinked hard with determined force. She would not cry. Not here. Not in front of anyone…especially not Potter.
"Evans, everything's all right. Don't stress so much," said James, gingerly placing a hand on her arm to make her stop pacing.
"No! How can you say that? Remus hates me, Tara's mad at me, and everyone thinks I slept with you! I have no idea how I'm going to fit five detentions into my schedule—and I have a massive headache!"
"You know very well that you're just having one of those crazy fits and so you're making this out to be way worse than it is," said James, the corner of his mouth inching its way upward.
"I'm not having a fit!" she yelled stubbornly, whipping her arm out of his grasp and stomping her foot.
James grinned and tried to restrain a laugh. Lily tried to glare at him but the look on his face got to her in spite of herself. She dropped her shoulders and smiled reluctantly. James allowed himself to laugh.
"I'm not having a fit," she persisted quietly.
"Of course not," scoffed James, as though the idea was preposterous. He glanced up to the ceiling and, as he swung around to face the door, he wrapped an arm around Lily.
He had done this many, many times before, always ending with Lily pushing him away in disgust. For the first time, she didn't push him away.
James grabbed their cloaks and they walked that way until they reached the Fat Lady's portrait. Then Lily turned to face James, without meeting his eyes. He stared at her, waiting. The silence stretched on.
"Are you coming in or not?" asked the Fat Lady.
James turned toward the portrait, about to crack some wise remark. Lily seized this moment to do something neither of them expected. She reached out and wrapped her arms around his neck. After a split second, she stepped back.
"Thanks...for setting everyone straight," she said, without looking directly at him.
James cleared his throat. "Anytime."
Then Lily gave the password to the Fat Lady and climbed through the hole as quickly as possible. James didn't move, an elated little smile on his face.
Lily paused and glanced through the hole at him. "Are you coming in or not?" she asked, mimicking the Fat Lady.
James grinned and rushed to follow her.