Funnyface
Chapter 11
Ranting
Severus Snape was caught off guard by the sight that greeted him as he entered the small room on the third floor; something told him Walker hadn't informed Lily of his imminent arrival. In fact, he doubted she told her anything at all.
Curled up on the faded paisley sofa near the stone fireplace was the weeping figure of Lily Evans. A glass of what Severus knew as Lily's liquid trouble chaser sat precariously on the arm of the couch, as Lily sniffled and wiped away her tears on a tattered handkerchief. Severus sighed quietly and stepped into the room, gently closing the door behind him.
"Jane," murmured Lily, "I really don't want to talk." She refused to look up at the person who entered the room as she struggled to clear away the evidence of her tears.
With a solemn exhalation of air, Severus strode further into the room, carefully sitting at the empty space near Lily's feet. "Lily," he breathed. "I know…" Pausing, he gazed into the dancing flames. "I know I don't deserve forgiveness, but I would at least like to extend my sincerest regret and…" He struggled over the next word, "a-apologies for your loss."
Still unable to look at her, he sighed and placed his head in his hands, holding his gaze on the flames. "And yes, I am still a 'hypocritical bastard' to use your words, but I still…I miss you, Lily. Terribly. I cannot ask forgiveness for something I am not sorry for, but…I am, sorry for what I said to you, about you. You know, I never… I've never thought you in-inferior to me. You're special, Lily." Taking a deep breath, he stood and bowed his head, obscuring his face from view, and he started for the door. "I hope you know that," he whispered as he reached for the knob.
"You bastard!" screeched Lily as her glass shattered against his back. "How dare you!"
Severus turned to face her slowly, his dark eyes wide with shock, his mouth agape. Her red curls spiraled messily around her, seemingly with a life of their own, as her eyes flashed in rage and heartbreak. She threw a book at him that whacked him solidly in the chest. "How dare you!" she screeched again. "You come here with some, some fucked apology! About how…how I'm supposedly not dirty in your eyes? You despise people like me, Severus! Despise them! I loved you. You were my best friend! And, and–" Her voice quavered as angry and hurt tears streamed down her flushed cheeks. "And you're sorry you murdered my boyfriend! Sorry, Severus? You're sorry you saved Janie's life? How the fuck can you be sorry about that?" Gripping her hair in her fists, she shrieked in anguish. "Please, Severus, explain it to me." Roughly wiping away her tears, she sniffed. "Please, tell me how you can manage to be sorry that he's dead, when I wish I was the one who killed him."
She collapsed then, her entire body crumbling to the floor in hysterical sobs, and Severus stood petrified. In all the years he had known Lily Evans, she had never broken down, never fell into heartrending tears, never made his gut clench in worry. And there she was, crumpled on the floor, her tangled red hair falling around her back and shoulders like wine spilling from a broken bottle.
Before he realized his feet were moving Severus found himself kneeling beside her, gently coaxing her into his arms. It was amazing, the way she simply let him take her in his arms, slowly stroke her hair and whisper that everything would be well, but then again they were old friends, they had always been.
O
"Hey, Janie," greeted Sirius Black lightly as Jane entered the Gryffindor common room and dropped to the empty space on the sofa between him and Remus Lupin. He moved to drape his arm around her shoulders, but ceased suddenly as his brow wrinkled in worry.
Jane laughed softly. "You don't have to think twice, Sirius. It's not like I can really do too much damage if I flip. I mean, you're three times bigger than me." Sirius chuckled nervously and let his arm settle around her shoulders. "See?" she queried, "I'm much better already ready. Not even a hint of panic."
"Sorry Jay, I just…" mumbled Sirius and Jane shook her head, placing a quick kiss on his hand before snuggling under his arm, her head resting on his chest.
"Don't worry 'bout it," she replied with a shrug. "I'd worry too; I've already backhanded you once this week."
A rumble of laughter escaped the previously silent Remus beside them as he snapped his book closed, and shifted a bit to see her face. "I'm beginning to wonder if that was more than just a reflex. You were smirking at the time." Jane grinned and blushed.
Sirius gave an undignified squawk at her response and glared down at her messy mop of hair. "You did that on purpose!" he said aghast before dropping his hand to her waist and tickling her mercilessly. "I can't believe you!"
A loud squeak of laughter escaped Jane's lips and she struggled and squirmed in his grasp, while Remus watched grinningly. "You little– little– well, I don't know what you are, but you're surely a small whatever it is!" shouted Sirius as he continued to tickle her and she screeched with laughter, begging forgiveness.
"Fine," he muttered after a long while and halted his assault. He had to bite back his smile at the dancing light in her eyes as she sat back up and smiled coquettishly at him.
"I'm sorry, Padfoot," she pouted, glancing up at him from the corners of her eyes. Sirius chuckled and placed a chaste kiss on her cheek.
"You're lucky you've got me wrapped, kiddo," he told her, shoving her a bit toward Remus. "Anyone else would have had a much worse revenge."
Snuggling against Remus, Jane stuck her tongue out at Sirius childishly and Remus laughed, smoothing down her hair to prevent it from tickling his nose. Sirius crossed his arms and pouted petulantly.
After a moment, once Remus submerged back into the pages of his book of horror, Jane nudged Sirius with her toe and he flashed a grin. She winked at him and pointed to Remus slyly. Sirius responded with a fervent nod.
Jane held up three fingers and slowly started the countdown. As she reached three, she sprung forward nabbing Remus' book from his hands and diving behind Sirius as he cast a tickling charm. Remus fell to the floor gripping his sides with laughter, begging his friends to stop.
Jane peeked under Sirius' elbow and watched Remus wriggle with chuckles on the floor. "So, my dear Mr. Black," she said cordially. "What are we going to ask of our lovely Mr. Lupin for his freedom?"
Sirius laughed once and hooked his arm around Jane's neck, smiling mischievously at the hysterical Remus before them. "I say we make him dress as a Christmas elf for the day."
"Smashing, Mr. Black," replied Jane, standing on her toes and barley managing to kiss his chin. "An elf it is. With tights, of course?"
"Of course," answered Sirius. "What do you say Mr. Moony, do we have a deal?"
Remus groaned through his laughter and shook his head.
"Best up the ante, Ms. Walker," said Sirius with a grin as Jane pulled her wand from her sleeve.
O
Lily sniffled, wiping her nose on her hanky and swirling her glass of bourbon in her hand. "I'm drunk," she told Severus, gazing up at him with pain-filled green eyes.
"Yes, I know," replied Severus, sipping his own drink. "I believe the only time I saw you this pissed was after your grandmother's funeral."
Laughing sadly, Lily nodded and clumsily held up three fingers. "Three times, have I ever been this pissed, including today. It shan't happen again."
"Somehow," said Severus dryly, "I doubt that."
Smiling, Lily sighed heavily and gazed into the fire. "I loved him, Sev, I really think I did." She took a sip of her drink and shook her head. "I knew he was a right bastard. Everyone did. But, I seem to have a thing for bastards." Sighing, her green eyes flicked back to him. "I mean, I like you. You're an effing bastard and I…I downright adore you, sometimes." Glancing away from him, she shrugged. "More so when we were younger, before politics got in the way."
Severus stared at her as she watched her liquor whirlpool in her glass. "I didn't mean to let that happen, Lily," he whispered.
"I know," she said simply. "But it was foolish of us to think that it wouldn't." She placed her glass on her knee and looked up at him. "I think," she chuckled disbelievingly. "I think I've got a thing for Potter."
At his shocked and paled expression, she turned away from him. "This isn't going to work, is it, Severus?" she asked.
"What do you mean?" he questioned, his voice wavering.
"I mean," she sighed, "you can't appreciate or even accept my decisions." Gazing into his ebony eyes, she begged him to like more than just the idea of her. "Severus, Jane hated Derrick. From day one, she hated him and so did her friends, but she tolerated him for me. Pretending to be friendly with him in my presence. You can't even look at me when I mention being acquainted with Potter. With any of my other friends."
Severus closed his eyes. "Lily, I love you, but I…" His calm demeanor fled him. "Potter's a bastard!"
"Yes, and so are you," retorted Lily. "We just discussed my attraction to them."
"I can't see how you can waste your time on such…such…imbeciles! Potter, Black, Lupin, Pettigrew!" he spat each of their names in disgust. "And Walker, their little whore."
Lily splashed the rest of her drink in his face and titled her chin defiantly. "Have you ever bothered to look at the people you hate so, Sev?" Gazing at him calmly, she asked again, "Have you?" He didn't respond, just simply stared at her with the harsh liquor dripping down his large hooked nose.
"Well, let me explain to you the people you hate, Severus. James," she stressed the use of his first name, "is a passionate, egotistical, and caring person. Passionate, Severus. Have you ever been passionate about something? Because, my god, that boy is passionate about everything: his friends, his family, sports, life." Her brows furrowed as she pleaded with no one, "I wish I could care that deeply about something, anything." Forcefully brushing her hair from her eyes, she exhaled sharply. "He is flawed, Severus. Flawed, just like you, just like me, and he is all the better for it."
"Black was next, right?" She didn't wait for him to respond. "I don't understand your dislike for him, Sev. He's pureblooded, cocky, angered, and rich. God, he is the spitting image of your other little playmates."
Pausing for dramatics, she grinned darkly. "Oh, I get it. He likes Mudbloods," she said coldly. "He was disowned from his family of muggle haters and hypocrites and he swears them off just as much as they do him. That's it, isn't it, Sev? He disowned what you can't have, threw it away." Slinging her hair over her shoulder, she smiled. "Well, guess what Severus, I think what he's done is the noblest, most honorable, amazing thing I've ever seen someone our age do. That's right. I admire the smarmy bastard. He's done for himself what you aren't capable of doing for your best friend." Tears welled in her eyes, and she quickly forced them away. "And you don't even have anything to lose. Do you know what he's sacrificed?" He didn't answer.
She sniffed and raised her head. "Well, Sev, think of what you want most in this world and you'll have a pretty good idea of it."
"Lily," he started to interrupt and she shook her head.
"No," she demanded, "hear me out, Severus. I listened to your bullshit on the five of them for years. Let me fill you in on the details you've missed, because by God, I deserve the chance to speak. And, you know what, until you learn to respect me, and my decisions this friendship can't happen. So, if you don't want me, just get up and leave. If you do, keep your trap shut."
He didn't stir.
"Remus Lupin," said Lily softly. "I honestly, have no idea what you could possibly have against him, other than his illness, which I am not willingly to discuss with anyone but him. So, whatever you have against that brave, loyal, beautiful soul, forget it, because he is one of God's more wonderful creations."
The words, 'he's a fucking werewolf,' almost left Severus' lips, but he denied himself the right.
"And sweet little Peter," she whispered fondly. "He's so…sweet. Clumsy, caring, shy, stuttering. He's adorable. And so…he loves people. Everyone. I don't think there is one soul on this earth Peter could dislike. People don't give him a chance, just because he's a bit slower than most."
Her ire rose again as her thoughts swirled back around to Jane. She slapped him. "And how dare you call Jane a whore!" Severus grabbed her wrist as she moved to slap him again. "Do you know!" she shouted as he pulled her face to face with him. "Do you know that she has never once spoken ill of you? Do you know that James and Sirius aren't allowed to 'Snape bash' in her presence? Did you know that the day I called you every name under the sun, and was forced to end our friendship she defended you? Did you know that everyday since she got out of the hospital wing that she asks about you? How you are doing? How you're coping?"
Their noses touched as green eyes battled with ebony ones, and Severus wished he had the nerve to kiss her, if only to silence her. He didn't.
"Guess what, Severus? You watched her lose her virginity," whispered Lily as her tears finally gave way and Severus released her, his shock almost consuming him. "So go ahead. Call her a whore. Call the only person besides me that gives a damn about you a whore."
With heaving breaths, Lily slumped back to the sofa and they sat in silence.
Seconds ticked by and slowly turned to minutes and the minutes collected into hours before either spoke. "You're right, Lily," whispered Severus. "You're right. I had no right to dislike your friends." As much as it pained him to say it, he knew it was the only way to have her in his life again. Just like listening to her rant, she wouldn't have him if he didn't.
"I have no right to place you on a pedestal. I've no right to do it, Lily, but I can't help myself." He carefully took her hand in his and traced her lifeline with a finger before gazing into her crushed clover eyes. "I don't like not having your company, not seeing you smile. If you are willing to overlook my flaws, as you do with others, I am willing to keep my bastard-ish–" They both chuckled at the contrived word. " –opinions to myself and let you choose your own course. I miss having you in my life, Lily. You're my best friend." He pleaded with her. He just wanted her. She meant so much to him. He loved her.
Lily smiled sadly. She missed him. She wanted his friendship. There would never be another snarky bastard like Severus Snape.
"I'll try to keep my raging desire for Potter out of conversation," she offered jokingly and Severus smiled.
"You don't have a raging desire for Potter," he informed her lightly before shifting the conversation elsewhere.
O
"Alright, Pete," whispered James Potter to his plump accomplice as the slowly left the Great Hall under James' invisibility cloak. "Now, all we've to do is snap this line at dinner, and boom! The entirety of the Slytherins will be itching like Padfoot when he has fleas tonight."
Peter grinned widely. "This has gotta be one of the least elaborate schemes we've ever managed, Prongs."
"I know, Wormtail." James smirked. "That's why it's so brilliant." Shrugging, James said, "I mean it took us what? Thirty minutes tops? And we even had to make a trip to Zonko's for the powder. That beats the record, I'm sure. Pads can't even charm all the suits of armor to recite dirty limericks in that time frame."
Nodding happily, Peter slammed James on the back. "It's good to defeat the undefeated."
"Too right, you are, Mr. Wormtail," replied James, grinning slyly. "I can wait 'til we tell him."
Peter tittered. "He's gunna be so pissed."
Agreeing, James said mischievously, "Can't wait to see what he'll pull to top us, though."
Peter's grinned widened. "Me either."