A/N: Italics are Maura's thoughts/memories. Enjoy :)
She didn't know how much time passed until she heard steps approaching behind her. It couldn't be long since the BPD was in close vicinity to the hospital. The time was nothing compared to the endless hours that still lay ahead.
Frankie laid a hand on her shoulders, gently leading her toward the waiting area where they'll spend the next couple of hours that'd stretch well into the night but it didn't matter. She followed Frost and Frankie without a word and watched a couple of other cops turn up.
She sat down in one of the corners to lean her head against the wall, she was exhausted and didn't even realize that her hands were still covered in Jane's blood or that she was still wearing Jane's shirt. She noticed everyone talking in a hushed voice but she didn't make out what they were saying. She could tell, from the look on their faces that they were all worried or just came to the hospital as a matter of respect since Jane was one of them.
In the distance she watched Angela and Frank Rizzoli drawing nearer, closing the distance at a fast pace. Frankie greeted them with a hug and obviously explained what happened and that they couldn't do anything but wait.
Maura wasn't sure whether to like them being here or not. Of course they had any right to be here, they should be there for God's sake. She always appreciated the kind way Jane's parents treated her; they already accepted her as a part of the family and Maura was sure that Angela and Frank would do anything for her the same way they would for all of their three children. Maura couldn't be more grateful but sometimes Angela had a tendency of being overprotective and overdramatic. Surely this situation was hard on everyone and even Angela, who drives her own daughter crazy on a daily basis if she's at her best, had every right to be all churned up inside, but that was exactly the reason why Maura couldn't deal with her at the moment.
She was at the end of her rope and she was pretty sure that she couldn't take any more stress until this was over and she had a chance to recharge her batteries. She was ashamed because she was behaving so selfish, but she just couldn't do it.
She watched Frankie nodding toward her while her talked to his parents and she didn't even want to imagine what he told them. How she freaked out without being able to help her best friend out there? Or how he found her crying in the morgue? Or…
No, she thought. Please don't tell them what I told you. Don't tell them that I love Jane. At least not exactly the way they'd expect me to. She didn't move when Angela walked over and sat down next to her. Maura secretly held her breath, expecting her to say something but she kept quiet and leaned back in her chair. She closed her eyes for a second, aware of Angela Rizzoli's presence next to her.
Several minutes passed in silence as they watched more cops arriving, asking for the latest news; when she spoke, Angela's voice was strong and full of determination. It reminded Maura of the fact that Jane was so much like her mother though she didn't want to hear it.
'She will be alright. I know she will,' she said and turned her head to face Maura. 'You look like hell, love.'
She took Maura's hand, ignoring the dried blood.
Does she know it's her daughter's? I should be the one comforting her; I shouldn't be the one sitting here without knowing what to do.
'Why didn't you call us?' Angela asked and there was no accusation in her voice, just concern. 'You shouldn't have been alone.'
Maura was indeed overwhelmed with emotions, deeply touched by the concern she had for her while her daughter's life was in jeopardy.
'I…' she started and took a deep breath, trying to hold back her tears. 'I'm so sorry,' she whispered.
'You should get some sleep, dear,' she said, knowing that she could as well talk to a wall.
'I can't leave,' Maura said. 'I have to be here.'
'Okay,' Angela said quietly. She wasn't a person who easily surrendered but she knew she wouldn't get very far there.
'I… I have to wash my hands,' she whispered and got up. 'I'll be right back.'
She took a deep breath and chocked back her tears as she headed to the rest room.
As the hot water washed over her hands, she watched the blood dissolving from her hands; suddenly remembering the first time she heard of Jane Rizzoli.
She came from sunny California; about to start a new life. She'd filed for divorce only months before she arrived in Boston and had packed her bags the day it was finalized. She had to get away from him and everything that had been her life until that day. She needed a fresh start and the job offer in Boston had suited her only too well. She had accepted it without a doubt and never regretted a single second.
The first weeks were long and lonely; she was a stranger to the city and she had no friends. She started working in the middle of a case that had kept them all on the edge and she knew many things about Jane Rizzoli before she even met her. Cops talked a lot; especially down in the morgue. They either talked a lot to distract themselves from an on-going autopsy or they didn't talk at all.
From what she heard, Jane was a quick-tempered and passionate cop who'd do everything to hunt down the bad guys, no matter what. According to them, she was always trying to prove herself, fighting for respect in a department that was dominated by men. She was a woman driven by her anger and she obviously couldn't let go until every little thing was solved. They described her as a cold-hearted woman who never showed her emotions to anyone, someone who never allowed anyone close and Maura couldn't help but notice the mocking sound of their voices.
She was the one who 'had balls', scared men and hated whiners.
So many information and she had a pretty vivid imagination of the kind of person Detective Rizzoli might be though she wasn't one to jump at conclusions or judge anyone according to hearsay. There was a silent voice in the back of her head that told her she wouldn't like Jane at all.
Once she cleaned off the blood she splashed her face with water and dried her hands. She didn't have the time to catch a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror the last two days and it startled her for an instant. There was no make up to hide her pain, to cover the shadows beneath her eyes. There was nothing that would change the look of emptiness and exhaustion in her eyes.
She put her hairs in a ponytail, attempting to make it look less messy and wiped a few tears away with her index finger. She took one last deep breath before she walked out of the rest room; taking her time.
The first time she actually encountered Jane Rizzoli was during an autopsy. She rushed in and watched in silence at the beginning though she was the only one among the men who didn't draw back when Maura asked for help.
Maura could tell that she'd rather had been somewhere else but she did her best not to show it. Maura chuckled to herself behind the surgical mask, observing her from the corner of her eye. Somehow all these things she heard about Jane appeared to be right one way or another, but she couldn't put her finger on it. Claiming that she was fearless would've been a lie, but she certainly wasn't one to give up easily.
The detective was the first one who didn't dash out as soon as the autopsy was finished. She stayed an introduced herself to the pathologist she didn't know until that day; it meant everything to Maura. For the first time in weeks Maura felt like she wasn't just the pathologist performing the necessary task; the Queen of Dead they respected and even feared. Jane didn't draw back; indeed she was the first one to take a step toward her when no one else dared to do so and made her a part of the team.
Just the memory of that moment caused her pain; she never gave it much of a thought, never realized how much that had actually meant to her.
When Maura went home that night, she couldn't stop thinking about Jane. She didn't know that this woman would someday but the most important person in her life; never even considered that there would be a day when she'd love this woman dearly.
She couldn't say what she expected, but when she spotted Jane between the other cops, she was surprised. She actually laughed at herself for being so narrow-minded; she couldn't say how she really imagined Jane to be, but she was everything Maura didn't think of. She was a strong, athletic woman; her face was framed by black curly hair that perfectly matched her dark eyes. Yes, even then Maura considered Jane a really beautiful woman.
What had fascinated her most was the way Jane changed when everyone was gone. It seemed like she exhaled and suddenly got rid of all the tension in her body. Her whole appearance suddenly seemed softer; there was a friendly smile on her lips. Her voice was warm and caring; that was when Maura knew that she was more than just a though cop, a part she didn't want everyone to know.
Maura sat down with Frost and the Rizzoli's around but no one really felt like talking at the moment and it suited her only too well. Not being the center of attention appeared quite pleasant and she willingly retracted to her memories after Frost offered her a coffee.
She didn't feel like eating but she enjoyed the warmth of the coffee inside of her.
The first sleepover was something they didn't plan but neither one refused it. Maura wasn't even sure if Jane actually implied it and she didn't mind at all. She remembered that night though it happened yesterday; she wanted to smile because the beginning of her friendship with Jane was the very thing that turned her life upside down and she wouldn't want it any other way.
Jane stopped by at her house around 9.30pm; she'd called Maura because there was something they really had to talk about. A few details about the cause they were working on. Though Maura was sure these things could've been discussed in the morning, she didn't reject Jane.
They sat down in her kitchen and talked about every little detail of the case, sitting over a glass of wine. Their conversations slowly changed and they talked about things more privately until it was too late to throw her out and let her go home; it seemed rude. Maura'd lie claiming that she didn't notice the time passing, but she didn't want Jane to leave.
Did she already fell in love with her back than without noticing?
She wasn't sure how much time passed until she finally surrendered to exhausting and fell asleep; the next time she opened her eyes every part of her body seemed to hurt and she saw one of the doctors approaching and everyone looked up expectantly.