~ Chapter 11 ~

"One More Person."

~ Rikki ~

"Dad.. Do you have any idea how many calories is in this one box of cereal?" I looked up at him and he sighed, "No Rikki and I don't care.. You're going to eat it."

"Yeah but still." I muttered, he obviously didn't care about stuff like that, he should though. He was getting a bit of a belly in his old age. I giggled to myself and he looked up from his bowl of cereal "What is so funny?"

"Nothing." I poured the cereal into my bowl, making sure to have only about 10g, there was so much fat and too many calories in it to have anymore. "Put more in your bowl than that." I looked up at him and shook my head "I don't need anymore though."

"Well I think you do."

"You're a man, what do you know?" He just stared at me so I sighed and put some more in my bowl, being careful with the milk though. "Done." I put down the spoon when I was finished, leaving some of the milk and he looked in my bowl "Don't want any milk?"

"Don't really like it anymore."

"You don't like anything anymore." He muttered as he looked down at his newspaper, I sighed and shook my head "I ate it didn't I?"

"I guess."

"I am going to get changed now." I ran into my bedroom and grabbed what I was going to wear to school and then went into the bathroom. I locked the door and looked around, he would think I was having a shower or something. How wrong would he be?

Sighing, I turned the shower on full blast, taking one look in the mirror I bent down and did what Emma had taught me to do so long ago.

When I was sure I got it all out I got up and wiped my mouth and hands. Looking in the mirror I sighed, I looked terrible. I always looked terrible these days, but at least I was getting thin. I quickly brushed my teeth and then grabbing the hairbrush, I kept on looking into the mirror as I gently brushed my curly, blond hair. I looked at myself in surprise when I noticed a massive clump of hair come out in the brush. Almost crying, I looked at myself. This wasn't supposed to happen, when did a diet become my life? I just stared at the brush in shock, I didn't want my hair to fall out. I liked my hair, this wasn't fair. I wondered if Emma's was falling out as well, or if it was just me. This wasn't the first time it had happened to me, maybe I should ask Emma what she thinks. She usually knows about this stuff, she is the one who helps me through all this. Shaking my head at my reflection, I quickly got dressed and walked out the bathroom.

"Going to school now Dad."

"Okay then. You're Mum just text me, she wants to know if you would like to go up there for a month during your term break." I thought for a moment and then thought about how good it would be to show her my control, I nodded at him. "I will phone her later." I grinned and then ran out of the house, smiling to myself as I walked to school. She would be so proud of me.

"Hey!" I ran up to Emma as I saw her walking to class, grinning at me she wrapped her arms around me "How are you?"

"Good thank you and yourself?" She nodded and then looked around, grabbing my arm she led me to the toilets "I told Ash..'"

"Told him what?"

"About what I do.." I looked at her, surprised.. It was supposed to be our secret "What did he say?" She shrugged and then looked in the mirror "He said I didn't have to, he loved me just the way I am. You know.. the usual." I nodded "Why did you tell him?"

"It all came out, he asked me why I was so upset after the other night. I had to tell someone else, you understand don't you?"
"Yeah, I just thought it was supposed to be our secret?" I shook my head and then turned my back to the mirror, I couldn't stand to look at myself. "It is, I didn't tell him everything. I told him I could control it and I told him I would stop. It will be okay, it's still our secret." I nodded and then smiled "Lets go to class then." She nodded and followed after me. How could she tell someone, she said she didn't want help, people who want help tell, that was my opinion anyway. I don't know what to think anymore though, I was alone in this even if Emma did know about me.

It had been about three weeks since Cleo and I argued, and we still weren't talking, sighing as she looked at me from across the classroom I just shook my head and kept my head down. I really don't want to argue, but I don't want friends either. I was fine on my own, as long as I had Zane. I don't mind being on my own sometimes, its good. But I didn't need Cleo, that was for sure. "Rikki?" I look up as I hear the teacher call my name, I didn't want any attention, I didn't want to answer her stupid questions. "Will you come and do the sum on the board please?" I nodded and then looked down at the floor as I walked up, I could hear some whispers 'Look at her.' 'Skin and bone.' 'What a mess.' 'What does Zane see in her?'

I tried my best to ignore them as I wrote on the board, I wasn't skin and bones, I was fat and bones. I wrote the answer on the board and handed the chalk back to the teacher, she smiled and nodded at me "Correct." I tried to smile back but failed and I walked back to my seat. I kept my head down but I could feel people staring at me, whispering about me. They all knew... They were all onto me, they were going to catch me and ruin everything. I felt a tear fall down my face and I tried to hide it from everyone else "Miss can I take Rikki outside for a minute?" I heard Cleo say, I shook my head but the teacher said yes anyway. I felt Cleo come up next to me and she held my hand, leading me outside. I refused to lift my head up, I couldn't stand watching as everyone stared at me, I couldn't handle it. "Whats going on?"

"What do you care?" I muttered, finally looking up at her when we got outside the large classroom full of people spreading rumors about me right now. She sighed "I care Rikki. I am sorry about before, I miss the old you..."

"So do I." I whispered "I know you have an Eating Disorder." I shook my head "No I am fine." She wrapped her arms around me, but I refused to break down and cry, I refused to let her know I was breaking inside. I didn't want her to know about me, I didn't want anyone to know. It wasn't fair on them. "I am fine." I repeated, but she shook her head "I can feel all your bones." I pulled away from her and then looked down at the floor "I am sorry for hitting you." I whispered, trying to change the subject "I am sorry for doing the same to you." She laughed a little and I smiled at her "Friends?" I regretted it as soon as I said it, just one more person who was going to get involved, one more person who was going to be upset if anything was to happen to me, one more person to try and make me eat. It was one more person to hurt.