Chapter 10

"Hey lady. Are you going to pay for those or not?"

Stephanie glanced up at the cashier. Despite his sour expression, she smiled at him apologetically as she handed over her purchases. A bottle of diet soda and a packet of M & Ms, the chocolate ones of course. Even after all this time, her habits hadn't changed. She never got the peanut ones because Paul hadn't liked nuts. The one time she had bought them he had sulked and told her she was just being mean and didn't want to share her candy with him. They had been eight years old then and she hadn't bought another bag since. Thinking about it now, she really wasn't entirely sure why.

Stephanie paid for her goods and shivered in the cold as she made her way back to the car. Her bare fingertips tingled as she cautiously crossed the frost covered parking lot. She was only a mile from home now. She had made it here in a record time of fifty minutes. Of course, her stomach had been churning the entire journey. Her mother's phone call had unsettled her to say the least. All night she had tossed and turned as she thought about Paul wondering what was she going to say to him if she found him? How would he react to seeing her after all this time? Would he even want to see her? That's if she ever found him of course. Her mother hadn't actually said it was definitely Paul. It could have been someone entirely different in the cemetery yesterday. But as Stephanie got in the car, her gut feeling told her it was him but just in case she had decided she was going to check it out for herself. Just to be totally sure.

As she passed through the streets, Stephanie noticed the small town coming to life. Delivery trucks were pulled up at the side of the road. The early morning shoppers were waiting patiently outside the small bakery. Stephanie smiled knowingly as she popped a handful of sweets in her mouth. Old Mrs Richards liked the bingo on a Friday night. She also partook in a glass of sherry or two. It meant every Saturday morning the shop opened late but it was always worth the wait. The freshly baked bread and cakes were absolutely mouth watering. She made a mental note to visit there later. She had promised her mother she would pick up the birthday cake for her dad.

Five minutes later Stephanie was standing outside the cemetery. The rusty metal gates creaked as she pushed them open. She shoved her hands in the pockets of her woollen coat as she made her way to the grave. The low sun shone brightly through the frost covered trees and the light breeze blew against her face. Her cheeks were red and pinched with the cold. It wasn't the first time she had visited the Levesque graveside. For the first year or two she had visited it regularly. She had been close to Paul's parents. Losing them had been like losing a favourite aunt and uncle. She had missed them terribly when they had passed. She had always gone to their house every afternoon after school. Patricia would always make her and Paul a sandwich and enquire about their day. She would them pass them a plate of cookies once they had finished their homework. They were always warm and freshly made. Of course Paul munched his way through the majority of them. She'd never met a person with such a huge appetite in her life before. He'd practically eaten his parents out of house and home.

Stephanie's boots crunched along the small path down to the bottom of the graveyard. She felt a wave of sadness wash over her as she glanced at one of the headstones. Little Molly Tucker had only been six years old when she had been hit by a speeding car. She had died instantly and the drunk driver had been sentenced and locked up. She would have been celebrating her ninth birthday today had she survived. That thought sent a tiny shiver down her spine.

Stephanie slowly approached the Levesque graveside. She let out a shaky breath as she walked across the hard grass but that same breath caught in her throat as her blue eyes fixated on the fresh bouquet of white lilies resting against the white marble headstone. They were Patricia's favourite flower. Paul had always bought her a bunch every single birthday and they would be tied in a red ribbon. He always teased her that it was because white flowers were drab and boring and he had to brighten them up somehow. That exact same red ribbon was tied around the flowers at the grave. There was no doubt in her mind that the man her mother had seen yesterday was definitely Paul. After all this time he had finally been here. She didn't even want to allow herself think what that possibly meant. As she crouched down in front of the headstone, she took her hand out of her pocket. Her fingertips gently touched the frosty petals as she sighed into the wind.

"I'm sorry I haven't been to see you guys for a while. Life's been kind of crazy lately." She pushed herself to her feet and placing her hand in her coat pocket, she looked at the grave and smiled gently. "I'll come back tomorrow with Mom after church. We'll bring a vase for the flowers Paul left you."

As Stephanie stepped away from the grave, she knew what she had to do. She had to try and find Paul but he wouldn't come back here. She knew that yesterday would have been painful enough for him. She would have to look elsewhere, that's if he was even still in town. He could have vanished as quickly as he had appeared yesterday. But something inside her told her he hadn't. He was still around. She could feel it. She just needed to figure out where he was and she wasn't going to stop looking until she had found him…………………..

Paul's footsteps slowed as he tentatively approached the detached red brick building at the end of the street. He was vaguely aware of the dog barking in the garden across the road as he looked around. There was no car in the driveway. Thankfully the house looked empty. His chest tightened and he let out a slow calming breath as he pushed back his hair from his forehead. His brown eyes were sad as he stood in front of the house he had lived in for nineteen years. It had changed a bit although that was only to be expected. Ten years had passed since he'd closed the front door and handed the keys to the realtor. He never knew who bought the place. He'd never wanted to find out. He didn't want to know the names of the strangers that ate in his kitchen or slept in his bedroom. It also helped alleviate his guilt a little. His parents had loved this house. He'd probably broken their hearts when he had sold it. It had broken his. But he couldn't have held onto it. It had held too many painful memories for him when they had died.

Satisfied that no-one was watching him standing there on the sidewalk, Paul took a few steps closer to the house. He stood at the bottom of the garden and his hand rested on the spar of the wooden fence. It was new. It had replaced the hedge his father had lovingly tended to every week. The front door was new too. The dark wood had been replaced with a white shiny laminate that matched the new windows. Even the garage door had been painted a different colour. The faded and chipped red paint had been replaced with a forest green. But the exterior alterations didn't change any of the memories. He still vividly remembered the birthday parties and the ice cream covered faces. His mom's baking or her look of disgust as his father brought home his prize catch. There was the first ever outing on his shiny new bike up and down the driveway. His lips tugged into a small smile as he noticed the basketball hoop still above the garage door. His father had put it up there when he had been four years old. They always used to play while his mother had prepared dinner in the kitchen. She hadn't liked anyone interfering while she cooked especially when it involved her family picking away at the food she was making. Smiling at the memory, he stepped back from the house.

It was when he turned away from the red brick building that Paul saw her. Time seemed to stand still as their eyes connected across the sidewalk. The bitter wind blew against his face but he didn't feel it. He didn't feel anything as he swallowed thickly and took in her appearance. Stephanie was smartly dressed in a long black wool coat and trousers. She held a small black bag almost protectively in front of her and he noticed her thick chestnut locks were shorter as they rested against her shoulders. The style suited her and her blue eyes were older and wiser but they still held that familiar sparkle as they looked at him hesitantly. God, she was more beautiful than he remembered. Or maybe he just hadn't allowed himself to remember. Thinking of Stephanie was usually painful. It reminded him of a life he used to have and more than that, the person he used to be.

"Hello Paul."

He could hear the tentativeness in her voice and he couldn't blame her. He'd cut her out of his life suddenly and cruelly. Stephanie hadn't deserved that.

"It is really you, isn't it?"

Paul let out his breath shakily. "Yes. It's me, Steph."

A strangled cry escaped from her lips. She quickly placed her hand across her mouth as her eyes glistened with unshed tears. She hadn't imagined him standing there. It was him. It was really Paul. Stephanie's heart raced in her chest as he took a couple of steps closer towards her. She watched his big hand tuck his long blonde hair behind his ear. He was no longer the tall, gangly boy she used to know. His broad bulky frame was covered by his leather coat. His neatly trimmed beard only accentuated his handsomeness. As he stood in front of her smiling awkwardly, she looked into his eyes and felt a tear slip down her cheek. They had been so empty and hollow ten years ago. She could still remember that vividly and she had barely recognised them. But as she saw the flicker of warmth in Paul's deep brown orbs, it gave her hope that maybe a part of the boy she used to know still existed. As his fingers tapped against the legs of his jeans, she knew he was really nervous. She had a feeling that if she touched him on the shoulder, he'd jump right out of his skin.

"It's good to see you." he said, his deep voice breaking the silence.

"It's really good to see you too."

The expression on his face softened. As his smile widened, Stephanie felt a pang in her chest. That smile. It was the same smile that used to greet her everyday. She had really missed it. Suddenly, she felt any awkwardness slip away. She wiped the tears from her face and held out her arms towards him.

"So Levesque, have you got a hug for an old friend?"

The minute he wrapped his arms around her, she felt the tears pool in her eyes. She squeezed them shut as she buried her face in the crook of his neck. She gripped him tightly. His soft hair tickled her skin as she inhaled his scent. His cologne was different but she could smell the familiar shampoo. Paul felt just the way she remembered except he was bigger. His embrace was warm and comforting and she'd always felt so protected and safe around him. A thousand memories rushed through her mind as she relished the feel of being in his arms. God, she had missed him so much that at times it had hurt to breathe. She had dreamt so many times of this moment. It was hard to believe he was really here.

As they broke apart, her wide eyes scanned his face. Paul's arms fell away and she grabbed his right hand holding it tightly. It felt like a chunk of ice. She continued to stare at him in total wonderment. "I just can't believe it's you. That you're really standing here."

"Of all the places in all the world." he said jokingly. Paul swallowed thickly as he glanced down at their joined hands. And of all the people in all the world the last one he had expected to see was Stephanie. Seeing her had definitely thrown him for a loop. He hadn't expected her to be in town. But if he was honest with himself, deep down he had probably hoped she might be. He just didn't know if he would have plucked up the courage to see for himself. To visit the house he had considered a second home for so many years.

"I've missed you."

Paul lifted his head and looked at her. He saw her smile tremble at the corners of her mouth. He felt a lump develop in his throat as the guilt overwhelmed him. It was entirely his fault that their friendship had ended. He'd done everything he could to close himself off to her. He'd had to. But as he looked into her eyes, he was surprised to see that there wasn't any anger or resentment towards him. There was just sadness and regret and for some reason, that made him feel worse. A hell of a lot worse.

"I'm sorry." he whispered into the wind. He felt Stephanie squeeze his hand a little more tightly.

"You don't owe me any apologies, Paul." And as she looked into his eyes, she realised that she meant it. Any bitterness at his silence had long passed. "What you've been through….." Her voice broke away. She shook her head slowly. "I won't even pretend to know what that feels like. Your whole world was turned completely upside down."

Paul didn't add that sometimes it felt like it still was. That there were times he just felt so lost and alone and that the pain was so overwhelming that he just couldn't sit still. Instead he pressed his lips together in a sad smile. A car rumbled past them slowly in the tree lined street. "You learn how to cope with it somehow. To try and move on with your life."

"And is that why you came back after all this time? To move on with your life?"

Paul licked his lips. They felt numb from the cold. "I think so." He sighed as he looked over at the brick house, the house that had been a home to him for nineteen years. And although it wasn't his home any longer, he couldn't help but feel an emotional attachment to it. He had so many memories in that house. He cherished every single one of them. "To be honest, I don't know why I came here." he admitted.

He turned his head towards Stephanie. Her blue eyes were watching him intently.

"My mom said she saw you in the cemetery yesterday."

He raised his brow in surprise. He hadn't been aware that Linda had been there but it saved him asking the question as to how Stephanie had found him here. She had obviously come looking for him and he wasn't entirely sure how he felt about that.

"I just knew this was something I had to do." he explained. "It was time, you know."

Stephanie nodded shifting her feet underneath her. She couldn't help but admire his strength and his courage. Paul had been through something so shocking and completely devastating. It was good to see he had managed to make it through the other side. As she glanced up at the darkening sky, she shivered despite her heavy coat. The sun was starting to set casting an orange glow across the rooftops. It was getting late.

"You're cold."

Stephanie shook her head. Her heart skipped a beat as she heard his deep, throaty chuckle.

"And still as damn stubborn, I see."

A slow smile crept across her face. Her thumb absently began to trace his knuckle.

"You should get home before you freeze to death."

Stephanie bit down on her lip thoughtfully as she slowly nodded in response. She toyed with the notion of asking him to come back with her. The invitation was on the tip of her tongue. It was her father's birthday party after all and her parents would be overjoyed to see him. However, there was a part of her that just couldn't do it. It would be too much too soon. But she desperately wanted to see Paul again and spend time with him. She wasn't going to let him disappear from her life. Not now she had found him again. She just hoped Paul felt the same way. Stephanie took a calming breath as she found the courage to ask the question.

"Maybe we could catch up tomorrow? I mean, only if you want to and only if you're still in town." she asked, shyly.

Her wide blue eyes watched him as she awaited his response. She didn't have to wait long. A wave of relief washed over her as he nodded his head. "I'd like that."

"You would?" she asked tearfully.

"I would." he replied gently. He swallowed thickly. "I've missed you too, Steph."

This time there was no hesitation as she wrapped her arms around him. She blinked back her tears as Paul held her close to him. She wished it was tomorrow already. She had so much she wanted to ask him and there was so much she needed to say. But it could wait. She could be patient for now. After all she had waited ten years for him. Another few hours wasn't going to make a difference.