Doki Doki: Snowfall

by HarrowedWriter

A young man awakens in the middle of the road. Stripped of his memories and living in a once-fictional world now brought to life, he will be forced to adapt. People that call him friend ring no bells to him, and he struggles to grasp for what happened to him while dealing with the drama in his newly found club. A/T: Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Friendship.

11. Only Human

A/N: Wow, this chapter took awhile to get out! Admittedly, I've been busy with a couple other stories I've entertained adding to my list of things I do on this site, also DDLC related. Beyond that, a mixture of RL and Online stuff kept me busy. I wanted this chapter to come out on the anniversary, but that ended up not being possible. Oh well, here it is now! Albeit a day late, I wish DDLC a happy birthday! I hope you all enjoy this chapter.

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The mall from before set the stage for my dream.

They were looking at me still, the four others, but they weren't crying this time. They were happily chatting to me like nothing happened.

I felt myself respond to them but I couldn't make out what I was actually saying.

Their words passed wordlessly as well, like I had gone deaf.

It wasn't until the blonde girl got a smug look on her face that things changed at all.

The red haired girl suddenly looked embarrassed and said something in what looked to be a hurried manner, before rushing off.

I wasn't in control of my own movement, I felt like I was watching everything while trapped inside my own mind.

My body guided itself to what looked to be a sushi place, and it sat down at a table.

Nothing about it seemed familiar to me, but my body guided me through everything.

The world still lacked sound as it sat there apparently waiting for its order.

Slowly, something changed.

Like the steady rushing of water coming closer, and closer, sound began to fill my ears.

I felt control return to me, yet everything still seemed hazy.

Before I could react any further, I heard a voice.

"...Alex?"

I turned and looked at the red haired girl again, I tried to speak, but whatever I was going to say didn't get past my throat.

If it did, I couldn't hear it.

"Do you… Maybe.. Want to go skiing with me?"

As I went to answer, the world suddenly filled began to fill with light.

The last thing I saw before it closed in was the girl smiling nervously at me.

THE SOUND OF EVIL LAUGHTER FALLS AROUND THE WORLD TONI-

I turned off my alarm as I drowsily woke up.

Stretching, I yawned heavily, before tiredly checking my phone.

I only had one new message on my phone right now.

It was from Sayori's mom, and it looked like the first text she'd sent me.

Opening it, I saw the picture I heard her take of Sayori and I yesterday morning.

The two of us were cuddled together, my back slumped against her wall. Sayori's coral, almost pink hair covering a part of her face. Her arms were wrapped fully around me, like she was holding on for dear life, even in her sleep.

One of my arms was placed around her as well, keeping her close at hand. In my sleep, I guess I kind of nestled myself against the side of her head with my own. The sight of it made me blush.

It looked like the main noose rope had already been cut down from the ceiling at that point, I could only imagine Ms. Yuma did it while we were sleeping.

Still, the small, almost unnoticeable remainder of the knot that had been wrapped around Sayori's neck was just barely peeking out from under the bed.

Anyone else, without proper background on the situation, might just think it a harmless forgotten toy or something, as only one tiny part of it was visible. Maybe that's why Sayori's mom didn't notice it.

The ominous little addition to the photo reminded me of why we were like that, and I sighed heavily as I stood up out of bed.

I saved the picture to my phone, opting to use it as a reminder of that day. So I'd always remember that Sayori needed all the help she could get.

Not that I could ever forget.

I feel like Sayori's mom was silently trying to imply something by sending me the image, even if she said nothing else.

Maybe she wanted me to realize how cute Sayori and I looked together…?

It wasn't out of the realm of plausibility. It was likely Ms. Yuma was more than aware of what was apparently all the years I spent with her daughter, cooking her food and cleaning her room… I grew up as apart of Sayori's life as much as she grew up as part of mine.

Still, given the context of the situation, it seemed a little messed up.

Unless for some reason she thought I could keep Sayori from doing something like this while she was gone, in which case I guess I understood. Even if it was a little unfair.

Okay, well, it was a lot unfair.

I put my phone on the table and went to go shower, deciding that all this business about relationships wasn't healthy to think about until after I got back and had some rest. Sayori was at the very least no longer in immediate danger, now that her mom was around, so it's not like I had to think about it all the time.

Not that knowing that I could relax stopped me from being worried, of course.

Once I was dressed, having managed to secure some clean clothes that looked a bit presentable in public, I made my way back to my room and grabbed my dream journal. Quickly, I jotted down the dream from this morning so it wouldn't escape me.

Once that was done, I took the journal and went to go to the mirror to check myself over one more time.

The clothes I secured after having taken them out of the dryer weren't that much of an improvement compared to the usual. A black T-shirt, which I seemed to own a few similar shirts of, a dark red light-jacket I managed to secure from the pile of clothes I cleaned up, a pair of jeans, and my normal shoes.

It seemed to me that past-me didn't really invest in clothes for things you generally wanted to look presentable for, given that most of my shirts were just normal T-shirts and jeans. If I had any kind of semi-formal or dress attire, I couldn't find it.

Not that I needed any of that for Therapy, it was more that if I ever needed to look particularly good for something it would be nice to have clothes for it.

Maybe I'd go clothes shopping this weekend…

Sighing as I realized I was just standing in front of the mirror thinking to myself, I started down the stairs and into the living room. From there, I grabbed my wallet, house keys, and double checked to make sure I had my phone and the journal I needed.

Once that was done, I went through the door and made sure to lock it, sighing, looking around.

The sky was clear today, the clouds fluffy and white, the sun had settled in the sky for the day a few hours ago, and the streets were empty save for the occasional passing car. Realizing I hadn't checked the time yet, I did just that.

8:00 AM.

The Therapy appointment was at 9 AM. I'd probably end up getting there a bit early, but that was okay, I could just find something to occupy my time until then.

I started my walk to the bus stop, but not before casting my gaze to Sayori's house for a minute.

I thought about going in and checking on her and her mom, but I didn't see any lights on or anything, so I had to assume they were out.

Sighing, I shook my head. I shouldn't be worrying about her right now, as much as I wanted to.

I had to take today to think about myself, at least for as long as I could manage with everything that's been going on.

I started to walk, taking my time to reach the bus stop and sitting there waiting for it, while thinking to myself if there was anything else I needed to talk about aside from what I already knew I was going to bring up.

Probably not, actually. I already had a veritable truckload of issues that were likely going to take more than one appointment to resolve, it was probably best to leave it as it was and see where it took me.

Soon the bus came and I boarded and started my trip into town.

The ride was uneventful and took a little while to get to where I needed to be. While I was on the bus, I flipped through the journal and went over everything I'd written down up to this point.

There was, of course, the first nightmare. The one I felt had already come and gone, thankfully it seems that if this one was trying to tell me something, I listened just enough. Even if I almost lost Sayori, the fact that she was alive was enough for me to know that I didn't need to worry about it. At least, for now.

The second one, the one with Yuri. I still wasn't sure if this one meant anything or if it was just a random nightmare. Yuri was probably the last person on the planet I'd expect to go crazy, especially for me. She was also the last person I expected to kill herself, I'm not sure why, but she never struck me as… Deranged, or suicidal, or anything.

The third one with Monika was the hardest to explain. It didn't make any sense in any logical context. Monika wasn't insane, maybe a bit… Unstable emotionally, but not insane. She talked like she had gotten rid of the girls, and the whole melting thing…? I couldn't begin to imagine what that was about, or who this 'Saito' person was, if he wasn't this 'Main Character' that Monika was talking about.

I underlined the name Saito. I figured it might be one I'd need to remember for later, even if it seemed inconsequential at first, it could be important.

Finally, there were the notes on the other dreams. The ones about this mysterious group of people I'd never seen before. They didn't go to school with me, I didn't have any pictures of them… So who were they and how did I know them? More importantly, who was the red headed girl?

She was the one that stumped me the most, as she seemed to have some kind of attachment to me, yet I didn't even know her name. I'd never seen her before, and just like the others, I had no physical proof she even existed.

Closing the journal, I relaxed against the window and put some earphones in to listen to some music while I waited to get to my stop.

…

Eventually, I reached my stop and got off the bus with a few other people.

I was really the only person in my age group riding the bus right now, probably because most everyone else was at school or at home…

I never thought I'd miss being at school. I guess the feeling of being around people, friends or not, that I could interact with, was something I prized in a way.

Especially since there was no promised Literature Club meeting at the end of this Therapy session, just a ride home.

Maybe I'd take a walk in the park or something instead of just going straight home… Or visit a coffee shop.

Yeah, that sounded like a healthy alternative. Instead of isolating myself, I'd take this time to enjoy the town a bit.

...What parts of the town I could locate on my phone at least.

Realizing I was just kind of standing around the bus stop, I shook myself out of it and headed in the direction the Therapist's office was in.

While I was walking down the road, I took in the sights of the town a bit better than I had been able to when locked into going home, to school, home, to school, and once to the park.

It wasn't a large town by any means, but it wasn't that small either. Somewhere in the middle, I would say. Plenty of people went about their business in this place, some even lived in town houses, although it seemed much more popular to live out in the area where I lived, admittedly a bit close to the edge of town.

There weren't any towering office buildings or massive buildings like in cities I'd seen online, most things seemed capped off at two stories, with the occasional four or five story building breaking up the monotony.

The town was almost cozy, I felt. Not that I had anything to compare it to, and it was far from being a town where you could name everyone you came across and remember it, but still… I couldn't find any big complaints with it.

Shops lined up to my right. Some were open, some were closed, others for purchase. Clothing stores, hobby shops, tea shops… I think I saw a couple restaurants.

I guess the mall hadn't run every business out of… Well, business.

To be fair I'm sure there were plenty of people who would rather go to a local shop than take the trip all the way down to the mall when it might not even be necessary.

The sky was still clear, I didn't expect it to rain today. Checking my phone, the forecast said it would be clear as well, which just made me relax some.

The weather was starting to heat up, though, I had to wonder how long I'd be able to get away with just wearing jackets like this?

I'd probably need to find other outfits to wear as well…

Especially when vacation started. I didn't know if I'd be able to keep in touch with the girls over the summer, well. Most of them. I knew Sayori would be easy, since she lives next door to me, and Monika would probably come find me anyways. Natsuki and Yuri though? I didn't know.

Time would tell I guess, and we were still a few months off from having to think about that.

I hummed a tune softly to myself as I got closer to my destination, just trying to relax myself.

I was admittedly a bit apprehensive about this meeting. I guess I was more worried about sounding crazy than anything else.

It sounded stupid, because this was a Therapist, meant to talk to me about my problems and help me work through them.

Maybe it was just one of those things I couldn't really help. After all, I'd spent several days doing my absolute best to keep it a secret that I didn't remember a thing about… Well, anything.

At least I wasn't telling Sayori, or someone who might actually be impacted by this issue. I knew Sayori would be crushed in a way I couldn't even describe to learn that I didn't even remember her name until she came up to me.

And that, you know, I couldn't recall the apparently very precious and dear childhood memories and feelings of friendship we'd cultivated over the years. That seemed like it would hurt just as much.

The worst part was that I knew I needed to tell her, and the entire club. It might not affect Natsuki or Yuri that much, but it would probably still be shocking. Monika already knew… Maybe she'd be able to help me get it out properly.

She was good at egging people on, at least.

Finally, I reached my destination and headed inside.

The office was just a one story building wedged in-between two other similar buildings.

Not much to look at, and once inside, I was greeted by a simple sight. A woman behind a desk, working on a computer.

I approached, "Yes, I have an appointment."

"Name?"

"Alex Suzuki."

"Ah, yeah. He's in with another client right now, but go ahead and take a seat. You'll know when you're up."

I took a seat in one of the chairs that lined the wall and looked around.

The waiting/reception area was unremarkable. The chairs were leather and kind of comfortable, at least. The floor was a dark blue rug, and the walls were all painted a tan color. Some paintings and pictures decorated them to keep them from looking barren, and there were magazines on the occasional end table for people to grab.

Not wanting to resort to something like that, I took out my phone and began to skim around on the internet.

To my surprise, I got a text from Sayori about ten minutes ago.

I opened my phone to see what she said.

S: 'Heyyyy'

A: 'Hey, how are you doing?'

Perhaps unsurprisingly I got a text back rather quickly.

S: 'Bored at home! I have another appointment soon.'

A: 'How did the first one go?

S: 'They gave me anti-depressants. I don't feel that different right now though.'

A: 'It takes time, Sayori. Just be patient!'

S: 'Okaayyy. I need to ask you something!'

I quirked an eyebrow before entering my response.

A: 'What's up?'

S: 'Sooo my mom has to go on another business meeting on Friday, but she doesn't want me to be staying alone while…'

A: 'Uuuh hhuuuhh…'

S: 'She wants me to stay with you for awhile!'

Wait, what?!

A: 'Why?'

S: 'You know why, silly! You're my best friend and you care a lot about me. She says she wouldn't trust anyone else.'

Something deep inside me felt like this was some huge cliche. I couldn't, however, in good conscious turn her down.

After witnessing what I witnessed on that day, I wouldn't leave her alone either. Just being in the house with me might be enough to keep her from going that far again.

A: 'Okay, you can stay with me for awhile then.'

S: 'Thank you! I'll let my mom know! It won't be happening until Friday, so don't worry about it right now!"

"Alex Suzuki?" I heard a mild mannered male voice call from the door.

I quickly texted Sayori.

A: 'Alright I've gtg but I'll talk to you later.'

Then I put the phone away and walked into the Therapist's office.

The office itself was remarkably more comfortable looking than the reception area, but I guess that was to be expected.

The same blue carpet covered the floor, the walls were a similarly relaxed shade of blue, and the walls were decorated rather nicely.

There was a file cabinet next to a desk, which had a window behind it. Said desk had an office chair similar to the one that my dad's study has, and there was also a secondary chair and one of those reclining therapy chairs you would always see in movies.

"Good to meet you, I'm Doctor Tanaka."

I shook his hand and went to go sit down as he gestured me too.

The doctor was a bit of an older man. His hair was graying and his face starting to show signs of wrinkling. Beyond that, he was a dark haired, dark eyed gentleman wearing a business-casual button-up shirt and slacks.

"So Alex, if the forms you filled out were anything to go off of, you've got quite the list of things to talk about huh? Nightmares, mild hallucinations, and, the big one, Amnesia. First thing I want to ask you is, what compelled you to make an appointment with me, first, instead of a medicine doctor?"

"Well, I don't feel sick or in pain, I have an appointment with a doctor in a few days on Saturday but I wanted to talk to you first to get all of this out in the open. If I didn't I felt like I'd be going crazy right now."

"Okay, okay." He says in an understanding tone, writing something down, "So what do you remember? Has anything you've forgotten come back to you over the past few days?"

"I remember… Bits and pieces of my life. Nothing solid before a few days ago, but… I remember a couple occasions involving my friend, Sayori. This one time when she nearly burned her house down, and another at my birthday party when I was ten, and she gave me a toy giraffe."

"Alright, okay." He writes some more things down, "Do you know what caused you to remember these things?"

"Well the first thing just sort of.. Came back to me when she mentioned it. The second was when I found the giraffe… I got a really bad headache and it just came rushing back to me."

"I see. I see." More writing, than he crosses his legs, "Lets talk about Sayori. Who is she?"

"From what I remember and what I've been able to find, she's my best friend and has been since we were five. We're both eighteen now. Her mom was always away on business, and mine died when I was fifteen. Based on the memory I have and the physical stuff I've seen, I guess we've always cared for each other." Letting off a small chuckle, I add, "I even mark down things in my cookbook that she likes to eat."

Doctor Tanaka smiled, jotting a few more things down, "So she's important to you. Do you know how important?"

"Well, very. I can't keep myself from caring about her even if I feel like I barely know her right now."

"I see, I see. Does she know you have Amnesia?"

"No, not at all. At first I was keeping it hidden because I was scared and didn't know what to do, later I kept it hidden because I knew she would be absolutely crushed by it, and she already has depression, I didn't want to make it worse by telling her that her best friend didn't even really remember her."

"I see, well you made the right choice then. If she's suffering depression, I don't think she could shoulder the burden of knowing you lost your memory as well. Do you have anyone else you remember from before your Amnesia?"

"Not at all, doc. I guess I was something of a shut in before, because Sayori seems to be the only one who's approached me as a friend until I joined a club when she asked me to and made some more friends."

"I see, that presents a problem. See, I think Sayori might be the key to helping you regain what was lost. Amnesia is a tricky problem but its not permanent, and judging by how you managed to retain basic living functions and linguistic skills, I'm going to go ahead and assume it wasn't a deep seated problem in your brain. Instead, your memories coming back seem to indicate that, given time, they may all return."

"So you're saying I have to spend more time with her because she might be the key to remembering everything?"

"That's right. Now, about these nightmares… Could you describe them to me?"

I took out the notepad and used the notes I wrote down to remind myself of what I wanted to say about them.

I went into as much detail as I could on each of them without mentioning any of Monika's theories. I wanted to get a professional's opinion on them as they were, not affected by a friend's crazy behavior.

I didn't even want to bring up Monika because it seemed like she had her own things to worry about, talking about her at length in a Therapy session like this seemed like bad form.

The Therapist wrote down plenty of notes as I went through each nightmare, allowing me to talk about all three of them before he came back to give his opinions on them.

"Well it certainly is very strange that you had these nightmares so close together, and about your friends in this Literature Club. The one about your friend Sayori doesn't surprise me, because she is your close friend and your subconscious may have been worried about her. Rightly so, it seems, if what you tell me about her depression is correct. I hate to bring up a sensitive topic but did she actually attempt suicide?"

"Yes, a couple days ago. Monika and I barged in just as she was kicking over the chair and cut her down. She's in her mother's hands right now."

"Well I'm happy your friend is alive, I can't speak for the timing of this nightmare, but I feel like a part of your mind knew something like that might happen. That's all speculative, however. Now, onto Yuri. You say she's a perfectly normal girl in reality, yes?"

"Maybe a bit closed off and mysterious, but yes. Nothing about her really strikes me as strange except for her hobby of knife collecting. She's not crazy or obsessed or anything like that."

"I see. My best guess might be that you hold Yuri to a certain… Esteem, due to her mysterious nature, and the nature of your own Amnesia. Your mind may have seen her as the perfect candidate to go crazy. Beyond that, it's strange. You said this nightmare was rather vivid, yes? You can remember a great deal about it?"

"I can. I remember having a panic attack after I woke up from it because I couldn't convince myself it wasn't real at first."

"I see…" He mutters, writing some more things down, "Onto the final one, Monika. You said you weren't in your own body?"

"I wasn't. My skin was darker, and she called me 'Saito.'"

"And you said she called you Alex once, right, but never again?"

"Yes."

"And she 'got rid' of the others?"

"Yes."

"Then she started to melt when you wished you weren't there?"

"That's correct."

"I see, I see." He writes some more things down, "You mentioned when talking about your nightmare that Monika is a bit… In love with you, yes? Despite you saying you aren't interested in her right now?"

"That's correct…" I was a little embarrassed talking about something that private, but it's not like I mentioned how she tried to get me alone in a closet.

"This one seems simple to explain as well. You feel trapped by Monika's unwanted affection and feel like you're being put into a corner. You don't even really feel like yourself because Monika wants you to be something that, as far as you're aware, you're not, which is her lover."

Monika wanted me to be this 'player' she talked so dearly about, but the doctor had the right idea of it. Just not the right wording.

Either way, I guess it made sense.

"You've got a good point there… Do you think I should talk to her?"

"I think you should make it clear where your boundaries are and try to get her to respect them. You can't change how she feels, but you can at least take steps to make sure she doesn't become a toxic influence in your life."

I nodded a few times.

"Now, Mr. Suzuki, onto these other dreams and… Hallucinations. You say you've never seen any of the people in these before in your life, right?"

"That's right."

"No… Physical proof of you knowing them? Photos, messages, anything?"

"Not at all."

"Strange… And you say you've seen this red-headed girl at least three or four times, yes?"

"Yes."

"The others?"

"Outside of a dream? Just once, for a second, last night when I was with my friends in the Literature Club."

"I see. I will admit, Alex, this is easily the strangest thing I've ever encountered. You can't dream about people you've never met, yet you have no evidence that you knew them before your mind blanked, and they don't go to school with you. They could, of course, have been old friends, but you say they appear to be around your age? It makes little sense that there wouldn't be something on them, somewhere."

I nod, I kind of expected the doctor to be a bit confounded by this as well. He did confirm to me that I couldn't dream about people I didn't know, which just made this whole thing feel even harder to grasp.

"Well Alex, I'm afraid I don't have an answer to these… People you're seeing, or even a theory I could present and call feasible. I'll have to call my colleagues to get their opinions on it, so we can begin to figure out where these dreams and visions of yours are coming from."

I expected as much, "So what do you recommend I do for now, doctor?"

He flipped to a fresh page and said, "Now, I can't give you medication or anything to help with any stress or other issues you may be having, that's not my field, but I can write down information you can give to your doctor when you see him that might help him give you what you could need."

As he writes, he continues, "I recommend you spend more time around your friend Sayori to try and recover more of your memories as well, and try to find more things that might help you along that path. Beyond getting ahold on your Amnesia, I recommend trying not to stay alone for too long if you can help it. Amnesia can be a very stressful thing, especially with these nightmares you're having. It can be easy to fall into depression if you're not able to stay on top of yourself."

I nod as he talks, taking in his words.

"I want you to do as much as you can to reduce your stress in the meantime. Talk with friends, go for walks, that sort of thing. I want us to meet again next week, same time same day. I'll be getting in touch with my colleagues in the meantime and hopefully I'll have something I can present you with, or at least I can reference you to someone who might be able to take a closer look."

"Well, thanks doctor. It's nice just being able to talk about this stuff, even if I didn't get all the answers I needed right away."

"Of course, Alex. Before you leave, here." He took off a sheet of paper from his journal and handed it to me, before also grabbing a slip from his desk and writing something down, "And this should make sure you're excused for missing today."

I got up and retrieved what he was giving me, then he said, "Right, let me see you out."

Walking to the door, he let me out and I proceeded out after bidding him and his receptionist goodbye.

Heading out the door, I sighed and checked the time on my phone.

10:15 AM

So that was an hour of my day and now I had basically the entire rest of the day to do whatever I wanted.

I had to admit, it was a nice feeling.

I used my phone to look up what I had wanted to look up earlier, a coffee shop.

Turned out there was one relatively close to where I lived, near where I walked to school.

I guess I could just catch the bus back to where I first got on, then walk there. Afterwards, maybe I'd go to the park.

Yeah, that seemed like a solid way to keep myself from dying of boredom today.

I made my way to the bus stop and boarded once again, beginning on the path back home.

Sitting towards the back as I usually do, I started to think about how a car might be a good investment.

...If I could learn how to drive, that is.

Did past me even know that?

Probably not.

I flipped to a new page in my notebook and wrote 'Learn to drive' on the page as a bit of a reminder.

I'd probably need to setup a time for me to take lessons or something. I'm not sure how big of a boone having a car would be when the bus takes me everywhere I need.

Still, for longer trips out of town, should I ever need them, a car would be a really good investment, even if I didn't use it that much.

Surprisingly, as I was thinking to myself, my phone buzzed. Checking it, I was getting a phone call from… Monika?

I answered and kept my voice down, since there were other people on the bus, "Yeah, Monika?"

"H-Heeyyyy, Alex, are you still at the Therapist?"

"No, I'm on my way to a coffee shop near my house. Why?"

"Oh, cool! Uuhm… Could I come?"

"Monika, aren't you at school for a few more hours?"

"A-About that. I kind of told them I was sick and got out early…"

"What?! That's not like you at all Monika! What about the new club member?"

"I told Yuri to take over while I was gone! Look- I have a good reason, can I just please come meet you?"

Sighing, I rubbed my eyes, there went my relaxation, "Fine. I'm going to the Corner Cafe. I'll text you the address."

"Thank you, Alex! I'll explain when I get there."

After saying our goodbyes, I hung up and sighed.

What could drive Monika, of all people, to leave school early?

Wasn't that supposed to be a sign of the end times?

My thoughts were occupied with theories about why Monika would leave school early all the way up until I got off the bus.

I had texted Monika the location beforehand, and I started making my way there at a relatively leisurely pace.

Just because she seemed in a hurry didn't mean I had to be.

Indeed, as I got closer to my destination, I could make out Monika's trademark white bow, sitting in one of the tables placed outside, her head was in her hand as she lightly tapped her cheek, looking off towards the road.

She looked kind of stressed out, I had to wonder what could have her this frazzled…

I approached and sat down, "Hey, Monika. What gives?"

She jumped a bit, seeming to have not been expecting me to come from where I did, "Oh, there you are Alex! What took you so long?"

"Well I kind of had to take a bus, then I walked here. I'm assuming you were closer, since the school is only a few minutes away?"

"Y-Yes, I'm sorry for sounding agitated. I just…" Monika groans, "I don't know how to explain it…"

A waitress came over and handed us a couple menus while Monika was thinking, telling us that she'd be back to take our orders soon.

This cafe served coffee, tea, and some desserts. It was by no means a place you'd go to eat a meal, but it was pretty nice from what I understood.

"Well let's figure out what we're going to get, first. Maybe some coffee will make you calm down a bit."

Coffee was a stimulant, I know, but sometimes it could help. I think.

Monika nodded and stared at her menu silently.

I had to admit I wasn't sure what to expect when Monika asked to meet with me. It'd been a good few minutes and she hadn't even flirted with me! I almost felt joy for this moment.

Almost.

Eventually we both ordered some coffee, since I hadn't eaten today, I ordered a slice of lemon cake.

It wasn't going to fill me up, but it would at least do until I could go home and make myself something to eat.

"So what's wrong, Monika?"

"Well… I know I already sound a bit crazy to you, with how I've been telling you the world wasn't real…"

She did, I wasn't going to say that though.

"Continue." I coax.

"In the game, we… We never made it past festival day. We never even did the festival. That was when the main character was supposed to find… Well, Sayori. Then everything reset. Today… Today is the first day where I don't have any reference for. I guess it's just… Confirmation to me that this is real. It's not a dream, I'm not in a game anymore… My life is off the rails."

"Shouldn't you be happy about that?"

"I was at first, on festival day, being with all of you, I felt really happy. Then, today… I don't know. People I don't know talk to me like I'm an old friend, and I'm supposed to know all these things that I don't. It's like the extent of my knowledge of things just… Ended. Now I'm adrift."

Welcome to my reality, Monika.

She continued to talk, "I-I don't even know what to say to people anymore. They come up and say hi and I'm at a loss for words, I get asked a question and I forget how to speak and… I don't know how to handle people anymore. They're all so unpredictable now!"

Real people tended to be that way, yes.

"So you're telling me, you had a nervous breakdown or something?"

"I-In a way. I couldn't take it… And the knowledge that we were getting a new club member should have made me happy. In reality, it just made me more nervous. The club never grew past the five of us in the game, now it's… It's real, just like we are. Alex- This is going to sound strange, but… I don't really know how to run a club."

"Beg your pardon?"

"All the stuff that I knew in my memories was just… Preprogrammed into me. The vague memories I have of leading and being apart of all the clubs I was in before the game had actually started might as well just be echos. Things I can't even really make out anymore."

Well that was… Inconvenient.

"So you're aware that these things happened… But you can't reach back and pull on any of the experiences? Not at all?"

She shook her head, "The only experience I have to go off of was how the festival prep went, and how starting the club activities were. Even just yesterday… I had some kind of reference point. I could guess things that were going to be said and done, but now? Nothing's the same anymore."

I could tell by looking at her that she wasn't joking, or playing things up. She looked, in this moment, incredibly different to the girl that had been chasing me these past few days.

Gone was the almost smug overconfidence and appearance of being totally in control of herself, gone was the coy smile and the twinkle in her eye.

This Monika was no more the untouchable Club President, or a relentlessly dedicated lover.

No, at this moment she was a scared teenage girl.

I had to wait to respond while the waitress brought us our orders, then walked off again after asking us to enjoy.

I took a small sip of my coffee, and asked, "What do you think I can do? You came to me pretty quickly…"

"You're the only person I can turn to, Alex… I haven't told anyone else about my memories, how this world used to be different… I'm not stupid, I know they'd just think I'm crazy."

Her voice breaks up a bit as she cradles her coffee in her hand, looking down, "I-I know you think I'm crazy to... Just by how things have been going, how you've been acted."

I hated that I felt guilty, because she was right. I had, and still do, in a way, consider her a bit crazy.

I didn't respond to her words, I simply cut a piece of the lemon cake off with my fork and ate it while she took a deep breath.

"B-But I know there's a part of you that hasn't dismissed what I've said entirely… I know that your memories, your real memories are in there, somewhere, Alex… And I know that you won't judge me for coming to you, because what I'm going to say… Is very difficult for me."

"What is it, Monika?" I ask, my tone of annoyance from earlier gone. I could tell she was really struggling right now.

"I… I need your help."

My help? What could I do…?

Before I could respond, she elaborated, "I almost feel like I had a veil lifted from over my eyes. Like the rug's been pulled out from under me. I can't… I can't communicate with people like I used to. I can't… I can't do anything that I used to do without feeling nervous and worrying I'm going to screw it up, because I know now for sure… I'm not in control of anything anymore."

Monika took a deep drink from her coffee, before sighing softly, "I can't even control… How you feel. As much as I want you to love me, and as much as I hope that someday soon you will… I realized that… What I was doing before was just making you hate me."

I couldn't refute that. She was right.

She gently ran her finger along the surface of her mug, "I was so… Scared. Even then, of what happened. The knowledge of who you are, of what this world was… It was so overwhelming to me, and even though I was really happy, it didn't take long for me to realize that my problems couldn't just be… Coded out, anymore."

"Problems? Like what?"

"I-In the game… I wasn't always Ms. Perfect. The smartest, most charismatic, most athletic girl in the school. I… I programmed myself that way. Once I realized what the world was, I altered it, so I could be more appealing than the other girls. In reality? I wasn't always that way…"

I don't know why the weight of what she said felt so heavy on my chest.

It shouldn't have, because her words should have been meaningless. I had been trying to dismiss her theory, that all of it meant nothing.

Something in the back of my head was telling me that it wasn't nothing, though.

It didn't help that the tone in her voice was one of genuine sadness and regret.

I blinked a few times, before gesturing for her to continue.

"I thought it would make me more appealing to the MC, and to players. I thought… I thought if I did that, maybe I'd get my own route. That I wouldn't have to do what I ended up doing… I guess some things couldn't be changed. Instead of the protagonist not going for me for the original reasons, they ignored me because I was too far out of their league… Too untouchable. The text I read… Whoever wrote him even had the gaul to tease that he had a crush on me. If that was the case, where was my route?! Why didn't I get to be happy?"

She seemed genuinely upset at this, gripping her mug tightly. She didn't shout, but she was clearly straining to keep her voice from getting too loud. A chained back feeling of disdain and resentment towards whatever, whoever did this to her.

"I knew why, though…" She continued, sadness and anger laced her words. A lonely girl raging against the gods. "Because that was always meant to happen. I was never meant to have a route… What I did was something I was destined to do, and to want to do. Even if… Me changing myself wasn't preprogrammed, all that happened was the programming adapted to what I became, instead of who I really was… Who I was meant to be."

I kept my tone soft, trying to ask her without pushing anything sensitive, "...Who were you meant to be? Who was… Monika?"

"I-In a lot of ways I was still me… I am still me. I could only do to myself kind of the inverse of what I had done to the other girls… I played up my positive traits like I played up their negative traits. Except… I wasn't ever really that athletic. I worked out, of course… But I wasn't a star athlete like I made myself out to be. I wrote in the debate club thing… In reality I'm not that good at speaking to people. That kind of showed with how much better Sayori is at handling things like arguments... "

She let out a soft, solemn laugh, "I-I guess I'm just a lot less on top of things in general. Even now, one day into our real reality, I can feel these boosts I gave myself starting to melt away… I feel lazier, less confident, I even tripped on my way to a class earlier. Thank god no one was around…"

"It's funny, Alex…Because I made the girls look worse and myself look better in the game… Now that I got my wish and entered a true reality… I'm becoming a lot less attractive in so many ways compared to them. Yuri is so much smarter than me, Natsuki is so mucher bolder, and Sayori is so much more selfless and kind. I'm… I'm really.."

I saw a few tears fall down her face, her brown hair shielding me from seeing her eyes.

The tears landed in her coffee, causing a light rippling, "I'm really a lot less of everything they are…"

I really felt like a broken record by realizing this wasn't the Monika I had grown used to for the second time today.

Even now, bearing her heart out to me about all of this… Telling me everything that happened. She felt more…

Human.

"I-I guess me being fake is part of why you'd started to hate having me around. I was, and am… Still so scared of you not loving me. I don't know what I'll do if I can't win you over… I feel like my whole life led to getting this chance, and if I fail… What do I have left?"

I couldn't answer that.

How could I answer that?

I couldn't imagine living your whole life in service of one goal, and then failing to achieve that goal so early into it. It seemed strange…

Especially considering Monika's goal was me.

"Well…" I began, "There's a whole world out there, you know? Boundless possibilities, infinite choices… Wouldn't it be a bit early in your life to be calling it quits just because you failed at… What your goal is?"

Monika sighed softly, shakily, as she looked up at me again.

Her eyes were still sparkling with tears, face stained with the remnants of ones that had already fallen.

"What's the point of all of that if you can't share it with the one you love?"

I didn't have a response to that, because I wasn't sure how I felt about her, or Sayori.

The way Sayori nearly died scared the living hell out of me, and made me realize I did care about her a lot.

...But was it love?

Was anything I felt towards anyone love right now?

I stared at her for a second, tossing around a few potential responses to that in my head. Chewing them in my mouth before realizing that they didn't really… Fit.

I eventually figured out how to word what I was going to say, as blunt as it was.

"...Are you really in love with me, Monika?"

"Well, of cou-"

"Are you really?" I interrupt. "Or are you in love with this… This image in your mind? The vision of this perfect lover you've been cultivating in your head?"

She seemed taken aback by my words, not… Offended, but surprised at the frankness.

I'd asked her this before, but I think now that she had, well, had time to process everything, it was no longer possible for her to just shrug it off.

"I…" She reached for an answer, before shutting her eyes and looking down.

"...I don't know. It's hard to seperate what I thought in the past compared to what I know now. In the past, what I saw was what I wanted to see, in a way, you know? Now… I guess it's harder than I thought, accepting that I might have been deluding myself. The player could have been anyone, even if you were just one of many…"

I took another bite of my lemon cake while she was talking, nodding to her words.

I guess it was progress, even if it was only a little bit. I didn't expect her to drop chasing me, and I could tell when she looked back at me that she wasn't going to drop that dream either.

"Monika… I'm no expert on relationships, or anything, but if there's one thing I feel I know it's that if you want to win someone, anyone, over, you can't just go at them and expect it to work out. You need to have a solid foundation before you can build a strong romance. Aimlessly flirting, telling me you love me… Pushing me into a closet. It's not telling me about you at all."

"So… You're saying… You want to know more about me?"

"Monika, when you aren't obsessing over me, you seem like a great person. If I wanted to commit to anyone, though… I couldn't just do it because they loved me. I'd need to feel the same. And love isn't instant."

As far as I knew, anyways.

"Monika… If you really want a chance at winning my love. You need to be something you haven't been these past several days."

"...What's that?"

"...Yourself."

Monika took a sharp inhale of air through her teeth as she stared at me, almost as if she'd been stung. Then, she steadily exhaled, "I-I wish I knew just who I really was. So you would love me…"

"I'll still help you get through these next few days. I know what you're going through, in some way. I wish I had someone who could have walked me through those first few days… But we'll do it as friends. Deal?"

I raise my mug, doing one half of a toast.

She looked at me for a second.

I could tell she wasn't happy with being relegated to 'friend' right now. I know she wanted more, but this was the best I could do for her right now.

The alternative was me making active attempts to avoid her heavy, brazen flirts.

"...Deal." Then, she raised her mug and we met in a toast.

We drank in unison, and I finished my lemon cake.

Monika finished her coffee at roughly the same time, then she said, "Well… With all of that out of the way. Could we at least spend the day together? I'll try not to flirt too much…"

Too much, yeah, thanks.

Then again I guess it was better than nothing.

"Sure, I guess I don't have anything better to do today."

I mean I had planned to go to the park, but there was nothing stopping me from doing that with Monika.

"Well, I guess I'm spending the day with you then!" That seemed to bring a smile back to the emerald eyed girl. "What should we do first?"

"First? Well, this little snack and coffee wasn't really enough to eat. I could make us something at my place, then maybe we could go for a walk?"

"Ahaha! First food, then a walk? My my, Alex~ You're really after my heart."

"Moonikaa…" A warning tone laced my calling her name.

"S-Sorry! I don't expect to be able to stop flirting entirely."

As long as she wasn't trying to pin me in a closet or something.

It wasn't even the most intense flirting she'd done at this point so I guess I could let it slide.

We paid the cost of our orders then got up, I started to lead Monika towards my house, hands in my jacket pockets.

"So what are you going to make, Alex?"

"Dunno. Something easy, I should probably start planning what I'm going to make for dinner beforehand soon. I always end up making something simple because I never preprepare."

"Ahaha! Well don't forget I can't eat meat, hmm?"

"I'll make a salad for you, then, no big deal. I might make one for myself, too. Easier than preparing two dishes."

"So thoughtful! But you don't have to eat like I do, just because you're cooking, you know."

I shrugged, "It's easier than figuring out something else to eat."

I didn't really consider it being thoughtful at all. It's not like I knew if I even liked salad or not, I might as well try it and see how it tastes.

We were silent for a minute, then Monika broke the silence with a question, "So what did the Therapist say? Do you feel like talking about it?"

I hummed, rolling my shoulders. I couldn't tell her that he told me to basically tell her to back off, because if my talking to her was worth anything, then she would probably do that anyways, so I'd talk about the rest of it.

"He seems to think the nightmares are related to some subconscious fear and stress. Couldn't make heads of tales of my hallucinations, said he'd need to contact some of his colleagues. As for my Amnesia… He theorized hanging out with Sayori would bring back my memories after I mentioned getting some scraps of it back."

Monika looked worried, "S-So it seems. You still wouldn't believe me if I reiterated my theory on those hallucinations being your old life?"

"Monika I really don't know what to believe right now. I'm just trying to make it to the weekend."

"Why the weekend?"

"Aside from not worrying about school? I'll… Explain after we eat."

I didn't know how Monika was going to take the news that Sayori would be living with me, even if it was only a temporary arrangement.

At the end of the day it wasn't her choice, but I knew she was the jealous type regardless of whether or not I was into her or not.

Monika accepted my delay, thankfully, and soon we were at my house.

I let out a large sigh as we entered and I went over to my kitchen to look through my cookbook.

"Grab a drink if you want, I'm gonna get to work on this."

Monika made her way over to the fridge, and I heard her rustling around while I was flipping through the pages.

"Still got some pizza here huh? I thought it'd be all gone honestly!"

"Well, Yuri ate a lot less of her side than I anticipated, which I guess I should have expected, and I didn't get to eat much at all, since, well, you know why."

"Mmmh, at least Natsuki and I ate ours at least."

"Well I wouldn't have eaten that one anyways! Pineapple on one side, vegetarian on the other. Not really my cup of tea."

"You just haven't given vegetarian a chance! I bet you'd like it if you tried it."

"I'd bet against that."

"Oh yeah? Alright, someday soon I'll bring you some vegetarian pizza! We'll see how you feel about that."

"Alright, sounds like a plan I guess."

I didn't really care, I just had a hunch that I wouldn't like vegetarian pizza. It sounded…

Cursed.

Monika grabbed herself some water and went to sit down while I reached a recipe I felt was easy enough to make and started to go about my work.

Salads were another thing that proved incredibly easy to make, considering their nature. Following the recipe, it was just a matter of getting everything I could for it.

I was lucky enough to have most of what I needed, but it wasn't going to be exactly what I wanted.

Oh well, can't win them all I guess.

I could feel Monika looking at me the whole time I was cooking while turned around, it made me feel a little uncomfortable honestly.

Sure it's not like there was much else to do in my house, but didn't she have a phone or something?

"Am I putting on a good show for you?"

"From my angle you are~"

"Urk-" I blushed, "Monika!"

I guess you couldn't completely remove the habits from this girl.

"You're making me feel self conscious you know!" I complain as I look back at her, kind of agitated.

She just batted her eyelashes at me, "Sorry~" Then, she took out her phone and began to scroll through it.

I tried to keep my mind off of Monika's flirty behavior as I finished making our food.

I guess being flirty was just part of who she was. Even if i wasn't everything that she was.

I eventually finished making our salads and set them onto plates, before bringing it over. Then, I headed over to the fridge and went to grab a soda.

"Alex! You're really going to drink a soda with salad? Isn't that kind of defeating the purpose?"

Damn it.

What was with these girls and challenging my love of soda?

"Is it really that big a deal?" I ask, looking back at her, "What's one more gonna do to me?"

"You need to take better care of yourself! Sure, you say one more now, but how long until you decide you want another? Those things rot your teeth and make you feel bad!"

"I feel pretty good, Monika, I think I'll be fine."

Monika frowned, before abusing those damn eyes of hers, giving me another puppy dog stare, "Can't you please drink something else? Just for me~?"

I stared for a second before sighing, "Oh alright."

I reached in and grabbed some water, before coming back over and sitting down once I shut the fridge.

"Trust me! It might not taste the greatest but it's better in the long run."

I knew she was right, that didn't make it any less unpleasant.

Oh well, I suppose I should try to take care of my body a bit better anyways.

Monika started eating pretty quickly, she was probably as hungry as I was.

"This is good, Alex! How is it despite losing your memory you can still cook?"

"I don't know. My hands just know what to do, I listen to them and follow the recipe and I make it through alright. It probably helps that I haven't made anything big at all… I don't want to risk burning my house down."

"Fair enough! Didn't Sayori almost do that once?"

"Uhh… Yeah. How'd you know?"

"I… Had a lot of time throughout the game cycles to read into all the dialogue. I know about a lot of things like that."

It was always strange hearing Monika talk about this 'game' of hers.

She always sounded so certain, so matter-of-fact about it that I found it hard to ignore it.

I didn't subscribe to the theory she had right now, because as it stands there was no evidence of it.

I still stood firmly by the idea that unless I recalled something about it, or found physical proof about it, I might as well take it with a grain of salt.

"Well, alright I guess." My tone probably didn't sound very convincing, but I didn't focus on that as I speared another piece of lettuce with my fork and ate.

Honestly, it wasn't that bad.

Very, very plain, even with some of the extra effort I put into it, but overall, not bad.

I couldn't see myself going vegetarian, though.

I understood why people would go that route, if Monika's explanation from the other day was to be believed, but it didn't seem like it was for me.

We ate in relative silence, which was fine with me.

I'm sure we both had things we wanted to talk about, but it probably wouldn't be worth bringing up at the table.

Once we'd eaten, I went to grab Monika's plate, but she raised her hand, "Please, Alex! You made the dinner, how about I wash the dishes?"

"Well, okay. Thanks!"

I felt weird letting a guest wash dishes in my house, but if she was offering I wasn't going to turn her down.

Monika went over to the sink and started to wash the dishes, while I went over to the living room and grabbed up my stuff again.

We were just going for a walk but you never knew if you'd end up needing money or ID.

And of course, I wasn't going to leave home without my phone or my keys, that was just a given.

I looked at Monika while she was in the kitchen.

She was washing the dishes with what seemed like focus to me, then again I couldn't see the look on her face.

I had to wonder the kind of girl Monika would be without these… Theories of hers. Without her 'memories.' Would she still be the girl she is now? Would she even have founded the Literature Club?

Would she even be into me?

That was the question of the hour, I supposed.

I must have been staring at her, because I noticed her turn her head lightly to look at me.

"Am I putting on a good show for you~?"

If I hadn't noticed before, the playfully coy tone to her voice would have alerted me that I had been staring.

"S-Sorry, I must have spaced out."

I had to stammer, didn't I?

Truthfully I was just reorienting myself, but Monika might take it differently.

"Spacing out huh? What're you thinking about? Little ol' me~?"

"...A little bit."

Well, I wasn't going to lie.

"Ohoho! Wondering what I would look like if I was wearing some pants instead of this skirt right now?"

As if to emphasise this question, she wiggled her hips a little bit, causing the skirt to sway lightly as if caught in a breeze.

Blushing, I looked away, "Of course not! Geeze, Monika. You're still laying it on pretty hard after you said you'd try to take it easy with the flirting."

She smiled as she shut off the water and walked over to me, "Sorry. I guess I can't help myself. I guess I should have more self control than this huh?"

"Maybe a little bit." I looked back to her when she finished walking up to me.

"Do you know why I flirt this much with you?"

"Why?"

The smile already on Monika's face subtly changed from one of simple happiness to one I would call shy.

Seeing Monika wearing a smile so reserved made me feel…

A little strange.

"Well… When I'm around you, I'm really happy." She states frankly, reaching up to lightly press her hand against my chest.

It wasn't forceful or meant to grab me, for once…

Her hand was against my heart.

Doki Doki.

"Why's that?"

"Well… Just seeing you makes my heart flutter. When I was alone today, knowing I wouldn't see you, I felt so… Alone. Almost like I was back in the game, except… Everyone around me was real. It somehow felt even worse. Now they aren't scripts, they're real, and they all expect things from me... But I'm guessing you already know that?"

I nodded slowly, my face still flushed red as she looked up at me.

Emerald to Hazel.

"Well… I feel like when you're around I can take on the world. When I'm alone, I have to fake my confidence, but with you… It's a little strange. Your presence just makes the day brighter, and I almost feel like my confidence isn't that fake at all. Especially with… These changes that are happening."

I was almost at a loss for words, but, I did have a few, "Monika… I haven't even really done anything. All I've done since my memory blanked out is… Cry, be sarcastic, and… Try to avoid you."

Her smile stayed, my words didn't phase her.

I had a feeling she knew about that, anyways…

"You've done more than you think, Alex… And even if you hadn't, you're still you. That's enough for me… So many people make an active effort to be someone else, or to follow in someone else's lead, but you, whether it's because of the amnesia or just who you are, you don't do that. You're you. When you smile, no matter how rare that is, you brighten up the room. When you laugh, gosh… I've only heard it a few times, but it always makes my heart flutter."

Monika took a second to let her words sink in, the look in her eyes was warm and loving, like she wanted to embrace every aspect of me.

I tried thinking of something to say, but she wasn't done yet.

Her voice was soft and wistful as she continued.

"You try to hide it, but you also really care about the girls… Yuri, Natsuki… Sayori… Spending time with them at the club, inviting them all over so we didn't fight over who got who as a partner, even getting us all pizza and helping us with our work, then… Saving Sayori's life like that. I could tell by how you comforted her you were so, so afraid of losing her…"

I was, and I did care deeply about the club members.

They were really all I had in terms of… Well, relationships. Like a little family.

"...I-I guess I've been rambling a bit, huh? Gosh… I'm sorry. You wanted to know why I flirt so much… Well, it's because I love you. I know, I know… You're worried I'm in love with my idea of the player, not you… But if that's the case, then I don't want to know what the difference is. I-I guess maybe I haven't been very good at showing that properly these past few days, but I'm going to try… Maybe then you'll give me a chance. You're… My sunshine."

Oh Monika…

She smiled brighter at me, before saying, "Now, how about the park?"

I could only nod.

I could deflect flirting, I could ignore suggestive looks and winks.

This… Genuine outpour of emotion was something I couldn't shrug off that easily.

As she moved her hand from my heart and started towards the door, I stood there for a moment, my gaze following her.

Why did life have to be so complicated?

My feet began to move before my brain caught up as I followed her out the door.

Once we were out of my house, the fresh air helped me completely reorient myself and walk next to her rather than simply trail behind her.

We were silent for the first little bit of the walk. Birds were singing, flowers were blooming…

Ah, spring.

When I glanced at Monika I saw a smile on her face. Not a faint one, either. A genuine, full-blown smile as she walked, keeping her hands behind her back as she did.

A light breeze was causing her extraordinarily long hair to flow gently behind her, kept dutifully up by the glimmering white bow that adorned her head.

The school uniform she wore was perfectly kept, unlike Sayori, who barely buttoned the very top, let alone fixed her bow. She seemed to take every effort to make herself look like a proper, model student.

Her gait was one of grace, even with the whirlwind of thoughts I was sure were brewing in her head, she managed to keep herself composed.

Her gaze seemed distant, like she wasn't really looking at what was in front of her. Combined with the smile on her face, I had to wonder if she was daydreaming, and if so, I wondered what she was daydreaming about.

Everything about her made me feel a bit lesser compared to her.

Like I was underdressed for a casual walk to the park.

Before I could continue my train of thoughts, something strange happened.

Monika lost balance, seeming to have tripped on a rock, "Woah!" She exclaimed as she began to fall.

Without really thinking, I grabbed her as quickly as I could, doing my best to keep her from falling.

It was almost too much, the momentum of her fall plus the weight from suddenly trying to catch her, I nearly fell.

I just barely managed to keep myself from tipping over, exclaiming, "Woah woah woah!"

I was genuinely panicked as I was worried I'd just fall on top of her and make it worse!

Thankfully, I steadied myself and pulled her up as she recovered and also went to get herself upright.

"You okay?" I asked once that miniature heart-attack was done.

Monika looked frazzled as she started straightening out her hair frantically, "Y-Yes, I think so! Oh gosh, I just zoned out and completely forgot to pay attention to where I was walking. That usually never happens, I'm sorry!"

Strangely she seemed genuinely panicked by this, I guess it was just the adrenaline? Either way, I helped her straight out her jacket a bit, "Hey, it's fine. We all make mistakes, right? I don't exactly have the best track record will falling down either, you know."

That got her to giggle, "Yes, I remember."

I smiled a little bit at her, before starting to walk.

Before I could get very far, her voice caused me to stop, "W-Wait, Alex…"

Stopping, I turned to look back at her.

Clearing her throat, she started to speak, her speech a bit slower than usual. Maybe she was afraid she'd screw something up? "I'm… A bit worried about falling. That kind of scared me… Could I…" Her face had a soft blush dust it, "Hold your hand?"

I had to wonder why this was something she was so nervous about compared to literally everything else she'd done, or tried to do, to me.

What was so different about asking this request that made it so difficult to word compared to how she leapt on me on Friday?

Still… I suppose she did ask, rather than just taking it, or doing something more embarrassing.

I held out my hand to her, "Alright. Just don't make it out like we're a couple or something alright? It's so you don't fall."

She just took my hand, smiled at me, and we continued to walk together.

It felt strange, having her hand in mine.

Not bad strange, but… Still strange.

Maybe it's because I was so used to this girl coming at me like a jumping spider, compared to how she behaved before, this is probably the most innocent thing she's done.

A nice change of pace, to be sure.

It did make me think of Sayori, though…

I was going to have to bring her up during this outing, which almost felt unfair after everything that had been said by her, but I had to do it.

If Monika didn't find out I was going to be housing her for however long now, she'd find out later, and I knew she'd get jealous.

Even if we weren't dating.

The rest of the walk was silent, Monika seemed a lot more content drifting off to whatever daydream she was having before now than she even did before.

Meanwhile i was left to stew in my thoughts.

Monika was a strange, strange creature to me.

Her words were able to knock me off balance, her eyes were able to leave me speechless, and I found the more light hearted flirting she did somewhat endearing…

Yet I felt like something was missing from these attempts she was making for me.

I couldn't really place what it was, or if it really meant anything, but the fact I was thinking about it at all was proof that it might be worth looking into.

Maybe I was just looking too much into things, maybe I was just being a bit too dramatic…

I did have to wonder, though, if these feelings that Monika stirred up in me were really my own.

Or if, somehow, her constant attempts to woo me were somehow conditioning my mind into just accepting her?

Like some kind of defense system?

…

These thoughts occupied my mind all the way to the park, as my mind argued with itself over what the strange feelings, and lack of other feelings, were.

Was this just usual teenage hormonal trouble, or something?

Could it be more?

Whatever it was, it was making my head hurt.

As we crossed from the sidewalk into the park proper and started walking down one of the paths the place offered, I reached my free hand up and massaged my forehead.

"Are you okay, Alex?" Monika wonders.

If she had been out of it enough to not notice any changes in my facial expressions, I guess she was just tuned in enough to notice me move my hand a bit more.

"Just… Getting a bit of a headache for some reason. It's weird… I usually never get these."

"Maybe it's the weather? Let's sit down and wait to see if it'll go down a bit."

Nodding to her sound logic, we move and sit down on the bench.

I let go of her hand so I could better rub my forehead, leaning back and shutting my eyes for a minute.

"Are you sure it's just a headache? If you're really getting sick you should go home."

"...I'll be fine, Monika, it's just… Annoying me."

I sat there for a minute while I tried to pull myself together, rubbing my forehead.

It felt like my brain was being pulled into two separate directions…

It reminded me of how I felt when I saw the giraffe toy, but instead of simply assaulting my brain with memories, it was tugging and pulling.

Leading me, perhaps?

...What am I saying, it's just a headache.

Monika was sitting there worried about me, I should try to be a bit stronger than this.

I'm supposed to be relaxing today and here I was worrying Monika about my health.

I just had to enjoy today as best I could and I'm sure everything would make sense in time. Besides…

It was only fair to her, right?

As I collected myself, my headache began to subside. It didn't go away, but it retreated into a dull, almost completely ignorable pain in the back of my head.

I opened my eyes again and smiled at Monika to make sure she knew I was okay, "Alright… That was weird, but I think I'm fine now."

I offered her my hand, she looked surprised for a second, before taking it.

Standing up, I started to walk with her down the path again, enjoying the cool breeze against my face and soft sounds of the park that came together to make this a very peaceful place.

...What was I saying earlier about feeling like something was missing?

This was a perfect day out.

The feeling of Monika's hand in mine was just as warm and comforting as it should be.

As we walked, I heard Monika humming softly to herself.

I wondered how often she thought about doing things like this…

It could be that she wasn't used to expressing her true feelings after everything she'd been through.

...And I was starting to wonder more about that, every moment I spent with her.

I should probably try to learn more about this 'game' she was talking about.

It might be painful for her, but who knows? She seemed genuine when talking about it…

And for some reason it was getting harder to ignore the possibility that she might be right about it.

I could ask her later, though.

A quiet walk through the park was no time for existential questions.

As I tuned back into her humming, I was hit by a sudden sense of nostalgia…

The tune was oddly familiar to me, like I'd heard it a hundred times before.

The dull pain in my head grew a bit, but I didn't notice as I began to add lyrics to her humming, singing softly under my breath.

"...Every day, I imagine a future where I can be with you…"

Monika didn't notice my singing at first, and kept humming.

"In my hand, is a pen that will write a poem of me and you…"

The lyrics came to me like they'd always been buried somewhere in my mind, and all it took was hearing the song to bring them to the forefront of my mind.

"The ink flows down into a dark puddle…"

I think Monika began to catch on to my lyrics, as her eyes widened slightly and I couldn't really place the expression on her face. Yet she continued humming, putting more emotion into it.

We were drawing close to a lake, there weren't that many other people around us.

"Just move your hand - write your way into his heart!"

The song continued flowing through my head, and I could almost hear the sound of a piano despite one not being around for miles, as far as I'm aware.

"But in this world of infinite choices…"

Once we were in front of the lake, which was glittering under the sunlight, Monika stopped walking, but she kept humming.

"What will it take just to find… That special day?"

Monika turned to me, finally, her humming stopped, "A-Alex, how do you know that song?"

"I don't know… I heard you humming, and I guess it brought back an old memory. Like dusting off an old book…"

Monika had tears in her eyes, and I felt the sudden urge to ask her a question.

"What will be your special day, Monika?"

She smiled at me, like she was greeting someone she was close to that she hadn't seen in years, "...Everyday is a special day when you're here, Alex."

I don't know why that sentence seized my heart, but it did.

She took both my hands in hers, "I-I wrote that song myself… It was to you, and it was… Often my final goodbye to you."

Final goodbye? Did she mean…

"Alex… Your memories are really in there, aren't they? They're just… Hiding."

She said the last word in a whisper, like she finally realized what was going on.

Something clicked in her head.

"I-I knew it! There was no way… No way that they were gone. You might not remember everything, but you'll remember it all soon." She suddenly pulls me into a hug, which I returned.

I didn't really know what to think, to be honest…

The song brought up a lot of emotions, good and bad. Emotions that belonged to memories I couldn't match them to.

The tugging feeling returned to my head, and I winced, "C-Can we sit down? My head…"

Monika nods and we take a seat on the grass, facing the lake.

I rubbed my forehead as I tried assuage the pain that was coursing through it, ever stronger.

I hear faint voices in my head, ones that didn't belong to me. Like they were from an old memory…

'...Shouldn't be here.'

'...Not your place to-'

'Just..Checking out this-'

They were incomplete. One voice seemed unfamiliar and almost hostile, the other one sounded familiar, but I couldn't place if it was mine or someone else's.

It was almost like two separate conversations with how completely varied the tones were.

My head almost felt like it was going to split in half…

It reminded me of how I felt the first day, that is, the first day I could remember.

In the minutes before Sayori called my name, I almost tore my hair out when I realized I didn't remember my name.

...It seemed even now, with what I knew, I wasn't any closer to remembering who I actually was.

I had my name, but it felt like it held little meaning behind it without knowing who I really am.

A hollow name, hollow words and questions with hollow answers…

Why did I suddenly feel like I was somewhere I shouldn't be?

Like I was taking someone else's place in this life?

I guess we all felt out of place sometimes, but…

This felt different. Like I was in someone's seat in class or sitting in someone's reserved seat at a social function.

God, who was I?

"Alex?" Monika questions worriedly, as if to answer my question, "Are you okay? You've just been sitting there with your eyes closed… Is it really that bad?"

As if to emphasize how worried she was, she took one of my hands and squeezed it tightly.

The tugging grew stronger in one direction, like the other was losing a battle of tug of war.

The part of me that was winning felt like I deserved to be here.

Like the other side didn't know what it was talking about…

If someone else should be here, they clearly didn't deserve it.

All the girls deserved better than that. I knew I was better than anyone else for this.

Call it arrogance, or pride, but I felt deep down that, if someone else was in my spot, things would be much worse.

Sayori would be dead.

Monika might have lost her mind.

Yuri, Natsuki… I don't even want to imagine.

The side arguing I shouldn't be here grew weaker and weaker.

I felt a bit more like myself again, and I opened my eyes.

"Y-Yes… It's just… A strange feeling in my brain is all. I think that song, digging up those lyrics, really took some energy."

Monika looked concerned, but nodded, "I-I guess that makes sense… Your brain has so much going on inside of it. If you have memories of this world and your old one, maybe you're having trouble separating what was real and what was fake… I bet it all seems real to you, huh?"

I nod slowly.

I didn't want to think that my life here was fake. That would mean Sayori's feelings for me were fake, and that I really didn't belong here.

At the same time, I wanted answers to these questions that were swirling in my head. If I did have a life before this one… If this world did used to belong in a game, then Monika was right, and she was justified in loving me, because I really would be that person she'd been seeking for so long…

I was at a loss, and I knew it would take more than a walk to the park for me to be able to fully sort out every detail.

We fell silent for a few minutes as I sat there staring at the water, my head swirling with thoughts and feelings, none of which I was one-hundred-percent sure they were my own.

I didn't feel like sitting here anymore, so I spoke up, "...I'm feeling better now. Do you want to do anything or go anywhere?"

Monika looked at me again, as she had been looking at the lake, "Oh! Hmm… Do you know what time it is?"

I took out my phone and checked the time.

12:30 PM.

Had it really been two and a half hours already?

Time was flying.

I relayed the time to Monika and she started to run a hand through her hair in contemplation, "We could do any number of things! I know you're not really that big of an outdoorsy type… Maybe we could just go back to your place and watch a movie? O-Or we could go find something in town to do!"

Hmmm…

I had to admit the town would be nice, but the responsible part of me knew the town meant money, and I honestly wasn't all that keen on spending more money than I already had this week.

Sure, as I've established, I had a lot, but it didn't mean I liked spending it.

A movie might be fun but that's maybe two hours out of the day, I imagine Monika might want to go home around sundown.

Hmm…

"How about we go into town? We could spend a few hours just window shopping and maybe grab a snack if we get hungry, then we could head back to my place and watch a movie before you have to go home."

Monika seemed pleased with my answer, "That sounds great, Alex. How about we just walk further in? There's plenty of stores that I'm sure you've missed because all you do is take the bus…"

That was fair, and I guess Monika would know since she has walked and ran to my place before.

I went to stand up, "Fair enough. Although, there is something I should talk to you about, it might make you feel strange."

Concerned, Monika also stood up, "What's that?"

"Well, it's really something that probably shouldn't matter to anyone but me, but I feel you and the others will find out sooner or later anyways. If you found out without me telling you first, it might look bad on me, you know? It's about me and Sayori."

"O-Oh?" Monika suddenly looked apprehensive, "What about her?"

"It's just that… Well, her mom is going out of town again soon for business and she doesn't feel comfortable leaving Sayori all alone after what happened so… Sayori is going to be moving in with me for awhile. I don't know how long."

Monika's face went through several emotions. Jealousy, disappointment, a hint of anger, surprise…

Fear?

"W-Well… I'm glad you told me, Alex. It makes sense that her mom would trust you to look after her when she's in a state like this. Sayori, she… She means a lot to me, to, you know? So… I know you probably expected me to be mad, and I'm sure I would be, even if I don't really deserve to! But… Her well-being is very important to me. Just…"

"Just?"

"Just don't lose sight of yourself, okay? I'd hate to lose you, after getting so… So close."

"I don't think I'll lose sight of myself, Monika… I am who I am, you know?"

"I guess you're right, but… Well I get the feeling that your therapist is right, and Sayori might be part of how you can get your memories back. I just… I don't know if they'll be the right memories."

She seemed afraid of losing me in more ways than one.

Like who I was would disappear forever or something if I didn't take care of myself.

"I don't know what to say about that, Monika… It's not exactly easy for me to comprehend what you're thinking when you say things like that, but I'll try. I just can't make any promises. I… I care about Sayori a lot, you know? The thought of seeing her hurt, in any way… It's something I'd rather avoid."

Monika smiles sadly, "I know… She's just as alive as I am, as you are, now… It's impossible to tell what will happen in the future. I just hope that whatever choice you make, it ends up being the right one."

Her tone was soft, but I couldn't help but feel like there was something ominous about her wording.

The right one?

The right choice for what?

"I…I'll keep that in mind, Monika. Now, how about we get going?"

She nodded, and we walked off towards the exit to the park and back onto the sidewalk.

It was slow going all the way into town, as neither of us seemed willing to talk after what had been said.

I wondered what was really going on inside Monika's head…

She seemed both so afraid and so frustrated with everything, I could only imagine what today must have been like for her before she found me.

Then again… I doubted I made anything better.

We proceeded through town, and eventually past the school.

School was still in session right now, and I knew it still would be for two or three more hours, not counting club meetings, which could last anywhere from an hour to three hours.

I doubted I'd actually get to see Yuri, Natsuki, or the new member Kana today.

I guess I expected as much, it's unlikely any of them would worry about me. Especially Kana, who probably just thinks I'm out sick or something.

Yuri and Natsuki just assume I'm at the doctor.

I had been, but now I was walking with Monika. It almost felt like a betrayal of trust.

I could have gone to school a bit later, but what was the point?

Besides, the Therapist told me to take it easy, and I have an excuse for the entire day. I might as well use it.

Yeah… There was nothing I needed to feel guilty about.

'Except how you're leading them on, you bastard!'

I stopped in my tracks like I'd hit the brakes on a truck.

I rubbed my forehead as I found myself thrown off guard.

That was…

Was that my voice?

It came from my head, so it must be mine, but… I didn't think those things.

Did I?

What the hell…

This day was getting more worrisome by the hour.

First my brain started pulling me into different directions, and my thoughts jumbled up, and now I was hearing voices?

Was I going crazy?

Is this what I was going to have to deal with, even on my days off?

The worst part is…

I almost agreed with the statement, as it rang so clearly in my head, like someone was banging a drum in my ear.

Like playing a vinyl on a record player.

Like playing a kn-

"Alex?"

Monika seems to have finally noticed something was wrong with me, as she had been a few feet in front of me looking into the window of a shop.

She hurries back, "Is it your head again? Do you maybe need to go home?"

Yes…

"No, I'll be fine…"

I won't be fine.

"Let's just keep going, yeah? You were looking at that store? What's inside?"

Monika showed me to the store reluctantly, like she was still concerned about me.

It was a pastry shop, I don't know how I didn't notice before.

The smell of freshly baked goods was almost overwhelming now that my brain was tuning back into reality.

"You want to grab something?" I wonder, "It might be a nice treat."

I was trying my best to pay attention, but I could tell when I spoke that my tone made it sound like I was a thousand miles away, despite being right in front of her.

The look of concern didn't wipe itself from her face, but she nodded slowly, "...Maybe that will help you feel better?"

God, stop looking at me!

"Th-That sounds fine."

I didn't want her looking at me with those eyes, like she was trying to dig into my skull.

I don't know what was coming over me, the voice, these feelings...

They were getting harder to ignore as time passed.

We headed inside, Monika looked around excitedly. It seemed the smell of baked things made her feel a bit more at ease.

She wasn't looking at me, that was enough.

My gaze swept over everything that was in the displays, designed to keep the goods heated, and the menus they had hanging up for special orders, but I couldn't seem to focus properly.

Why was I thinking this way…?

What did Monika do to deserve my agitation like this?

Maybe the therapist was right and I should be keeping my distance from her for a time…

It was too late for that at the moment, though.

I forced myself to focus back in and look around, trying my best to push down the negative thoughts and strange emotions clouding my mind.

The smell of pastries certainly helped to lighten my mood, at least.

Monika was all over the place, clearly lost on what she wanted to buy.

"Get whatever you want Monika!" I state to her with a smile when she comes up next to me, "If you don't have the money for something I'll help pay for it, okay?"

Monika seemed a bit taken aback, maybe by the sudden change in tone and behavior?

It probably was a little jarring, but it's not like I could just stay mopey and let her worry more about me.

She deserved better than that.

Even if admittedly it hurt inside to have to bottle all this stuff up.

Even if Monika had her theories about the game, I couldn't tell her about how I felt. What was going on inside my head.

What could she do for me there?

No… In that regard, I was completely alone.

It made my smile feel a little hollow, honestly.

"Gosh, Alex, if you say so. I don't want you spending too much though, so don't worry about it! I'll try to get something I can pay for myself."

Monika looked around some more, before she eventually turned back to me and said, "Well, I know you don't want to admit it, but you seem to be feeling sick, so how about we get something we can take and then go back to your place for the rest of our time together?"

I wanted to argue that I was fine, and that I could keep going around town, but I was honestly a bit worried what would happen if I did.

Besides, Monika looked worried about me, and I knew she wasn't going to take no for an answer.

"Alright, what do you think?"

Monika looked around, before eventually deciding on a baker's dozen of donuts. It wasn't that expensive, but I still helped pay for it.

We ended up leaving pretty quickly once we had our prize, although Monika insisted on holding the box, "Don't think just because we're eating some of these that means you can still be unhealthy! I'll be watching you."

"Geeze, Monika, I'm not an animal. I'll eat one or two of them and I can just keep the rest in the fridge."

"I know you're not an animal, but knowing Sayori, if she comes over before long, she'll smell them from a mile away. Just make sure she doesn't eat too much, right?"

I chuckled at that sentiment, with the way Sayori went after the cookies the other day, I guess I shouldn't be too surprised that Monika felt like she was a danger to any and all sweets in my house.

Thinking about Sayori stirred up all kinds of thoughts, though, so I tried to push it back down and instead focus on the path.

"Alright, yeah, I'll try to make sure she doesn't hunt them down."

We walked in silence. Monika went back to humming, but thankfully it wasn't the same song as before, nor one I recognized.

It took a good few minutes before we made it back to my house.

Unlocking the door, we stepped inside and shut the door.

"Well, we've got the living room, I'll need to move around the furniture a bit but I think it'd be the best place to watc-"

"How about we just go up to your room?"

"Er- Monika… What'd I tell you before?"

"Promise I won't try anything! I just think it'd be easier than rearranging the whole living room for just a couple movies."

The worst part was she was right.

The living room was setup in such a way that the reclining chair was positioned towards the TV, while the two couches were positioned parallel to each other, with a coffee table in the middle.

Watching a movie on the couch would be possible, but you'd need to be on the very edge, or move the recliner, which looked like it'd take a bit of work.

I wasn't exactly onboard with Monika coming up to my room for that, it seemed too…

Intimate.

I was honestly too worn out from earlier to argue though, so I said, "Alright, but don't try anything funny okay?"

Monika seemed happy with me just accepting it, so I went upstairs with her following me.

She set the donut box on my desk, before sitting on my bed, "Well, go ahead and pick something out! I'll let you choose the first one."

I sifted through the immense collection that past-me had and searched for something that Monika wouldn't find boring.

A large majority of it was anime, and things I'm sure she wouldn't be into…

Most of it was stuff I wasn't even sure if I was into.

How much time did I waste on all this stuff before my memory blanked?

So wasteful…

I eventually found something I figured Monika wouldn't mind.

It looked to be a mystery of some kind, which I guessed was better than nothing.

I had romance movies, but I wasn't about to put one of those on with a girl I wasn't even sure about right now.

I popped the movie in and went to sit in my computer chair.

Monika looked a little disappointed, but I could tell she wasn't going to argue with me on it.

I personally didn't feel very comfortable sitting on the bed with her, especially with how weird I've been feeling this past hour or two.

So the movie started, and both of us settled in to watch it, I made sure to take the first donut, Monika ended up grabbing one not long after.

The movie was a pretty standard deal, a father had to work out the mystery of who killed his family and took his possessions when the police labeled it an accident.

Throughout the two hour runtime the father eventually learned that a highly influential mob boss was behind it, apparently because of said father's past mistakes. Through thick and thin, the protagonist eventually managed to get his revenge and made off with a good deal of money to start a new life somewhere else.

I couldn't say it was the best movie in the world, but it proved to be a distraction for a couple hours.

When it was over, about four donuts were gone, Monika and I ate an equal amount.

Checking the time, I saw it was about 2:30 PM. Almost club period at the school.

"When do you have to go home?"

Monika thought about it, tapping her chin, "Honestly I probably should head home soon… My parents will need an explanation as to why I left early, and I'd rather tell them sooner than let them find out later…"

That was understandable. It was probably best not to incur their wrath, if they were that way.

"Think you should be getting home now then?"

She nods, standing up, "I think so. If I leave now I can make it back just in time."

"Well alright, let me see you out."

Getting up, I led her downstairs, taking the donut box so I could leave it on the table and decide if I should just put it in the fridge or not after she left.

Once she was at the door, I opened it for her, "Well Monika, it's been… A fun day. I'm glad you came over."

Monika smiles, brushing some hair behind her ear, "Well I'm thankful that you decided to stick with me today… I needed it, and I know I'm not usually the greatest person to hang out with, or the most fun…"

I shrugged, "You're Monika, you are what you are."

"Yeah… I'm Monika." Then, she hugs me quickly, before letting go, "I'm going to go ahead and get going now, I'll see you at school tomorrow."

"Try to keep yourself together till then, yeah?"

Monika nods slowly, "I'll try my best." She responds, before stepping off and onto the sidewalk, starting down the path.

I waited until she was fully out of my sight before I shut the door, and once she was I let out a loud sigh.

God, why did everything have to be so complicated?

Today was really a mind rattling day.

I genuinely wondered if I was going crazy…

I needed to relax.

I promptly plopped down into the recliner in the living room and turned the television on.

…

I ended up staring at the TV for a good two more hours before ended up getting bored out of my mind.

Grabbing my phone, I decided to text Sayori again.

I know I shouldn't be talking with anyone who would probably just make things more complicated in my head, but even just texting Sayori made me feel a little calmer.

A: "Hey, what're you up to?"

Then I set the phone down and went back to watching TV while I waited.

A good ten minutes passed before my phone buzzed, and I grabbed it to check.

S: "Bored at home! My mom is making dinner, though."

S: "You want to come over? She said she'd be fine making another plate."

I mulled it over before responding.

A: "I'll come over but tell her not to worry about making me any food, I've eaten already."

S: "Okay!"

Well I guess that's what I was going to do with the latter half of my day.

I got up and debated grabbing my Switch.

I knew Sayori had one of her own, and odds were we'd just end up playing Smash if we ended up using it.

That could be played with the two controllers, couldn't it?

It's not like it was a big deal if it couldn't, after all I was literally right next door.

So I grabbed my keys, already having my phone in my pocket, and I nearly went outside, before remembering the donuts.

I'd feel bad if I didn't bring any for Sayori, so I went over and grabbed the box.

Between her, her mom if she wanted any, and me, they wouldn't stand a chance.

Now armed with the donuts in their box, I went outside and locked the door behind me and went over next door.

I went up to the door and checked to see if it was locked, which it wasn't.

They probably unlocked it for me, figuring I'd just want to come inside.

Once I stepped inside I was almost immediately tackled by a coral colored blur, "Woah woah! Careful, I've got precious cargo!"

Luckily my assailant had aimed low, so they didn't smack their head on the box I was holding.

I stumbled and ended up with my back against the door I had just shut, moving the box in my grasp so I could see under it, I saw Sayori.

She was wearing the same outfit from a few nights ago. The loose-fitting button up shirt and red short shorts, that were partially covered by said shirt.

Admittedly, it was a very cute look.

She was hugging me rather tightly, and seems to have been waiting for me to come in.

"Alex! I'm so happy to see you!" She squeezed me, and I couldn't help but smile widely, a light blush dusting my cheeks.

"Geeze, Sayori! It's only been a day or so."

"Yeah, but I missed you!"

I laughed a little bit at how jovial she was today compared to Sunday, it made me really happy to see her like this.

I could smell food being made in the kitchen, and Ms. Yuma poked her head out from there, "Sayori! You need to let him come inside, you know!"

Sayori smiled and let go, "Sorry! So what do ya got there?"

"Donuts! I got some earlier and I figured you two might want to share what's left with me. There's like eight of them in here."

"Wow! You didn't have to bring those, you know!"

"Yeah, well you'd probably get upset if you found out I had donuts and I didn't bring you any, yeah?"

Sayori pouted, "I'm not that hungry all the time, you know."

I rolled my eyes lightly, "Yeah, right. Who ate eleven cookies the other day?"

She bridged her fingers, "N-Not me, I swear!"

"Yeah, it was you. I'm not judging, though! Come on."

I headed further in with Sayori, I set the box down on the kitchen table.

Sayori almost immediately went for it, until her mom spoke up.

"Sayori! You can have one right now, but save the rest for later! I know you, you'll eat them all and still eat dinner if I let you."

"Ehehe~ Okay, mom!" Then, she grabbed a single chocolate donut and almost literally swallowed it in one bite!

That was a large donut, to! I swear she has a black hole instead of a stomach.

"Sayori, I don't know how you manage to stay so skinny with how much I see you eat. I swear you have a black hole instead of a stomach."

The cinnamon bun giggles, "I just have a really good… What's the word for it… Metabolism! That's right."

I shook my head and patted her on the head, "I swear you're so lucky with that.

She giggled some more, "I'm not a kid you know! And what are you saying I'm lucky for? You spent the better part of two years living like a NEET and you're somehow still skinny!"

I didn't have an answer for why that was, so i assumed one, "Well that's because I know it's important to exercise sometime, you know? Not because I'm lucky!"

Sayori gave me her usual silly grin, "Okay, fair enough!"

Sayori's mom called, "Alright you two! Come on and eat. I know you said you weren't hungry Alex, but I made you a small plate anyways. You should at least get to eat something instead of sitting here at the table while we eat instead."

That was fair enough I guess.

I made my way into their kitchen and went to sit down next to Sayori at the table.

I was reminded of the other day when I made Sayori food, Saturday.

Being reminded of the intimate discussion we had, how worried I was, how right I was to be worried… It made me feel strange.

Her house also had a strange sense of nostalgia to it that made my head hurt again.

The tugging in my brain was back, but I wasn't going to let it show in front of Sayori or her mom. Monika knew I was having trouble, but I couldn't let it show to Sayori.

The last thing she needed was to be worrying about me right now.

The meal that was prepared was pretty traditional affair, it looked to be a mixture of beef tips and some vegetables mixed in with rice.

Admittedly, it looked pretty good. I was grateful for being offered some, because it occurred to me that I was probably going to get hungry later anyways if I didn't eat now.

Sayori immediately attacked the food, while her mom seemed a bit slower to it, as she chose to ask me, "So, Alex, how was your day?"

"No real complaints, I guess. I had something of a headache earlier, but it's good now."

"Well that's good! You know Sayori talks about you all the time."

Sayori almost choked on a piece of food, before swallowing it, "I don't do that!"

Sayori was normally never one to get flustered easily, but her mom seemed to manage.

"Oh yes you do! No reason to lie. How many times today and yesterday did you mention Alex?"

"N-Not many!"

I'd spare Sayori some embarrassment and waved my hand, "Hey, I'm here now, yeah? So it's not that big of a deal anymore."

Yuma smiles at my response, before nodding and starting to eat. Sayori looked relieved, at the very least.

We ate in relative silence, except for Ms. Yuma's polite questions directed towards me.

Just the usual things she would ask, how was school, was I eating healthy, that kind of stuff.

Towards the end of dinner, she did say something that threw Sayori off balance.

"Sayori, I know things are rough, but you know you'll have to make up any homework you're missing! You don't want your grades to fall too much."

Sayori frowned, "I know, I know."

She seemed disappointed, or maybe just nervous about it.

I knew Sayori wasn't exactly the best at school work, not terrible but not amazing. Whether that be because of her depression, or her general lack of focus, I knew it'd probably be difficult to make up whatever she missed in the intervening days where she was absent.

"How many days is she missing?" I question, having just finished eating his food.

"I'm going back on Friday!" Sayori turns her head to me as she responds.

Well it was already Tuesday, so that meant she'd be back for the last day of school that week, admittedly that might be kind of a load of work in some classes…

"Well, I can try and help you play catch up, it'd be pretty hard to get it all done over the weekend alone. Besides, you're coming to stay with me that day anyways, aren't you? Just makes it easier."

"Well, okay! Just don't worry too much about it, I know I can do it!" Sayori played it off like she could handle it, but I could tell she was happy to have the support.

"You see! That's part of why you're staying with Alex for awhile. He looks out for you. I hope you know we appreciate you, Alex."

I smiled to Sayori's mom, "Well it's no big deal right? I'm not gonna leave her to take care of that herself."

While we were on the topic of living situations, I had to bring up some questions I had about the situation. "So, how long will Sayori be staying with me? I don't mind, but I'm curious."

Ms. Yuma shrugged, "However long it takes for her to improve enough." Her voice filled with motherly concern, which was understandable, "I wish I could be here more for her… But I have to work and it keeps me moving around most of the time. I don't want her living on her own until I know she's going to be okay. It could be awhile, or it could be a short time… I expect her psychiatrist to be able to give a proper evaluation on that."

Sayori was silent during all of this, just staring at her food.

I knew talking about this was a rough topic for her, and that she needed a lot of work before she could be considered healthy.

I guess if she had to stay with me through all of that, I would need to be there for her.

"Well, hey, if she needs to stay with me for awhile, that's fine. It gets boring in my house, you know? I'll be there for her." I reach over and pat Sayori on the shoulder.

That got a tiny smile on her face, thankfully.

"I know you will, Alex, that's part of why I trust her to go with you."

I guess if there's one thing past-me did right, it was establish himself as trustworthy. Even if I might consider myself better than whatever he was like now, in most cases, he did that right.

Sayori's mom grabs ahold of our dishes, saying, "i'll clean up, why don't you two find something to do? Just leave some donuts for me, Sayori!"

Sayori perked up a bit more as all of us got up from the table, making her way quickly to the living room.

Once we were there, Sayori opened the donut box and took another three donuts with her, before going to head for her room.

I snatched one of them from her and bit into it.

"Awh, come on Alex!"

"Hey, I did buy them you know."

Sayori wasn't actually upset, it seemed, as she smiled before continuing up the stairs to her room.

I followed her up to her room as I finished eating the donut, figuring that it wasn't that big of a deal.

Admittedly when she went into her room, a small part of me was almost expecting to still see the cut noose hanging from her ceiling, and the little piece of it cast to the side.

Of course that stuff was long gone, probably thrown in a dumpster somewhere.

Sayori's room was still rather messy, it's likely her mom afforded Sayori the privacy to clean it herself, and Sayori wasn't exactly keen on it herself.

"Sayori, you really need to clean your room." I allowed myself to rub my forehead to try and ease the steady tugging and light headache that was coming on for no discernable reason.

"Heey, it's not that mes-"

As if the universe interrupted her lie, she started to trip over an errant plushie laying on the ground, "Woah!"

I went to grab her, but I was too late!

Through sheer luck, Sayori managed to avoid crushing the donuts in her hands by spreading her arms out and landing on her face directly onto the bed.

"Mmm mmkkay!" Sayori muffles out, holding out the donuts victoriously.

I smiled, shaking my head and going over to her, taking them so she could roll over before going to hand one back to her, which she immediately took a bite out of, decimating about half of it.

Now holding half a donut and facing me, she looked around before grabbing her Switch off the nightstand. Her hair covered a bit of her eyes like this, regardless, she grinned and looked at me, "Wanna smash?" A playful and excited tone in her voice.

The way this looked couldn't have been more… Flustering than it was.

An incredibly cute girl, who also happened to be a really good and long time friend of mine, laying on her bed, looking at me with frazzled hair… A loose fitting shirt with one side of it just barely hanging on outside her shoulder, and a pair of short shorts… Holding a Switch and a half-eaten donut, asking me to smash.

God, this had to be some guys' fantasy come true, huh?

Even if you include the fact that 'Smash' was just a double-entendre.

"U-Uhm… S-Sayori… Y-You… I…" I tried to form a coherent phrase, but the situation was hard to push away. I sheepishly rubbed the back of my head, "Ah… I-Is that really something you should say when you're… Like that?"

Sayori stared at me, clearly confused for a hot minute, before her face heated up and she started giggling nervously. "A-Alex, you shouldn't be thinking that way, silly! It's… Not appropriate!"

"Y-Yeah, well, you're not helping!"

She did, at least, sit up, her face still red. "S-So… Wanna play?"

"You know it." I responded, trying to diffuse the sudden tension in the room.

And so we started to smash.

Sayori was a fierce competitor, and she was clearly much better at this game than I was. You wouldn't expect such a care free girl to get so into a game like this, but I guess we all had our moments.

We both sat on the edge of the bed while playing, I ended up trying out a lot of different characters, which probably didn't help my losing streak against the Cinnamon Bun.

She even played characters Natsuki called 'trash tier' and still managed to beat me!

I eventually found my stride by playing Link, and after about a ten time losing streak, I finally managed to beat her.

My excitement from this moment caused me to stand up off the bed, "Yes! Finally I-"

As I turned to exclaim my victory, Sayori took what was left of her donut and pushed it into my mouth.

My eyes widened more than they already were and my face flushed red at Sayori's sudden move.

She herself was giggling playfully, while looking away from me shyly, "You know gloating is something meanies do, right? You shouldn't be gloating because you won once."

I had no choice but to chew and swallow the donut, once I did, I sputtered, "S-Sayori! You just… You fed me?"

"Weeeelll, a winner deserves a prize! Now you have to do that with the other donut if I win!"

As I stared at her, I felt my heart fluttering, a feeling I couldn't control that well anymore at this point.

Still, despite how flustered we both clearly were, I wasn't going to turn this down. Even if it was rather…

Intimate.

"N-Normally I would say no, but… I will get justice for this! So you're on."

I don't know what's coming over me!

Being around Sayori made it hard to think straight…

Even the dull pain in my head was easier to ignore around her.

We sat back down and went back to playing.

Sayori seemed to compete even more fiercely now that food was on the line, which I should have expected when I accepted this challenge.

The first time we started up again she beat me rather handily, at which point I broke off a piece of the donut and went to hold it out for her to take.

"Don't be silly, Alex." Her voice filled with the energy and playfulness I had come to expect from her. Then, she made a big show of closing her eyes and opening her mouth just enough for me to fit the donut piece in.

I felt I was going a little doki doki for this girl…

My heart was racing as I carefully placed the pastry piece between her lips.

God, why did this feel so intense when it really shouldn't?

Once it was in her mouth she closed down on it, eating and swallowing it with her usual quickness.

Her face was dusted with a light red, and the look in her eyes was one I'd only seen twice before. How she looked at me like I was the single more important thing in the world to her…

I stared back at her for a minute, "S-So, uhm... " I found my usual way with words to be strangely absent, "L-Lets… Keep playing, yeah?"

She grinned that lopsided grin at me before we went back to business.

We spent the rest of the afternoon like this, playing Smash and feeding each other pieces of the donut until it was all gone.

Sayori got most of it, and it never once wasn't awkward trying to give it to her, but occasionally she lost, and had to return the favor.

I wish I could say I was able to tease her like she teased me, but I couldn't really think that straight in these conditions.

When the donut was completely gone, we switched to playing different games. Not all of them were multiplayer, but I was content with letting Sayori play while we chatted about everything we could think about.

Thankfully, none of it drifted into particularly awkward territory and mostly pertained to the game we were playing.

Time melted away with her, and before I knew it, it was dark outside.

When I checked the time and saw it was almost 10:00 PM I blinked with a start.

Had it really been that long already? I felt like I just got here…

Sayori was in the middle of playing Breath of the Wild, when I said, "I think I should be heading home, I've gotta get up for school tomorrow."

"Awwh! Okay, I get it!"

Sayori paused as I stood up and went for the door, speaking, "Hey, Alex!"

I turned to her and was promptly met with another tackling hug that would have made a professional American Football player feel inadequate.

It actually made me stumble back, my back pressed against the door, "S-Sayori! You need to warn me before you do that!"

Despite my exasperated tone, I hugged her back.

After a moment she looked up at me and grinned again, "Thank you so much for spending time with me today… I know you probably had a million better things to do."

Instinctively, I reached my hand up from her back and began to run my fingers through her hair, "Nonsense. I had a lot of fun today, and I doubt I'd of had it anywhere else."

She rested her head against my chest as I did this, "You don't mean that…"

"Of course I do, Sayori. Besides… Spending time with you is always great, I like-"

She looked up at me again, with those damn sparkling blue eyes of hers, and I lost my train of thought almost instantly.

Eyes wide, face red, the coral haired girl began to lean up towards me…

I didn't know if I would be able, or willing, to stop her.

As she got closer, however, a sudden knocking at the door caused us both to jump and pull apart.

Sayori's mom was on the other side, "Alex, Sayori! You've been up here awhile! Everything okay?"

Sayori was now a good foot away from me, while I was still kind of against the door, as I was the first to regain my composure, I responded "Y-Yeah, Ms. Yuma! I'm actually about to head out, I'll see you downstairs!"

"Okay, Alex!" Then, I heard her walking off.

We looked at each other for a moment, before we simultaneously looked away, flustered.

I cleared my throat, "S-So… I'll see you later?"

Sayori nodded a few times, smiling at me, her hands were closed and pressed lightly against her chest, "Ehehe… Y-Yeah."

Something was keeping me from immediately leaving the room, I opened the door, but hesitated, looking back to Sayori.

She was still looking at me, I felt like something was missing from this situation.

I stepped back to her and ran my hand through her hair, starting at the top and working my way down to the side of her head.

I kept my hand there as she was looking at me, about as surprised as I was.

I could feel the heat on her face even as my hand was on the side of her head. Her eyes were wide as she looked up at me, like she was anticipating whatever I did next.

"I-Uhm…" I started softly, before smiling nervously, "Your hair was… A bit messy… On that side."

She smiled softly at me, "Y-You'll just have to fix it before we go to school once I start living with you…"

"M-Maybe. Well… Goodnight."

With that, I broke off, looking at her for a few more seconds before shutting the door behind me.

I rubbed my face with my hands, feeling how hot it was.

I took a quick stop in their upstairs bathroom to wash my face off, again it had little effect on how I was feeling right now, but at least it kind of made me more alert for a few minutes.

With that done, I stepped downstairs and bid Sayori's mom goodbye for the night, before heading out and into the warm night air.

Once I was out of the house entirely, I sighed heavily, letting out a breath I had been holding since that close encounter.

Feeling dazed and confused, I headed back home.

Once I was home, I went about my nightly routine of getting a shower and preparing to sleep. I skipped dinner because I felt I'd already eaten enough for one day.

I laid in bed staring at my ceiling for awhile as my mind processed the entire day.

First, the therapist telling me he didn't know what was wrong, then spending time with Monika and dealing with severe headaches… And a voice in my head. Then, spending time with Sayori, dealing with a minor headache and having her almost kiss me.

I didn't know what I was going to do…

Was I going crazy or something?

I didn't know, and as the weight of all the energy I spent today finally reached my brain, I realized I didn't care right now.

I shut my eyes after ten minutes of just looking at the ceiling, and fell asleep.