A/N – I don't own SoA, didn't create it. I just play in SoA land for my own fun..and for yours! ;) Reviews are awesome feedback!

Chapter 11

Lyla sighed and rested her head against the seat of her car. Her head hurt and there was serious tension aching in her neck that only came from the stress that she was being put through. She had promised Opie that she wouldn't be in front of the camera. Before they had gotten married she had started to take some director gigs but she was still new at it and no one wanted to give her a proper chance. Opie was taking great care of her and the kids but she hated being a housewife, just an Old Lady. It was in her to be independent. This was what she did, she took care of herself and her kid..now kids. If something happened to Opie, if he had to go away, she would be the one paying the bills. Lyla knew she had to keep her career alive but it was getting harder each day she chose not to be in front of the camera.

She dragged herself out of the car and headed inside of her friends house. Despite the stress she was putting herself in, Lyla couldn't imagine what it would be like to be going through what Emily had gone through. Lyla had had her fair share of assholes who thought beating a woman was going to make her do what they wanted but she had never had to make that hard decision to end them. Emily was a strong woman, it was evident in the way she moved and looked you in the eye with a rawness that was undefinable, but Lyla read her face and saw gentleness and a ability to love. It didn't hurt that Emily didn't judge her about being a porn star. Emily had invited her over for lunch to ease the tension off of both of them.

"Hey, babe." Emily said handing her spiked lemonade.

"Hey." Lyla sounded.

The two visited enjoying each other's company. Talked about kids, their men, their lives. Words mingled with laughs and both women felt the stress of their..well…stress slip away for just a few moments.

"How's directing going?" Emily asked as she showed Lyla her garden. Lyla shrugged and shook her head.

"It's not. It's hard to break into that part of the business." She replied. "I've pretty much kicked myself out of the in-front-camera end and now I'm sort of at a loss."

Emily nodded and frowned. She couldn't blame Opie for wanting Lyla out of the camera range but what did he expect? What was she going to do if he went back inside? She furrowed her brows and hugged her friend. The weight of the MC life punished the women first in many ways that the Sons just didn't understand until it was too late.

"Have you thought about taking over Cara-Cara?" She asked softly. "I know the Club have been hiring out."

"I can't take on that kind of responsibility. Cara-Cara is pretty much dead in the industry." Lyla replied sitting down on a chair and sighing once again. The lines on her face visible in the light that usually left her looking youthful.

"What about you?" Emily sounded sitting next to her friend. "What do you want?"

"I don't know..when I started I didn't have any aspirations. God, when I was a kid I wanted have my own saloon. I grew up in New York and my Ma had friends who worked at the Coyote Ugly bar there." Lyla confessed soflty grinning at the memories.

"Coyote Ugly in Charming…" Emily drawled, taking a sip of her lemonade. "That would be a interesting site."

The sound of a motorcycle took them out of the garden and into the front yard. Jax and Tara met them in front.

"Hey." Lyla and Emily said to their friends.

A troubled serious look flickered on Jax's face that made Emily stop short.

"What's going on?" She asked sharply, her voice biting in the quiet country air.

"There was an altercation." Jax supplied, shaking his head. "Found the guys who attacked you. Koz went off on them and cops got called in."

"Oh my God." Emily felt the blood drain from her face. "Is he being charged?"

"Naw, we've convinced the one witness that he was attacked. Self defense." Jax assured, putting his hand on her shoulder and squeezing softly. "But he won't be home with you tonight, you're going to have to pick him up tomorrow morning."

"Okay." Emily replied, her voice scratching hoarsely against her throat as her mind wrapped around the facts and the relief. Kozik was fine, he was going to be fine. "Thank you, Jax."

"You can expect a phone call from Ma, she'll want you over for supper with and Pops tonight to keep ya company." He grinned.

Emily nodded, a ghost of a smirk echoing in her features. It was only one night but it was her first night without her old man in bed with her.

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Sure as rain in April Gemma gave Emily a ring inviting her over for dinner. Emily had not a clue that they were going after the attackers and had any lead. Kozik hadn't told her anything. And after the shock of the news wilted away she found that it grated on her. It really grated on her nerves the not-knowing. Why didn't he call her? Why didn't anyone tell her that they were looking for those attackers? She pushed the thoughts out of her mind and went over to the King and Queen's house. She expected to have the family there but found that it was just the three of them…and Gemma's beloved parrot. Gemma studied her with a perceptive eye, noticing the slight shadows that lingered under her eyes, the way she moved just a little tighter and jerkier, and how Emily seemed to speak a little stronger yet softer. It was Gemma's ulterior motive to scope out her head, to make sure that it was standing strong in the foundation that she was born on, and what she saw was not very disturbing.

It was plain as day that Emily was pissed off at her man for not telling her what was going on.

"You didn't know they were going after the attackers." Gemma said abruptly cutting into what was bothering Emily as they washed dishes.

Emily looked at her mother-figure startled for a moment and nodded. "I guess I should have known…makes sense. But Kozik didn't say anything."

It bit inside of her, the not knowing, and it was going to burn inside of her.

"I'll tell you what I tell every damn old lady that comes into the Club." Gemma stated, lighting her smoke. "The only way this works if you know nothing or everything. And you darlin' have SAMCRO in your blood. There is no way in hell you're going to be able to work things out permanently with Kozik if you don't know everything."

Relief shuddered inside of Emily relieving the biting feeling of resentment and anger that had grown.

"I can't lie. I'm pissed off." Emily returned, grabbing a smoke offered to her and lighting up. "I'm not just some civilian he picked up off the streets. And I sure as hell had a right to know that the Club had leads on my attackers. I was the one that was attacked."

"Don't tell me that, tell your man that." Gemma told the younger woman.

Emily went to bed that night, missing Kozik, and thinking over and over in her head what she and Gemma had talked of. It was like it was biting from the inside, the alarm, the shock, she was angry. But it was so much more than that. Emily could feel a tide that was building and could crash on her if she didn't stop it. Why didn't she know? She knew she had to get answers and she had to lay it down straight.

Frustrated she punched her pillow and threw it across the room. Huffing she slid off her bed and made herself some coffee and resigned to herself that she was not going to get sleep anytime soon. Emily took her cup outside and sat in her garden mulling over everything in her head. Her head just wouldn't shut up and so she trailed into sleep thinking of a million different things. Emily woke up at the sound of a bird chirping, her neck stiff and her body feeling coiled tight. Stuttering out of her slumber she got out of the chair and went back inside.

She got ready for the day, feeling better, and went to the police station to pick up Kozik. Emily wasn't prepared for him to have a bashed in eye and blood still dried on his hands. He walked strongly towards her but her heart still skipped a beat.

"Oh my God." She said, holding his head in her hand, examining his eye.

"I'm fine, baby." Kozik said, his lips finding hers. He just cared about seeing her, feeling her body wrapped around him, knowing that she was waiting for him. It was only for one night but it was the threat that yes, maybe this would happen again, and next time it could be for longer. It made him want to burn something, to destroy, just thinking that he could be taken from her.

Despite the emotional turmoil she had been shoved into the past twenty four hours Emily kissed him back eagerly. They pressed together and shoved their tongues together, passionately reacquainting themselves. She waited for something to break inside of her, telling to be angry at him, but she couldn't. Not when he was drinking her in like she was his last shot of vodka.

"Let's get your ass home and cleaned up." She murmured pulling him to the car.

She took him home and got out the first aid kit. There wasn't much damage, just a few cuts on his face and his fists. The biting feeling came back and Emily cleaned him up quietly. The short jerkiness of her movements and her silence tipped off Kozik that the grace he had gotten when she picked him up was short-living.

"You got a problem?" He asked gruffly, not liking the silence she was throwing at him.

"Why didn't you tell me the Club was going after the attackers? That you had a lead?" Emily bit out.

"Is that why you're mad?" He replied, completely incredulous. In his life, before her, he had never shared information like that to any of his women. Kozik distantly realized that he probably should have told her because it was her attackers, but he didn't fully realize that she was mad that she wasn't in the loop completely. That he was the type of man who wanted to shut her out and not fully disclose.

"I had a right to know." She forced out through gritted teeth, her eyes sparkling with the biting emotion that brimmed from her insides.

Kozik shrugged, not fully realizing that she was damn near ready to blow, and said. "I guess, yea, I should have told you. Now you do."

Emily snapped her head up and stared him down. Their eyes met and he saw the anger inside of her. Kozik stood up fully, having no idea what she wanted.

"I said I was sorry, babe, what else do you want?" He asked, the confusion tearing up his words.

"I'm mad that you didn't tell me. I have a right to know when I'm in danger of having Jax come to my house and tell me that you've been hauled to jail." Emily explained, her words even and steady.

Kozik took a deep breath as he understood exactly what she was saying.

Emily wanted him to disclose. And not just disclose, he saw it on her face, she wanted it all.

"I can't do that." He replied, feeling no guilt in what he said. There was this primal need to protect her, to shield her from what could bring her down. The club shit could bring her out of this life she was building, that she deserved. Emily was the sort of woman who deserved a safe and solid life. It was something he couldn't provide if she knew everything, if she was on the inside circle of the club business.

"Are you serious?" Emily tore out shrilly. She stepped back shaking her head and ran her hands through her hair. Tempers flared between both of them and they stared at each other for a few very tense thickly silent moments. They warily studied each other as if measuring up an opponent.

"I don't want you to be linked to anything that I do or that SAMCRO does." Kozik said, taking the plunge. There was this wall inside of him that wouldn't let him put her in any danger. It was against all of his nature.

"I won't accept that." Emily replied. "I'm not the kind of woman that can be content with not-knowing, Kozik. You knew that. God, what…do you think I can't handle it?"

"I don't want you linked to anything criminal." He yelled. He slammed his battered hand on the table in frustration. No other woman would question him like this, it was clawing at him her. The one person he needed to protect the most was the one person who was shoving herself into harm's way. Emily couldn't help it with her ex, that shit started before they had even met, but this was different. This was now. Kozik had Emily now and that was all he needed to justify his urge to shield and protect her.

"I KILLED MY HUSBAND. I CAN'T GET ANYMORE CRIMINAL THAN THAT!" She cried out, waving her arms out like a wild woman. Emily's eyes brimmed with righteous angry tears but she refused to let them fall. Her throat burned at her frustration and she shrieked. Kozik was reminded of the scene that he had seen when he found her stranding over her ex-husband with the rifle. Strength and the curse to be able to sleep at night after committing brutality radiating from her. She was that kind of woman. The kind of woman that could know and stand by him, to love him even more. He loved Emily. Kozik was addicted to her…the way she laughed, the way she touched, the way she fought. But it killed him to think that she would know everything that he did and that he would do. He had never disclosed to anyone outside of his brothers before. And it killed him. It killed him that she was demanding this. Full disclosure meant that he had to open it all for her, risk that part of him showing, and linked her to things that would put in harm's danger in more ways than either of them would know. That's the way that shit worked, no matter what shit hit the fan and when it did...things happened that no one would have thought of.

"I can't believe you." She uttered softly, hurt radiating in her eyes. "You don't trust me…"

Pain shot through him and he advanced closer to her at the clear pain that scratched her normally silky voice. But Emily had seen it. She saw how distrust and panic had flittered through his features. Kozik didn't trust, he didn't want to trust her. And it burned her more than her anger had. It scorched her heart.

"I just…need to wrap my head around this. I've never done full disclosure before, babe." He said, his voice husky with emotion. Koz grabbed her arms and pulled her to his chest and forced her to look at him. "I can't put you in danger. If you know everything then you're linked. My only way to protect you is giving you deniability…but…" He pressed his forehead to hers and groaned, fighting with himself, wanting to give her what she wanted…wanting to protect her…. "If…that's what you need. I'll give it to you."

"Don't force yourself to." She murmured bitterly. "If you don't trust me…"

Kozik shoved his lips on hers, kissing her ferociously, and wrapped his arms around her closing her to his body. He pulled away and framed Emily's face with his hands. His eyes studied hers with intent and honesty ringing true in his gaze.

"I trust you." He said. "Don't ever doubt that."

She nodded her head but barely could because he had such a firm grasp on her. Kozik kissed her again only this time slower and sweeter. Emily parted her lips and let his tongue sweep over hers. They tangled together and slowly became more passionate in their embrace. He ran his hands down her back and gripped her to him so that she couldn't move even if she had wanted to. Kozik turned them around and hoisted her onto the table. Emily fumbled her arms and hands while they attacked each other and shoved the things on the table to the ground.

"You wet for me baby?" He growled against her lips. Emily whimpered and clamped her legs around him. They made quick work of their clothes, both too eager for each other to be concerned about anything but, and melded together like iron and ice. Kozik pounded in her like she was nothing but a pussy but they both knew…they both knew that everything about them was far more than just sex or labels or their family. They were irreparably linked together, connected in their minds, and they couldn't stop what they had started if they had wanted to. Both were so drugged out on each other, there was no turning back now. They were willing addicts.