Shepard watched Joker disappear into the bedroom, noticing that he was limping a little more than usual. As she ordered breakfast she wondered if she was making a mistake. Feeling his arms around her, his lips on hers and seeing the warmth and affection in his eyes had aroused feeling she'd tried to keep hidden for a long time. But they were in a battle for their very survival and it had already killed her once.

She sighed deeply as she walked over and opened the privacy screens. This really was a beautiful place and she hoped it stayed that way. The Reapers were coming, she knew that, the Collectors were already here doing their dirty work. Places like this deserved a chance to survive and she was determined to give them that. Could she do that if she was emotionally involved with someone, would her feelings get in the way? Could he deal with her going into battle if they tried this, he wasn't a soldier like her, could he face the fact she may not come back? Could he face the possibility of her death, again? There was a big difference between watching your commander go into battle and watching your lover do the same.

Lover? Oh god she so wanted that. Even more so now that she'd had a taste. Before everything had gone to hell the night before she had decided to let herself have some happiness, to be a little self-indulgent, a little selfish. Hell, she'd earned it. But was that fair to Joker? Did she have the strength to fight and love at the same time? Love? Was it really? If she really thought about it she guessed it was. She wanted it so badly, to have someone she could be herself with, break down on and not feel weak and pathetic. Sometimes she got tired of being Commander Shepard.

And that was really the root of her problems right now. She had broken down, lost control of her emotions, her strength. It frightened her, in fact it terrified her. What if it happened again? What if by opening up her heart she allowed her weaknesses to show through? What if he only wanted Commander Shepard, not Arelia? She'd never allowed anyone to see her so vulnerable before, never allowed anyone to get so close. Even when she'd been in a relationship, and there weren't many, she had always been strong, never allowing her emotions to take control. What if …? She groaned and buried her face in her hands, too many what ifs.

'You okay?'

She jumped as Joker came up behind her and she shivered as she felt his fingers on her skin, gently massaging her neck, slowly working their way down her shoulders. Damn that felt good.

'Hey,' he chuckled, 'that's one for me, I made the great Commander Shepard jump.'

'Laugh it up, flyboy. You only get one chance at that.' She closed her eyes and leaned into his hands, relaxing into the pleasure that his fingers provided. 'Are you okay, I noticed you were limping a little more than usual?'

'Yeah, I'm fine, just gave the legs a bit more of a work than they're used to.' He leaned in and kissed the top of her head.

'Jeff, we need to talk,' she felt his fingers stop and stiffen before slowly resuming their work on her shoulders.

'You know that has to be the most hated statement in the history of mankind. It's one of those "I want to jump of a roof" type statements because it puts fear into the hearts of men everywhere. Makes us go all weak at the knees and tremble in terror. Not that we'd show it of course because we're all manly and stuff.' He moved closer and whispered, 'Men everywhere are going to hate me for letting you in on that secret so when they break me it will be your fault.'

'Your secret's safe with me.' she laughed and there was a knock at the door. 'That's breakfast, I'll get it.'

'Ah, no,' Joker turned her around and looked her up and down shamelessly, 'I'll get it, you put some clothes on so I can eat.' He grinned and walked away.

She returned covered in her robe to find that breakfast was a plentiful affair, Shepard laughed as she realised how much she'd ordered then watched in delight as Joker proceeded to eat most of it. She listened as he regaled her with tales of breakfast at home, how his dad would always pile up their plates and his mum would berate him for it and reduce their servings, only to have his dad sneak behind her and put it all back. He and his sister would laugh and his mum would throw her hands up in defeat, laughing with them.

They reminisced about the original Normandy and some of their missions. Joker reminded her about the close quarter drop on Ilos, leading the fleet in the battle for the Citadel and how good it felt to take down Sovereign. It was then she realised that he was a soldier, a warrior, only he didn't carry a gun. His weapon was his ship, his ability to fly it, to do what many others couldn't. Every time she was groundside he was up there in as much danger as she was, ready to swoop in and pick her up. She remembered his confidence, his skill, his determination and bravery, never hesitating to put his life on the line. He'd stepped up beside her and stayed there, not once doubting her or mistrusting her. He put his life in her hands just as much as she put hers in his. Without hesitation she reached for his hand, chuckling as he looked at her in surprise when she interlaced her fingers through his.

'Jeff,' she met his beautiful green eyes and knew she'd already lost her heart, she just had to admit it. 'I want you to know I care deeply for you, I don't want to hurt you but….. 'She felt his fingers tense and he looked away. 'I want to see where this goes, I need you in my life, as more than my pilot. I don't do casual, I don't want a one night stand or a fling. I value your friendship and I don't want to lose that but I'm willing to take the chance if you are.'

His eyes were wide as he looked back at her and he was quiet, his fingers gripping hers and she was afraid she'd misread his intentions. She watched as he slowly stood up and pulled her to her feet his arms sliding around her, pulling her into him.

'Ari, I'm yours as long as you want me,' he brushed the side of her face with his fingers and she marvelled at how soft his touch was, 'on one condition.'

'Which is?'

'That you try not to break me, too much anyway,' he laughed as she scowled at him. 'What! I'm fragile.'

'You'd better not piss me off then,' she chuckled but was quickly serious. 'Would you really have left?'

'Are you nuts, best ship in the galaxy, comfortable leather seats, big guns, what more could a man want,' he laughed again as she hit his arm playfully. 'Ow, watch it.' He shook his head, 'I could never leave you,' he brushed his thumb across her lips and she shivered. 'I'm just glad you didn't call my bluff.'

Time stood still as his lips found hers and she gave herself over to the rush of emotion, the divine pleasure of his touch and the depth of tenderness in his caress. Even the feel of his beard on her face was soft and gentle. She wrapped her arms around him, feeling for the first time the firmness of his build, the strength in his arms and the definition in his body. She wanted more, so much more and her hands slid to his waist, reaching for his shirt, aching to feel the skin underneath. Until someone knocked at the door.

'Damn,' she dropped her forehead to his chest, her breath rapid and her heart racing.

'That's company,' Joker sighed. 'You can get that, I need to hit the shower before I'm presentable.'

'Really,' she grinned wickedly and pulled him in close, he groaned as his arousal rubbed against her.

'Really,' he gently pushed her away and rolled his eyes. 'Go get the door woman,' he laughed and slapped her playfully on the behind as she walked past him, chuckling at the yelp that was definitely not something Commander Shepard would come out with.

Joker stepped out of the bathroom to find a bag on the bed with his jeans and a t-shirt inside which he donned quickly and turned to look for his cap that he'd forgotten to pick up earlier. He frowned when it wasn't on the nightstand where he'd left it. With a moan he knelt down and looked around on the floor, under the bed, among the blankets but it seemed to have disappeared. He was getting to his feet when he spied the bill sticking out from under Shepard's pillow.

She must have picked it up after he'd left, after she'd thrown him out. He pulled it out to find that it was damp. Had she been crying into his cap? The image of her curled up, hugging his cap and crying was enough to break his heart and yet it gave him goose bumps and made him smile. He placed it on his head and walked to the door.

He leant against the doorjamb and chuckled as he took in the sight before him. Shepard, Kasumi and Chakwas were finishing the remnants of breakfast, chatting and laughing while Mordin stood over them watching, as if they were some kind of science experiment gone wrong. Joker found his eyes drawn to Shepard, she looked so relaxed, so content but he knew it was only on the surface. As if she felt him watching her she turned and met his eyes. His breath stopped in his chest, there was so much passion in her gaze. He felt it wash over him, he couldn't deny the longing it aroused in him and he smiled at her. It amazed him that this strong beautiful woman wanted him, needed him, he just hoped he wasn't going to let her down, disappoint her, that he was going to be enough for her. She smiled at him and he felt the darkness of the last two years disappear, as if the sun had come out for the very first time.

'Shepard looks better,' Garrus had moved beside him and he jumped at the sound of his voice.

'Shit, Garrus, give a guy some warning.'

'Sorry,' Garrus chuckled.

'Yeah, she is. She needed this, needs more time, but she'll get better.' Joker knew the demons hadn't been driven out, only sidelined for a while but it was a start. 'Got a bit rough for a bit but she's dealing with it.'

'We're all here for her, she knows that,' Garrus leant on the wall alongside him.

'She knows that but you also know what she's like. She's too damn stubborn to admit she needs help. She is Commander Shepard.'

'That's true,' Garrus agreed. 'We just have to make sure she gets some down time and from the look she just gave you, assuming I've learned to read humans, I'd say you'd better have down time when she does.' He chuckled as Joker's face coloured.

'That obvious, huh?'

'Has been for some time now,' Garrus laughed and patted Joker's shoulder gently, 'but only to those who know you both well, 'he stood up and started to move towards Shepard. 'And the crew and probably everyone who's been within seeing distance….' Joker groaned softly as he followed Garrus who was enjoying himself at his expense.

Joker stood beside Shepard and as much as he wanted to touch her he wasn't sure how they were going to handle things around others yet so he hesitated. Shepard had no hesitation though and she got up from her seat and slid her arm around his waist, pulling him in towards her and kissing him gently. There was no hesitation in his response, his arm wrapped around her waist and he smiled as she pulled back from her kiss.

'Hey you,' she mirrored his smile. 'Feel better now.'

'Yeah, but you do know you're torturing me don't you.'

'All part of my evil plan,' she chuckled and they both turned as Kasumi gave a squeal.

'Yes!' she was almost jumping up and down with excitement. 'I knew it and about time.'

'This stays in this room,' Shepard looked at those around her, the joy in her eyes not hidden from any of them. 'You are the people I trust the most so don't let me down.'

'Whatever you say, Shepard,' they all agreed.

'Joker said you had a vermin problem,' Mordin looked puzzled, 'No sign of vermin, room is surprisingly clean.'

'Not the kind of vermin I meant,' Joker shook his head before looking at Shepard. 'The reason we knew you were in trouble last night was because of EDI. She is somehow tracking your biometric readings when you're not wearing your armour.' He saw her face pale as her fears came to life. He pulled her in tighter and brushed her face gently, 'I thought we'd find out how.'

'I did a complete scan when Shepard came back on the Normandy,' Dr Chakwas looked and sounded concerned. 'Nothing showed up.'

'Maybe not detected because not artificial,' Mordin was talking as he worked on the scanner he'd brought with him. 'Possibly included in regrowth of tissue, part of cybernetic implants perhaps.'

'Of course,' Chakwas nodded. 'I logged her cybernetics but didn't think to check for readings. I'm sorry Shepard,' she was upset that she hadn't thought about it.

'It's okay doctor,' Shepard reached out and took her hand. 'We can find out now. Where do you want to do this?' She looked to Mordin.

'Lying down would be best, perhaps bedroom.'

Joker gave her a gentle squeeze before releasing her into the hands of Mordin and Chakwas. He watched the door close and wondered if she would still be as happy and relaxed when she came out. He sighed and dropped into a chair, his gaze wandering to the view outside but not seeing the beauty in it.

'Well done,' Garrus placed his hand on Joker's shoulder.

'I hope so,' Joker nodded, hoping he hadn't caused more problems than he could solve.

Shepard tried to calm her churning stomach as she lay on the bed while Mordin passed his scanner over her. She watched as he adjusted the settings and did it again, slower this time, adjusted the settings again and started at her feet once more. She allowed her thoughts to drift, trying to ignore the fear in her heart. Joker, she thought of him and felt instant relief.

When she'd turned to see him standing in the doorway she'd almost gasped out loud. It was the first time she could remember seeing him out of uniform and the way his t-shirt hugged his body was more than she expected. She knew he had good upper body tone from years of using crutches but what she saw was more than just that. He was more defined than some of the marines she'd served with, more sculptured. When he smiled at her the world upended and she struggled to find her footing. Any doubt she had disappeared and was completely washed away when she realised he'd listened to her fears and cared enough to do something about them.

'Interesting,' Mordin brought her back to reality. 'Very clever, easily disconnected but clever.'

'What?' Shepard sat up.

'No artificial chips or sensors, cybernetics not producing readings,' Mordin looked at his readings and Shepard frowned at his pause. 'Readings coming from omnitool, unique in design with individual biometric scanner. Signal constant, all use monitored and recorded. Clever, omnitools standardised and widespread so no questioning of provision.'

'I thought all omnitools had scanners in them.' Shepard was puzzled.

'No, only medical interface tools, standard tools do not.' He turned and scanned Dr Chakwas. 'As suspected, signal from your tool as well, assume provided by Cerberus.'

'Yes,' Chakwas nodded, her anger easily seen.

'Can we stop the signal?'

'Easily done, but will alert watcher of discovery.' Mordin thought for a moment and a smile brightened his face as he looked up at Shepard. 'Is another option.'

Shepard felt relief wash over her as she accepted that yes Cerberus was tracking her but not through any type of chip. They might be clever in their method but they hadn't counted on Shepard and her team. They had underestimated and that would aid in their downfall. She looked up at Mordin.

'Tell me your plan, doctor.'