Wow what a wonderful response to the previous chapter! Thank you all so much!

Thank you reviewers: JayJayxo, waterproof88, Dominomino, Annais81, Scruzx2, Chillaxin1, shayer, CR00, Harley Quinn Davidson, julsola007, taymm15, Breakdown6, Ohsoclever1, vts and Born2Try.

Thank you also to my consultant, Shayer!

I do not own SON.

Angels on the Moon

Chapter Eleven

I hung up the phone after updating Vanessa on all the drama of the last few days. I told her all about going to see Ashley (to which I got a very triumphant "I knew you would go and see her!") and then Allie disappearing. I told her about the gut wrenching search through the forest and trails and the disbelief that I hadn't thought to check Ashley and my spot. Of course that was where Allie ended up! I had shown her that spot a few times and told her how special it was, it made perfect sense to me why she would go there.

I told Vanessa how hard it was to see how easily Allie had grown attached to Ashley and how scared I was that this was all going to end really badly. God I was so scared that Ashley would end up letting us down…again. Maybe I was taking a pessimistic view of things, but I think given my history with Ashley it's kind of understandable.

Yesterday had been up there as one of the absolute worst days of my life. Fighting with Allie and then going into her room and finding her missing, those were experiences I did not want to relive. I have never felt relief like I felt when I saw Ashley walking up the driveway carrying our daughter in her arms. I felt like I could actually breathe again.

I watched how they interacted and even in the short time I saw them together I saw such a strong connection between Allie and Ashley. It was incredible. I hoped Ashley had been sincere when she had made her promise to Allie and I that she would get better. I hoped she wold be strong enough to keep her word.

I didn't want to see Allie's heart get broken.

Today was a week, one week since Ashley started rehab here on the farm. One week since she fell back into my life. I knew from years of listening to my parent's talk about addiction that the first week of rehab was a battle, maybe things would get easier for her from here on in? Maybe she would be able to finally open up to my parents and talk about what really led to her being here. Then again maybe not.

I sighed and walked into the living room where Allie sat colouring in pictures of horses I had printed off the internet for her. My little girl was horse mad!

We had shared a stern talk about never running off like that again after we got home yesterday and after much crying (from both of us) we reached a place of understanding. I had actually been surprised that Allie hadn't run straight to the main house to find her Momma, Ashley finding her in the forest was unexpected. Not that it really mattered, all that mattered was that Allie was safe and home. I smiled at my little girl and took a seat on the sofa, pulling out my music composition book so I could work on some songs I had in my mind.

The beauty of my job as a song writer was that I could work from home, make my own hours and have a lot of creative input into what ended up going out to the world. I could tell my stories and have the world listen to them. It was more of a gift than a job. Through my work I had been lucky enough to work with some of the most talented artists and musicians in the world. Of course it was also one of the things that really connected Ashley and I.

I remembered vividly the first time Ashley and I had ever shared our music when we were 16…

Flashback

I sat up in my bedroom with my guitar on my lap. I had been learning guitar for a few years now, but I wasn't very good. Ashley was good, really good. Her Dad had started teaching her when she was only 3 or something. I loved hearing her play, she got so into it. As for me, well I may not have been great at the music side of things, but I did love to write lyrics. It was a great way for me to get out all the feelings and stuff I had going on. It was something I did, just for me. No one else knew, not even Ashley and she knew pretty much everything about me. It was how I dealt with all the confusion and emotions in my head.

I guess my head had been all over the place lately, well not even just lately. It seems like I'd been feeling like this forever. I strummed a few notes then wrote a few words into my notebook. I just wanted to get some of the thoughts in my head out, maybe then I could make sense of it all. Maybe then I would know what to do.

I guess it sounds confused, but I had been feeling things for my best friend that I wasn't sure I was supposed to feel. I guess it had started as I just liked her a lot, but then it was like I noticed her all the time, I thought about her and dreamed about her. At first I told myself I wanted to be like her and that I admired her…then I realised I wanted more than that, I wanted to be with her. I wanted to touch her, to hold her and kiss her. I wanted to spend all my time with her. I was pretty much certain I was totally, butt-crazy in love with my best friend, Ashley Davies.

I wanted to tell her, but I was so scared! I didn't want to be different from all the other kids at my school. I didn't want to get teased or bullied or called names. I wanted to be normal. Plus I was also scared that it would change our friendship. I was scared that I'd tell Ash how I felt and then she would call me a dyke and run away. I was scared I would lose her and that would have killed me.

I sighed and strummed my guitar a bit more. I had lyrics in my head that just had to come out. I started hastily scribbling them down in my notebook while occasionally strumming and humming to keep the tune in my mind. I had covered nearly a page in lyrics and notes before I realised I had an audience.

I looked up and found Ashley standing in the doorway to my bedroom just leaning against the doorframe. She was biting her lip and looking at me with an expression I couldn't quite understand. I blushed hotly and slid my guitar off my lap onto the bed like it was electrified. I slammed my notebook shut and stared down at my hands as I muttered, "Um what are you doing here Ash?"

She pushed herself off the doorframe and moved to sit next to me on the bed. She placed her fingers gently on my chin and tilted my face so that she could look into my eyes, "Don't be embarrassed Spence, you should never ever feel embarrassed around me." She paused and placed her hand on my notebook, "Can I have a look?"

I froze, that book contained the most personal thoughts and feelings I had ever had…and most of them were about her, but I never hid things from Ashley! I swallowed hard and nodded slowly.

Ashley beamed her nose-crinkling smile at me, exposing her much hated braces that she'd had for almost a year, and picked up the battered blue notebook. She flipped through the pages, reading the lyrics I had been writing in there. This was my tenth book, I had been writing these lyrics since I was 11 and had gotten my first blue notebook as a birthday gift.

I had my eyes glued to her face as she read my words. Her expression didn't change until she got to the songs I had written in the last few months, then her eyes widened and a mess of conflicting emotions raced across her face. She silently finished reading and then lay the book down.

"Wow Spence," She murmured softly, reaching out to take my hand in hers. I smiled hesitantly and looked down to where she was playing with my fingers. Ashley squeezed my hand and said, "I especially love the lyrics you were writing when I arrived, maybe I could help you come up with the melody? I mean if you don't mind me butting in, shit I mean I am so intruding on something that is all you. I'm sorry Spence."

I giggled and cut in, "You're rambling Ash. I'd actually love to work on this song with you."

Ashley beamed and released my hand to pull my guitar into her lap. She strummed it and then grimaced at the sound it made. She pulled a face at me and said, "Um do you ever actually tune this thing?"

I shrugged and she laughed, tuning the guitar effortlessly. It was like a habit to her, she didn't have to think about it at all. I smiled at her, making her look up at me with a matching grin.

"So do you have a tune in mind or do you want me to just start playing and we'll see what we come up with?" Ashley asked as her fingers danced over the strings.

"Can you just see what you come up with?" I asked as I opened my notebook up to the song we were going to work on. I had the strangest feeling of butterflies in my stomach and I couldn't help but feel hyperaware of everything Ashley was doing or saying. I felt nervous, which was ridiculous considering I was sitting next to my very best friend in the whole world.

Ashley nodded and started strumming some random notes, an intense look of concentration on her face. "So um can you tell me a bit about the lyrics? What's this song about?"

I swallowed hard and forced back the first response that came to mind, that the lyrics were about her, and said, "Well it's about hope I guess, kind of like hoping for something to change and not being sure that it will."

Ashley bit her lip and asked softly, "So did you write it about anyone in particular? Or is it kind of just an idea, or something."

I blushed hotly and stammered out, "I uh, well its sort of about someone, but I don't want to say who."

Ashley scooted closer to me on the bed and locked her eyes on mine, "Why not? You can tell me anything, you know that."

I looked down at my hand that were twisting my pen anxiously around in my fingers, "I just don't want to say yet. I'm not ready to say."

Ashley looked down at the guitar in her lap and sighed, "I hope one day soon you can tell me Spence, nothing you say will change how I feel about you. You know that right?"

I kept my eyes down and murmured, "This might."

Ashley reached up and tilted my face so that she could look into my eyes, "It won't."

I shrugged and gestured down at my notebook, "Let's work on the song."

Ashley let out a resigned sigh and we spent the next three hours working out the song until we were both happy with it. Ashley smiled at me and said, "So now do you want me to play it from the top and we'll sing it together?" I nodded and she began strumming. I moved the notebook between us and we both started to sing.

"I'm tugging at my hair

I'm pulling at my clothes

I'm trying to keep my cool I know it shows

I'm staring at my feet

My cheeks are turning red

I'm searching for the words inside my head

Cause I'm feeling nervous

Trying to be so perfect

Because I know you're worth it, you're worth it

Yeah"

Ashley beamed at me and we launched into the first chorus.

"If I could say what I want to say

I'd say I want to blow you away

Be with you every night

Am I squeezing you too tight?

If I could say what I want to see

I want to see you in love with me

Be with me always

Guess I'm wishing my life away

With these things I'll never say"

I looked at Ashley, a desperation to just admit she was who I was singing about came over me and I almost said something, but then she started singing the next verse and I lost my nerve.

"It don't do me any good

It's just a waste of time

What use is it to you what's on my mind

If it ain't coming out

We're not going anywhere

So why can't I just tell you that I care?

Cause I'm feeling nervous

Trying to be so perfect

Because I know you're worth it, you're worth it

Yeah

If I could say what I want to say

I'd say I want to blow you away

Be with you every night

Am I squeezing you too tight?

If I could say what I want to see

I want to see you in love with me

Be with me always

Guess I'm wishing my life away

With these things I'll never say"

Ashley locked her eyes on mine as we sang, never taking them off me, and I swear on some level she got that this song was about her. I swear she did.

"What's wrong with my tongue

These words keep slipping away

I stutter, I stumble

Like I've got nothing to say

Cause I'm feeling nervous

Trying to be so perfect

Because I know you're worth it, you're worth it

Yeah

Guess I'm wishing my life away

With these things I'll never say

If I could say what I want to say

I'd say I want to blow you away

Be with you every night

Am I squeezing you too tight?

If I could say what I want to see

I want to see you in love with me

Be with me always

Guess I'm wishing my life away

With these things I'll never say

These things I'll never say."

We stared at each other after the song was done and not for the first time I thought that maybe my confusion and feelings were shared. I leaned in, feeling a moment of courage for the first time in my young life, and quickly pressed my lips against hers.

Ashley froze and I panicked. I jumped away from her and stood up next to my bed, anxiously wringing my hands. "I uh, I was, uh I was going for your cheek. So...sorry Ash."

Ashley looked at me with something that resembled disappointment and then shook her head. "Ok fine, it was nothing." She said the word nothing like it actually hurt her.

I just assumed she was angry at me for doing what I did. I felt like an idiot.

Ashley stood up and moved to the window to look out at the farm. With her back still to me she said, "One day we'll be totally honest with each other, but you aren't ready for that yet. Being really honest is a big deal and that kind of honesty can change and complicate things. When you're sure you're ready for all the things that come along with being that honest, well then I'll be here ready to listen."

With that Ashley turned around, walked over to me and wrapped me up in her arms. She kissed my cheek gently then left me standing in the middle of my bedroom, with my brain racing at a hundred million miles an hour.

End Flashback

I quickly jotted a few notes down in my book as I brought myself out of my memories of the past and then looked up when I felt eyes on me. I smiled at Allie who was gazing at me with a thoughtful look on her face.

"What's up kiddo?" I asked grinning at her.

"I was just thinking Mommy," Allie said, abandoning her colouring in to climb up onto my knee.

I put my notebook down and wrapped my arms around her, "Thinking about what Sweetie?"

Allie frowned and murmured, "What happened to make Momma get so sick she had to go away?"

I bit my lip before responding carefully, I mean how the hell was I supposed to explain drug addiction to a four year old?! I could lie to her, but I didn't want to do that. "Momma got really sad and didn't know how to cope anymore so she took some medicine, which she didn't get from a doctor, and it made her sick."

Allie looked at me confused, "But doesn't medicine make you better?"

"Some medicines do, but there are some medicines that are really, really bad for you. These medicines you don't get from the doctor or the drug store. These ones come from bad people. These medicines make people do silly things and make them very sick. Your Momma took those medicines because she didn't want to be sad," I tried to explain. I hadn't expected to have this conversation until Allie was somewhat older...like a teenager maybe.

Allie gazed up at me and said with a frown, "But why was Momma sad? And why did she take medicine that made her sick?"

"Well she took the medicine because at first she thought it made her feel better, less sad. It didn't though, it just made Momma think she felt better, it made her forget what made her sad for a little while. That's why she kept taking the medicine Allie, because after a little while she started to remember and feel sad again." I paused for a moment and then smiled sadly, "As to what made your Momma sad, well it was Aunty Kyla."

Allie nodded and bit her lip, a habit she had gotten from me, "Can we go see Aunty Kyla Mommy?"

I kissed the crown of her head and murmured, "Of course we can Sweetheart, why don't you go put your shoes on and we can head off?"

Allie kissed my cheek and hopped off my lap to race out of the room. I slid my own shoes on and grabbed my purse, phone and car keys just in time to see Allie race back into the room with her shoes on. "Ok kiddo, let's go see Aunty Kyla," I said with a smile for my little girl. Allie nodded, her brunette curls bouncing around her shoulders just like Ashley's used to when she was Allie's age.

I helped her pull on her jacket and we stepped outside. I locked the front door and took Allie's little hand in mine as we walked out to the car. I got her secured in her seat and then climbed in behind the wheel. "Would you like to watch Monster's Inc or Shrek Sweetie?" I asked as I opened the in car DVD player.

Allie got this adorable look of concentration on her face and then said resolutely, "Shrek Mommy, I wanna watch Shrek!"

I chuckled and said, "Ok and what do we say?"

Allie blushed and smiled guiltily, "Please Mommy?"

I grinned at my little girl and put the Shrek DVD into the player. Allie clapped her hands in delight as the familiar Shrek music started to play.

We drove for just over an hour, stopping to buy a bunch of flowers on the way, with the sounds of Allie's excited giggles filling the car and warming my heart. Finally we reached our turn off and then I drove through the high wrought iron gates surrounding the property. I drove up the road and came to a stop in front of the perfectly manicured grassy lawn and colourful flower beds.

"Ok Allie, time to go see Aunty Kyla," I said as I looked back at my little girl.

Allie looked out the window in surprise that we were already there, she did get very engrossed in her movie!

I climbed out of the car and went around to help Allie out of her seat. I scooped up the bunch of flowers on the backseat and handed them to Allie, "Here you go Sweetheart, I know you wanted to take them to Aunty Kyla."

Allie beamed and sniffed the colourful tulips and looked up at me, "These are my most favouritest flowers Mommy! They are so pretty," Allie said happily.

I smiled softly at her and said, "I know my beautiful girl, they are Aunty Kyla's too."

I took Allie's hand in mine as we strode along the beautifully maintained lawn. We passed under the tall trees and past the flower beds, just like we did about once a month, until we reached Kyla.

Allie looked up at me expectantly and I smiled lovingly down at her while I lowered myself to my knees and read the words out loud, just as I always did, "Kyla Anne Davies, Beloved by all who knew her. Taken too soon, but never forgotten."

I traced the words engraved on the smooth granite headstone with my fingers. Even after all these years I still felt this overwhelming sense of loss sitting there in front of that grave. God I missed Kyla so much and even the passing of the years couldn't lessen that. In losing her I not only lost my sister in law, I also lost one of my best friends and surrogate little sister.

I felt a single tear make its way down my cheek, only to be gently wiped away by the clumsy hands of my daughter. I looked over at Allie and smiled sadly, "I'm sorry my darling, I just miss Aunty Kyla a lot."

Allie looked thoughtfully at me and said sadly, "Mommy can I miss Aunty Kyla too, even if I didn't know her?"

I pulled Allie into my arms and placed a kiss on top of her messy chocolate brown curls, "Of course you can Sweetheart, you can definitely miss your Aunty Kyla. She would have loved to have known you, I think the two of you would have really had the best time together."

Allie nodded, "Aunty Kyla is my Momma's sister?"

I sighed, "Yes Aunty Kyla is your Momma's sister."

We sat snuggled up together next to the gravestone for a few minutes and then Allie scooted forward and placed the tulips into the water vase Anne had left there. Anne came to Kyla's grave once a week, she always made sure it looked well cared for and colourful. I think it was her way of looking after her daughter even after she was gone.

We stayed for a little longer, with Allie talking to Kyla and telling her all about her life since we last came to visit.

"So my Momma is at the farm now Aunty Kyla and she is going to get better so she can be my Momma for real. Gramma and Gramps are helping her so she is going to be ok. I got to see her yesterday and she told me a story about you and her and Mommy, it was a nice story. I know Momma misses you and so does Mommy and I even do," Allie paused and frowned before saying softly, "Mommy said you are an angel up in heaven and are looking after me, but for a while could you look after my Momma so she can get better? I really want her to get better so we can be a family. I want Mommy to stop being sad."

I felt a few more tears slide down my cheeks, I was constantly being blown away by how kind, compassionate and sweet my little girl could be.

I kissed Allie on the top of her head and stood up, offering her my hand. Allie grasped my hand in hers and said, "Bye Aunty Kyla, we'll come and visit you soon and maybe even bring Momma!"

I sighed sadly and rested my hand on the headstone as I sent up my own little prayer, the same one each time we visited, asking Kyla to look after Allie and Ashley.

With one last look at the grave Allie and I strode to the car and started heading home.

Song used in this chapter is a modified version of Things I'll Never say by Avril Lavigne