Imagine life without light, that was what it felt like. My heart was missing something, it didn't feel whole. It was as though my blood mother had died and taken everything that was sanity with her. This wasn't fair, victory seemed pointless now. We went back to the house in forks, Jasper held me for hours, that lead to days that rolled into weeks. He didn't sigh, or roll his eyes. He just held me and tried to comfort me, I felt bad that he had to feel everything but he made the pain go away.

"Why didn't I see it?" I asked eventually, thoughts had been circuling in my head and now it seemed insane to not even talk to Jasper of all people.

He held my hands tightly and sighed, "You can't blame yourself." He said.

"I don't blame Jake either, we wouldn't of won without his pack" I reminded him, of course it was the wolves that had blocked my vision but why? Why couldn't I just get over that hurdle?

For the first time since the fight Carlisle walked through the door to our bedroom, his hair was longer and his eyes were duller but he was wearing his white doctor's uniform and he had a briefcase in his hand. "I'm going to work," he told us.

Jasper looked concerned, "Why?" he asked.

"Because life goes on. I've spent an amazing hundred years with Esme, and in that time I have saved a thousand lives or so. I need to get back to putting into the community, for my own sake." He nodded as though he was convincing himself.

I thought about it, what were we achiving moping around? Nothing, Renesmee was getting on with things just fine as were Rosalie and Emmett – we needed to get back into the swing of things. I got to my feet and realised my legs were shaking and I was weak.

"We haven't hunted for a month, you've just been wasting away" Carlisle commented. "Go hunting in the north with Jasper, take your mind off things for awhile" he smiled.

"I've had my mind off things for a while now, and I think I'm needed here. I'll go hunting in the mountains just off the coast then I'll come back home" I looked to Jasper who nodded.

Running in the mountains gave me hope. Prehaps things could get back to the way they once were. I hunted mountain lions and severed their heads from their thrithing bodies effortlessly, my heart warmed by the thick oozing life running through my veins. I didn't want to stop and we didn't for awhile until it was dark and all the lions went into their hiding places. Then I found Jasper draining a full grown leapord in the valley, and we returned home together.

Renesmee's hair was overgrown and out of control, "I thought Rosalie would of done this for you" I pulled her hair back from her face with a wide tooth comb,

"She's had things on her mind" she shrugged, "Spent alot of time in her room, just like you really."

"Well your grandma's death hit us all pretty hard," I cut ringlets that were trailing down past her waist.

Renesmee smiled sweetly, "She's in a better place now." She said.

"You think?" I pulled her thick hair though my fingers finding the longer culs and chopping them off mercilessly.

Renesmee bit her lip and looked up to me, "She's in heaven." She said.

I smiled back to her, "Of course she is" I assured her.

How could I be sure though? The afterlife for our kind was suppost be a cruel dark one, filled with bleak outcomes. However Esme, she had a heart of gold encrusted with tiny diamonds, her motherly instincts towards her adopted childern were stronger than any mother – she deserved a bright colourful afterlife, filled with every colour of the rainbow and the other colours only we can see. She deserved everything any human could ask for and more.

Renesmee had to be right and that settled the whole in my heart. It made it all okay, because everything was okay and life would go on as it had done for decades before I met the cullens. I wouldn't loose another because the Volturi were dead, every single last one of them. It was a Vampire's world now. But Vampires are smart, so everything is alright.

I would never ever leave Jasper's influence ever, because then maybe the dark cloud would come back, and I couldn't live with that.

For now I had everything, everyone and every corner of my heart was filled even if it would never beat.