11
Amy sat in the waiting room of the courthouse, smoothing the skirt of her dress. It wasn't floor length, it wasn't white, but the style concealed the slight thickening of her waist. At least she wouldn't look pregnant in the photos her friends were shooting of her. There would be an abundance of pictures featuring a scowling Sheldon, but that was to be expected. She would rather have him looking like himself rather than the scary fake smile he sometimes sported. Not really the sort of memories she was hoping to pass down to future generations.
She was nervous for several reasons. First, one was supposed to feel apprehension on one's wedding day. Second, she worried over what her mother and Sheldon's mother would make of the express union of their children. And third, there was the kiss. It was the most she hoped to gain from the ceremony, but she knew how Sheldon was dreading it. Probably even more than the ritual and its consequences itself.
When Sheldon and Leonard had knocked on Penny's door a mere two and a half days ago, she'd never envisioned this was how she would be spending her Monday morning. Or that the preceding weekend would have been filled with a flurry of activity culminating in actually exchanging vows with Sheldon Lee Cooper. Still, she couldn't argue with his logic. A civil ceremony would be the most practical. It didn't stop her from feeling disappointed, however.
She'd never given up the secret hope that one day she would be married and the day would be a fairytale. Sheldon certainly fit the bill of the tall, handsome groom, and she would be the center of attention for all the right reasons for a change. She would be dressed in a long, flowing white gown, her hair swept up, and the tiara perched on top of her expertly styled tresses. She would truly be a princess.
Looking around the antechamber of the courthouse, Amy saw the reality of her wedding. She was in a below-the-knee yellow dress that matched the shoes she'd bought on an outing with Penny not that long ago. Her bouquet was purchased at a supermarket on the way to the government building, and the only thing she had of the traditional "something blue" was her underwear. Not exactly the storybook wedding she'd envisioned, but there were aspects that compensated. She was surrounded by her friends. Friends she never would have even dreamed of three years ago. And she was marrying the man she loved, even if the feeling wasn't mutual. From the time their relationship had morphed from one of the mind into boyfriend/girlfriend, Amy knew she was more invested than Sheldon. And for the most part, it was okay. She could always hope.
Still, there was the matter of the kiss. Sheldon was nowhere near her, pacing the waiting room with increasing agitation. If someone who didn't know them were to view the scene, they'd suspect Raj was the groom. Dressed in an impeccable suit, and far closer to Amy than the actual groom. Sheldon does look handsome, though, she thought. He had on his black suit, and even though his shirt was dark, the brightly colored tie added a festive look. As she looked closer, she noted the tie was emblazoned with images of some spaceship. She was about to protest his choice, when she stopped herself. They'd both had to make compromises. She gave up her white dress and he a ceremony in Klingon.
Sheldon kept glancing at the clock. They were overdue to being called in, and it only added to his turmoil. Amy was certain he was going to flee at any moment. Just then Penny leaned over and whispered to her.
"Maybe you should see if you can calm him down. You don't want him pitching a fit."
Amy nodded and stood up. "You're right, Bestie. As you always are." Tugging on the skirt of her dress, Amy approached Sheldon with caution.
"Sheldon," she said, reaching out to touch his arm, then pulling back. "I know you're upset that the time slot we signed up for has come and gone, but sometimes things like this happen. I'm sure they will get to us in the order we arrived and we will be next." Sheldon swallowed and nodded, casting a glance at her then looking away. He can't even look at me, she thought disparagingly. How on Earth are we ever going to make this work? He looked her way again, and she noticed he was gazing at her mouth. Yup. Totally freaked out about the kiss.
She lowered her voice so the others couldn't hear. "I'm going to ask to talk to the judge before the ceremony," she said, causing Sheldon to look at her, worried.
"Are you changing your mind? I know this isn't what either of us want, but it's our best option and. . ."
"Sheldon, I'm not changing my mind. At least not about marrying you."
"Then what?" he asked, his expression had now switched to one of confusion.
"I'm going to ask her to leave out the part about the kiss." Instantly he looked relieved and Amy knew she'd made the right decision, even if it meant she'd never be kissed by Sheldon Cooper ever again. Just as suddenly, he stood up straighter.
"No," he said, still looking scared, but resolved as well. "No," he repeated. "You're not going to talk to her. If she doesn't mention a kiss that's one thing, but if it's an accepted social convention then we will adhere to it."
"We'll still be married under California law without it. I don't want this to be any more stressful for you than it already is." Why am I trying to talk him out of it?
"Amy," he said, his voice was low and intimate, making butterflies take flight in her stomach. The feeling only intensified when he shifted his gaze to look into her eyes. "You've had to give up your dream of a big wedding. You shouldn't have to give up your kiss as well."
Amy was speechless. It was the most romantic thing Sheldon had ever said to her! God she loved this man! "Sheldon," she croaked, emotion closing off her throat, "that's the nicest thing you've ever done for me."
"Well, don't get used to it. This is a one time offer." His tone was brusque but Amy recognized it as an attempt to deflect his embarrassment.
"I'll take it," she said smiling. Amy was turning back to her friends when a clerk announced their names. Everyone stood, adjusting garments and smiling at them, waiting for their cues. Amy took Sheldon's hand and when he tried to pull away, she leaned over and whispered,
"Social convention. We are getting married after all."
Sheldon sighed. "Fine. But I want it noted how we're not even wed and I'm being manipulated." Amy smiled despite his statement. She was too excited to be put off by his lack of enthusiasm. Standing before the judge, the short ceremony was mostly a blur to Amy. She was so busy watching Sheldon for signs of flight she missed the part where she was supposed to declare her intentions towards him. If it hadn't been for Penny nudging her, the official might have thought she'd changed her mind. She did notice when Sheldon stumbled over some of the promises he was making, but that was about all that registered with her.
That is until the kiss. She heard the announcement to kiss the bride and waited. And waited. And waited some more. Sheldon was as pale as she'd ever seen him and Amy was sure he was about to pass out. Glancing around at her friends she saw they were all feeling the tension of biding their time until Sheldon made a move. Clearing her throat, the judge made a sound as if to say "get on with it." Amy was about to lean in, ending the stalemate with a quick peck, when Sheldon stepped closer, took her by the shoulders and kissed her. Not just a momentary pressing of lips, but what she would ever after think of as a real kiss. He held her close, and even though she could practically see him counting the seconds until he could satisfy social requirements and release her, the pressure on her lips was intoxicating. Flashes of the kisses they shared that fateful night came back to her and she knew he remembered how to do it right. Beyond right, she thought. Still, today's kiss was more than she'd ever hoped for from him.
Sheldon stepped back, tugging at his suit coat, cheeks ablaze. Amy felt her own blush rising when she looked over at Penny and Bernadette. Both women had tears in their eyes and Penny was fanning her face in an effort to control her emotions.
"That was the most romantic thing I've ever seen!" she gushed, rushing forward to embrace both of them. Amy returned the hug as Sheldon stood as straight as he could, to minimize his contact with the effusive blonde.
"That's quite enough, Penny," he admonished, breaking free, pushing towards the exit with Amy in tow. It was the first time she noticed their hands were joined. When did he take my hand? How did I miss it? Noticing where her gaze was focused, Sheldon dropped her appendage, walking on ahead. It felt a little cold, especially after the vows they'd just exchanged, but this was Sheldon and a minor thing like marriage wasn't going to change him. She looked over at her best friend and shrugged before following him out the door.
xxxxxx
Penny opened the door to Amy and Sheldon's apartment to finalize preparations for the newlywed's reception. She and Amy both tried to talk Sheldon into renting a hall so it would seem more like a conventional wedding, but Sheldon had refused on the grounds his mother would be further put out she hadn't been invited. The whole point of the civil union, he said, was to avoid relatives and undue stress. Penny, however, had put her foot down about a party afterwards, even if it was just their friends.
"Raj, are you just about ready? They'll be here any minute!"
"Can you give me a hand? This needs to be perfect! Just like their love," he sighed wistfully. Penny stepped closer and helped Raj with the crepe paper streamer he was twisting and attaching to the kitchen light fixture.
"Yeah. Perfect. That's how I'd describe it."
Raj looked down at her. "Didn't you think the ceremony was romantic?"
"Romantic? It seemed kind of clinical if you ask me."
"But when he kissed her!"
Penny felt her gaze drift, smiling. "I guess you're right, that was kinda sweet. And sad, too."
Securing the last streamer, Raj climbed down from the kitchen island. "Why do you think it was sad?"
"Well, it's probably the last kiss she'll ever get from that whack job."
Raj was moving around the room straightening various wedding-themed paraphernalia. "I think you're wrong. I think Sheldon loves Amy, he just doesn't want to admit it."
Penny pulled a large mixing bowl from the cupboard, pouring in juice and soda. Normally, she would be adding a fifth of vodka to her punch, but out of deference to the pregnant bride and her alcohol intolerant husband, Penny opted for extra ginger ale to give her mixture some zing.
"Well, time will tell ," she said, stirring the punch just enough to mix the liquids. "Did you make the ice ring?"
"Just like I saw on Martha Stewart! It has strawberries and oranges frozen into it!" Raj enthused, reaching into what was now Sheldon and Amy's freezer. It felt a little strange thinking of the household items belonging to them rather than Leonard and Sheldon. Leonard didn't have much in the way of housewares, but since she, Penny, had more than enough dishes, it worked out.
The group of them had moved the majority of Amy's things over the weekend and surprisingly Sheldon hadn't made much of a fuss. What gaps there were in Sheldon's accoutrements, seemed to be filled by Amy's so there wasn't much for him to grouse about. There were many duplicate items where cooking utensils were concerned, and they agreed donating extras to a thrift store run by a charitable organization was the best option.
Penny could already see the influence Amy was having on Sheldon. When he started complaining about simply giving away his belongings, Amy pointed out he had no use for them, and how much better he would feel knowing he helped out his fellow man. Sheldon of course tried to argue, until Amy further pointed out how his winning a Nobel Prize was going to benefit mankind and this was a small step in that direction. That had worked, much to Penny's amazement. They actually were a good fit.
It had only been two nights of living with Leonard, but so far, so good. Both of them were trying so hard not to push the other, that Penny wondered what would happen when they stopped trying to be so polite. Hopefully they'd settle down at the same time and things would only continue to improve.
Penny felt her phone buzz in her pocket. Pulling it out, she read: On our way! "Bernadette says they're on their way. Are you ready?"
Raj took one more sweep around the room, making sure everything was just so. "I'm so nervous! I hope they like it!"
"Of course they will!" Penny assured him, giving his shoulders a little hug. "Well, at least Amy will. She'll know all the trouble you went to to make this day special for them."
"I guess the best we can hope for from Sheldon is that he doesn't throw us all out."
Penny gave his shoulders one last squeeze as she heard Sheldon complaining as he ascended the stairs.
"I just don't understand why we had to take such a convoluted route home! And all that honking! It wasn't like there was any more traffic than usual."
Then Penny heard Amy's exasperated reply. "Sheldon, in most wedding traditions the newlywed couple take a drive around their locale, announcing their co-joining by making noise to attract attention. We were simply following convention."
"But wasn't it enough to have the rear of Leonard's car marked with the words 'recently pair-bonded'?"
They must have been rounding the last set of stairs because Penny could hear Amy more clearly. "I thought it was a nice twist on the more standard 'Just Married.'"
"You would," Sheldon griped.
Penny looked over at Raj who was practically vibrating with excitement. She hoped he wouldn't be crushed when Sheldon's reaction would be less than enthusiastic. From the sound of things, he was already in a mood. The door opened and in unison, Penny and Raj cried,
"Surprise!"
Sheldon stepped into the room, shaking his head. "I suppose I should have been expecting this." He sounded as though he were heading to the gallows rather than a wedding celebration. Amy, however, more than made up for his dour reply.
"Sheldon, look!" she cried, whirling around the room, taking in the decorations. "You did all of this for us?" she asked, tears forming in her eyes.
"Well, mostly you," Penny said, accepting Amy's overly-physical hug. "Sheldon, not so much." Amy released her and moved on to Raj, who received an equally aggressive embrace.
"Thank you!" Amy's arm was still around his shoulders as she turned to her friends. "Thank all of you. I can't thank you enough for all the help you've been this weekend moving my things and today. You're the best friends in the whole world!"
"Oh, it was nothing," Sheldon said, waving his hand and moving further into the apartment. "All they did was move a few boxes."
"It was more than you did," Howard said just loud enough for everyone to hear. Bernadette was already elbowing him in the ribs before he finished his sentence.
"Someone needed to supervise. Now, let's get this celebration nonsense out of the way so things can get back to normal. And Raj, I'll thank you to unhand my wife."
Penny's mouth dropped open as she cast a disbelieving glance at Leonard who was dropping keys in the bowl by the door. As if remembering his keys now lived across the hallway, he fished them back out, giving her a little shrug. She wasn't sure if the shrug was for his forgetfulness or Sheldon's behavior, but she was having none of it. While Raj had done most of the work getting the party together, she'd given up her free time to make sure the couple had something special to mark the occasion as well.
"Sheldon!" she snapped. "Outside. Now!"
He looked perfectly confused. "What did I do?"
"Out!" Everyone watched as Penny pointed to the door leading to the hallway. Grudgingly, Sheldon moved towards the exit, mumbling as he went. Once the door was shut, Penny rounded on him, forgetting how the sound of their voices would carry.
"Do you have any idea how much effort Raj put into this party? He had two days to pull this together and look what a great job he did!"
"I didn't ask him to plan a party." Sheldon had crossed his arms and stood sulking at the top of the landing.
"No, you didn't. You also haven't thought once today about Amy!"
Sheldon's arms dropped away and his voice rose nearly an octave. "Of course I thought about Amy! I got married to her!"
"The only thing you thought about her was that she was inconveniencing you!" Penny took a deep breath, trying to rein in her anger. "Sheldon, I know this isn't what you wanted. It isn't the way Amy wanted to marry you either, but you did get married. You have to try to make the best of it."
"Why do I have to make all the concessions? My best friend had to move out. I have to live with Amy. Do you have any idea how much this has upset my routine?"
"Your. . . .! I know this is hard to believe, but everything isn't about you, Sheldon Cooper!"
His arms were crossed again and he turned his back to her. "Well, it should be!" Heedless of his aversion to touch, Penny grabbed his upper arm and spun him back to face her.
"You listen to me. You're going to go back in there, and be pleasant, and thank your friends who have gone well above and beyond to help you. And you are going to be nice to Amy and make up for the wedding she forfeited to make you happy. You got that? Or so help me I will go all Nebraska on your ass!"
Sheldon looked down at the hand still gripping his arm, and swallowed. "Yes, ma'am."
Penny released him and stood up taller. "Good. Now lets get back in there before anything else goes wrong." She made Sheldon go first so he couldn't escape. As they entered, all conversation ground to a halt. Everyone's eyes were on him but he remained silent. Penny nudged him. "Sheldon, don't you have something to say?" Clearing his throat, Sheldon shifted his gaze from the gathering to Penny and back again.
"I wish to thank you all for everything you have done for me this past weekend and today. Have done for both of us," he added, looking back over at Penny for approval.
She smiled reassuringly and whispered, "Good job, Sweetie. Now go stand over by Amy" He rolled his eyes but did as she bid. She'd hoped her days as social counselor to Sheldon Cooper were at their end now that Amy was in the picture, but she sighed, knowing her role had only increased.
xxxxxx
Leonard picked up a paper cup, shaking his head over the whimsical heart design with the names "Sheldon" and "Amy" and the date printed in the center of the drawing. He was impressed Raj had managed the decorations on such short notice, but not surprised. If he hadn't been an astrophysicist, Leonard was sure Raj could have had a career as a wedding planner.
Filling the cup with Penny's punch, Leonard observed his group of friends. Raj's tie and suit coat were missing, the top button of his white shirt unbuttoned. Howard's black vest had vanished but he remained clad in a white turtleneck with a matching black and white alien pin. He recognized Bernadette's influence in the color combination, seeing as his black jeans had actually matched the vest.
As Amy's brides maids, Penny and Bernadette's outfits matched, and Leonard had no doubt who'd picked out the dresses. Penny had moaned endlessly about the style and color, and surprisingly it was he, Leonard, who'd managed to convince her she could wear it for one day. Especially when the only people who would see the frilled, ruffled monstrosity would be their friends who were all well versed in Amy's strange sense of fashion.
To look out at the gathering, Sheldon seemed the most normal of all of them. He stood next to Amy, looking quite relaxed with one hand in his pant's pocket, the other clutching a paper cup of punch. He was arguing about something with Bernadette, but not in his usual angry tone. Maybe Amy was calming him down already. He didn't really believe that, but he could hope. At one point he saw Sheldon look over his shoulder at Penny, giving her his unsettling, manic grin, causing Leonard to shudder.
Although this party wasn't a typical wedding reception, Leonard did feel as Sheldon's Best Man, he should say something to mark the occasion. What did he say about a situation that defied logic? His friend wasn't excited in the least about about being married, and despite their joining being Sheldon's idea, Leonard had been prepared to bodily haul him to the court house if his wedding jitters became too much. Amy had moved most of her belongings over the weekend, but stayed in her apartment at night. This evening would be her first night as a tenant of 4A. So, it had been Leonard's assignment to get Sheldon where he needed to be. Fortunately, Sheldon had resigned himself to his fate.
Leonard tapped a fork against the mixing bowl currently serving as the punch bowl. "Could I have your attention please?" Conversations stopped and everyone turned their attention to him. Feeling perspiration starting to gather under his arms, Leonard tugged on the the collar of his dress shirt and gave a little cough. "I'd like to propose a toast to the happy couple." Sheldon squirmed and Amy beamed. "As you all know, Sheldon and Amy have joined together, and today they begin the first day of their new journey together." Taking a sip of punch to relieve his parched throat, he continued. "While the circumstances may not have been ideal, I'm sure they'll make the best of it." Penny was glaring at him and he sensed the words he'd chosen weren't the most politic.
"Come on, Leonard, let's wrap this up," Sheldon admonished sharply.
"So!" he said brightly, "Here's to Sheldon and Amy. May they live long and prosper!" He raised his cup along with the others. "Cheers!"
"Cheers!" they echoed, each taking a drink. Amy nodded to their friends, and Leonard was taken aback when Sheldon spoke up.
"I would like to propose my own toast." Wondering if he was going to have to rescue Sheldon from some social faux pas, Leonard waited for his friend to speak. "Although this after-nuptial gathering is an expected part of the 'wedding ceremony,'" he said, crooking his fingers into quote marks, "I want to thank each of you for your participation. Unlike vintage video night, your presence was not required. I think I speak for Amy as well as myself when I say we appreciate your efforts on our behalf."
It wasn't often Leonard felt pride at being Sheldon's friend, but there were moments, and this had been one of them. That is until he opened his mouth and added,
"So, lets eat up those cupcakes and get this thing over with."
xxxxxxx
Bernadette wandered over to Amy, embracing her, wide smile evident. "So, Amy, that was some kiss Sheldon laid on you at the court house!"
Amy colored, looking every bit the blushing bride. "I have to admit, I was rather surprised myself! Sadly, I fear it will be the last time these lips will touch those of my luscious husband." Bernadette felt her smile slipping. "Luscious" was the last word she would ever associate with Sheldon Cooper. Still, it was obvious Amy was smitten with her new life-partner, and Bernie couldn't be happier for her. Now if the douche bag would just grow up, life would be sweeter for all of them.
"I wouldn't be so sure about that, Amy. Look how far you've come in. . . ."
"Three years," Amy supplied.
"Has it really been that long? It doesn't seem like it to me."
"You should try it from my end. At this rate we will have coitus for the second time when this baby graduates from high school."
Bernadette's smile turned to a grimace. How did she respond to that? "Being married will change things," she said, hoping she wasn't misleading her friend. "Howie and I grew much closer after we were married. Of course that was after he returned from space."
"I admit there are many times I wish I could send Sheldon into orbit. Usually without the benefit of a space suit."
Bernadette blinked at Amy, again at a loss for words. "But you are happy you married him, right?"
Walking over to the sofa, Amy took a seat, patting the spot next to her, inviting Bernadette to join her. "I'm still not sure," she whispered. "While it was my eventual goal to get Sheldon to propose, I hadn't planned on 'trapping' him."
"Trapping him? Amy you were trapped as much as he was. Maybe even more so because you have to carry the baby!"
Amy snorted. "Try telling him that. To listen to him, I had this planned from the start. Interesting since he was the one to initiate our one and only night of passion."
Coughing, Bernadette hoped Amy wouldn't feel obligated to give her the gory details. Unbeknownst to Amy, Penny had passed along way more than she'd wanted to know about the Shamy.
"Well, I wouldn't give up hope just yet. Who knows? Maybe if Sheldon sees you wandering around in some sexy underwear it might give him some ideas," she said, leaning over to nudge Amy in the shoulder.
"Unfortunately, that will not be happening. In the recently drafted Marriage Agreement, it clearly states proper attire will be required of both parties at all times while occupying the apartment. The only exception would be to bathe."
"And you signed that?"
"I wasn't given much of a choice. I did draw the line, however, at when it came to being in my bedroom. I declared it a sovereign state and any external dictates would be null and void within its confines."
Bernie grinned. "You could use that to your advantage, you know." Turning to face her, Amy looked confused.
"How so?"
"Well, if you lured Sheldon into your bedroom, all bets would be off. None of his silly rules would apply." Amy's gaze drifted from Bernadette's as she considered the possibilities.
"Interesting," she said. "I'll keep that in mind. Thank you, Bernadette."
"No problem. Now, are you keeping your name or are you going to hyphenate it?"
"I have given some thought to the pros and cons of several options. While Amy Cooper would be the easiest, I have made a name for myself in the world of neurobiology and I don't wish to lose that status. Amy Farrah Fowler-Cooper is even more cumbersome than your married name." Bernadette tried not to take offense at Amy's comment, but it was taking all her willpower. Amy might think she had more tact than Sheldon, but she wasn't far removed from his unthinking observations.
"Therefore," Amy continued, "I've decided on Amy Fowler-Cooper, dropping the 'Farrah.' I know it will distress my mother seeing as I was named for her favorite actress, but a compromise had to be made. She should just be grateful she's getting a son-in-law. I have further decided to take Sheldon's last name as a means of compensation."
"A means of compensation?"
"As you know, marriage to Sheldon at this point in my life was not my first choice. A declaration of some form of affection was my final offer. Since it was not forthcoming, I decided to take his name and the associated benefits that came with it."
Bernadette was confused. "What benefit will you gain by being Mrs. Sheldon Cooper?"
"In the first place, I'm not 'Mrs.' anyone. It's an antiquated practice that belittles women. Second, the name 'Cooper' carries a degree of weight in certain scientific circles, thus adding to the status I've gained in my own right."
Clapping her jaw shut, Bernadette hadn't even realized her mouth had dropped open. Or that her question had struck such a nerve.
"I'm sorry, Amy. I didn't mean to upset you. I agree with your reasoning, it's why I kept the 'Rostenkowski.'
"Nor did I mean to 'get into your face,' as they say. Giving up one's identity with the words 'I do' has always been a sore spot with me."
Bernadette simply nodded. "So, are you going somewhere for a honeymoon?"
"Unfortunately, no. I have taken the rest of the week off from work, mostly to create the illusion among my colleagues that Sheldon and I are writhing in marital bliss on some Caribbean island."
Bernadette's heart ached for her. "Amy, that's so sad! I think you should get one of those last minute get-away packages and whisk Sheldon off to some romantic destination."
Amy's gaze followed the path of her hands as she smoothed her dress. "I had considered it," she said, then looked up at Bernadette. "But the thought of listening to Sheldon's bitching about humidity, bugs and inconvenience convinced me I was better off not to try. Perhaps we should start a new tradition where the bride and bride's maids take the post-wedding trip. I'm sure I'd have much more fun with you and Penny."
The scary part, Bernadette knew, was Amy was serious. If their sleepovers at Penny's were anything to go by, Amy would be offering herself to either or both women. She suppressed a shudder.
"You know, I should go see what Howie is up to," Bernie said, standing. Her conversation with Amy was getting stranger by the second and she was afraid she'd say something she'd regret. "Maybe you should go see where Sheldon's wandered off to."
xxxxxx
Howard ladled the dregs of the punch into his cup, as Rajesh joined him, looking disappointed when he saw the beverage was gone.
"Dude! Don't take it all!"
"I didn't take it all. I'm taking the last of it."
Raj was pouting. "I hardly had any!"
Howard was about to take a drink, then relented. "Fine," he sighed, pouring half his cup into Raj's. "It's not like there's any alcohol in it to deaden the pain."
"What pain? I think it's been a lovely party!"
Attempting to smile, Howard tried to reassure his friend. "You're right. It has been nice. Up until the time Sheldon arrived."
"But you came with him." Raj started to giggle. "You came with Sheldon, dude!"
Howard joined in. "Probably more than Amy did!"
Suddenly, Raj's mirth evaporated. "That's not very considerate. I like Amy and I think making fun of her on her wedding day is in bad taste."
Howard wasn't sure what to say to that. Raj was right, of course, but much of their friendship was based on mocking those around them. This suddenly mature Raj was an enigma. Before he could respond, Raj added,
"I feel sorry for her."
"Who, Amy? She's got who she wanted. Only God knows why she wants him."
Raj was staring across the room, watching Amy and Bernadette. "She seems happy, I suppose, but Sheldon doesn't treat her with the love and respect she deserves."
Howard stared at Raj in disbelief. "Wait. Are you saying you have a thing for Amy?" What was it about everyone's girlfriends that Raj seemed to fall for them? He'd slept with Penny, would have slept with Bernadette, and now he was mooning over Sheldon's new wife?
"Don't you think pregnancy has made her more attractive? She really does have a glow, don't you think?"
Howard was at a loss. He opened his mouth several times, only to close it again when no words came out. Swallowing he finally managed, "You can't be serious! You're scamming on Sheldon's sloppy seconds?"
Angrily, Raj turned back to Howard. "Dude, don't talk about her that way! She's a lady and is dealing with the circumstances as best she can. And I don't have a thing for her. I just think she deserves someone who'll pay attention to her, and I don't think that's Sheldon."
"So you're saying if the spot was open you'd go for it?"
Raj finished off the last of the punch Howard had given him. "Maybe," he shrugged. He looked up then and said, "I think I'd make a good father."
"You'd make a great father," Howard confirmed. "Is that what this is all about? That you want the baby?"
Raj didn't answer him directly. "I keep thinking about taking the baby to the park, playing catch, introducing the baby to the stars," he said with longing.
"You can do all that as an uncle, plus you don't have to do all that messy diaper changing."
"But that's part of it," Raj sighed.
"What you want is to be a nanny," Howard quipped. It wasn't a compliment, but Raj took it that way.
"Yes! Do you think Sheldon and Amy would take me on as their nanny?" Once again Howard was mimicking a fish, desperate to change the subject.
"So, nice job on the decorations!"