For those who are married or were once married, I deeply apologize in advance if the viewpoints placed in this chapter are erroneous. I mostly based them on my common sense and own limited knowledge. I do not own Over the Hedge or any of its elements or characters. They belong to Dreamworks Animation and Michael Fry and T. Lewis. All I own are Abby, Tony, Slim Jim, Delilah, and anything or anyone else Dreamworks, Fry, and Lewis didn't think up for Over the Hedge.

Chapter 11

"I swear the way this guy stares at other women's chests—"

"Oh, I get it! So you can stare at otha' guys' crotches wheneva' you want, but when I do the same wit' anotha' woman's hoo-hoos, I get the lecture!"

Vincent rubbed his eyes in pure frustration. What in God's name had Jim been thinking? 'If I survive this...that rat will die...painfully and slowly.'

Until then, the black bear had no other feasible option than sucking up his pride and listening to the boisterous argument—and he couldn't just leave unless he wanted Abby, Jim, and Tony to never let him live it down.

He couldn't help scoffing in the back of his mind at the typical case of marriage malaise unfolding before him; these two seemed pretty young, after all, and, even though arguments between spouses, as Vincent already said, was anything but a rarity, young couples were usually very perceptible to divorce-worthy fights, especially if they were newly-wed.

So with as much patience as he could muster, Vincent emitted a long, deep sigh before slamming his hands onto the log secured by fairly large rocks (a makeshift "desk" courtesy of Abby), shooting up straight, and whistling loud enough to break through the complaining.

The couple went stark silent at the sharp sound in seconds.

Nodding in smug approval, the ursine "therapist" sat back down on his chair (a relatively flat rock large enough for his "ginormous tushie"—Abby's and Jim's words, but mostly Abby's), took a nearby stick from the ground and began waving it between his fingers as if it were a pencil.

"Alright...let's start this one side of the story at a time, shall we?"

"This will neva' work. This is not gonna work. There ain't no way this will eva' work."

That sentence Tony kept chanting as he paced back and forth, head down, was starting to sound like a creepy mantra...

'Or a workers' union's motto—can't tell which,' Jim mused.

Abby rolled her eyes and gestured for her avian friend to cease his actions; he was even getting her nervous. "Tony, relax! Geez, it's not like Vince's going to tell them to reinvent the Oneida Community from the 1900s."

That piece of...uh, unique history managed to make Tony to pause long enough to fix the bearess with a stare that couldn't decide between knowing awe and knowing perturb.

'On second thought, never mind. I'm not even gonna ask.' Tony slumped down on a nearby rock and sighed in stubborn defeat. "I just can't picture Vincent bein' a family person, much less somebody who used ta be married."

The bearess nodded at the avian's words, not forgetful of the male bear's cynical disposition. Then again, how else would someone of Vincent's stone-cold personality understand the thralls of marriage without once having been married himself?

Still...this unforeseen development raised new questions. Abby put a claw to her chin in thought. "If Vincent had been married, then how come he never mentioned anything about a wife? Do you think something bad happened to her?"

"Abby," Tony started in a slow tone of warning as he looked up at the young woman, "Do you honestly think he'll open up ta anyone about—"

Only to find her dashing out of the bushes and towards the "therapy session"—of course..."That...An' there she goes."

Tony rubbed a wing against the side of his head, somehow both exasperated yet also slightly amused by the girl's deceiving lack of attention and common sense. "Jim, I tell you, man, the youth these days is just so..."

If the avian expected his old friend to share his look of elder annoyance and add his own two cents...he was sadly mistaken. Rather, Jim was jumping around, trying to catch a butterfly from the air. "C'mere, ya cute, little critter! I got ya! I got ya! Almost got ya!"

Tony stared at the ridiculous scene in a blank stupor. He made a face-palm (well, more of a face-wing) and sighed. The avian raised a tired countenance to the sky.

'Am I the only one who isn't a child in an adult's body?'

"Excuse me!"

'Oh no...' A certain bear cringed at the childish, singsong voice. He dared a peek out of the corner of his eye. "Yes, Abby...?"

The addressed stopped in her tracks, her hands behind her back while her feet started doing that heel-knocking gig again (when was the last time Vincent saw her do that anyway?). "Um...not that I don't think you're doing a good job or anything—because you're doing awesomely—I just wanna give off a few pointers, if that's alright by you!"

Sending off a snide comment and smirk never felt so easy for Vincent, in spite of this recently growing, nagging sense of conscience, "As a matter of fact—"

Eddy beat him to the punch...and not in the way Vincent hoped. "Hey, now that don't sound like a bad idea at all. Does it, honey?"

For once, Caroline shot a frank smile to her spouse. "Yeah, this oughta settle things."

Vincent, now the only one thrown for a loop, stared at the couple in numb disbelief. "It will?"

Abby perched her haunches onto the area of leftover rock—right next to a blanching Vincent. "Sure, I'm here to help smooth out any corners in your guys' session; my mom and older sisters gave me a few tips for such an occasion, after all."

At this assurance, Eddy perked in understanding, his beard bouncing with the jerk of his head. "Oh, so the two of ya'll are married then?"

"What...?" popped out of both bears' mouths with the same uncanny tone of blankness. Vincent and Abby shared a nice, long look...then laughed their guts out! The former continually slammed a paw onto the log in hysterics as the latter held her sides while trying her personal best not to fall out of the rock.

What indeed! Vincent and Abby—married...? Now there was a joke!

The male black bear, once he regained control over his laughter, waved a hand at the beaver and the mink. "Naw, you folks got the wrong idea. She ain't mah wife."

Caroline Farrows slowly knitted her eye-ridges in gradual...disappointment? "She's...not."

Abby, in all her innocence, mistook the woman's expression for lingering confusion. The cinnamon bearess snorted playfully and waved a hand in a way that said, 'As if.'

"No, of course not, we're just—"

"Fiancés, of course...!" Jim sang out of nowhere, no longer chasing the butterfly and somehow managing to slip past Tony without the blue jay ever noticing until too late. The crested avian had to take a serious double-take the second he discovered the rat now stood on the log in between the two oddball pairs and no longer beside him.

Tony's shock couldn't begin to compare with Vincent's and Abby's, though.

"What—OOF!" How could a scrawny tail, much less that of an old rat, be able to knock the wind from a full-grown bear's lungs?

"We're not—!" Jim tossed back at the bearess a stare that clearly said, 'Let me do the talking.'

"Wait, this guy is giving out marriage advice...and he's not even married yet?" The mink wife did not sound pleased. Her husband, too, looked prepared to give Vincent a piece of his mind—and maybe a slap upside the head for the heck of it.

Jim, jovial smile withstanding, acted quickly and seamlessly. "Well, o' course not; Vincent wouldn't wanna rush his fifth marriage now, would he?"

'F-F-Fifth...!?' Vincent looked about ready to have a heart attack! Or ready to make his self-vow to kill Jim a reality!

Meanwhile, Abby's mind went into overdrive. 'Geez, four bad marriages in a row...? If that weren't a blatant lie, it'd be no wonder that his temper's so sour!' Then again, if Vincent had been a hothead for his whole life, then that lie would have been even less hard to believe.

'After all, he hardly acted attracted to me ever since we met. I barely managed to squeeze a few drops friendliness out of this big, ol' grump. He only sees me as a friend—or an annoying acquaintance at least—I can live with either one all the same.'

Her attention shifted to the other side of the relationship. 'And how do I feel about him?'

She dared a subtle glance at the larger male, who still looked as if his brain were on neutral. 'Well...he's not in the prime of his youth, but then again he's nice enough to look at...just as long as he's not throwing another temper tantrum like an overgrown two-year old.'

Speaking of tempers, Abby could easily recall the times Vincent acted downright nasty...sometimes a little impatient, too...And let's face facts. Even someone as innocent as Abby wasn't blind enough to deny Vincent's frightening aura and presence.

'But...'

But what...Why did that pesky three-letter word keep coming up in spite of Abby's inability to think up the proper words to go with it?

That reason became somewhat clear when memories of the lake suddenly flashed back to her. She got him to laugh; she got him to listen to her music...

'And smile—he has a really, really nice smile.' Her emerald eyes slowly widened in unison with the ascension of her head as this statement confirmed her deep-seated suspicions: there was good under all that scowl and fume. Getting to it merely required a little digging and patience—just like with a puzzle.

'I don't like him enough to marry him,' Abby barely managed to hide a blush at the mere thought, '...but I still like him enough to help him when the going gets tough. It's what friends do, right? I think...' Well, right now seemed like a rather tough spot for Vince.

Thankfully, the interspecies couple no longer sported expressions of outrage, much to the relief of both bears. The mahogany mink put a hand to her chest in instant embarrassment. "Oh...I am so sorry, sir. I-I...didn't know."

Her apology, unfortunately for her, sparked her husband's need for payback. "Yeah ha, well that'll teach you to be a hypocrite of your own words now, don't it?"

Caroline snappily retorted with an icy glare, "I was just trying to be sure, Butterball!"

And here the crux of the issue revealed itself—and Vincent, as he would have at a certain raccoon, leapt at that crux instantaneously. With a triumphant slam of his hands onto the log, "Ah ha, hold it right there—both of you!"

When he felt certain one-hundred percent that he had the attention of both Eddy and Caroline, Vincent sat back down and continued on. "That is the problem in your relationship. Neither one of you is takin' the time to fully consider the other's words. You two just go on an' on, tryin' to drown out your spouse's voice without botherin' to consider his or her point of view."

Abby took advantage of the pause Vincent took by voicing her two cents next. "Mister...um..."

Taking note of the hesitation, Vincent whispered into her nearest ear, "Edward Farrows..." a clandestine, half-lidded stare from Jim, perched on his right shoulder, made the bear hastily add, "...uh, honey..." God that sounded weird on his tongue!

"Thanks, Vince," the bearess thanked, strong-willed enough to avoid feeling fazed by the forcedly affectionate address, "Eddy—may I call you Eddy—women in certain marriages eventually tend to feel as if they're being pushed aside...underappreciated even."

The beaver balked at the words as if he'd been slapped. "Ah appreciate wha' my wife does."

This response didn't quite answer the whole question, so Abby shot from another angle. "Okay, then riddle me this: how often do you thank her for a job well done? I don't need anything elaborate for an answer—just right off the top of your head."

Once again, Eddy looked affronted by the bearess's words. Pulling defensive countenance, the beaver fervently stated, "Well, that's an easy one! There was...,"

...Except he came up short with an adequate example..."Well, this one time...There was one...No, definitely not that..."

In dawning realization, Eddy looked down at the ground right beneath his feet then lifted his stare back up to the bear pair, his russet eyes wide with shamed disbelief. "Gosh...I-I never do, do I?"

The satisfied Caroline promptly shook her head with a sly smirk, "Nope..."

Abby caught the mink's expression however. "Unfortunately, he's not the only one who needs to work things out"

Caroline looked at her with confusion, her feeling of alleged "victory" crumbling in seconds.

Vincent cleared his throat. "If I may..." He continued after an affirmative nod from Abby, "Mrs. Farrows...While what my fiancée just said is true, I have seen other marriages where the reverse is just as real. Do you, by any chance, let him have the floor whenever there's a problem or the two of you have a disagreement?"

Just like her husband, Caroline defended herself and her communication skills. "I let him have the floor."

And just like how Abby did with Eddy, Vincent pushed the subject by inquiring, "Then allow me to ask the next question: how often do you let him have his say?"

Whereas Eddy merely tried to blurt whatever came to mind...Caroline never said anything in response. She merely looked away, unsure how to respond to that question...or too afraid. She jumped a little at the rough, callous feel of her husband's hand on her back.

"Honey..."

Caroline, slowly but surely, turned her head to gaze upon the careworn eyes of her love. She hesitated one more second before her voice came out soft and meekly, albeit slightly raspy.

"Let's say hypothetically...that I'm afraid you might leave me. I'm not as pretty as I used to be—and we both know I'm not getting any younger. Let's say I just...when I see you giving someone else that glazed-over look...—and this is still hypothetical, of course—I panic. I get confused, I get angry. My last husband left me because he fell for another woman. I lost control...and it's possible I worry the same thing will just happen again."

At this admittance, Eddy looked at his wife with wide eyes full of shock! "You...feel the same way?"

"What...?" Something in her tone suggested disbelief—and relief, too, perhaps?

"Really, I feel the same way!" He put hand to his chest in ease and understanding. "I ain't gettin' any younger myself. Mah teeth always get to grindin' when I see you staring at those younger men. Those skinnier men...It's all I can do not to beat those twerps to pulp and carry you away to a place where nobody can bother us. I'm worried you'll get too tired of an old, ugly thing like me—uh, hypothetically, that is."

A little slap skipped across the beaver's cheek...but softly and playfully..."You're not old...or ugly...just big and stupid...just the way I want you."

As the couple shared a grateful smile, Vincent and Abby looked on with varying degrees of admiration and pride.

Vincent supportively piped up, "If it's any consolation, people, even when they're married, check out other people all the time. There ain't no harm in it; it's just natural."

Abby nodded her head fervently, adding, "Yeah, me and Vince do a lot ourselves, in fact! And look at us!"

Vincent, though he remembered this whole marriage counselor shtick was actually pretend, couldn't help chuckling to himself. He had to give Abby due credit where she deserved it: she sure knew how to help lighten the mood.

"You know something?"

Vincent raised an eyebrow curiously at the bearess next to him. The two of them were currently relaxing in the middle of a campsite not in use, the tangerine afternoon sun casting their shadows long behind them. Slim Jim and Tony were who knows where, probably doing whatever old goats like them do.

"What?"

The cinnamon bearess nudged the male bear's nearest shoulder with a light, playful punch. "We kinda make a pretty good team!"

'She's still going on about that?' Vincent thought in surprise. This time, though, the bear felt no irritation or impatience towards Abby...well at least not after she helped him out of that "scrap" a few hours ago.

Huffing through his nose in a gruff but amused way, Vince shook his head before looking back up to the cloudy sky. "Okay, so maybe you did okay back there. Just don't let it get to your head, kid."

"Hey Vincent...?"

The addressed hummed inquisitively, curious about what the bearess wished to know this time. Abby's eyebrows were slightly scrunched in likewise curiosity...even though there lay in her eyes traces of what Vincent swore was annoyance.

"Why do you keep calling me 'kid'?"

Vincent returned her look for a few seconds before his eyes widened in understanding. He scoffed, "Cuz, kid...you still got a long way to go before you can call yourself an adult."

He cut her off before she could protest, "And, no, your physical age doesn't count as a counterargument."

'So much for that proverbial edge then...' Abby childishly lamented as she shut her mouth into a pout. She crossed her arms and looked away in a random direction, mulling over the elder bear's words.

Vincent shook his head once again at the bearess's behavior. 'My point proven...she's such a kid sometimes—arguing like she thinks without a doubt that she'll win, being chummy with every single person she runs into, even me...'

No surprise then that throughout that whole "session" she depended solely on advice handed down to her by others whereas Vincent had relied on firsthand experience (his mistakes included...well most of them at least...)...

Actually, now that Vincent thought over Abby's hand-me-down suggestions from earlier, he couldn't help asking himself: 'Who taught her all of that?'

Better yet, what was Abby's story? Vincent already knew she was friends with RJ, as well as that she'd obviously never met another bear before in her life, especially if her unforgettable awestruck expression from the first time the two bears met was any indication.

Regardless, someone had to have taught her all of those suggestions—either that or she merely watched others go through rocky marriages...a possibility Vincent highly doubted due to the girl's young age; one doesn't simply pick up such things like a sponge absorbs water.

"Do you think I'll ever find a mate, Vincent?"

The addressed jumped a bit, shocked by not only the question but also the uncharacteristic timidity in Abby's voice. He quickly regained himself, however, and cleared his voice, his tone serious but awkward, "It's like I said, kid. You got a long way to go. 'Sides, you still got plenty of years left on ya. What's the rush?"

Abby merely shrugged, her shyness fading but uncertainty still alight in her emerald eyes. "I keep thinking about how you used to be married and how you know all that you know. Tony told me you'd be the best person to teach me how to survive out in the wilderness."

Vincent shook his head in bemusement. He thought back to how she managed to collect all of that food from yesterday and her recent trek from an hour ago. "Tch, believe me, Abby, you did not look like you needed help. I know this because I personally went with you today on your search for food. Sure, I gave out a few pointers, but you carried yourself as easily as if you'd been living in the forest your whole life."

The smaller bear blushed beneath her fur, thankful Vincent couldn't see it. "I learned from the best."

At the questioning look her companion gave her, Abby sighed to herself. 'I guess he was bound to hear this sooner or later, so here goes.'

"You might wanna get comfy, Vincent. This story's going to be a long one."

Yeah, didn't expect me to make Vincent do what he did in this chapter now, did ya? And don't worry about Abby's story being cut off. The next chapter will take care of that.