Truths Beyond My Mask

Chapter Ten

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~O tanoshimi kudasai~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~Toshiro POV~

I assume I startled the man I found but it was hard to tell with his emotionless eyes. They seem to bore into you're very soul and yet they are bottomless filled with everything and nothing in one shot. "I wish to speak privately with Ichigo-sama." His eyes level for a few moments assessing me for something which he either finds or doesn't find. He nods just once and begins to walk with his hands in his pockets. I follow him a few paces behind and listen intently for the footfalls that I know I cannot hear. He stops at a dead end with a large patio on a balcony.

The acid eyed man turns to stare at me and his lips part releasing words in a deep heavy voice. "You are to wait here for you are not permitted entrance into the Western wing yet." With that he spins and walks down the hall not bothering to knock on the doors. He disappears for at least ten minutes before reappearing at the large double doors. He crocks a silent finger at me and I feel a sliver of fear race through me.

The hallway is lit only by a few torches that are place few and far between. I walk down the hall hearing my own feet echo into the high ceilings. I reach him and he walks through the still open doors. I follow quickly behind and we enter into a small tea room. The door behind me shut enclosing us in artificial light that streams through the rice paper. The green eyes man kneels and I follow suit at his harsh gaze. He then opens a shoji screen and proceeds into the room only to shut it when I enter as well. His careful steps move to our left where that is another set of intricate shoji doors this time with glass doors instead of rice paper.

Ichigo's chambers were large enough to fit nearly thirty futons comfortably. It was sparsely furnished with the bed lain into the marble floors and a table by a set of shoji doors opposite us. The back wall was made like every other room, entirely of arching openings that lead to a balcony. The balcony overlooked blue expanses of sky. Black curtains were pushed to either wall and hung from the high ceiling. Sheer black curtains hun in a rectangle around the area above his bed ready to fall at any moment. The man before me, Ulquiorra I believe, kneels again and this time I follow suit. He raises his hand and knocks on the dark wood before bowing his head and waiting patiently.

I hear someone close a large book with a slam and then there is shuffling before Ichigo's voice breaks the silence. "You may enter Ulquiorra…" Ulquiorra opens the doors easily and then we move in before he shuts the door and walks down a long pathway created by two bookshelves. It opens into a warm room lit by a large fire in the center. Bookshelves wrap around the room circling the fire and seating around the fire. It is much like the library but I suppose smaller to an extent. Sitting in front of us on the other side of the fire is the man I was searching for.

The fire dances off his sharp white and red horns and his eyes seem more orange in this light. His fingers are clasping a pen easily and he is scribbling away at what looks like paperwork. Ulquiorra moves until we are standing near his desk and then turns and leaves the room silently. Ichigo and I sit in silence for a few moments before he grins brightly and places the pen on the table before fixing his stack of papers and standing. "Kurosaki-sama…" He waves a hand at me before ushering me toward the circle of fire as a rich wind blows into the room. Oddly enough it doesn't move the papers or shift anything. It doesn't even seem to affect the fire. I settle into the cushioning feeling their softness the moment I touch them. It's like sitting on clouds.

"Toshiro please call me Ichigo we are friends aren't we?" I nod once and he grins before placing his hands behind his head and closing his eyes. "This is of importance I gather?"

I wring my hands becoming suddenly nervous. I feel the temperature drop in the room a few degrees and try to blurt it out. "Ichigo I'd like to speak with you about your sister Karin." I rushed but he caught it all none the less. One of his brown eyes peaks open before he sits up straight and looks directly at me.

I gaze back into his eyes before turning to stare into the fire. "You love her…" I gasp and whirl back to face him only to be met with a knowing gaze. I feel my cheeks heat and I pick at unseen dirt on my white and black shirt. I nod shyly and he chuckles dryly. "That isn't exactly what you wanted to talk about either."

I wait for a few moments trying to collect my thoughts before beginning. "Iie…You are very important to Karin and before I try to pursue her I would like to gain your permission to do so. I have spoken with your father prior to this meeting and he told me that he did not mind however I needed to speak with you because there will be something you must explain to me." I watch as his eyes first fill with joy then slight worry creases his brow. A sigh leaves his parted lips and he folds his legs under him to look closer at me.

I meet his stead gaze quizzically and his eyes close leaving me little knowledge of his thoughts. "Toshiro…" I'm half tempted to correct him but I do not wish to anger him. "I do agree that you are a very good choice for Karin not that it is my decision any way however you must understand something of utter importance. If Karin ever discovers her shinigami powers she will develop her own inner hollow." I look at him in confusion and watch as he raises a slender brow.

"I do not care if she develops an inner hollow though she will still be Karin to me." He chuckles and I become even more confused than I already was. I don't get why he needed to tell me this.

His eyes turn serious and I know something is coming just by his unwavering gaze. "You are a shinigami and unless something drastic happens you will always be a shinigami Toshiro. Hollow are born as one and then separated into two souls…Yin and Yang in a sense if you prefer. When Karin meshes with her inner hollow their souls will become connected much like a zanpakuto and its wielder. Every hollow then seeks out its mate and once found no other could replace a hollows mate. If you were to love Karin and she loved you as well but found her mate she would leave you for them and never return. It is the way we are designed." I stare at him understanding finally sinking in. If Karin found her mate and it wasn't me than she would never be mine. I would be left in love with a woman that would never love me back. "However if you were to develop an inner hollow there is a chance that you are her mate and you'd live happily with her for years to come."

Hope sparks in my stomach and I look down at my hands. Do I harbor enough love to ultimately betray all that I've ever known to take the chance and become a hollow for her even if I may not be her mate? Is Karin that important to me? "Is there a way…I mean can a shinigami gain an inner hollow now that the hogyoku is destroyed?" His eyes level on me before he nods once. He then stays silent for a few minutes.

His lips part and it's as if the world fell silent and all I could focus on were the words leaving his lips because they were a path that could be a possibility for me. "Ichiraion and I…we've been studying the gift that my family is given when the true heir takes thrown. It is possible for me to search Hueco Mundo for a signature of a hollow that messes with a shinigami and then merge them. For this to happen the shinigami must be completely willing…that is why I am not the one to initiate the transformation." Wait if he doesn't start the transformation then who does…I hope it's not that Ulquiorra guy I feel like he'd just stab me for the hell of it and let me lie there bleeding to death.

"Who initiates it then and how?" He frowns and closes his eyes for a few moments his eyebrows falling in a perplexed grimace. They open again and they are more gold than I remember.

"I am three separate soul entwined into one. Shiro can create a blade that is solely made of my hollow self. When someone is stabbed with this blade it transfers hollow energy into the receiver's body and calls out for a hollow to come to them. If I stab them the hollow destroys their insides and sets them loose on their own comrades. However, if a male of female takes my blade and stabs them self through the chest the hollow drawn to them will be as close to their match as possible. The hollow, because the shinigami chose to stab them self, then melds with their soul and the two are entwined without a battle for dominance. They will slowly grow until you are of equal strength and then you will battle one another. That is how it works." I stare at his solemn eyes and nod once before standing. Is Karin that important to me that I would gladly give up everything possibly even my own life to a hollow to be with her? She may not even be my mate.

I turn ad walk to the doors sliding one open. "I should go…I have a lot to think about. Doomo Arigato Ichigo-sama." I slip from the room and walk down the hall rushing past Karin and Yuzu as they walk toward their own rooms. Karin calls out to me but I ignore her in favor of getting away somewhere so I can concentrate in peace…I just wish for guidance…from someone. I round a corner and slam into a hard chest landing on my butt on the cool marble floors. I stare wide eyed at the Primera Espada's fraccion and then watch as she offers me a hand up.

Her violet eyes stare into mine for a few moments before she grabs my arm and begins dragging me away from the castle entirely. We walk across a large desert before a pure white tower is seen in the distance. As we grow closer I see rubble and buildings that are half completed. "This is where we are adding the newest additions to Las Noches they were destroyed during the war but the tower was left standing this is where I sometimes come to think when I want to be alone. If you go up those steps until you reach the third set of sliding doors it will lead you to a room with large windows which look out across Hueco Mundo. It's the most peaceful place in Las Noches aside from Ichigo-sama swing of the palace. Sometimes I wonder if he gets lonely." Her eyes glance back at the palace where I can make out Ichigo's balcony. I suppose he is lonely in that large hallway without any family or friends…without Rukia even.

"Why have you brought me here and shared this with me?" Her eyes find mine and she smiles softly before bowing her head in a blush. If I wasn't so in love with Karin I suppose I would find it adorable in a way.

Her eyes peak at me from under her hair and then she begins to speak. "When I look in the mirror I sometimes see the same confusion that is in your eyes reflected in my own. When that happens all I want is somewhere quiet to think things through. I figured you needed that too. If it helps any…Karin-sama loves you very much. I can see it in her eyes. The love she feel rivals even that which one of us feels for our mate. I should go it's time to wake Starrk up." She turns and disappears leaving me to my thoughts. I follow her instructions with robotic feet and then sit in the dark room gazing out the windows. The only light was from the crescent moon that hung precariously in the black sky.

Did the love I feel for Karin make it so she meant more to me than my own self? If loving her meant dying would I still be willing to love her?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~CxB~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~Yuzu POV~

Karin stares after Toshiro for a few moments before we are both startled and sent whirling to look at our older brother. His eyes hold worry but aside from that he seems happy to see us. He laughs and hugs us both tightly before waving to us and walking down the hall calling out for Grimmjow and Ulquiorra. Karin looks down and walks away from me and into her room. Suddenly I feel more alone than ever. Ichi-nii has friends and Rukia. Karin has Toshiro-kun and Dondochakka but who do I have here? I feel tears well in my eyes but I push them back before entering my room and listening to music to try and make myself happier. I land on my fluffy bed and fee my eyes close as darkness slips into my mind.

A voice swirls through the darkness and its soft and it seems scared like a small child. 'Yuzu-chan…Yuzu-chan…Yuzu-chan you know my name don't you? Do you know who I am…I want you to know who I am…please I'm lonely without you here…' I gasp and try to reach out toward the girl feeling some kind of knowing but when I try to move and call out to her nothing comes and I'm left with nothing. 'Please Yuzu-chan I need you to come back that way we won't be so lonely…Yuzu-chan I'm frightened in here without you…I don't know what to do it feels different here!'

I gasp and sit up in my bed startled beyond belief. I wrap my arms around my legs and sob into my knees fright rolling through me. I rock back and forth the voice from my dream echoing in my head. She sounded so frightened…was she scared of being alone then? Was she alone without me? Why couldn't I help her so that we wouldn't be alone…so that we'd be together? A knock on my door startles me and I sniffle but watch as it opens revealing Pesche. He and I didn't talk much…actually I'm surprised that I know his name.

"Yuzu what's wrong? Why are you crying?" He turns and shuts the door quickly before moving toward my side. He stands for a few moments before crawling into my bed and wrapping his arms around me. I turn into his chest and wrap my arms around his waist. When his long digits run over my back I begin to cry more.

"I'm all alone Pesche…I-I-I don't have anyone like Karin does…I don't have anyone to love or rely on!" He tightens his hold on me and rests his chin on my head while leaning back against the head board. His soothing hands caress my back and they are warm…they feel nice. I could fall asleep like this.

His voice startles me from my thoughts but it soothes my worries unlike anything I've ever heard. "If it helps Yuzu…you have me. I'm not going anywhere any time soon right?" I nod and pull away from his chest to look at him. His pale eyes meet mine and they seem almost iridescent in the light coming from my balcony. His lips curve into a smile and I feel my heart hammer in my chest rather quickly. My figners clench around his top and his figners rise to comb through my hair. His gentle eyes study my face and for the first time I feel like I'm important to someone. His hand that isn't running through my hair moves from around my waist until his figners are tenderly cupping my cheek. His thumb runs along my cheeks bone and I feel my breath catch in my throat before his fingers guide my body toward him and his pale lips ghost over mine starting a fire in me that I never knew could occur.

His tender lips move in sync with my own guiding them with his every movement. This was certainly not my first kiss but this was the first time that kissing a boy was accompanied with feelings like this. Perhaps it was the fear that we could be caught at any moment or that he could be taken away from me and he would never be my guard again but something made this feeling all the sweeter and I didn't want it to stop. Sadly the kissing stops and His pale eyes open to gaze into mine with emotion brimming in them like tears. His lips ghost over mine just barely brushing them and I can feel his warm breath fanning over my face. It smelt like cinnamon mixed with some type of mint. It was intoxicating. With shy fingers I reach forward and cup his cheeks in my palm before running delicate figners over his alabaster cheeks. "Pesche…why me…"

His eyes close and his arms fall to tighten around my hips before his lips curve upward in a small smile. "…Because there is no one better." I feel a blush rise to my cheeks and I hide in his chest still in my own type of comfort. I would be lying if I said I didn't like Pesche before this but these feelings are so new that I can't help but be embarrassed. His hand leaves my hips and finds my chin before pulling it up so I'm looking into his eyes. His lips find mine again and the kiss is sweet and long. It feels like every emotion between us I relayed in that simply and sweet kiss. My head spins and I breathe deeply while staring into those mesmerizing pools of pale gold. He smiles and I feel my lips return his grin with one of my very own.

"I should tell Ichi-nii…he will be angrier if we keep this a secret." Pesche nods softly and sits up more on my bed. I take his hand in my own before patting the top of it gingerly. "I think I should do this alone okay?"

Pesche nods and in a blink presses his lips to mine in a searing kiss. "I'm sorry that he's going to be angry with you but I regret nothing…" His smile warms my heart and I feel a smile come to my face without a second thought. I walk out of my room with him follow closely behind and then I walk down the hallway toward where I somehow know Ichi-nii is. I open his doors and enter into his bedroom to see the door to his study open.

"Ichi-nii are you in here I need to talk to you!" I peak in the doors and hear a pen scribbling against paper furiously. I walk slowly through the shelves and walk out into the brightly lit room. Ichi-nii looks up from his paper work and smiling widely at me.

"Oh Yuzu I didn't see you come in…what's wrong?" I smile sweetly and walk over to him. I grab his hand and pull him up and toward the balcony. He follows although slightly confused. We stop and I stare out at the slowly darkening sky. "Yuzu…"

"It's just like home here…it has night and day and Toshiro-kun visits with Karin. The only difference is at home I feel alone because Tousan works and Karin is always off playing soccer. Here I'm not so alone anymore because we still act like a family when you're around Ichi-nii. I don't like being alone…I'm not alone anymore but that depends on what you do after I tell you why." I watch as his eyes sadden. His arms wrap around me and we stand side by side looking out over the skyline.

It's quiet and I don't really know what to say anymore. "Yuzu…you're never alone you know that right? Why don't you feel alone anymore?" I glance at him and then smile softly just thinking of Pesche. It was odd like something inside of me recognized him somehow.

"Ichi-nii thank-you, without you I would have never met Pesche. Pesche is the reason I don't feel alone anymore…he's the reason I don't feel afraid anymore. When you left I was afraid because I could see things still and they seemed scarier because you weren't there to protect us anymore. Pesche protects me now and I really like him. I don't feel alone because I have him now. Please don't hurt him…I really like him and I think he really likes me." I meet my brothers softening gaze and he smile before placing a hand on my head and ruffling my hair.

"Don't worry about it Yuzu…you're old enough to make your own decisions now and I trust your judgment however if things ever get out of hand just come to me okay?" I nod quickly and tip toe up to kiss his cheek before hurrying out of his room. I hear his soft laughter and I don't feel alone but I know something inside of me feels alone maybe someday soon she won't feel alone anymore because I'll be with her.

'Yuzu I miss you…I really do I need you to come in here because it's scary!' I gasp and fall to my knees in the dark hallway while clutching at my head trying to stop the pain that suddenly erupted there. 'I know you feel alone and I do too…please come in with me so we can be together! I need you! I'm scared.' The pain heightens and spreads into my chest and I let out a shrill scream. Footsteps pound against the floor and then black swims across my vision and yet I still scream and that's all I can do.

My eyes open and I look around myself only to see dark branches hanging all around me. My feet are on a branch and in front of my I can see a light through the branches but there is nothing more…no sound echoes around me…no voices call out to me…I am alone. I look down and notice that I'm not wearing the knee length white dress that I was wearing before. Instead I'm wearing a tight fitting dress that was made of crisscrossing black and hugged my curves easily. My hair hangs around me in bright orange stands and touches my hips before swaying with my movements. The dress ends at the middle of my thighs and there are two slits up the sides that expose the tight black leggings that wrap around my thighs and fall to the bottom of my ankle. My feet are encased in slipped and are balanced easily on a wide branch that expands like a pathway in front of me. I walk along it humming softly to myself feeling oddly at home here.

My feet move silently forward and then I stop at a four way intersection created by a large circle. Two women stand in front of me. Both women had black hair but the one closest to me had purple highlight racing through her long hair that was pulled into two pigtails at the sides while the rest was left down. Purple ribbon flow down over the smooth strands catching the nonexistent light. Iridescent white wings sprouted from her back breaking into five parts and then turning dark purple at the tips. A dark purple choker was around her neck and her lips were painted purple as well. Two purple dots marked her pale face right under her eyes which were painted in smoky eye shadow. She wore a black and grey corset top with ripped purple fabric hanging over the top. Two thick ripped straps of the same fabric hung around her left arm loosely. Two purple fingerless tekkou lined her arms starting from just above her elbow. Her left arm was also wrapped with a thin black band. An obi, made of the same purple fabric that hung from beneath her corset, was tied tightly around her corset where her waist curved. A dark purple skirt, which matched the streaks in her hair, hung from her hips and down to her pointed toes. A slight up the left side that ended at her hips exposed the underside of the skit which was colored with black swirls and flowers making it appear darker than the top part. Both of her legs were wrapped in fish net stockings that ended in a thick band of black lace around the middle of her thighs. Her right foot had a knee hair striped sock with purple stripes, which were the same color as her obi, and white stripes. She was gorgeous.

Her purple lips part and she smiles gently at me. "Yuzu you've come to meet us…my name is Shion (A/N: purple darkness)…and I am your Zanpakuto. This is my counterpart Minako. Together we make up your soul…we are very lonely without you Milady…" I look at her and offer a gentle smile before looking over to her counterpart.

Minako has black hair that almost looks white when the unseen sunlight hits it. The hair curls wildly around her and stops in the middle of her back. The sides of her hair were pinned back with two blue butterfly pins. Her skin is white and her eyes are painted in black eye shadow. She wore a dress with a corset style top. The sleeves above the corset were v-neck Victorian style and made of what appears to be black silk. Black lace was along the edges of the silk and hung from the end of her sleeves which stopped right above her elbow. Her right hand was encased in a fingerless black lace glove while her left wrist had a leather band wrapped trice around it. Her corset was made of leather and had five black metal clasps going down the center. The same silk as her top fell from the bottom of the corset and ended on one side of her knee where it was ripped diagonally to her ankle on the other side. She wore a pair of silver slippers. Her eyes were icy irises surrounds by black. She was utterly gorgeous.

"Who is Minako if you are my zanpakuto?" Minako smiles softly and moves toward me with deafening grace. I watch in mild shock as her features swift into a negated replica of my own before shifting to her normal form.

I gasp and take a step away before she looks away from me and puts her hands up in surrender. "I am your inner hollow however, I do not wish to fight with you…we just don't want to be alone anymore Yuzu-chan…it's scary in here without you're light." That's when I realize that the light that surrounds us is ultimately coming from me. Her eyes stray to me and she smiles lightly before taking my hand in hers. When her hand touched mine all the nagging pain left and I didn't feel alone. Shion takes my other hand and we walk for some time through the trees while they silently tell me things teaching me along the way. Soon our time together ends and I try to think of some way to keep them with me so they don't become scared again.

Shion smiles down at me before touching my cheek with her hand and wiping away tears I had not known I shed. "Yuzu don't worry about Minako and me now because we will never be left without light again. Even when you are not here you are now with us. We will not be lonely because you are always here. You've acknowledged us as a part of your soul so now we have light and we won't be alone." Minako nods smiling softly at me and I grin and hug them both tightly. As I pull away I shut my eyes tightly taking in the calm peace that I feel in that place.

When I open my eyes again I'm staring up at the dark ceiling of a building I have never been in. As I shift I feel long hair tickle my sides and I realize that my body changed into what I was like in my inner world aside from the clothing over course…I'm now wearing a white sleeping yukata. A machine beeps to my left and Pesche is slumped into a chair at my right fully asleep. I look past the machine at my left to the bed next to me only to see Karin still asleep and bound to the bed with ties. Her body twitches constantly and she every so often she moans in pain. Toshiro is sitting at her side with dark bags under his innocent blue eyes. His hands are holding Karin's left hand tightly in his own. Streaks are down his cheeks telling the world of his misery. His icy eyes find my own and they remind me in some way of Minako.

His lips part and I looks between Karin and Toshiro again before speaking in a hushed whisper. "What happened to Karin why is she strapped down and I'm not?" His eyes dart back to Karin as her lips part in a silent scream of agony before she begins to seize roughly. Toshiro clamps down on her pulsing his calming reiatsu out over her and she slowly calms down. He brings her hand to his lips before placing it back on the bed.

His glossy blue eyes find mine again and I can see very clearly his pain, worry, fear, and horror. Toshiro loves Karin to the point of dying for her and anyone who knew the two of them knew that but how would he survive if she found her mate. I watch as icy looking tears drop down his face and his eyes beg and plead for me to do something to say something to make everything better and I can't find the words. I offer a half smile and tilt my head waiting for him to answer my question. "First we all heard you screaming in the hallway Ichigo found you first and you were completely blacked out and tears of white bone were falling from your eyes. One was normal and the other was black with an icy blue iris. Then Karin dropped to the ground right at my side seizing and screaming bloody murder. Her hands were racking at her face and she kept hitting the ground hard enough to shatter bone. I held her down and Ichigo started shouting orders to the Espada. Pesche carried you here and Ulquiorra and Grimmjow held Karin together until she got here where they strapped her down. Ichigo and your father said that this must be when your shinigami powers awaken. No one really knew how to deal with it because most vaizado are shinigami first and go through hollowfication and you two weren't you two were gaining both at the same time. Ichigo said to just wait and see because he couldn't enter your mind scapes as he had Rukia. What happened to you?" I sit up slowly and feel Pesche shift slightly. I turn to glance down at him and feel love bloom in my chest. I run a calming hand through his hair and lean forward to press my lips to his forehead before readjusting him in his seat so I don't wake him if I move around too much. Toshiro watches in mild fascination before ducking his head to look at Karin.

I watch as he lifts a hand to her face to smooth his thumb over her bone white lips. I slowly realize that her lips, finger nails, and eyelids are al pale bone white. Long red scratches run down her face from her blunt fingernails running over the skin there. "I was in a dark place filled with tree branches and there was no up, or down, just a light ahead of me. I walked along a path made out of a tree branch before I met two women one was my zanpakuto names Shion and the other was my inner hollow named Minako. We spoke and they said that they were glad I came to them because it was really dark before I came. Minako said that she didn't want to fight me because she wasn't lonely anymore. We spoke and they taught me some things before I came back. Now it's no longer dark in my inner world…my inner hollow and I didn't fight she didn't want to. I'm afraid that Karin probably isn't in the same boat." He nods and I watch in sadness as her body quakes again and she actually screams startling Pesche from his sleep so badly that he falls onto the floor and groans in pain.

"Itai…" I watch as he rubs his head and then turns his eyes up to meet mine. Our eyes lock and something builds between us that feels almost tangible. His figners reach and grip my hand before he pulls himself up and looks down at me checking me over to see if I'm okay. "Yuzu you're not hurt are you? It doesn't seem like it but I…I just want to make sure you're alright." I reach up and touch his cheek before nodding softly and kissing him soundly on the lips although rather quickly. I pull away as Karin screams again and then I look at him with worried eyes.

"Pesche will you please go and get Ichi-nii I think he should be down here…" I trail off and he nods before darting away. I look back over to my sister to see tears of agony streaming down her face and falling from her eyes which are wide open and lifeless. She thrashes violently and screams again her voice cracking before dying. Toshiro just stares on clutching her hand tightly with tears streaming down his face and dropping on her cheeks. He bends down and presses a kiss to her forehead before pressing another to each cheek and finally one to her lips. She calms and her eyes close quickly making her seem as if she is asleep. Toshiro simply cries. He doesn't care that anyone will see he just cries. I can see his agony and I can feel the despair racing through his system…I feel bad for him because I know that he doesn't think he can live without Karin…don't ask me how but I know.