Author note: Beta'd by Frannie. Mistakes all mine.
As we entered the ballroom through the massive double doors, my stomach did a wild summersault and my skin grew cold.
Hundreds of faceless people turned to watch us as we made our way down the stairway to the floor below. Both my arms were held by Carlisle and Jasper. It should have been comforting to have them hold me, but somehow it wasn't.
The nausea, which had plagued me before was just below the surface as I realised that this event would be televised. Cameras were pointing directly at us as a presenter gushed about my gown to a virtual, unseen crowd.
Carlisle released my arm as soon as we reached the bottom of the stairs. Jasper, however, seemed to know I needed the support and walked with me towards the crowd, which parted for us like the Sea of Galilee.
I didn't see them individually, each person blended into a whole mass as I focused on a point above the chandeliers, which hung over our heads. They could think me an ice princess, I didn't care. Not fainting was more important than meeting the hundreds of curious eyes trained onto my face.
Jasper swung me into position to open the first dance, as we paused a moment I saw him nod to the hidden orchestra.
The first strains of a waltz sounded, my brother expertly swept me into a graceful arc and I was grateful. Faces truly blurred now and I concentrated on Jasper's bow tie as we danced perfectly.
I saw Carlisle's grin of satisfaction as we passed his position besides nameless heads of state we had been having dinner with for weeks now. Their conversation halted as they watched us, their lips moving, no doubt congratulating Carlisle on his family.
"Are you okay, sis?" Jasper asked beside my ear, his voice calm and soothing. "We'll get through this, I promise."
I nodded but didn't reply.
As the last notes of the music died, Jasper drew me off the dance floor and through the crowd. We stopped to greet people I couldn't remember as we went. I knew he was taking me somewhere quiet and I couldnt wait for the solitude.
"Excuse me, Prime Minister, my sister need some fresh air. We will continue our discussion at dinner." I heard Jasper say as I tightened my hold on his arm and swayed on my feet.
The bravado I'd felt earlier had all but evaporated leaving me feeling feeble. I didn't want to see Edward, especially not with his fiancé in tow. I wanted to escape all of this.
Jasper drew me away and soon we were plunged into darkness as we left the ballroom and entered an alcove balcony. Greedily, I breathed in the cool night air in great gulps as my eyes closed and the smile I'd plastered on my face disappeared. I leaned weakly against the stone balustrade and Jasper stood beside me silently. I glanced at him and saw a pensive look I didn't like.
"What's really wrong, Bella?" He asked at last.
I sighed and sat down on a tiny ledge, placing my hot forehead against the cold rock. " I don't feel well, Jas. It's fine. I'll recover. Please don't tell Dad."
He was already shaking his head. "I won't tell him, sis. However, you need to pull yourself together. People will notice."
I nodded again. "I will, I promise. This fresh air is doing wonders."
"You sure?"
"Yes and thank you for looking after me, Jas, it means ...so much to me...everything."
He smiled at me. "You used to take care of me, I remember, now it's my turn."
I felt a smile tugging at my mouth, "Do you really remember me back then?" I asked, skeptical. Werent you only one?"
Jasper chuckled as he lifted a booted foot onto the lower part of the balustrade beside me. He adored his black leather cowboy boots and was never without them, even when wearing a tuxedo it seemed. "I remember you, Bella. I asked for you for ages after you disappeared. I would drive Mom to distraction with my questions about where Mia was."
"Where did it come from? The Mia nickname, I mean."
"Dad has always called you Mia. Even though your full name is long enough all on its own. You were named after two grandmothers and a saint. It was a lot for a little girl to live up to, so Dad called you Mia."
"What is my full name? I have always only been Bella."
Jasper faced me now, his face filled with mock solemnity. "Isabella Maria Francesca Whitlock!"
I giggled and realised that he had done it again. Jasper had saved me by distracting me from my troubles..
"Let's go back," I suggested rising to my feet.
Jasper looked at me skeptically, "Are you sure you're ready?"
I nodded and reached out for his arm. He felt like my stability and I needed that right now.
Jasper smiled at me as he curled his long fingers over mine, holding them onto his sleeve.
"Ready, sis?" He asked eyeing me, looking for signs of fainting.
Once back inside I hung onto my composure by pretending that this wasn't actually happening, but that I was observing another girl do all of these things.
It helped, and I almost felt normal, despite the churning in my stomach and the fear within me. I saw Carlisle's eyes on us and I smiled at him and gave a small wave.
I was fine, in fact doing kind if great, until I saw a flash of burnished, caramel hair and a steady green gaze fixed on me with a single-minded fascination, which I had so desperately missed my eyes met his and even from across the room, my whole being was moved.
My skin tingled and my stomach did an excited flip, nausea all but forgotten for the moment.
Breathless, I studied him and he studied me.
Handsome.
Green eyes intense.
Hair messy and perfect.
Lean body encased in Dior.
He was my dream come to life.
My breath hitched in my throat as I noticed his companion. A leggy brunette I knew to be his fiancé. As I watched, she turned to look at me, following the direction of his eyes. Her smile, when it came was slow and amused, and absolutely unconcerned. With one arched brow, she disregarded me as if I were an urchin instead of mafia royalty.
Emotion surged through me and it wasn't pretty.
Hate, strong and sure.
Need, profound and pure.
Anger, deadly and heated.
They mixed in my belly in an uneasy cocktail, and the queasiness returned with a bang, forcing me to cover my mouth with my hand.
Quickly, I excused myself from Lady Mildred Ashley with whom I'd been trying to make conversation and made my way through the crowd towards the ladies powder room. This time I could taste the bile in my mouth and I prayed I'd make it to the safety of a cubicle in time.
No one must see me. I could only imagine the newspaper headlines if I were to be caught on camera vomiting. I shuddered at the thought.
After emptying the very last remnants of my now aching stomach, I washed my mouth and retouched my makeup at the gilt mirror hanging above the gold taps.
The girl staring back at me appeared unruffled and calm. She was an illusion because I'd never felt more broken. Automatically I smoothed my hair and applied the red gloss onto my lip, before lining my eyes with kohl again, fixing any wear. I kept my attention on the task at hand because if I didn't, I felt as if I might shatter.
Edward was indeed here, and I felt my heart breaking in ways it shouldn't. I knew that he couldn't mean anything more to me than the man with whom I'd had a very pleasant interlude. The man who had taken my virginity and every inch of my body.
He had seemed unsurprised, as he'd watched me. He had known that I was here.
He had also seemed as distant as ever, unreachable. Or was it my imagination playing tricks on me? Had he truly believed that I'd been with Alec?
I shook my head at my own reflection. Impossible. He couldn't be so foolish.
I felt my heart squeeze tight as the image of him with that woman replayed itself before my eyes.
She had the right to stand by his side and I never had been given that opportunity. And now it would never happen.
I hated her and right now, I hated Edward, too.
Finished, I replaced each item of makeup back in my tiny clutch purse and snapped it shut with finality. I wouldn't cave. To do so, I would betray the terrible longing I felt at the sight of Edward, and I wouldn't belittle myself or my family in such a way.
I left the ladies and made my way towards my father who stood surrounded by his business associates. As I passed a darkened alcove a strong hand shot out and grasped my arm harshly, dragging me into the velvet darkness.
I knew that touch; my body reacted instantly. The air crackled with electricity and I felt my heart leap wildly. Hot breath touched my face and I tilted my face upward before I realised my mistake.
Eye contact was never a good thing when the recipient of said eye contact drove you crazy with desire and need. And definitely not when you were filled with numerous emotions, which were far from noble; hate warred with need inside me and I sagged against the wall. Harsh hands held me in place, steel manacles around each of my upper arms.
His scent flooded my nostrils and I felt faint.
The dim light revealed the face that stopped my heart and filled my dreams, eyes like glowing coals boring into mine.
"What the fuck is going on?" His smooth voice ground out, anger and confusion evident.
I swallowed and lifted my chin defiantly. "I don't know what you mean. I am where I belong, with my family. You, however, are not meant to be here, why are you here?"
I hoped my voice was as cold as I'd aimed for it to be.
His fingers tightened on my flesh and I stifled a moan. It felt so good to have him touching me again. However, I'd rather die than admit it to him.
"Why didn't you tell me? Bella, why didn't you tell me that you were Carlisle Whitlock's daughter. Did you even know? Do you realise how much you've hurt Charlie? God, we thought...We thought you were gone for good. What the fuck possessed you to simply run off?"
I saw no harm in the truth.
"I didn't know until just before I left. I'm...I'm sorry I hurt Charlie, but he has Rene, he won't miss me too much. Why were you so worried Edward?" His name hurt to say and I swallowed hard. "I was only a pastime, easily replaced as I've seen. There is no more for us to say to each other." I tried to pull free from his iron hold and failed dismally.
"Speaking about moving on..." his voice hissed in my ear. "I believe I've been replaced too, and that was fast Bella, even for a Whitlock."
I tensed even more as my heart demanded I tell him the truth. I didn't want him to think that I had forgotten him so soon and so callously, yet did he deserve such care?
He had treated me like a plaything all along and he still did not get it. I knew he needed to be taught a lesson and who better than me to do it.
Edward Cullen thought entirely too much of himself and I aimed to change that for good.
I forced a giggle to my lips and watched as rage ignited a flame in his eyes that was startlingly scary and exciting at the same time. "Did you think you were the only one who could play this game, Edward? You're not, you know. It seems I am a Whitlock in every sense of the word. Alec was interested. ..And I was bored. Why does it matter?"
I couldn't see exactly what his reaction was to my words, but I heard a distinct growl before I was shoved harder against the wall. "This isn't you Bella."
I smiled up at him, knowing that the faint light from inside illuminated my features, "Maybe this is me, or maybe this is who I am now. You should be proud, Edward. I've learned from the best after all." I taunted him, enjoying the feel of his anger.
The emotion on his face was so far from any I'd ever seen him have before. It was liberating to watch his facade crack.
But why was he so angry? I wasn't sure, but I wasn't going to ask. What was the point when he had made his intentions clear.
Bree was his choice and she would be his wife. I was Carlisles daughter and I'd promised him that I wouldnt talk to Edward.
"Let me go, Edward. I'm not yours to worry about; I was never yours to begin with."
I pulled against his grip and felt him slacken for a moment, which I used to my advantage. I yanked my arms free and moved away from him quickly.
"Goodbye," I said as I turned to leave.
Edward turned to face me, leaning against the wall, his face intense as he studied me. "I never wanted it to end like this... Bella...but this isn't you. Be careful. Carlisle isn't a man to be crossed. Charlie was a fool and I don't want you to pay for his mistakes..."
I forced yet another smile onto my stiff face. "Carlisle is my father, he wouldn't hurt me, but you had best remember your own advice. Carlisle won't take kindly to you using his daughter like a two-bit whore."
Aghast, Edward pushed away from the wall and pulled me towards him in a blindingly fast move I didn't see coming. "God, Bella, is that what you think I thought of you? It's not true, it's just not true."
His lips were an inch from mine and I felt my skin tingle as his finger traced a burning path up my neck before cupping my face. His thumb rubbed my lips and I felt liquid heat pool in my center. "Youre just so young...and I'm not good with all this shit. These emotions, they've fucked me up..., Bella. I want you like I've never wanted anyone. I tried to distance myself from you. I didn't mean to hurt you. I swear it."
With an enormous effort I pulled away from his hold and allowed the scorn I felt to fill my face.
"If I was so young you shouldn't have taken me, Edward. What, I was old enough to fuck but not old enough to have any other part of you? That sounds like a fucked up excuse to me. Well, it turns out I'm not as young as we both thought. I will be eighteen in two months. Funny, I always felt older, now I know I wasn't crazy. But you tell yourself what you wish, make whatever excuse you like, you used me and now I'm walking away. Goodbye."
I quickly left the electric darkness and made my way back into the crowded ballroom.
Jasper grasped my arm at once and took me with him as we seamlessly began to dance.
"Dad knows." He said just above my forehead, his breath tickling my skin. My heart froze at those words.
"How?" I whispered.
"Me." He replied casually. As if he hadn't just admitted to betraying me. I glanced up at him, stung.
"I saved your tush sister dear, so don't judge yet. I saw your whole tete-a-tete with our esteemed Mr. Cullen and I reported to our father just how well you handled the situation and that there is nothing to fear regarding your entanglement with Mr. Cullen. Father is well pleased. I wished you to know that he knew so that you didn't get caught in a lie."
Jasper grinned at me as I melted into his arms, my head against his chest. "Thank you," I said simply. Relief filled me at Jasper's cleverness.
Dad wouldn't worry now.
And then I realised something. "Am I to be watched every moment? Will I have no peace at all? Are you father's hound dog or my brother?" I questioned anger seeping into my voice.
Jasper eyed me sadly. "Bella, I am both. I do what I must for father, but my loyalty will always lie with you. Please believe me."
I nodded my heart feeling like stone. I wasn't sure who I could trust anymore.
No one, it seemed.
I changed the subject. "Where is Victoria? Is she here?"
The cheeky grin I adored retouched his lips at the mention of her name. "Yes, she is here. Shall we go and find her?"
"Yes, let's," I replied, looking for any distraction.
I saw Edward walk past us a moment later, his gaze fixed straight ahead. My heart gave another squeeze and I blinked in order to hide the pain his ignoring me caused.
Wasn't this what I wanted?
Jasper took me to Victoria and we talked. Victoria wasn't like my friends, she was the messy artist type that wears vintage fashion and forgot to wash her hair. I liked her, but she was very talkative and I was silent tonight. I tried to act myself but failed miserably and Jasper saw it.
He saw me the way few people do.
He sent me a sympathetic smile and a wink, I smiled in return but I know it didn't reach my eyes.
My gaze continually strayed in Edward's direction even though I try to make it as unnoticeable as possible. Every time my eyes seek his form, his eyes are already on me. I can feel his gaze and my heartbeat stayed faster than normal; my cheeks flushed. I feel naked under that gaze, vulnerable as only Edward could make me feel.
We played a visual duel as we both refuse to drop our gaze first. I wasn't not sure why I played this game with him, but it seemed I could not resist.
Victoria was talking about an art exhibit she wanted us to go and see with her but I didn't hear much as Edward's eyes ate me visually. They were still angry and filled with a deadly desire. I knew that look and my body responded immediately.
Fuck, I wanted him so badly.
I was a hot, wet mess and I hated the power he had over me yet I revelled in it at the same time.
He was angry with me, but he still wanted me. That much was clear. I wouldn't allow it, though; I wouldn't do that to myself again.
It hurt too fucking much.
Sex wasn't enough anymore.
I felt the hairs on the back of my neck prickle and I turned only to find Carlisle watching me, watching Edward. His face was grim and yet he was calm. Jasper had obviously done his job well because my father didn't look worried in the slightest.
I breathed a sigh of relief and turned my attention back to the conversation Victoria was dominating.
I knew Edward was still watching me, but I didn't dare return the eye contact. Not with Carlisle watching.
The night passed with no more drama until it was time to eat. My tender stomach staged a rebellion and I turned away once again nauseated.
I got away with only drinking a glass of water and I picked at the plate placed before me.
After dinner, the orchestra got ready to play the last waltz, the strings of a haunting melody filled the gigantic room. I smiled left and right at people I barely knew, years of practice now coming into use as I put on a show for everyone. Strangers greeted me and complimented me on my dress and my face; I didn't care, I felt hollow.
Inside I was breaking and I wanted to go home. Seeing Edward talk and laugh with that stick-thin, brunette finance of his was making me feel ill.
All my focus on my inward turmoil while I wandered along the edge of the dancing couples. Suddenly out of nowhere I was swung onto the dancefloor and strong arms slid around me. My skin came alive and I shuddered as my eyes turned upwards to meet startling green.
"What are you doing?" I hissed up at him, trying to get free without making a scene.
Everywhere eyes followed us, and I forced myself to relax and follow Edward's lead. He was an excellent dancer and he guided me expertly. I felt like I was flying above the floor, and for just a moment I was happier than I could ever remember being.
"I'm dancing with you, Bella," Edward stated, one eyebrow arched in sardonic humor. For some reason, I couldn't fathom his mood swings shifting between anger and annoying confidence.
"But why?" I hissed again, pleading. Why couldn't he leave me alone before I embarrassed myself completely and gave into the searing need, I felt for him.
"Because I wanted to." He stated.
"I don't understand," I muttered as we circled the floor again; right passed Edward's fiancée and then my father. I cringed inwardly all the while appearing calm, as though this was normal and welcome.
"What is there to understand, Bella?"
"Why now? You never came! So why this, now?" I asked refusing to look at him directly.
I saw Edwards lips quirk with amusement out of the corner of my eye. "Now that is where you are mistaken, Bella, because I did come for you, more than once."
My heart jolted at this admission from him. "I'm not yours," I said through stiff lips. Choosing to focus on that statement. My father had told me that he had come, just not how many times.
"Again you're the one mistaken, Bella because you are mine. Every. Fucking. Inch." His whispered a millimeter away from the skin of my forehead, his warm breath fanned my face and I drew in an unsteady breath.
"Don't do this to me again, Edward. You're taken. You're about to be married."
"A slight complication, nothing more. A technicality."
"You call marriage a technicality? It's so much more than that! It's a promise. It's honor. I can't be anything to you anymore, Edward, my father has forbidden it." I said, now desperately looking for a reason to end this conversation.
"I know, but it doesn't matter because I've decided that I'm not giving up on you."
"What are you talking about Edward?" I asked, relieved that comforting anger was returning.
"I'm going to fight for you, Bella."
The breath left my body in a rush and I felt faint. Had he actually just said that?
"What if I don't want you to?"
"That's a lie; you and I both know that." He replied cocksure and annoyingly correct.
I glared up at his handsome face. He really thought I'd come back running with a flick of his wrist.
"I don't want you, Edward. It's over. We're over. Get used to it." I said with finality.
The waltz ended just as I made that bold statement. Taking the perfect opportunity, I dipped a small curtsey and left him standing there on the dance floor.
I saw Carlisle's face regarding me with stoney-eyed contemplation. I straightened my shoulders and went to find my brother, ignoring all eyes that were on me.
I waited until I was outside the ballroom before collapsing weakly against the nearest wall.
I closed my eyes briefly and took a deep cleansing breath to calm my frantically beating heart.
"You'll never have him, you know." A cold voice said, startling me out of my Zen moment.
I knew who it was although I'd never heard her voice before.
I straightened and smoothed my dress, drawing myself up to my full height, short though it may be.
The slender brunette circled me slowly, her eyes raking every inch of my dress, hair and finally my face. "I don't see it." She stated, shaking her head in amusement. "You're nothing special and yet he cannot forget you. I always knew that he would stray, you see, its our agreement and I stand by it. But it became annoying when he tried to find you after your dramatic disappearing act."
I didn't reply at all. I simply watched her circle me yet again.
"But it doesn't matter, you see." Bree continued softly. "Because I will never allow you to have him. Money be damned, he is mine and I will keep him."
I tilted my head insultingly as I studied her back, allowing my lip to curl in contempt as a smile spread across my face. "So what are you worried about then, Miss Cavendish? There simply is no need to worry at all, is there?"
"I know your type, Miss Whitlock. Cheap trash can always be spotted even under an illustrious name."
I stared at her in shock as she effortlessly crossed that invisible line of etiquette.
"Bella is nothing but purebred, Miss Cavendish. I would say that your, rather questionable parentage, is a glaringly obvious sign that you, yourself, are the one who is hiding under an illustrious name."
Bree gasped in outrage and she turned to face my rescuer.
Carlisle slowly strolled to my side. Taking my arm, he pulled it through his as he disdainfully eyed the woman who was Edward's fiancée. "Tread carefully my dear; I have dismembered people for smaller offences. Do not pursue or try to speak to my daughter again. You are unwelcome here and I will take action if you try to disobey me, am I clear?"
Bree had gone very pale as she dropped her eyes before my father's menacing gaze. "Yes." She forced out before she quickly made her exit, head still held high.
I breathed a sigh of relief as she left.
Pride warred with horror inside me at my father defence of me. Had he been serious?
Looking up at his handsome face and slicked-back blond hair, I couldn't tell.
A shiver of fear raced down my spine, but I smiled at him, squeezing his arm with mine. "Thank you Dad."
"I came to tell you that both Jasper and I have a matter that needs our attention. So we will both be absent for an hour. Can you host the ball while I'm gone? Alec and Jane will help if you need assistance."
Curiously, I nodded. "Okay. What matter is it? It must be important."
"It is business, Mia. We won't be long."
Carlisle left me then, Jasper following him closely, along with two of father's bodyguards.
Curiosity reined as I decided to follow them at a distance. They had disappeared like this a few times and I was dying to know what they did while absent.
I fell as far back as I could to avoid detection as they made their way across the green grass towards a small building at the bottom of the garden, hidden by shrubs and trees.
I hesitated in the shadows of the house. As I was about to follow a muffled shot rang out followed by an inhuman cry of pain. I flinched back into the shadows, fear coursing through me.
Voices were raised, questioning, then yet another muffled shot could be heard, and I jumped. A man's voice was crying, pleading for what could only be mercy and I felt tears threaten, prickling my eyes as I listened, unable to move with morbid fascination and an enormous dose of terror.
The cries intensified until suddenly they ceased and I flinched away, deciding to go back to the ball. I couldnt handle the torture of listening to someone in obvious pain, knowing my father, and brother were the ones responsible.
I ran back as fast as I could, lifting my full skirt in my hands to avoid tripping. I found an alcove opposite the ladies powder room and cowered there, my thoughts in turmoil. I realised that I was shaking and that tears were running down my cheeks.
Wiping at them with my fingers, I saw Jasper walking towards the men's bathroom. He didn't see me and I pressed myself further into the small space of darkness, not wanting to be seen.
He passed me by and stared in growing horror at the sleeves of his white dress shirt.
The stark white was stained with bright red blood.
Panic hit and I sank to the ground against the wall, the weight of them seemingly to tumble with me.
My family were murderers.
They were the mob. If I had any doubt before it was now clear that they were dangerous.
What had I done?
I knew that I only had two options open to me. Either I accepted their way of life and ignored what went on behind closed doors, or I accepted it and acted as if I belonged.
No one would ever hurt me here in this stronghold of royalty.
Not even Edward.
Authors note: leaving it there for now. Let me know what you all think?