Chapter 11

As soon as Lelouch stepped into their apartment after a whole day worth of filming, he instantly felt that this was not a good day.

It had been three days.

Putting down his things, he turned on the light in the living room, opened the curtains, put the fallen pillows back on the sofa, and cleaned the shards of a broken cup on the floor. He sighed. It was her favorite cup and one of his gifts to her.

After inspecting that everything was in its proper place and no harmful object was carelessly left in the open, he went to their bedroom and carefully opened the door. This time, he didn't turn on the lights. She hated them so badly whenever she's in this state. Instead, he switched on the desk lamp to provide soft light in the room.

Approaching the lump on the bed, he took note of the scattered torn pages of what seemed to be a copy of his script on the floor. He squatted infront of the pile of blankets and made sure that his voice was gentle and calm.

"C.C. I'm home."

When he received no respond or movement, he tried again. "Have you eaten? I'll cook dinner."

The blanket moved and a pair of dull golden eyes emerged. "Don't force yourself. I know you've had dinner with your co-stars."

Okay. Here we go.

"No, I haven't. What do you want to eat?"

"You smell like a woman's perfume."

"That's because we shot the romantic scenes today. I couldn't avoid getting close to Marybell."

"Did you enjoy it?"

"Enjoy what?"

"Being close to her? Feeling her body against yours? Did you enjoy it, Lelouch?"

Lelouch closed his eyes and counted down from ten. This had been her regular question everytime he had a filming schedule lately. And as much as he tried to understand where she was coming from, it hurt him that her trust on him was fragile and shallow. No, it was not her who didn't trust him. The C.C. he knew had faith in their relationship. It's this illness that's tainting her emotions and train of thoughts.

Opening his eyes, he answered evenly, "No. I didn't enjoy it C.C. It was all for work."

But she mumbled as if not hearing what he had just said. "You must have been carried away with your scenes. Do you like her more than me now? I am just too dull and negative anyway."

He tried to find her hand underneath all the blankets and when he found them, he held on tight not letting go. "I don't like anyone more than you. I love you. Only you. You are a wonderful and beautiful person, C.C.."

"I tore your script."

He shrugged. "I have another copy."

"I read it. I know you're shooting those scenes today. I got so angry. I was so angry, Lelouch. At you and at that girl."

He squeezed her hand. "I don't like her the way that I like you. There is only you, Cecilia. Believe me."

"Ever since you got famous, you always work with these girls. Are you tired of me?"

This is not her speaking. This is not her speaking.

He didn't break eye contact when he spoke. "No. I am not tired of you and I won't be, okay?"

"If I asked you to stop acting, will you do it?"

What did he need to do to help her? God, how could he get her out of this darkness?

"I will."

C.C. let go of his hand and hid under the blankets again. Her voice was muffled but Lelouch heard her loud and clear. "I won't ask you, though. Could you leave me alone for a while?"

"I'll cook dinner then we'll eat together, okay, C.C.? We'll just eat here in the bedroom if you don't feel like getting up. And then you'll take your medicine. Promise me."

It's a matter of seconds before the blankets moved in a nodding manner.

"I'll just be in the kitchen. I love you."

He kissed her through the blankets before leaving their room.

In the kitchen, Lelouch stood frozen infront of the sink as his mind wandered to the memories where they were still happy. It had been so long since he had seen her smile genuinely. It had been so long since they went out on a date and enjoyed themselves. It had been so long since she went out of their apartment.

The doctor had given her prescriptions for her depression. Sometimes they worked, more often they didn't. Plus, he was aware that C.C. didn't take them as regularly as she should.

Kallen was a great help during situations like this. As someone who had known C.C. longer than him, and who had more experiences with her condition, she was able to guide Lelouch on how to help his girlfriend if she fell into darkness. When he was away for a shoot, it was Kallen who would accompany C.C. in the day.

But today Kallen was not there to stay with her. She needed to run their pet shop double time now that the co-owner was not in a good state. That's why he asked the director if he could finish filming immediately so he could go home earlier, even if it meant that he couldn't take a break. He also apologized to Anya for his selfish request and thankfully, she didn't get mad.

Lelouch turned on the faucet and splashed some water on his face. The ingredients wouldn't cook themselves.

Wearing the apron she gifted him, he proceeded to make her favorite soup – the only food that she wanted to eat these days.

Lelouch was tired from his work, but he wouldn't get tired to do anything to make C.C. smile again.

"So you're telling me that these are the scripts that you are interested in?" Milly inspects the five different scripts laying on the table which includes the one for the documentary and then looks up at her talent. "All of them are tragedies except for this one," she says pointing at the documentary.

"Well, those are the best ones in my opinion. The stories are really intricate and intriguing." Lelouch takes a sip of his hot coffee while Milly goes back to checking the scripts.

"I actually feel very positive about our meeting with the producers the other day. If ever we get that project, you won't be able to accept any of these four."

"I have a month to decide, right?"

She nods. "Yes, but they can call anytime from now, and if they say that you got the role, you need to make a decision much quicker."

"I see."

Milly gets her own cup and observes her talent from the rim. Something seems lighter about him now. His face is clearer than the last time they met when he was asking for an indefinite leave. It's like a burden was removed from his shoulders. She wonders if this has something to do with C.C. Are they okay now? Are they able to solve their problem and have reconciliation? Lelouch hasn't spoken about it with her. Milly has been trying not to intrude with his personal matters especially if it is about his ex for he always gets so sensitive when it comes to C.C. But now that he considers returning to acting, she needs to know that Lelouch is ready – physically, mentally, and emotionally.

"How is C.C.?"

"She's doing great. Her recovery has been following a positive path."

"That's nice to hear. So… have you made up?"

The actor gives her a tight smile. "We are on good terms."

Sighing, Milly removes her glasses and wipes the moist that the coffee's warmth had caused before wearing it back. "I need to know if your relationship with her would affect your career, Lelouch."

"You don't have to worry about that. Things are manageable so far."

"I don't need a 'so far'. I need an assurance that you can handle things seriously. I can't have you backing out in the middle of a project because of your personal problems."

"Well, I still have time to think. I'll let you know my decision as soon as I made it."

"Just be sure. We've got a lot at stake here."

"I will."

When she is certain that the actor has indeed left the building, Milly opens her drawer and gets the congratulatory letter from the producers that arrived yesterday. The letter saying that Lelouch was chosen as the host of a ground-breaking documentary that will conquer barriers and award shows.

C.C. quickly retrieves from Kallen the dog cage that she emerges with from the back of the store.

"How many times do I have to tell you that you shouldn't be carrying heavy things, Kallen?"

Kallen crosses her arms and huffs. "I'm pregnant, C.C. not sick."

"Gino won't stop lecturing me if ever he finds out that I let you do so much work here."

Hearing the name of her husband who has been away for days now for a photoshoot makes her feel warm and fuzzy, but of course, she has a tough reputation to keep so she retorts, "Tell me when that happens, I'll lecture him myself."

They spend half an hour preparing the store before the opening time. Kallen secretly keeps an eye on her friend, watching for any sign of change or inconsistency. Ever since her birthday, and the prior days, something unsettles her whenever she glances at her friend.

"Hey, C.C." she calls while arranging the pet key chains on the rack.

"Yes?" is the woman's muffled answer from under the counter.

"I'm trying to remember something but I can't seem to remember it right. I need some support."

Her green hair first appears followed by her curious golden eyes. "You're asking help from the wrong person. I have amnesia, right?"

"I don't think this is covered by your amnesia since it happened when we were younger."

Suddenly, C.C. raises her left hand revealing a hairpin. "Found it!" Straightening up, she dusts of the dirt from her skirt before giving Kallen her full attention. "Okay, I am listening."

"Do you remember that one time we cut classes in high school and went to the park?"

"We've done that a lot of times."

"No, this time stands out because an accident happened."

The sudden but brief change in C.C.'s mood doesn't escape the redhead's notice. Her friend is so quick to cover it up yet she remains wary and now, careful with her words.

"I don't remember any accident happening to us when we stayed in the park."

"It might still spark up something. So, you and I and Suzaku were in the park after we cut classes and he bought us ice creams and some snack to eat." Kallen never takes her eyes off C.C. as she continues, "Okay, this I remember because Suzaku amazed me with his thoughtfulness and preparedness. Remember he brought a blanket for us to sit on, and a basket full of sandwiches that his mom prepared for us? There were even bottles of orange juice and napkins for us to use. I mean," she shakes her head, "We agreed to cut classes that day, but I never thought that he would go that far to make that moment memorable. Do you remember it, C.C.? Because I remember you swooning over him."

C.C. plays with the edge of her sleeves and avoids her eyes. "I-I don't remember and there's no possibility that I'd be swooning over Suzaku."

Kallen's forehead furrows. "But you did. You wouldn't shut up about it for a week I thought you were developing a crush on him."

"I didn't have a crush on Suzaku!"

Her sudden outburst leaves them speechless and staring wide-eyed at each other.

Raising her hands, Kallen tries to calm her friend down. "Hey, that was years ago. No need to get so worked up about that."

"I'm sorry. I don't know what got into me."

The same thing she said during that movie night.

"Anyway, so yeah. We were having a picnic when a driver lost control of his motorbike and ran straight to our place. To be exact towards you. And everything happened so fast, I was screaming, so afraid that you got ran over and hurt but as things calmed down, it turned out that Suzaku was able to get to you in time and pushed you out of the way but in return, he was the one who got ran over by the motorbike."

It is a whisper but Kallen still catches it when C.C. utters, "No."

"There was a lot of blood from the large wound on his leg that we needed to bring him to the hospital. Suzaku was so heroic back then. It may sound overdramatic but you and I owed him your life." C.C. fidgets on her sleeve much harder this time. "What I can't remember was what he told you before he lost consciousness."

"Why do you want to know, Kallen?"

"Well, that incident came up when we met yesterday in a café. And Suzaku said that there were parts of it that he couldn't recall perhaps because of the injuries he sustained."

This time, C.C.'s face is a mask of confusion. "What? Suzaku said that?"

Kallen nods. "Yes. He even blushed so hard when I told him that he is a hero and waved the compliment off. As usual, he was being modest."

"But… Are you sure that's what happened that day?"

She frowns. "Of course. I remember it as if it's just yesterday. Are you doubting my memories, Amnesia Girl?" she teases.

C.C.'s eyes widen and she looks away. "W-What, no! I mean I can hardly remember what happened, too."

"But do you remember what he told you?"

"He said, 'Thank God, you're safe. Are you hurt somewhere?' then he lost consciousness." A faraway look crosses C.C.'s eyes – a mixture of reminiscence and wistfulness.

"That's all?"

"That's all."

Kallen snorted. "I thought it was something poetic and life-changing."

"It is poetic enough for me." The indignant tone on C.C.'s voice and the fire in her eyes surprised Kallen. Okay, she is clearly worked up by a single memory. It's time to change the subject before C.C. gets suspicious. After all, Kallen gets what she wants.

"O-Okay. Anyway, how are you and Schneizel? You never really got to tell me the details of how you became a couple."

C.C. returns to her nonchalant self and shrugs her question off. "It is what I told you. We came from the same therapy group and we just clicked."

"Must be nice," Kallen says as she turns on the computer at the same time eyeing her friend from the corner of her eyes. "To find someone whom you instantly relate to while others take years just to be let in into a person's life despite proving countless of times that they are worthy."

There is a pause on C.C.'s movement as she reaches for the key to the basement. "That's the reality, Kallen."

"And Lelouch? I haven't seen him here lately."

"It seems like he's busy," is C.C.'s short answer.

"I see." Kallen checks the entries in their stock folder then the names of the dogs that are candidates for adoption when she remembers another thing. "C.C., is it okay if I return to the apartment quickly? I forgot the list of the new applicants who want to adopt the cats."

"Sure. I'll take over here."

"Thanks! I'll be fast."

"So Nunnally wants the dress to be in champagne red while Euphie wants it in moss green. Now they are currently in a stand off because they refuse to give up their decisions." Suzaku downs the glass of beer and asks the bartender for another round.

"Why don't you just make a dress for each color?" Meanwhile, Leouch leisurely drinks from his glass, enjoying the bitter stale flavor of the beverage.

Grabbing his hair, Suzaku says, "I suggested that but they both refused. Ugh, I don't know what to do anymore. This project won't progress if they can't make up their minds immediately.

Lelouch raises an eyebrow at the helpless figure of his friend. The solution seems so simple for him. "Aren't you the leader of this project? You should have the last say in the matter. Like, suggesting a whole different color for the dress. I tell you, Nunnally looks good in pink. Her youthfulness glows when she wears something pink."

Suzaku sighs. "I tried that but all I received were deadly glares from them. Sometimes, it's bad that you are working with your girlfriend and friend. Position doesn't matter to them."

Chuckling, Lelouch takes a sip of his cold beer. "Well, good luck with that. I'll try talking to Nunnally though."

"Thank you. You are the best, Lelouch."

Lelouch roams his eyes around the bar. It's been a while since he had gone to a place like this. It's so lively – so lively compared to the dead night outside. It truly is amazing, he thought, how even in the darkest alleys, you can find a single light of a discarded cigarette enough to let you know that it is not abandoned. How even in the quietest libraries, the sound of a page turning could echo in the four corners of the room. How in this lively bar you can find the weariest of souls trying to find some life in their day. It amazes him, Lelouch thought, how life could offer so many ironies.

"That woman's been eyeing you, Lelouch."

He follows Suzaku's gaze and finds a pretty raven-haired woman staring at him suggestively. He turns to his friend. "I'm not in the mood, Suzaku. And there might be paparazzi here. I don't really have time to deal with them at the moment."

Suzaku shrugs. "I'm just reminding you that there are other people out there."

He nods. "Thanks."

Lelouch continues to watch the crowd before him. He can easily smell the sweat, the high, the lust that cover the people like a school of fish being trapped under a net. He finds some familiar faces here and there but they are too busy with their mundane businesses to notice him, not that Lelouch really cares. He actually just prefers his best friend's presence instead of indulging himself into small talks with people he barely knows.

In the middle of the dance floor, he finds an unexpected blonde hair. It couldn't be. Lelouch narrows his eyes to get more focus. No, that couldn't be him. He doesn't strike him as someone who goes and dances in a bar. But what did he know about him anyway. Yet… that height and posture is too similar with his. If only he will turn around so he can see his face.

"Hey, isn't that Schneizel? It's a surprise to find him in a place like this."

And when the man finally turns around, Lelouch assumption is confirmed.

"Should we greet him?" asks Suzaku.

"Later."

If Schneizel is here, there is a possibility that C.C. would be here, too, though he will find it the most bizarre thing that he could witness for his ex-fiancé is not a fan of places like this. Never in their dating time had they visited a bar. The crowd and energy made her anxious.

And Schneizel is dancing with a different girl. Tall, fair skinned with long honey locks, she wraps her arms around him as Schneizel smiles down at her.

A different girl.

"Lelouch," Suzaku warns. His hand grips his wrist so tightly. "Don't make any harsh move. Let us observe from here. So far, it seems like a friendly dance."

But Lelouch is already panting, his fists are starting to tremble.

The woman lays her head on Schneizel's chest as the latter places his chin on her hair and closes his eyes. They sway with the music so intimately to be considered as friendly. Schneizel hasn't seen them.

"Breathe," his friend whispers.

The blonde man runs his hand on his partner's back until it reaches her buttocks and gives it a squeeze. The woman giggles.

Oh, goddamn. Goddamn him.

Suzaku is quick to stop him as he moves to stand. No match with Suzaku's strength, his friend pushes Lelouch against the table until the edge digs onto his back. It is a pain and very much uncomfortable but Lelouch doesn't mind. Suzaku's emerald eyes are wild. "I know how you feel. But we need more evidence. We need to wait and make sure, Lelouch."

"That is enough evidence for me," Lelouch says through gritted teeth. "Let me go, Kururugi," he growls.

"No. Be patient, Lelouch. If I let you run to them and do something quite unpleasant but turns out we are wrong, what would you do if it reaches C.C.?"

"I don't fucking care. That is not innocent for me. So let me go."

Suzaku grips his shoulders tighter, his fingers digging into his skin. "Listen to me. Lelouch, listen to me! There are many people in here, paparazzi as you mentioned! Plus, you are about to return to acting. You need to think this through."

"I said I don't care."

"Five minutes, that's all I'm asking. Please."

Lelouch stares at his friend with such anger and resentment but Suzaku's eyes stares back at him with the same intensity and after a few moments, he nods. "Just five minutes."

"Yes."

Yet Suzaku never lets go of his wrist. They continue to observe the pair in the dance floor who becomes more and more intimate as the song nears the end.

Lelouch's blood is boiling.

Finally, Schneizel and the woman leave the dance floor and proceed to a table. There, they eat and drink while one of the woman's stilettos rubs against Schneizel's leg.

"Oh, hell no," Lelouch mumbles. He unbuttons the two top buttons of his shirt and folds his sleeves.

When a sauce smears the woman's lips, Schneizel wipes it with his thumb and licks it which made her giggle.

"How many more minutes, Suzaku?"

His friend remains silent and watching. Both of them fuming in their seats.

Later, Lelouch would recall how everything seemed to happen in slow motion – how he became a part of a movie in real life and he wasn't given the script to prepare. How he could see the moment the woman leaned forward in different angles as if shot through multi-cameras. How the lighting was so perfect, highlighting Schneizel's smirk.

It's odd how the moment their lips touched, everything seems to freeze even Lelouch when all he wanted to do was to punch Schneizel's face over and over again. Until he removes that disgusting smirk on his face. Until his lips that once rained C.C. with praises becomes bloody. Until his eyes become so swollen he won't be able to look at C.C. again.

"How many more fucking minutes, Suzaku?"

"Fucking none."

They stand at the same time but when they rush towards the pair, Lelouch is much faster than Suzaku this time. He passes by the crowd in a flash, his surroundings in a dark blur as his focus remains on the bastard who has the fucking guts to grab the woman's face to pull her closer and kiss her deeper. His focus is nailed on the goddamn bastard who puts the woman on his lap and good grief, is that tongue he is seeing?

He barely hears a "Lelouch!" from behind. He reaches their place in a blink of an eye and without any warning, he grabs Schneizel's collar and lifts him up making the woman on his lap stumble.

"You bastard!"

Eyes wide in surprise, Schneizel utters, "Lelouch!"

But before he can completely call his name, a hard punch lands on the man's face. Followed by another, then another, and another, not giving the taller man enough time to recover and to punch back. He falls on the ground and Lelouch follows him taking advantage of his vulnerable position.

Lelouch barely gives attention on the flashes and clicks that engulfs them. Grabbing Schneizel's collar again, he shouts, "How can you do that to her? How can you cheat on C.C.?"

Staring at his reflection on the mirror, Lelouch couldn't help but close his eyes as he remembered the kiss he shared with Shirley earlier. He was drunk, he was fucking drunk and miserable from another fight with C.C. and Shirley was there in the bar he was in and fuck, how could he do that to C.C.? He promised not to hurt her but what did he just do? He punched the wall in frustration.

Bloody and dazed, Schneizel tries to focus on him. "I-It's not… like that."

"'Not like that'? It is clearly like that! You can't bullshit me!"

This was the third time they shared a kiss – if he could even call it a kiss. They freaking made out at the back of his car. He wasn't sure how far they would have gone if not for his phone ringing and C.C.'s name flashing on the screen. It was like a cold water got splashed on him and he quickly pulled away from the actress and asked her to leave. Now… Now, he arrived at their apartment only to be welcomed by broken plates and tattered pillows. Copies of his scripts scattered on the floor. And suddenly, he missed the heat in the backseat of his car. He missed forgetting the suffocation that always awaited him here. He missed the light feeling he felt when he was with her. Shit, did he actually consider going back to Shirley and leaving C.C. here alone?

Schneizel attempts to reason out again but is abruptly stopped by another punch on his face.

Because Lelouch cannot stop now. He cannot stop now that it is his own face that he is seeing as he punches Schneizel. His own face that he wants to be broken and destroyed for every kiss that he didn't give C.C. and bestowed another woman. For easily giving up on her and grabbing the little available escape that was suddenly presented to him. For the tears and pain he made her suffer alone.

For fucking leaving her alone.

He wants that Lelouch to realize how much he had fucked up and ruined the best thing in his world so he is going to fuck his face up.

Lelouch, you bastard, you deserve every blow, every pain you are going to suffer.

So he punches, and punches, and punches "his" face until someone hooks their arms under his shoulders and pulls him away.

"Stop it, Lelouch! You've done too much!"

He tries to shake the man off behind him but Suzaku is strong and he is suddenly exhausted.

"Enough, they're gonna call the police. We need to get out of here."

Finally, he looks up - dazed and numb - at the crowd that had gathered around them, at the mobile phones and cameras pointed at him, then down at the man under him. The man that is not wearing his face.

He lets Suzaku drags him out of the bar. Everything after that is a blur. A hazy memory of insisting to Suzaku that he will drive his own car. Perhaps, he had punched him once, too.

The next thing Lelouch knows is he is standing infront of C.C.'s apartment complex, staring up at one of her lit windows.

It is not in Kallen's nature to trespass properties. She respects the privacy of another person for she herself is a very private person. But she has a spare key to C.C.'s apartment and the permission from her friend to enter her place anytime. So what she is about to do will not actually qualify as trespassing.

Kallen is just merely curious. Okay, very curious about her friend lately. Particularly on how she reacted on her story a while ago. So after retrieving the list, she cannot resist the temptation and opportunity to take a peek inside C.C.'s place to find something that might give her clues about the situation. She shakes her head. She isn't even sure if there is a situation. She is purely acting on instinct.

The living room is quite normal and unsuspicious. The same with the dining area and the kitchen. She looks inside the cabinets and under the tables and chairs and sofas and finds nothing that would help her understand a thing.

But it's a whole different story when she enters her room.

Oh God, it's completely different and staggering.

C.C… Cecilia, what have you been doing?